Pranks
by Smenzer
Summary: Anakin plays a nighttime prank on his Master, Obi-Wan. A funny story with a twist ending.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Pranks

Author: Smenzer

Rating: PG

Pairing: None

Teaser: Anakin plays pranks on his Master

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd and Fox.

Author's Note: I got the idea for this silly little story from watching a vampire movie last night. It's supposed to be humorous.

Anakin Skywalker silently opened his bedroom door and snuck out into the apartment he shared with his Master. It was way past his bedtime, around two AM and all good little padawans were supposed to be in beddy-bye land. But he wasn't a good Padawan, no. He was a vampire!

Creeping on tiptoes, Anakin snuck up to his Master's bedroom door and opened it. Obi-Wan was sleeping in his bed, one arm dangling off the edge of the bed. Anakin paused a moment, waiting to see if Obi-Wan would sense his presence and wake up. 

Obi-Wan continued to sleep.

Anakin walked closer, his steps light as air. He stopped next to his Master's bed and gazed down at the sleeping man.

Obi-Wan continued to sleep.

Bunching up his muscles, Anakin leaped on top of Obi-Wan and opened his mouth wide to show off his long, gleaming fangs. His Master's eyes flew open.

"Anakin! Stop playing your pranks! I'm trying to get some sleep!"

"But I'm a vampire!" Anakin protested. "You were supposed to get scared!"

"Go to your room or no more vampire holodramas for you!" Obi-Wan ordered, a grumpy expression on his face.

Grumbling, Anakin went to his room.

...

The next night Anakin crept out of his bedroom again. He went into the refresher and examined himself in the mirror. His eyes were glowing an eerie red and his fangs were nice and long. Why hadn't it scared Obi-Wan? Perhaps if he added sound effects to the visual effects it would work better.

Leaving the refresher, Anakin crept up to his Master's bedroom door and slipped inside. He paused, waiting to see if Obi-Wan sensed his presence. His Master was lying on his back, snoring.

Obi-Wan continued to sleep.

Anakin crept up to the bed and stared down at his snoring Master.

Obi-Wan continued to sleep.

With a snarl, Anakin leapt atop his Master, his mouth open wide and hissing. Obi-Wan's eyes flew open and glared at him.

"Anakin! Are you still with this stupid prank?!"

Determined to scare Obi-Wan, Anakin hissed louder and attempted to open his mouth wider. Something in his jaw made a cracking sound. "Ow!"

"Go to your room!" 

Muttering and rubbing at his jaw, Anakin went to his room.

....

It was the third night and Anakin had decided to try and scare Obi-Wan one last time. If it didn't work this time, he would have to think up something else. The vampire gag had been a hit with the other padawans, so why was his Master so difficult to please? He snuck up to his Master's door and silently slipped in. The moonlight was shining through Obi-Wan's bedroom window onto his bed. All Anakin could see of his Master was a huddled shape under the sheet. He paused, waiting to see if his Master would sense his presence.

Obi-Wan continued to sleep.

Anakin crept up to the bed.

Obi-Wan continued to sleep.

Anakin leaped on top of his Master's sleeping form, hissing loudly to scare him.

The sheet was thrown off and Anakin screamed in fright. A hideous hairy beast was sleeping in his Master's bed! It had angry red eyes, a long snout full of razor sharp teeth and was covered in thick dark hair. The creature snarled and reached for him with long fingers that had wicked claws on the tips.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Anakin raced from the room and locked himself in his bedroom.

Obi-Wan chuckled as he removed the werewolf mask and fake hands he had bought at the same joke shop Anakin had got his fake fangs and glowing contact lenses from. He sensed he would be enjoying a full nights sleep for at least a few weeks.  

The End?


	2. Another Prank!

Author's Note: I thought up another idea for a prank!

Anakin snuck out of his room, his arms loaded with cans, and paused in the dark hallway. Once again it was early in the morning and the young Padawan had another prank planned. He hadn't been told that his Master was a werewolf, but Anakin was determined to get even for the bad fright Obi-Wan had given him a few nights ago. After the fur-covered monster had leaped at him, Anakin had spent a long, miserable night huddled under his blanket, terrified the beast would crawl into his room to gobble him up. One would think the Jedi Council would forbid werewolves from being Jedi and taking on Padawans, but Anakin figured out they didn't know his Master's secret.

On bare feet, Anakin crept into the small kitchen he shared with his Master and silently put the cans down on the counter. Opening the cabinet where Obi-Wan kept the snacks; he quickly placed them on the shelf with the other items. Tomorrow evening when his Master got the hunger pains for snacks he'd have his revenge!

Smiling to himself, Anakin hurried back to his room before he was caught out of bed.

..

The next evening found Obi-Wan standing in the kitchen looking for something to munch on. Although the Jedi had ate his healthy supper earlier, he wanted a little something to crunch while he read some reports on his pad and Anakin did his homework. Opening up the cabinet, the Jedi was surprised to find a large can of mixed nuts right in the front. He didn't remember buying it, so Anakin must have picked it up on his last trip to the store. His mouth watering, he reached for the can and brought it down. It had one of those plastic lids and the Jedi removed it only to find a metal pull-top. Sticking a finger under the round metal ring, Obi-wan pulled. The metal lid came off and…

"AAAHHHHHHHH!" Obi-Wan shrieked as a big spotted snake jumped out of the mixed nuts can at him. The Jedi stumbled backward and flung the can away, a hand clinging to his racing heart. He leaned against the counter, breathing through his open mouth.

Loud laughter floated into the kitchen from Anakin's bedroom.

"You better be doing your homework, Padawan!" Obi-Wan shouted from the kitchen, trying to regain his authority.

The laughter died down and the apartment grew quite again.

Obi-Wan's heart had quieted down to its normal pace and he moved towards the snack cabinet. Standing on tiptoe, he peered at the contents within. Had his Padawan added other prank food items to the shelf to scare him with? Spotting a suspicious looking container of jellybeans, he pulled it out and began to examine it. He had never seen jellybeans come inside a round canister before and the shape reminded him of the nut can. Prying the plastic lid off, he found what he expected: another metal pull-top. The Jedi snickered. "You won't fool me twice."

Holding the can away from himself, he pulled the top….

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Obi-Wan screamed as a really big, black hairy spider leaped out, attacked to a spring. The Jedi threw the can away from himself, his heart pounding again.

Another burst of loud laughter floated into the kitchen from Anakin's bedroom.

"Do your homework!" Obi-Wan ordered, anger in his voice. He had thought he was ready for the second can but it had still frightened him. He had been expecting another fake snake but then it had been a spider. All those hairy legs….ICK!

The Jedi shook his head. He had to teach that Padawan of his another lesson, but how? Reprimanding the boy didn't work. He just gazed at him innocently and said his usual "sorry, Master" phrase.  No, he needed to play Anakin's game again. Reaching for a bag of chips, one that he had bought himself, Obi-Wan sat on the sofa and schemed up a plan.

...

The next day Anakin came home from his classes and found Obi-Wan sitting on the sofa reading his pad. "I'm going to go do my homework, OK?"

"Sure. Go ahead." Obi-Wan replied without glancing up at him.

Anakin headed to his bedroom and turned on his computer. He had a ton of homework that day, including a boring history essay to write. If he were going to get it done, he'd need a few snacks for energy. He already had a partly empty bag of Doritoes in his room from yesterday, a clip holding the bag closed. But some good old caf would keep him awake while he researched the history of Coruscant.  Going into the kitchen, he took a can of soda from the refrigerator and returned to his bedroom. Popping open the can, he sat before his computer and slid the disk into it. Reaching for his chip bag, he removed the clip, unrolled the top of the bag and stuck his hand inside.

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Anakin shrieked as his fingers had touched something fury within instead of chips. He yanked his hand out and peered into the bag.

"A RAT!!!!" Anakin threw the bag across the room and leaped out of his chair. One of his hands hit a tall stack of computer disks and they crashed to the floor. Heart pounding, he watched the snack bag where it had landed on the rug that covered his bedroom floor.

The bag moved and the rat poked its head out.

"EEPPPPP!" Anakin shrieked and dashed out of his bedroom. "Master! Master! There's a big black rat in my Doritoes bag! You have to DO something!"

Obi-Wan glanced up from his pad. "A rat? I'll go take care of it."

"Thank you, Master!" Anakin glanced nervously towards his room, fright in his blue eyes. What if the rat escaped from the open bag? Would his Master be able to find it then and kill it? He didn't think he'd be able to sleep with a loose rat in his room!

The Jedi put his pad down and walked down the hall to Anakin's room. Going over to the snack bag, he picked up the fake rat he had bought earlier that day. Movement activated it and Anakin had triggered it when he had picked up the snack bag. Hiding the fur-covered rodent within his robes, Obi-Wan reached into his belt and pulled out a long, gummy candy that looked like a rat's tail. Sticking the wider end between his lips, he turned around just in time to see Anakin step into the doorway. Slurping the piece of candy into his mouth, he chewed as he watched his Padawan's face change.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Anakin shouted, his eyes growing wide in horror. "YOU ATE IT!!!"

"Well, I am a werewolf, am I not?" Obi-Wan stated, struggling to keep his face straight. He wanted to bust out laughing but didn't dare. If he did, the boy would realize he had been the victim of a prank. The Jedi snacked his lips noisily. "It tasted good."

Shrieking, Anakin raced to the bathroom and locked himself in. Not only was his Master a werewolf on nights of the full moon, but apparently ALL the time!


	3. A Bathroom Prank

Pranks 3

Anakin had the apartment all to himself, as Master Obi-Wan had been called away to attend some boring meeting with the Jedi Council and like any good Padawan, he was up to something. The door to his Master's bedroom opened and Anakin hurried within. A few days had passed since he had seen his Master eat the rat and he no longer was convinced that Obi-Wan had really ate the rodent. "I bet he tricked me!"

Fuming, Anakin headed towards his Master's closet. Their bedrooms were small and if his Master was hiding something, he'd probably stash it inside the closet. He pulled the closet open and shoved the extra robes on the side. Peering up, he saw tall shelves that stretched all the way to the ceiling far overhead. Did a fake rat lurk up there somewhere? If one did, he was determined to find it! Reaching out with the Force, he poked at things on the shelves, lifting each item up so he could clearly see what it was and then carefully replacing it. After a few tries, Anakin found the rat. Holding the thing in his hands, he saw it was motion activated. In fact, now that he could see it clearly, it obviously was a fake! How in the world could such a lame excuse for a rodent scare him like that?

"I have to get even with him for scaring me like that!" Throwing the rat back onto the closet shelf, Anakin hurried back to his own room. He had a special gag item he had been saving for just such an occasion and now was the perfect time to set it up. The simplicity of it was amazing and his poor Master would never expect it. He hurried to his own closet and pulled the roll of toilet tissue out, removing the outer wrapper. Hiding the wrapper in his underwear drawer, Anakin rushed to the bathroom. There he contemplated putting the special roll onto the tissue holder, but immediately decided against it. No, it would be far better if his Master did that himself. Crouching, Anakin opened the round metal can that held two rolls of toilet tissue. Removing the top roll, Anakin replaced it with his special one. The normal one he would stick back into the little supply closet they had in their apartment. Obi-Wan would never notice.

Anakin giggled as he imagined what would happen when his Master tried to use the special tissue!

...

Obi-Wan came home and headed into the bathroom. He used up what was left of the old roll blowing his nose, grumbling that Anakin should have changed the rolls. It was part of his Padawan's chores to keep the bathroom stocked. He took a new roll out of the tissue canister and placed it on the holder. Grabbing a piece of the new tissue, he tried to tear it off.

"Huh?" Obi-Wan muttered, confused. The tissue didn't want to tear!

Placing one hand on the roll and the other hand gripping the tissue, he pulled harder.

Nothing happened.

"What the heck…?" Obi-Wan yanked harder, his arm muscles straining. He shoved harder at the roll, pushing it towards the wall and he yanked with the other arm downward. The tissue holder popped out of its socket and it fell to the floor, Obi-Wan banging his head against the wall. The roll of tissue leaped off the tissue holder and rolled across the bathroom floor, unraveling itself as it went. "What the heck is wrong with this tissue?"

He rubbed at his sore head a moment, then a determined look filled his azure eyes. The Jedi firmly placed one boot on the tissue and gripped the end with both hands. He pulled, his face turning red with his effort.

Nothing.

"It's just my luck to get a defective tissue!" Obi-Wan gave up on the roll and removed the second roll from the canister. To his delight, this tissue tore just fine and he finished wiping his nose. After washing his hands, he eyed the defective roll on the floor and thought of his unruly apprentice. This was no doubt another one of Anakin's tricks and he had fell for it!

Picking the roll of tissue up and hiding it within his robe, he hurried from the bathroom and went to his room. There, he used his lightsaber to cut a nice long piece of the tissue off the roll. And yes, there was the little bottle of model glue on his dresser.

...

"Anakin! Time for you to go to school!" Obi-Wan called.

"Wait…" Anakin's voice replied from his room.

"You're going to be late!" Obi-Wan reminded him. "So get out here now!"

"But I can't go to school like this!" Anakin wailed, a long piece of tissue trailing from the heel of his right boot. "I'll look like a total idiot! And it won't come off! It's almost like it was glued on or something…"

...

Out in the corridor, Master Windu grinned as he bent down to pick up the roll of toilet tissue someone had left outside his room. It was just what he needed….

Author's Note: I read about these weird tissues in some catalog and thought it would make a good prank.


	4. The Werewolf Returns

Pranks 4

Anakin grumbled to himself as he sat in his bedroom. He was supposed to be working on his homework but was too busy pouting. His last prank had backfired, Obi-Wan gluing a stupid piece of tissue to his boot! In the end, he had been forced to use his lightsaber to remove the thing before heading off to school. The only good thing is he had heard a bunch of foul language coming from Master Windu's place and he suspected that's where Obi-Wan had ditched the roll. He would have to be extra careful from now on, as that roll would probably be traveling around the entire Academy. He hoped it wouldn't wind up in one of the boy's restrooms.

He needed a new prank to play on his Master, something that couldn't backfire on him. But what? In retrospect he realized the tissue prank had been a bad idea. The scary ones were a lot more fun! He had enjoyed hearing his Master shrieking in the kitchen! "If only I could think of something!"

He sat before his computer, thinking. He was convinced if he thought long enough he would get another great idea.

...

Across the hall, Master Mace Windu fumed. He knew that Anakin Skywalker enjoyed playing pranks on Kenobi, but this time the boy had gone too far! One didn't play pranks on Windu. No, it was enough the odd screaming from Kenobi's quarters kept him up nights, he didn't need fake tissue as well!

Mace thought back to the other day when the boy had approached him, a serious look on his face. He had acted very respectful, inquiring whether he had a free moment. Windu had smiled encouragingly and urged him to say what was on his mind. Then Anakin had informed him that his Master was a werewolf.

Windu had never laughed so hard in his life.

Kenobi? A werewolf? Yeah, right! There was only one real werewolf in the Academy and it wasn't Kenobi!

Growling, Mace removed his robes and tunics. Transforming, he crawled out onto his balcony. He would go scare Skywalker in exchange for the tissue prank. Hopefully it would teach the boy a lesson. Using his sharp claws and strong legs, he leaped from one balcony to the next until he was just outside the boy's window. He peered in the window and saw Anakin sitting by his computer, his back to the window. Good, he hadn't been spotted yet.

...

Anakin crouched over his computer, busy. But he wasn't typing his report, as one would have guessed. No, he was trying to transfer some gooey cheese into a shaving cream can. Of course, the cheese was already inside a pressurized can. Hmm…maybe he could just switch labels on the two containers? No, but that wouldn't work! The cans didn't have labels he could remove; the stuff was printed directly on the can itself! "Uggh! This is impossible! I really need to think up a new prank!"

SCRATCH!

The Padawan's spine stiffened at the sound coming from the window. The two cans in his hands, Anakin turned around and spotted the werewolf outside his bedroom window. To his utter horror, he had left the window unlocked and the ugly creature pushed it open. It stuck its head through the opening, red eyes glaring at him.

Without thinking, Anakin pressed down the nozzles on the cans. Shaving cream and gooey cheese flew all over the startled werewolf's face and snout. Immediately, the beast yanked its head back outside and vanished.

Anakin dashed out of his room and raced over to his Master, who was sitting on the sofa eating potato chips and watching the holovision.

"Master! A werewolf just tried to crawl in my bedroom window! I scared it off with shaving cream and gooey cheese!"

Obi-Wan frowned. "Anakin, you just want me to go into your room so I can get caught in some prank you thought up! What did you cook up this time? A bucket of slime above your door?"

"But Master! I really saw it!" Anakin insisted wildly. Then he calmed down a bit, wondering if his Master had talked someone else into helping him with pranks. The Force signature around the werewolf had been familiar…who had it been?

"Go finish your homework."

Sighing, Anakin headed back to his room. He would figure out who the other werewolf had been and then that person was in for it!

...

Mace crawled back into his apartment, growling in anger. Shaving cream dripped off his snout and gooey cheese was matted to his black fur, some of it dripping onto his shoulders. He went into his bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror.

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!" Mace shrieked in horror. It would take all night to clean!

Author's Note: Hope that was funny. I thought adding a real werewolf would add a bit of confusion and humor to the story.


	5. Double Breath Dragon Breath

Pranks 5

Anakin hurried home from school and rushed into the apartment he shared with Obi-Wan. During math class he had had a revelation and it had inspired him. He snickered gleefully as he hurried past his Master into his bedroom. It was so obvious he didn't see why he hadn't figured it out last night! The werewolf had been Master Windu! No wonder the ancient Jedi Master had laughed at him the other day when he had tried to explain about his werewolf problem! That's because he was a werewolf, too! And here he had just thought people in their forties or fifties were so dense!

Dropping his pad onto the bed, Anakin flopped down beside it. "I have to think up a really good prank!"

It would be so cool to prank Master Windu, but he had to be careful, too. It had to be the perfect prank. And that meant it couldn't be traced back to him. That left out most of his usual types of pranks. But how could he get the baldheaded Master Jedi when he was stuck in the Council Room all day? And he didn't dare go into Mace's personal quarters. No way!

"Are you doing your homework, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked as he appeared in the bedroom doorway. His azure eyes searched the room quickly, including the ceiling, before stepping into his Padawan's bedroom. "I trust no more werewolves tried to get into your room last night?"

"Nope! I got it good with the cheese and shaving cream." Anakin replied as he hopped off the bed and went to his computer. "But what should I do if it comes back?"

"Well," Obi-Wan thought for a moment as he eyed the window. Had his Padawan placed some prank near it to scare him again? "If you see it, come and tell me."

Anakin settled down and started his homework. He had to write an essay on the founding of the Jedi Order. But first he needed to research. Obi-Wan stayed for a few minutes to see that Anakin had started his assignment, and then he left. As soon as his Master had left the room, Anakin immediately signed onto the galaticweb. There were just so many interesting things on the web and he was sure he could get a great prank idea. He had been only online a few minutes when a popup ad advertising pizza jumped onto his screen.

Dare your friends to try our new DRAGON'S BREATH PIZZA!!! It's the hottest, spiciest pizza in the galaxy! Delivered HOT and FRESH straight to your door! Special galaticweb offer: Use this special code to get a extra-jumbo size FREE "DOUBLE-BREATH DRAGON BREATH PIZZA"!!!!! It's so hot it'll melt your mouth!

Anakin laughed gleefully as he clicked on the ad. This was just too good! He would order Master Windu a free Double-Breath Dragon Breath Pizza from Coruscant Pizza! His finger's flew over the order form and scheduled it for delivery the next day. Laughing, he signed off the galaticweb and started on his homework.

...

The next day rolled around and Anakin headed off to classes. It so happened to be that his seat in the room was near the front. For some odd reason he didn't understand completely, his teacher thought he was a mischief-maker! The classroom door was open and Anakin's seat had a clear view of the hallway. The class was Galactic Literature. Sometimes he thought it was OK if the story they were reading was exciting but today the book on his pad was a real stink bomb. He had only read the first five paragraphs and already his eyelids were drooping shut from utter boredom. How could his teacher expect him to read this stuff? Maybe it was OK for Master Yoda. Heck, he had probably been around thousands of years ago when it was originally published! He slouched forward, the upper half of his body resting on the desk with the pad held out in front of him. It was an uncomfortable position but it would hopefully keep him awake through several more paragraphs.

Footsteps echoed down the hallway and Anakin shot straight up in his seat. He checked his wrist chronometer and his heart leaped with excitement. Coruscant Pizza should be delivering the Double-Breath Dragon Breath Pizza to Master Windu! His blue eyes shot to the strip of hallway he could see. Within moments a pizza delivery person hurried past, a giant box in his hands. The Council Room was right at the end of the hall and that's why Anakin had asked them to deliver it now. All his other classes were located in other parts of the Academy and he wanted to hopefully see something.

...

Master Mace Windu sat on his round cushion in the Council Room. Yoda and the other Jedi Masters were there as well. Like usual, they were discussing important Jedi stuff. They hadn't scheduled any meetings, so they were surprised when the knock came at their door.

"Who is it?" Mace called.

"It's Coruscant Pizza!" The voice came from the other side of the door. "I got your pizza here!"

"Pizza?" Mace said, confused. He got off his soft cushion and opened the door. "There must be some misunderstanding. This is the Jedi Temple. We're Jedi Masters. We don't eat pizza."

The deliveryman stared at Mace in confusion. He picked up the slip of paper off the pizza box. "Does a Master Mace Windu live here?"

"I'm Mace Windu." Mace replied.

"Well, then you're the one that ordered the pizza!" The deliveryman gave him a dirty look.

"I didn't order a pizza!" Mace growled.

"It's a FREE pizza." The deliveryman stated. "You ordered it off the website."

"Free?" Mace sniffed the air. His stomach rumbled loudly and the Jedi Master laughed nervously in embarrassment. "Oh, that's right! I did order a pizza! I guess I forgot."

"Enjoy the pizza." The deliveryman turned around and hot tailed it out of there.

"I wonder where he's going in such a hurry?" Mace shrugged his shoulders, and then closed the door. He turned around and smiled at his friends, holding up the box of pizza so everyone could see it. "I got our lunch here! And it was free!"

The other Jedi got off their cushions and gathered around the now open pizza box. It was without doubt the biggest pizza any of them had ever seen. As it turned out, there was twelve slices in the box and there was twelve Jedi Masters so they each got a slice. These slices, however, were as big as three normal slices put together.

Taking his slice over to his cushion, Master Windu settled down. He studied the pizza with interest. The bottom was made of some type of crust and there were all sorts of stuff on the top. He spotted cheese and some types of vegetables, some meat. Yes, it would be a very filling meal. He opened his mouth and took a big bite. He chewed happily and saw all the other Jedi Masters were busy doing the same.

Suddenly Mace stopped in mid-chew and his eyes bugged out.

His mouth felt like it was on fire!

Mace balanced his pizza slice in one hand and fanned his open mouth with the other. This was some really spicy stuff! He swallowed the first mouthful and gasped for air. "This stuff is really hot!"

The other Council members were also having problems. Yoda's entire face had turned a bright cherry red and white smoke was coming out of his ears. Mace stared at that for a moment. Was he really seeing that? He shook his head. Nah! That just couldn't be possible!

Stupidly, Mace took a second big bite and started chewing. His eyes bugged out and such an intense burning filled his mouth that he leaped out of his seat. "Water! Water!"

But there was no water in the Council Room.

So Mace raced down the hall shrieking as loudly as he could.

...

Anakin pretended to read his pad when he was really watching the hallway. He was rewarded when screaming could be heard coming from the Council Room. Soon a panicked Mace appeared, his Jedi robes flapping. A big burst of fire shot from his mouth and started the open classroom door on fire!

"Whoa!" Students jumped out of their seats as they gawked at the burning door and Master Mace.

Soon all the other Council Members were seen following Mace down the hallway. At the junction of the hall up ahead, there was a big water fountain. All the Council Members leaped into the fountain and gulped down the water.

"Look at that! And they say we can't play with the fountain!" one boy exclaimed loudly.

...

Obi-Wan glanced up as Anakin joined him in the Library. "Don't you belong in school now?"

"Oh, school was canceled for the rest of the day." Anakin replied.

"Why?"

"Oh, Master Mace set the classroom door on fire and then all the Council Members jumped into the water fountain and were splashing around like a bunch of babies! The teacher said they were all pyromaniacs."

Obi-Wan blinked in surprise. "Do you want to go to the zoo?"

"YEAH!" Anakin shouted gleefully, hopping up and down in excitement.

Author's Note: I'll try to think up more pranks.


	6. Sounds in the Night

Pranks 6

Anakin stuck his head out of his bedroom and listened, his head tilted to one side. Although he had greatly enjoyed his trip to the zoo with Obi-Wan and seeing all the exotic animals from a thousand worlds, playing pranks was a lot more fun. The pizza prank was already legendary. Not only had he pranked the entire Jedi Council, but school had been canceled as well. Best of all, no one knew he had been the one to orchestrate the whole thing. Other Padawans in his class might have bragged about their deed, but he had been smart enough to keep his mouth shut. It was enough that he himself knew. And that brought him to his current predicament.

The soft sound of the holovision wafted to his ears and he smiled. Obi-Wan was still parked in the living room, no doubt with a bag of chips in his lap. On tiptoe, Anakin scurried down the hall the short distance to his Master's bedroom. The door was already open and he darted in. After a brief glance around the neat room, he went over to his Master's closet and opened the door. Pulling the chair out from under the desk, he climbed onto it. But he was still too short to reach the top of the closet's door. So he used the Force to levitate the chair he stood on. The chair wobbled slightly but Anakin increased his concentration. Soon his eyes were level with the top of the door and he quickly stuck the tiny electronic chip there among the thick dust.

A broad grin spread across his face as he quietly closed the closet door and replaced the chair where it had been. Like it or not, he'd have to go finish his homework and be patient. The fun wouldn't start until tonight.

"Goodnight, Anakin." Obi-Wan said later that evening as he ushered the boy towards his bedroom. "I hope you have all your homework done."

"Of course I do, Master." Anakin replied as he allowed himself to be herded in the direction of his room.

"Now I want you to stay in your room. No sneaking out to scrounge those droid parts!" Obi-Wan reminded him sternly.

"I haven't done that in a long time, Master."

"Good. I'm proud of you." Obi-Wan watched Anakin disappear into his room, and then went to his own room. He knew the reason why his Padawan hadn't been sneaking out was because he's too busy pulling pranks. But lately it had been quite and the older Jedi was concerned that his charge might start prowling the dangerous streets of Coruscant again. After undressing and changing into his pajamas, Obi-Wan crawled into bed. He had almost fallen asleep when an odd sound filled his room.

Plink. Plink. Plink.

"What's that?" Obi-Wan sat up in bed, listening.

Plink. Plink. Plink. Plink.

"Oh, that's just great! There's water dripping into my bedroom from somewhere!"

Throwing the covers off, Obi-Wan crawled out of bed sleepily and turned the light on. A casual glance around the room told him nothing. He tilted his head up towards the ceiling and studied it carefully for any discoloration or odd markings. All he saw though were a few old cobwebs in the corners. His ceiling needed a cleaning. "How the Force can water be dripping in my room? Of all the stupid things!"

Obi-Wan made two complete circuits of the room studying the floor, walls and ceiling without finding anything. Worse, the dripping sounds had stopped!

Shrugging his shoulders and thinking that perhaps he had imagined it all, Obi-Wan shut off the light and crawled back into bed. He rolled over onto his side and pulled the covers up to his neck. He had been there about fifteen minutes when the sound returned.

Plink. Plink. Plink. Plink. Plink.

"What the blazes!" Obi-Wan threw the covers off and leaped out of bed. He stalked over to the light and flipped it on. The sound was really annoying him, especially since it made no sense! There was no plumbing in the room and unless someone had spilled a huge amount of water in the bedroom above his, which was highly unlikely, it was impossible for water to be dripping in his room!

Yet it was.

Obi-Wan paused, then hurried over to the closet. He flung the door open, half expecting to see a waterfall inside and his clothes soaked but everything looked normal. "This doesn't make any sense unless…"

A smile crept across the Jedi's face as he thought of Anakin. The boy was probably having a hysterical fit of laughter in his room right now as his befuddled Master searched for an imaginary drip. Going over to his belt, Obi-Wan removed a device that would find hidden chips. After scanning his room he quickly found the tiny device stuck on the top of his closet door. As he suspected, it was a miniature sound device. It simply recorded a sound and played it over and over. In this case, Anakin had recorded the sound of dripping water: simple but effective.

Placing the tiny gizmo on his desk, Obi-Wan crawled back into bed and pulled the covers over his head. The bed quivered as the Jedi laughed gleefully. He had the perfect sound for Anakin!

The next day Anakin went through his usual classes slightly confused. He couldn't understand why Obi-Wan hadn't commented on the water dripping in his room last night. Had his Master found the device and deactivated it or had it failed to make its irritating sounds? Then again, maybe Obi-Wan had just passed out. He was, after all, kind of old and tended to meditate too much. His confusion only increased when supper came and went with still no comments from his Master, just the usual blabber about school. Finally Anakin decided to give it another night.

That night found Anakin tucked snuggly in bed and drifting off to sleep. Around two in the morning he was awakened by a terrible sound.

WHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!

"Aaahhhhh!" Anakin sat bolt upright in bed, his blue eyes wide with terror and his heart pounding in his chest as if he had just run a major race. He clutched the soft blanket with white-knuckled hands as he scanned the bedroom. What in the galaxy had been that awful sound? It had been really low and loud. He was convinced he had never heard anything like it in his short life and he had heard all sorts of things.

Nothing in his room was out-of-place and a quick scan with the Force assured him he was alone. A second, larger scan informed him that his Master was sound asleep in his room and that there was no one else in the apartment.

He was safe.

Anakin's heart slowed to its normal pace and he lowered himself back onto the bed until his head rested on the pillow. Perhaps he had dreamed it all…

WWWHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The sound screamed, seemingly right above his head.

"Aaahhhhh! Help, Master! Master!" Anakin leaped out of his bed wildly and went screaming from his room.

Meanwhile across the hall from Obi-Wan's apartment, Mace was annoyed. He had just settled down to eat a midnight snack when some awful racket started to come from Kenobi's apartment. Leaving his steak on the plate, Mace left his apartment and went out into the hall in his underwear, grumbling. "This used to be a nice area to live in the Temple until Kenobi took in that trouble-maker. Now I understand why both apartments on either side of his are empty!"

WWWHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

WWWHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The deafening foghorn sounded again and again.

Mace pounded his fists on Obi-Wan's apartment door. "Kenobi! What are you two doing in there? Stop this nonsense at once! People are trying to sleep! KENOBI DO YOU HEAR ME?"

Inside the apartment, Obi-Wan heard the foghorn blaring, Anakin shrieking in his ear and someone was pounding at his door. He checked his chronometer and saw it was just after two in the morning, the time he had set the recording to go off. But what maniac would be pounding at his door at such an hour? Whoever it was, the person didn't sound very stable.

Quickly getting out of bed, Obi-Wan herded Anakin towards the balcony. "Come, Padawan. Let's go somewhere more quite and away from that fruit loop at the door. That person really should be reported to the Jedi Council."

"Yes, Master." Anakin said, glad to get away from the wailing ghost or whatever it had been.

They used the Force to lower themselves several balconies down, then re-entered the Temple through a different door. Obi-Wan smiled at his young charge as they headed towards the lunchroom. Eyeing the door to the kitchen, the Jedi's grin grew broader. "Would you like some ice cream?"

"YEAH!" Anakin shouted gleefully.

The next morning Obi-Wan stood before the Council, his face serious. "There was some raving lunatic pounding on my door last night. Perhaps we should be more watchful of who enters the Temple…"

Master Mace glared at Kenobi, thick bandages on his knuckles. "That was me!"

Obi-Wan's mouth dropped open in shock.

Uh-oh!


	7. Junk Mail

Pranks 7

Anakin Skywalker sat on the sofa in the living room of the apartment he shared with his Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi. A glum expression marred his face as he stared down at his boots, his hands clasped together in his lap.

"Do you see now what happens, my very young apprentice, when you play practical jokes on people?" Master Obi-Wan had a sour look on his hairy face. "You get in trouble!"

Anakin lifted his head up and boldly stared Obi-Wan in the eyes. "You're not supposed to get caught! Everyone knows that! It's not my fault if Master Mace caught you and you got in trouble with the Council!"

Obi-Wan's mouth dropped open. "That wasn't the lesson you're supposed to be learning! Now go to your room and meditate on it."

The young Padawan heaved himself off the sofa and trudged to his room. Once inside he plopped down on his bed and used the Force to shut the bedroom door. Oh, he knew what his Master had wanted him to say, all right. Obi-Wan wanted to hear him explain how it was wrong to play jokes on people and that someone could get hurt. But life in the Temple would be so boring without pranks to play and it wasn't like he was doing them to other people…it was just mainly on his Master. And Anakin figured that was OK since his Master tended to play them right back on him. Friends who played together stayed together.

"Dumb old Mace!" Anakin fumed as best as a young boy could. "Why did he have to go ruin our fun for, he and his big hairy snout? I should get him back with a prank. Who says a Padawan can't teach a Master a lesson?"

But Mace would have to wait until he thought up another untraceable prank. In the meantime there was his own Master to keep on his toes. Anakin hopped off his bed and went over to his dresser. Opening the bottom drawer he dug under his piles of clean underwear until he found what he was looking for: an envelope. But this was no ordinary envelope, oh no. It was a very, very embarrassing envelope from a fake company. Grinning, he carried it to his desk and started to address it to his Master.

The next day Obi-Wan had just settled down to do some paperwork when his doorbell rang. Answering the door he was surprised and pleased to see his good friend Master Yoda.

"Hello, Obi-Wan. Mail for you I have." The tiny green Jedi Master held a long paper envelope in his hand. The large printed text in bright colors was obvious.

"Mail?" Obi-Wan repeated, his brow wrinkling. "Who uses paper envelopes these days? I don't know anyone who would send me mail. Does it say who it's from?"

"Requested it, you have." Master Yoda replied as he pointed to bright red letters on the envelope's front. "Understand, I do."

"Understand what?" Obi-Wan asked, confused. "I don't understand. I didn't request anything! If this is about the other night and the foghorn…"

"Foghorn I know not, but problem I understand. Can help you, I can." Master Yoda smiled as he stepped into Obi-Wan's apartment. He grinned wider as he stared up at the tall human. "Get you deal I can."

Aspirated, Obi-Wan snatched the letter from Yoda's hands and read the front. His face grew dark red as he realized what Master Yoda thought. "I did NOT request this!"

"Embarrassed you need not be. Understand I do."

"Master Yoda, I don't need special adult-sized diapers or underwear!"

"Use them I do. Get you good deal. Save credits we will."

"NO! No thank you!" Obi-Wan grabbed Yoda around the waist and set him in the hallway. Then he closed and locked the door. Once the door was locked, he leaned against it in relief. He stared at the incriminating piece of mail in his hand, frowning. Where in the Force had it come from?

"I hope I didn't get on some junk mail list! One of these is more than enough!"

Giggling drifted to his ears and Obi-Wan frowned. He had just figured out who was in charge of the junk mail list. Gripping the envelope tightly in one hand, he headed for his office. Once inside he securely locked the door, and then turned on his computer. It was time he put his computer skills to use on something other than dull paperwork. Now what embarrassing problem could he assign to naughty Padawans?

The next day rolled around and Anakin had the apartment to himself. Obi-Wan had gone shopping for more snacks and he was stuck indoors with a duster. He swiped the feather duster over the coffee table and sneezed. Dusting was dangerous work!

DING DONG!

Anakin dashed to the door and opened it. "Master Yoda!"

"Greetings youngling. Mail for you I have. Popular you and Master Ob-Wan have become. Unusual it is."

Anakin spied the paper envelope in Yoda's green fingers and his stomach twisted nervously. Oh no! His Master hadn't mailed the same embarrassing envelope to him, had he? But no, this one was a different color and he calmed down a bit. "Who is it from? Is it from my Mother on Tatooine?"

"No, youngling. Information you have requested it is. From the Furious Farts Federation."

A horrified look appeared on Anakin's face just before he fainted. He crashed to the floor with a loud thud.

Master Yoda blinked his eyes several times, and then placed the envelope on Anakin's chest. Turning to leave, he glanced back wistfully at the envelope. "Get all the good mail they do. Could use the products of the Furious Farts Federation I could."


	8. More Junk Mail

Pranks 8

It was the middle of the night and Anakin was supposed to be sleeping but he couldn't. His mind was chasing itself around and around as he tried to think up another great prank. The embarrassing envelope had been good until it backfired. Who ever would have dreamed that Master Yoda was such a big blabbermouth? Or that the highly esteemed Jedi Master had a flatulence problem and actually thought the Furious Farts Federation existed? Now the entire Jedi Council was snickering about his 'problem' and he was scheduled to go for a medical checkup!

It was time to get revenge on the Council!

And the Council members he really wanted to get were Mace and Yoda. No one had ever dared to prank Yoda before so that was a real challenge. Perhaps it would be better to get them one at a time than all together. It would add up to be more laughs that way and perhaps they could get another day off from school.

Kicking the covers off, Anakin crawled out of bed and went to his dresser. It was dark in his room but he snatched the tiny penlight from his dresser top. The tiny device didn't give much light but then he didn't want to get caught, either. He could get in serious trouble for what he was about to do. It probably broke a lot of rules. Padawans weren't supposed to enter the Council Room without their Masters and certainly not in the middle of the night. But it would be worth it. Besides, he was used to sneaking around at night and was good at it.

Grabbing the few things he would need, Anakin snuck out of the apartment he shared with Obi-Wan and crept into the hall. He paused, listening. The Temple was quite as the normal, dull Jedi slept in their beds. Mace's door was right across the hallway from him and he pondered how good of a nose Mace had. Would the werewolf be able to smell him in the Council Room tomorrow? He hoped not.

He crept down the deserted hallways until he reached the Council Room and hurried inside. Without wasting a single moment he went straight to Mace's cushion and went to work.

The next day dawned and Anakin found himself stuck in class. He sat at his desk in the front of the classroom, his eyes drifting out the open classroom door. Voices from the hall drifted to his ears and he sat up a bit straighter in his chair. He knew those voices…

"I'm telling you I didn't request any such information!" Master Mace exclaimed loudly as he strolled down the corridor that led to the Council Room.

"Must have you done." Yoda floated on his round platform, a bright yellow envelope in his hand. "Printed here it is. See it I do."

"Well, it must be a mistake! I did NOT send for an application to join Coruscant Fat Busters! Look at me. Do I look like I need to loose weight? I'm a master swordfighter for Force sake!"

"How it get here if you not send for?" Yoda asked.

"It's junk mail!" Mace rolled his dark eyes and entered the Council Room. The other Master Jedi were already there sitting on their round cushions. Within moments Jedi Knights and their Padawans would be arriving for their scheduled appointments to receive new assignments. Thanks to Yoda's fascination with junk mail they had almost been late. Luckily, they had made it just in time and Mace headed for his cushion.

"Junk mail this not. Your mail it is! Perhaps will of the Force it be. You to join Coruscant Fat Busters you must!"

"This is ridiculous! Yesterday it was the Furious Farts Federation and now this!" Mace plopped down onto his cushion heavily. He yelped when the cushion's top surface gave way under his rear and he fell inside his own piece of furniture. A big cloud of sparkly dust shot up into the air all around him, blocking his vision. His knees were jammed up against his chin, the cushion's round shape effectively trapping him. Mace struggle to get free but discovered he couldn't move.

"Correct the letter is. Need to loose weight you must." Yoda informed him as the elderly Jedi Master moved closer to his friend.

Mace coughed. Finally the cloud of sparkly material settled and the trapped Jedi Master saw to his horror he was coated in gold glitter. "This is a conspiracy! My cushion was tampered with!"

The other eleven Jedi Masters stared at the glitter-covered Mace, several shaking their heads.

"This is the work of a Master Sith!" Mace howled, outraged.


	9. Yoda's Pride

Pranks 9

Anakin anxiously watched the clock that hung on the classroom wall. Barely fifteen minutes had passed since Masters Mace and Yoda headed down the hall towards the Council Room and not a thing had happened. There had been no loud shouts, no frantic running down the hall, nothing! Had his prank misfired? He hoped not, but then if he had fixed the wrong cushion, Yoda's for example. Then footsteps could be heard along with muffled grumbling.

Yes!

Anakin could barely contain his excitement as he watched Mace stalk pass the doorway amidst a huge cloud of glitter. But the young Padawan was careful to keep his face expressionless. There was no way he was going to get caught like Obi-Wan had! Then the bell signaling class was over rung. Gathering up his padd, Anakin hurried out into the hall with the other students. To his unbelieving eyes Master Yoda was almost right in front of him hobbling down the hall after Mace, the yellow envelope in his hand.

"Forgot your mail you have!" Yoda called, unknowingly getting glitter stuck to the bottom of his green feet, ankles and the hem of his robe.

Recognizing this opportunity was too good to miss, Anakin quickly glanced around and saw no one was paying any attention to himself or Yoda. Everyone was gawking at the gold-coated Mace and the sparkles he left in the air. Moving closer until he was directly behind Yoda, the young Padawan pulled a tiny vial from his belt. Pulling the cap off, he squirted the colorless liquid onto the back of the Jedi Master's robe. Palming the empty vial, he increased his pace and tossed the empty container into a nearby trash receptacle. Then he moved with the flow of students to the lunchroom, his stomach rumbling from hunger.

Master Yoda gave up chasing Mace and instead headed into one of the many outdoor gardens the Temple had. The meetings had been canceled until both Mace and the Council Room were cleaned, the busted cushion replaced. The elderly Jedi leaned on his cane and slowly made his way through the forest-like setting. A peaceful stream gurgled over rocks and birds sung in the trees. Sunlight filtered through the green branches overhead and the air smelled of growing things. Making his way over to a sun-warmed rock, Yoda sat down to meditate. He had been there for perhaps a half hour when his meditation was broken by a sound that didn't belong.

"Meow."

Yoda opened his eyes and saw a black-and-white cat. There were no cats on the Temple grounds and the Jedi Master was confused as to where this one had come from. "Belong here you do not."

"Meow!" the cat cried as it started to rub its slick furry body against Yoda's legs, purring.

Soon a second cat appeared from among the trees, then a third.

"Confusing this be, three cats where before there be none." Yoda stared at the two new arrivals: a longhaired white feline and an orange tabby. The tabby boldly leaped onto Yoda's lap, almost knocking him from the rock.

More cats hurried towards him from the forest, meowing and yowling. There seemed to be at least fifty, but since they kept moving about Yoda couldn't be sure. They surrounded him, all struggling to crawl on top of him. The tiny Jedi Master was knocked from his rock and fell into the stream, shrieking. Crawling out onto the bank, the cats instantly set upon him. And to Yoda's horror, new arrivals were approaching from the trees. Calling his walking stick to him with the Force, Yoda swung at the nearest cats. "Go away, belong here you do not!"

But the cats didn't listen.

"Aahhhhhhhhh!" Yoda shrieked as he called on the Force to help him run towards the Temple. The door opened for him and he dashed into the building, one hundred and one cats hot on his heels with several of them clinging to his back. A big black bristly one was on top of his head and the few observers who had been there to see it later swore that it looked like Yoda was sporting an Elvis hairdo. Desperate to escape from his attackers, Yoda hurried through the double doors into the padawan's huge lunchroom. It was there that the clinging cats became too heavy and the Jedi robe tore free, leaving the esteemed Master only in his underwear. The noisy chatter hushed as shocked students gaped open-mouthed at Yoda in his black briefs, the black cat still on his head. Then the room broke into a loud roar of laughter.

The cats hissed at each other, clawing and biting as they fought over Yoda's discarded robe. The black cat atop Yoda's head swatted at one of his huge green ears, nipping at the tip. That was too much for the Jedi Master and he hurried from the room, wailing at the top of his lungs.

Anakin laughed along with the other students. The pheromones had worked better than he had ever dreamed!

And Yoda had been pranked!


	10. Loose Change

Pranks 10

"Ow!" Anakin Skywalker flinched in pain as Obi-Wan poured disinfectant on the numerous scratches that now covered his body. The young Padawans might have had belly laughs at Yoda and all his cats, but then the whole scenario went downhill. Ki-Adi-Mundi, another one of the Council Members, soon took control of the situation. Made even taller by his high-domed head, the Jedi Master ordered all the Padawans to stop laughing and to help collect all the cats that had snuck into the temple. So instead of earning an afternoon off he had spent it chasing angry cats all over the temple. In the process he had gotten scratched many times, not fun at all.

"I'm sorry, Padawan, but these wounds must be disinfected. You're just lucky none of them bit you. Feline bites are quite nasty and would have required medication." Obi-Wan wiped with a sterile cloth on Anakin's forearm where a long scratch went from his elbow to the wrist. "Still, I'm proud that you helped catch so many of the feral beasts. Otherwise in a short time the Temple would smell far worst than the men's bathroom and you know what that can smell like."

Anakin wrinkled his nose at the thought, realizing he hadn't thought of all the consequences of that particular prank. He had just presumed a few cats would follow Master Yoda around out in the garden, bothering him for food scraps or something. Yoda would be like a mother duckling with a line of cats behind him and the green Jedi Master wouldn't know why. Instead over a hundred had followed him into the building.

"It's so odd, all those cats coming into the temple. Even the Jedi Masters are clueless. Well, except for Master Mace of course. He's convinced it was another Sith attack. But after how he broke his own cushion everything is a Sith attack. Very sad actually…"

It took all his willpower to stop from breaking into hysterical laughter right there. Even his own Master didn't know he was behind the two pranks! And did Mace really think it had been a Sith that had fixed his cushion? How dense could the guy be? Anakin sat patiently until Obi-Wan finished with all the scratches, and then he hugged his Master around the waist. "Thank you, Master."

"You're welcome, Padawan." Obi-Wan started to put the first-aid supplies away. "You might as well go do your homework for awhile. I didn't even start supper yet. What would you like, bantha burgers and fries?"

"Yeah!" Anakin hopped up and down excitedly. It wasn't often Obi-Wan cooked burgers and fries for him, the older Jedi preferring to feed him the more nutritious vegetable meals. But sometimes out of the blue he did and it was always a special treat. Then the two would go cuddle on the sofa afterwards and watch an exciting holovision movie, one with lots of action and thrills.

Obi-Wan smiled, his blue eyes twinkling. "Now go start your homework."

Anakin dashed off to his room and obediently turned on his computer to start his assignment. His blue eyes drifted towards his bedroom window and before he knew it he was up out of his seat and peering out. While he had been dumping one of the tamer cats outside he had set up another prank. It was really simple and shouldn't backfire on him at all. And because he wanted to watch it, he had set it under his bedroom window. Well, it wasn't directly below his window, as his room was several floors up but he could still see relatively well. Now all he had to do was wait until a greedy victim came along. Whoever fell for the prank was totally out of his hands. He would let fate decide. He had been waiting by the window for about five minutes when a man in dark robes came walking along on the sidewalk. Anxiously, Anakin leaned out the window so he could see. Would the man fall for the bait?

Supreme Chancellor Palpatine strolled down the deserted sidewalk on the Temple grounds. Earlier in the day there had been some unusual excitement in the Jedi Temple and Palpatine had come to see what it was all about. He was shocked to learn that a Sith had booby-trapped Mace's cushion in the Council Room and had caused a pride of feral cats to tear Master Yoda's Jedi robe from his body. Palpatine thanked the Dark Side he hadn't been around to see that awful sight. No, he didn't even want to imagine what Yoda's eight hundred plus body looked like under that robe. The poor children had probably been traumatized for life. But he had said the usual phrases and placated the blind Jedi. As to who was the real culprit behind these events, Palpatine didn't have a clue. It certainly wasn't the Sith.

A shiny coin on the sidewalk caught his eye and he stopped. It was a five-credit coin, too. Deciding it must have fallen out of some careless Jedi's pocket, Palpatine bent to pick it up. Unknown to the Supreme Chancellor, the coin was GLUED to the sidewalk. He tried to grip it with his fingers but for some odd reason his fingers couldn't actually get under the coin.

"Stupid joints of mine!" Palpatine grumbled as he tried harder to grip it. He gripped it securely with his fingernails, and then pulled.

"OOOWWWWW!" Palpatine shrieked as one of his fingernails tore partway free of his finger, bending upward. He cradled his injured hand against his chest, not noticing the blood that was running down the front of his expensive robe. Controlling his temper, he counted to one hundred and the pain faded. His eyes, however, were still focused on the gleaming coin.

"I will have you yet!" he vowed to the empty air, not noticing the pair of blue eyes that watched him from the window above. Bending over again, Palpatine once again attempted to grab the coin. Carefully he put his fingers in just the right positions, using one hand to place the fingers of the other hand just so. A broad smile appeared on his face. He was sure this time he could pick it up, arthritic joints or not! Carefully he lifted…

"DRAT!" He swore, anger flooding every nerve in his body. What was wrong with this coin? Such a simple thing and he couldn't do it! It was driving him mad!

Palpatine bent even lower at the waist, pushing his face as close to the sidewalk as he could. He would have kneeled but his knees were bad and he wouldn't be able to get back up again. It was an awkward position and he was careful to maintain his balance. The last thing he wanted was to fall over on his face on the sidewalk. Now if he could only see what was wrong with this coin…

CRACK!!!

"AAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!" Palpatine screeched as something in his back made a loud sound. Placing a hand on his lower back he tried to straighten up and discovered he couldn't. "Help! My back! Someone help me!"

Later Obi-Wan came into his Padawan's bedroom to tell him the food was done and was surprised to see a bunch of flashing lights by the window. The Jedi moved to the window to stand next to Anakin and peered out, curious. "What's going on?"

"Supreme Chancellor Palpatine threw out his back again and they're going to take him to the hospital."

"Oh. Well, come and eat." Obi-Wan put an arm around Anakin's shoulders and herded him towards the kitchen.


	11. Computer Madness

Pranks 11

Anakin Skywalker sat at his computer grinning like crazy and quite proud of himself. Finally one of his teachers had given him a homework assignment that he could truly appreciate and enjoy: to create a computer program. Nor had the teacher made any fussy rules about what the program could or could not do, just that it did something. The young, mischievous Padawan had put his usual creativity into it and had come up with a real doozy of a prank. He had never tried creating a computer prank before but had decided to give it a try. Now to go test it on his unsuspecting Master…

Taking the disk that contained the program; Anakin stepped out of his room just in time to see Obi-Wan go into the bathroom. The bathroom door closed and Anakin scurried like a mouse into his Master's bedroom that also served as his office. The computer was already on and the young Padawan quickly stuck the disk into the appropriate slot. Within moments the program was loaded and he removed the disk, then hurried back to his room.

Emerging from the bathroom, Obi-Wan went back to his computer and continued the boring paperwork. Almost instantly the computer made the oddest sound.

BURP!

The Jedi was so startled that he almost fell out of his chair. He stared at the computer, his mouth hanging open. Surely his computer hadn't just burped, had it? Obi-Wan waited a few more minutes, and then laughed. "I must be imagining things!"

BURP!

Obi-Wan's blue eyes narrowed in suspicion. This time he was sure he had heard it burp! He waited, his head tilted slightly to one side.

BURP!

Yes! There it was again! His computer was burping and doing it as loud as it could, too! Not being a computer expert, Obi-Wan reached into his desk and pulled out the owner's manual. He flipped through the entire book but could find nothing on burping. What could it mean? Did he have a virus and if so, how did he get rid of it? Anakin may be gifted with mechanics and droids, but this was surely out of the boy's league. A burping computer was an extremely serious problem and he wouldn't be able to get his work done until it was repaired. Getting his comlink, he called up Computer Maintenance. The Jedi who worked there were all computer experts and would know what to do.

"Computer Maintenance here. How can I help you?"

"Hello? This is Master Kenobi. I have an unusual computer problem and I'm not sure how to fix it."

"What's the problem?"

"My computer is burping."

"It's WHAT?"

"It's burping. You know, that sound people make after they eat. It burps very loud every two minutes and it's very annoying. I can't get my work done."

"Look, Master Kenobi. This line is for REAL computer problems, not made up stories!"

"But this IS real! I…"

CLICK!

Obi-Wan stared at the comlink in his hand. How rude! They had hung up on him!

BURP!

Obi-Wan leaned back in his chair and pondered the problem.

BURP!

A light bulb went off in his head and he hurried out of the apartment and across the hall. He rung Mace's doorbell and waited patiently. The door opened and Master Mace stood there in his blue bathrobe, occasional patches of gold glitter still sticking to his skin.

"Yes?" Mace asked. "What can I do for you?"

"I thought perhaps you could help me with a computer problem. I called Computer Maintenance but they hung up on me."

Securely tying the bathrobe around his middle, Mace padded into Obi-Wan's bedroom in his pink fuzzy slippers. He stared at the computer, the usual paperwork still on the screen. "What's it doing?"

BURP!

"That." Obi-Wan stated dryly. "It burps every two minutes."

"It's another Sith plot!" Mace exclaimed loudly, his dark eyes shifting all over the room. "They're everywhere!"

BURP!

"Why would the Sith make my computer burp?"

"Because they're Sith! Why else?"

BURP!

"But how do I fix it?" Obi-Wan asked, seriously doubting if any Sith were involved.

"How should I know? I'm paid to sit on a cushion and look important, occasionally swing my special purple blade around. You'll have to call Computer Maintenance." Mace headed for the door.

BURP!

"But I already called them!"

"I'd love to stay and chat, but I got oat muffins baking in my oven. I'd rather eat meat, of course, but the doctor says I got to cut back on meat. My blood pressure is too high because of the Sith and all…"

BURP!

Obi-Wan watched the door close and he was once again alone with the burping computer. He pondered some more, stroking his hairy beard. This problem had started after he had gone to the bathroom. Before that his computer had been just fine. His blue eyes shifted towards the bedroom wall. His Padawan's room was just on the other side. "Hmmm…I wonder…"

Pulling the search screen up, he typed in the word 'burp' and was instantly rewarded with a program file. "So, you've been fiddling with my computer, have you?"

Deleting the file, Obi-Wan opened the drawer where he kept his computer disks. Flipping through them, he found the one he wanted. It was a special one given to him by his good friend Dex just in case he ever needed it. The Jedi had never used it before but now it seemed very appropriate. He had to teach Anakin that his computer was off-limits when it came to pranks.

The next day Anakin came home from school and hurried to his computer. His friend had loaned him a cool pod racing computer game and he was anxious to try it out. Best of all he had no homework so he could spend all evening racing! But after turning the computer on, he was met by an annoying pop-up screen. Anakin closed it but another popped up in its place! Fifty pop-ups later, Anakin dashed over to his Master.

"Master! There are pop-ups on my computer and they won't go away! I've tried everything!"

"How many did you go through?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Fifty!"

"Cheer up, Padawan. You only have nine hundred and fifty more to go!"


	12. Slippery When Wet

Pranks 12

Anakin vowed to himself NEVER to mess with Obi-Wan's computer again. He had spent what seemed like ages clicking one window closed after another until he realized there was an easier way to do it. So he had designed a new program that closed the remaining windows automatically. His computer free of the window madness, he had settled down to an evening filled with the excitement of pod racing. Still, it wasn't the same as actually being in a REAL pod and screaming down the racecourse at breakneck speeds.

"Dumb old Jedi! Why can't they understand how much FUN speed is?" Anakin sat for a moment, meditating on the subject. The Masters were all old and stuffy, sitting around on soft cushions and saying how dangerous some things were to young Padawans. But zooming somewhere fast wasn't dangerous; it was fun! Was it just that they were old and liked sitting around all day staring at the ceiling? Or could it be they never experienced the trill of a pod race? Maybe if they could experience it, they'd learn how much fun it really was and then they'd let all the Padawans zoom around the Academy on speeder bikes or something. A smile spread across his face as he imagined flying through the long hallways on a speeder bike, the wind whistling through his short brown hair.

But how could he get any of the Jedi Masters to experience the thrill of a pod race? Anakin pondered this serious problem for a few seconds, and then laughed gleefully when a simple answer presented itself. Once a week all the floors in the Jedi Academy were waxed and tonight was that night. Tomorrow morning the floors would be super shiny and smooth. The Masters seemed to enjoy seeing their reflections in the floor but Anakin just liked to slide on it in his stockened feet when no one was around. Until he had started living at the Academy with Obi-Wan, a floor so smooth you could slide on it was unheard of. The majority of the buildings on Tatooine had been made of rough stone.

Of course, the boots everyone wore prevented accidental slips and falls, but there was a simple way around that. Reaching into his desk, Anakin pulled out a box of tacks. Giggling, he could hardly wait! Tomorrow morning there would be lots of excitement around the Academy!

Master Mace woke up the next morning, showered, dressed and pulled on his boots. He had gone out prowling last night in his werewolf form, so he hadn't been home when a certain young Padawan had snuck into his private quarters to stick tacks into the bottom of his boots. Standing, Mace made his way across the floor towards the door. He noticed his footsteps sounded a tad odd but paid no real attention to it. The door opened and he stepped out into the freshly waxed hall.

"Whoaaaaaa!" Mace screamed as his foot slid out from underneath him. He pin wheeled his arms wildly to no avail and he fell over backward onto the reflective floor.

Just then Obi-Wan's door opened and the Jedi peered out into the hallway with blue eyes. He spotted Mace lying unceremoniously on the floor, limbs akimbo. "Are you all right?"

Mace chuckled, embarrassed. "I think the cleaners used too much wax last night!"

"Let me help you up…" Obi-Wan offered. He took one step into the hall and instantly lost his balance. One foot shot forward while the other decided to go back the other way. The Jedi managed to balance this way for a short time until he too lost his balance and fell. He landed on his chest, bumping his hair-covered chin on the hard floor. Pain shot through him and he winced, but in truth it was just a minor bump. He had received far worse injuries than this slight mishap. Obi-Wan glanced at Mace, rubbing his chin. "I think you're right. The cleaners did use too much wax."

Still chuckling, Mace rolled over onto his hands and knees, and then carefully got to his feet. He stood perfectly still for a long moment, his balance secure. "Well, it doesn't seem to bad now…"

"Try taking a step." Obi-Wan suggested.

Moving his right foot forward, Mace instantly lost his balance. He frantically moved his feet up and back so fast it looked like he was running in place. Although he managed to keep his balance, he also started to move forward with great speed. Within a few seconds he was flying down the waxed corridor with the velocity of an airspeeder with no way to stop.

"Where are you going?" Obi-Wan shouted after the rapidly disappearing Master Mace.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Was Mace's only reply.

It was Ki-Adi-Mundi who had the unfortunate luck to be walking down the hallway that particular morning. The new Jedi Master stopped and gawked at the rapidly approaching figure, unsure what to make of it. When it came closer he was relieved to recognize fellow Jedi Council member Master Mace. But why was he moving so fast and in such an unusual manner? And that horrible shrieking! "Is there something wrong?"

"WAAAAAAXXXXXXXX!" Mace screamed as he headed straight for the domed-headed alien.

Ki-Adi-Mundi stepped out of the way and watched as Master Mace slid past him and soon disappeared from sight. It was obvious Mace was in a hurry to get somewhere and he had no wish to detain him. The alien continued his way down the hall until he came upon another equally strange site.

Obi-Wan crawled forward on his hands and knees until a pair of black boots blocked his path. He sat back on his haunches and looked up, embarrassed at his predicament. "It seems the cleaners got overzealous and put too much wax on the floor. Every time I try to stand up I loose my balance and fall over! But why aren't you falling down?"

"Allow me to help you." Ki-Adi-Mundi reached down and pulled Master Kenobi to his feet. But Obi-Wan's boots kept sliding around until the wild sliding knocked the both of them to the floor. The Council Member rubbed his domed-head and got to his feet. "This is an unusual problem, Master Kenobi, but I have a solution for you until the true cause of this is discovered."

So it was a few minutes later that Obi-Wan met Master Yoda in the hall.

"Obi-Wan, why clinging to that droid are you?"

The Jedi's face grew red with embarrassment as he desperately clung to the round dome of the astromech droid that was slowly pulling him down the corridor. "There's too much wax on the floor and I can't seem to stand up without falling over!"

Yoda wiggled his bare green toes on the floor. "Floor is normal it is."

"Then why can't I stand up?"

"Take boots off you should. Perhaps bottoms grown smooth they have." Yoda suggested.

Obi-Wan lowered himself to the floor and pulled off his left boot. Turning it around so he could see the bottom, his mouth dropped open at the sight of silvery tacks.

"Stick tacks in boots why have you?" Yoda inquired as he leaned on his cane.

"I didn't! It must have been…" Obi-Wan stopped mid-sentence, realizing he had fallen for one of Anakin's pranks.

"Kept busy Padawan must be." Yoda offered his advice, a smile on his green face. His big ears moved slightly forward as he leaned closer. "Get more good mail have you?"

"No!" Obi-Wan quickly replied as he started to pull the tacks out and lay them on the floor in rows, pointed side up. "No, I didn't receive any more junk mail, thank the Force!"

Yoda's face fell, the Jedi Master disappointed. "Interesting it be."

"If you say so, Master Yoda." The tacks removed and his boots again on his feet, Obi-Wan stood up and dusted imaginary dust off his Jedi tunics and pants. He smiled down at his tiny friend. "Well, I must go do my duties. Thank you for your help and wisdom, Master Yoda.

"Glad I be to help, Obi-Wan." Yoda walked down the hall and soon disappeared.

Obi-Wan walked off the other way, leaving the tacks where they were on the floor.

Yarael Poof, the Quermian Jedi Master with the long giraffe-like neck, had just stepped out into the hall. He had noticed an unusual sound that seemed to be getting louder and louder, so he had decided to check it out. Stopping in the middle of the hall, he first looked one way and then the other. The sound was much clearer out here and he tilted his head to hear better.

"Wwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!"

Mace slammed into the startled Yarael Poof and they both went zooming down the waxed corridor, Yarael clinging to Mace with both sets of arms. That is, until they reached the stairs….

"I'm glad that's over!" Mace exclaimed from where he had crashed on the floor, relieved that he wasn't moving anymore. No, moving wasn't good at all. "I never want to go at that speed again! Yarael? Yarael, are you all right?"

"Oooohhhhh, I think a speeder train hit me…" Yarael moaned from where his long neck had gotten wrapped somehow around the arm of a Jedi statue.

"We'll get you down from there!" Mace promised the alien and wondered if he dare attempt standing.

Yoda came along. "Tacks on boots you do have. Remove them is best."

"Tacks?!" Mace twisted his foot around and gawked at the shiny metal objects jammed into the bottom of his boot. "It's those Sith again! I tell you, Master Yoda, it's an assassination attempt!"

Removing the tacks from both boots, Mace left them pointed side up on the stairs. Then he and Master Yoda walked away, the pair in deep conversation about the latest Sith activity and junk mail, neither listening to what the other was saying yet getting along just fine.

"Hello?" Yarael Poof called uncertainly, still stuck on the statue. "Is anyone there?"

No one replied.

All morning Ki-Adi-Mundi had thought about the unusual activity of Master Kenobi and his inability to stand on his own two feet. Sometimes humans were just SO strange! He was deep in thought and on the way to his quarters when he stepped on the tacks, lodging them into his boots. All thought of meditating was quickly forgotten when he fell flat on his own face. And worse, he couldn't get up! Cling to the wall, he went slipping and sliding down the hallway like an old drunk, his feet having a mind of their own. "I should have kept that astromech droid for myself!"

Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, newly released from the hospital, came strolling along. He had decided to check out the unusual "sith" activity at the Jedi Temple. It was clear something serious was going on and besides, there was that five credit coin…He secretly hoped no one else had found it and had pocked HIS coin. While he had been stuck in the horrid hospital, the only thing he could think of was the yummy pastry he would buy with it. Hmmm…. Pastry!

"Eeeerrrrkk!" Yarael groaned.

Palpatine stopped and glanced up at the over-sized statue. "Do you need assistence?"

"Help!"

Palpatine moved closer to the statue and grabbed Yarael's robes, then yanked. The Jedi Master came free and fell to the shiny floor, just missing Palpatine by a few inches. Without another word, the pale green alien walked off, a big crook in his long neck. After he watched the alien Jedi Master vanish from site, Palpatine headed for the stairs. He did NOT notice the tacks and stepped on them, his weight shoving them firmly into the bottom of his boots. Before Palpatine knew what was happening, he slid backward off the bottom step and landed on his face.

Then the school bell rung, dismissing the young Padawans from class. The mass of young students surged like an ocean wave into the hall. Shouting with excitement, they surrounded the Supreme Chancellor and soon levitated him up into the air. These Padawans, a year younger than Anakin, had just learned how to levitate objects and they were anxious to practice. The old man lying on the floor seemed like something good to practice on.

"Aaahhhhhhhh!" Palpatine screamed as he was roughly levitated down the hall, often bumping his head against the ceiling and any other objects that were in the way.

Ignoring the shrieking old man, the students surged towards the lunchroom, where the Supreme Chancellor was quickly forgotten in favor of bantha burgers and fries. Palpatine was dumped into the trashcan nearest the door, where he promptly became stuck.


	13. Palpatine's Revenge

Pranks 13

"I hate Jedi!" Palpatine shouted for the world to hear, his voice echoing from the walls of his dark and gloomy palace. But the Supreme Chancellor was alone and no one heard his cries of hatred and despair. Oh, how he despised those do-gooders Jedi and all their brats! Just the other day he had gone to visit their high and lofty Temple and he had become the laughing stock of not only Coruscant but also the entire civilized galaxy! "I hate them, hate them! They should be exterminated like the pests they are!"

After he had fallen down the stairs, the Jedi brats had floated him down the hallway into their stench-filled lunchroom. There they had unceremoniously dumped him into a trashcan near the door. He had flailed his arms around, crying out for assistance but no one seemed to notice his plight. Everyone in the room seemed to be talking about a waxed floor and Master Mace, which Palpatine didn't understand at all. Had Mace been waxing the floor or did the students mean he used wax on his baldhead? Then a food fight broke out and Palpatine was forced to rescue himself. Since he was trapped in the trashcan in a sitting position, he figured if he rocked it up and back he could tip it over so he landed on his feet. So he started rocking the can and it tipped. Almost instantly his feet slid out from underneath him…

"TACKS! Those Jedi imbeciles had left TACKS on the stairs! That's why I couldn't walk! That's why I ended up on the news with a trashcan stuck on my butt!" Palpatine slammed his cane on the floor over and over with anger. "I should have fried all those brats with my Force Lightning, give them something to really talk about!"

Palpatine picked up the latest copy of The Coruscant Enquirer, just one of the hardcopy news magazines that had him on the front cover. The headline on this particular one read "Palpatine Takes Out the Trash!" while below it there was the embarrassing photo of him in front of the Jedi Temple trying to crawl to his airspeeder, the large trashcan stuck to his rear. Worse, other publications picked up the story instantly. Others included Weird WeeklyUFO Reports, Politics Today, The Hot Sheets, The Central Sun and others. "How dare they make a fool of me? When my plans are complete I'll destroy all the news originations for this! I'll make free speech outlawed!"

He had dreamed of killing the individual news reporters and the photographer than had snapped the troublesome photo, but it would be too obvious. He couldn't allow anyone to suspect he was actually a Master Sith yet. The time wasn't right. But he had to find out what was going on in that meddlesome Jedi Temple! Too many reports of Sith Activity was reaching his ears. Master Mace had almost driven him deaf the other day yakking on about Sith messing with a personal computer and rigging a cushion. What nonsense!

But now it was personal. Someone had messed with a Master Sith and made him look the fool. That person wouldn't live for long once his identity was discovered.

"I will get my revenge on those Jedi!" Palpatine laughed as he threw Force Lightning at the tall stack of tabloids and news magazines. With a red flash and loud whoosh the magazines burst into flame. The fire crackled and hissed, yellow sparks dancing in the air. Palpatine's heart glowed darkly, wishing it were the reporters that were frying before him or better yet, the Jedi. But if the Sith Lord was one thing, it was patient. Yes, he would patiently wait until all was in place and then he would declare himself Emperor!

So Palpatine sat in his black swivel throne and thought of hideous revenges he could perform on the Jedi. Obviously it had to be something small. That meant no huge explosions, no assassins, none of his usual flair. No, this needed subtlety. Since the Jedi had embarrassed him, he would embarrass them! An idea as dark as his evil heart popped into his head and Palpatine cackled. It would be wonderful!

Reaching for him com, Palpatine placed a call to one of his secret contacts, an expert in supplying the Sith with whatever their murky hearts desired. In a few short sentences he explained what he needed and the man promised it would be simple compared to Palpatine's requests in the past. Credits were transferred and that night under cover of darkness the deed was done.

The next morning, Anakin Skywalker woke up and stretched sleepily. He had gotten in serious trouble with Obi-Wan for the tack prank and Anakin wasn't anxious to leave his bedroom at all. If he could, he would lurk in his bedroom all day and avoid his Master but that wasn't an option. He had to attend classes. Then something crawled across his cheek and Anakin brushed it with his hand. The thing fell onto his pale blue bed sheet and he yelped in shock.

It was a bug!

The insect was a rich black with a shiny carapace, had six long legs and even longer feelers on its head. It started to crawl up the sheet towards him and Anakin quickly tossed the sheet over on top of it. Once it was trapped, Anakin pounded his fist on the sheet in an attempt to kill the nasty bug. Being raised on Tatooine, Anakin wasn't scared of bugs like some of the young students were. The desert actually supported lots of insect life. But since living in the clean Temple environment he had gotten used to not seeing them. And this particular type of bug wasn't good to have around, as it would breed like crazy. But where did it come from?

Slowly peeling back the sheet to see if it was dead, Anakin discovered the insect was gone! "Drat! Obi-Wan is going to kill me if he spots that bug in our apartment! He'll blame it on me, especially since he's in a fowl mood about yesterday!"

Hopping out of bed, Anakin was shocked when his feet crunched loudly upon striking the floor. He glanced down and screamed. The floor was just CRAWLING with nasty black bugs!

"AAHHHHHHH!" Anakin shrieked as he ran out of his room, only to discover they were in the hallway of their apartment, too! And was that shrieking out in the central hallway? Dashing to the door, Anakin opened it only to see mass chaos. Young Padawans ran shrieking down the bug-infested hallway, their eyes wide in fright. Adult Jedi either chased after their young charges or were busy trying to kill the mass and sudden infestation. The creatures were literally EVERYWHERE: the floor, the ceiling, and the walls… Hearing crunching footsteps behind him, Anakin turned to see a glaring Obi-Wan. "It wasn't me! Honest!"

Obi-Wan folded his arms over his chest and stared Anakin in the eyes, reaching out with the Force to determine if the boy was being truthful. "It had better not be!"

It was good to be a Sith!


	14. Palpatine's Coin

Pranks 14

Although he had enjoyed his ebony crawling revenge on the Jedi and had felt more powerful than ever, for some unknown reason Palpatine couldn't forget about that coin he had seen on the Jedi's sidewalk. The coin preyed on his mind and kept slithering to the front of his brain demanding attention. What was it about that particular coin that fascinated him so? As one of the richest and most powerful men on Coruscant, he certainly didn't need the money so what was it? Finally deciding it had been his failure and inability to pick it up, Palpatine decided to go back to see if the coin was still there. By now most of the bugs had been exterminated and the Jedi Temple smelled worst than a stink bomb but luckily the coin was on the outside.

"It had better be there!" Palpatine muttered as he walked down the Jedi's sidewalk towards the spot where the coin had been. To his relief, it was still there. The Sith Master stared down at it and spoke aloud, not caring if any pesky Jedi overheard. "What is your secret? Why can't I pick you up?"

In a window several floors above, a tiny head appeared. Anakin couldn't believe it, but Supreme Chancellor Palpatine had actually returned to the coin! He had thought that after being on the front pages of all those tabloids Palpatine would avoid the Jedi Temple like a mouse avoids a cat! But there he was. Most Jedi had ignored the coin, only one ambitious Twillek having tried to pick it up and quitting when she had stepped on her own head-tails.

Lifting a foot, Palpatine tried scraping his boot across the coin experimentally.

The coin didn't move.

"Hmmm, perhaps I need to scrape harder." Palpatine lifted his foot up higher and carefully positioned the heel of his boot near the coin. Then he scraped the heel over the coin, sure it would move this time. But when he glanced down, it was still in the same spot! "Drat! Why won't you move?!"

Growing more furious, Palpatine started to jerk his boot heel quickly up and back over the coin. "Move! Move! I command you to move and come free!"

Over-excited, Palpatine lost his balance and fell into the nearby lilac bushes that grew right under the windows. First his head poked out of the bushes and then he stood. Shoving the bushes aside with his hands, he lifted a leg to crawl out. He managed to do this but the hem of his long dark robe got caught on a branch and Palpatine yanked hard, snarling. With a loud rip, the expensive material tore as it came free. Palpatine stumbled backward and fell onto the nearby grass, crushing the strip of flowers Master Yoda had planted as a border along the walkway. Grumbling, Palpatine twisted around until he was on his hands and knees. The coin was right before him and he pressed his face right up to it, eyeing it suspiciously.

"DRAT THING! IT'S STUCK IN THE CEMENT!!!"

Up in the window, Anakin covered his mouth with his pillow in an attempt to hide his laughter.

Stuck now on his hands and knees, Palpatine tried to stand but couldn't. The arthritis in his knees was bad and the joints weren't strong enough for such activity. With great difficulty due to his long robes, he crawled the short distance to the lilac bushes and grabbed the bush. Using this as a crutch, he hauled himself to his feet. The branch broke in the process and he carelessly tossed it over his shoulder.

Not noticing the tiny twigs sticking out of the collar of his robe, pink flowers abloom, Palpatine left the Jedi Temple. Instantly another photograph got snapped and the now rich photographer dashed off to the tabloid office with his prize. The Sith Master didn't know about this and so he climbed into his airspeeder and drove away. That night, however, Palpatine returned to the Jedi Temple.

Anakin, sure the fun with the coin was over, had gone to sleep.

BRUPBRUPBRUPBRUPBRUPBRUPBRUP!!!!!!!!!

It was two AM when Anakin's blue eyes snapped open and he sat up in bed. What in the galaxy was that loud racket? And why was his bed shaking? Realizing it was coming from outside, Anakin dashed to his window to look out.

It was Supreme Chancellor Palpatine with a jackhammer!

The Sith Lord cackled insanely as he clung to the madly vibrating jackhammer that he had stolen from a road repair crew. Unfortunately the wildly gyrating device was extremely difficult to control and it was making holes all over the sidewalk. Of course, the Sith Lord didn't care about THAT. It was, after all, the Jedi's sidewalk! His teeth chattered and three loose ones fell out of his upper gum, but Palpatine kept at it. With the help of the Dark Side, he willed the jackhammer back to the correct spot and to his delight the hunk of cement that contained the coin popped free! Dropping the still turned on jackhammer, Palpatine used the Force to call the coin into his hands. The jackhammer vibrated all over the sidewalk where it finally crawled its way into the hated lilac bushes and started to cut through stems and trunks. Leaves and flowers floated to the ground and soon thick branches started to follow.

Lights began to turn on in all the rooms on that side of the Temple and windows were opened.

Palpatine, covered in his concealing dark Sith Robe, climbed onto a stolen speeder bike and made his getaway, the heavy slab of cement with the coin safe in his pocket. Just before he left, Palpatine used the Dark side and gave the jackhammer an extra push so it started to chew into the side of the Jedi Temple. The noise level and vibrations throughout the Temple increased until it woke everyone up.

Author's Note: Not sure if "head-tails" is the proper name for what Twilleks (sp?) have on their heads.


	15. Auto Hijinks

Pranks 15

Anakin Skywalker sat on his bed and pouted. His last prank had gotten him into a ton of trouble with Master Obi-Wan. Apparently his stuffy old master didn't enjoy sliding around the hallways with tacks on the bottom of his boots. To make matters worse, the jackhammer incident had been pinned on him as well; Obi-Wan believing it had been another one of his pranks. When he had tried to explain that it had been Palpatine with the noisy road tool, his Master had just frowned and pointed towards his bedroom. "I can't believe he actually grounded me!"

"Supreme Chancellor Palpatine is a well respected and dignified man, Padawan. He's also elderly and suffers from arthritis. He wouldn't be jack hammering outside the Jedi Temple at two in the morning! I'm sure its no coincidence that this happened almost directly beneath your window! You planned this as another prank! You're grounded until further notice!"

So he was stuck in the apartment he shared with his Master except for the classes he had to attend. Anakin rolled over onto his stomach and wistfully gazed out his open bedroom window. The sky was dark and he could see the distant lights of downtown Coruscant where all sorts of exciting things were going on. To make matters worse, Obi-Wan had lectured him during supper, too!

"You're heading for trouble, Padawan. I hope you realize that and straighten up. Funny pranks between us are one thing, but damaging Temple property isn't funny at all. I'll not report it to the Council this time. Mace is convinced that there's a Sith behind everything these days, but if you're not careful you'll end up with a rap sheet for vandalism!"

"Stupid Palpatine!" Anakin muttered to himself. How was he to know that gluing a five credit coin to the sidewalk would create such a huge mess or that the old geezer would do such a totally stupid thing? Why, he was supposed to be the adult! He couldn't explain to Obi-Wan about the coin, either. He was in enough hot trouble the way it was and besides, his Master would never believe him. Palpatine was one of the richest senators on Coruscant! "Of all the stupid things … a jackhammer!"

But why did Palpatine want that coin so bad? It wasn't like he was starving and really needed it. Anakin pondered that for a short time but gave up. It made no sense whatsoever! But what was clear is that the old man got him into lots of unnecessary trouble. "I should get him back…"

Flopping over onto his back with one leg dangling freely off the bed, Anakin plotted up exactly how he would do it. It was clear that future pranks on the Chancellor would have to take place far away from his apartment, which would mean they would be far more difficult. Dangerous pranks would have to be left out as well. The last thing he needed was an assassination attempt pinned on him! Various ideas rolled around in his head and then he giggled. Not very long ago he had seen a newsreel on Palpatine's new airspeeder. It was a ridiculously expensive, flashy thing that no doubt guzzled fuel by the barrels, totally unsuited for podracing. Still, he had to admit the thing had style. Those tail fins were pretty cool and so was the open cockpit. "It would be nice to feel the wind blowing through my hair again…"

Before he knew what he was doing, Anakin tumbled out of bed and quickly pulled his clothes on in the dark. Picking a few items off his dresser, he crawled out the open window and used the Force to drop safely to the ground. All he needed to do now was head out to Palpatine's apartment. With any luck the Supreme Chancellor would be fast asleep in his big soft bed and wouldn't notice if his prized airspeeder was missing for most of the night. "Perhaps getting in trouble would be worth it if I can get behind the wheel of a fast airspeeder again!"

About a half hour later, Anakin arrived at Palpatine's apartment and spotted the airspeeder parked on the landing platform. Hurrying over to the vehicle, he soon disabled the security system and jumped in. With a loud roar, he sped off. There were a few things he had to go buy at the all night joke shop…

The next morning, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine stepped outside into the bright sunlight of Coruscant, a smile pasted on his face. He headed over to his airspeeder and crawled in. He did NOT notice the new bumper stickers stuck to the back bumper, courtesy of one young Padawan. Turning the ignition, Palpatine started the airspeeder up and pulled out into traffic. A few moments later the engine coughed and died, the red Out Of Fuel button blinking cheerfully. Palpatine fumed and slammed his fist on the steering wheel. "Drat! How can I be out of fuel? I just filled the tank last night! That fuel station must have cheated me! No one's supposed to cheat a Master Sith! No one!"

Of course, thanks to the emergency battery that all airspeeders possessed, Palpatine and his airspeeder kept floating in the traffic lane and didn't fall to a fiery death. Angry horns honked and traffic swerved around him. Planning on calling a tow truck, Palpatine reached for his com. just as his hand touched it, the com rang and he leapt a few inches out of his seat. Calming his racing heart, he picked the com up and answered it. "Yes? This is Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. Whom am I speaking to?"

"Hiya, Honey!" A grated woman's voice said. "I wouldn't mind marrying a rich fellow like you…"

"What?!" Palpatine dropped the com, shocked. It landed on his lap where it continued to squawk, baffling him more.

"It says you want a wife, so I'm applying!" The female voice replied.

Palpatine's eyes happened to glance in the rear-view mirror and saw an elderly lady parked behind him waving a bright red hanky. Her silver-blue hair was piled high on her head, a thick cigar dangled from her bottom lip as if glued there and she was fatter than a Hutt. Worse, she was wearing the most horrid pattern he had ever seen, a bizarre mix of stripes, polka dots and wild splotches. The color combinations were enough to drive a person insane! His heart pounding, he picked the com up. "How did you get this number? It's private!"

"Private? Ha! That's a good one!" The fat woman laughed, the cigar bouncing wildly off her triple chins. "You got it printed on your rear bumper!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!" Palpatine gasped.


	16. In Sickness

Pranks 16

Anakin watched the newsreel with utter fascination. He had never dreamed that such a ghastly mess could come out of a few little bumper stickers. He knew he should feel ashamed and regretful for causing the Supreme Chancellor all those problems and to be truthful he did feel a bit guilty, yet he also felt a bit pleased. Some tiny area deep inside his body actually enjoyed watching the whole sordid affair. The man had it coming or that's what he told himself. Yet that kind of thinking went against the Jedi beliefs. Jedi were supposed to be honorable and help people, not do nasty spiteful things. And they most certainly didn't seek revenge. Revenge was wrong and only led to the Dark Side.

"What a horrible thing!" Obi-Wan commented from where he sat on the sofa next to Anakin. "Who would do such a terrible thing to the Supreme Chancellor? I know he may not be totally honest, but still … to put his private number on stickers on his rear bumper! What a scandal!"

Anakin remained silent, his blue eyes glued to the holovision screen.

"Well, that's enough of that." Obi-Wan stood up and flicked the holo-vision off. "It's late and you need to get some sleep, young one."

"Yes, Master." Anakin yawned sleepily and stood, stretching his arms high overhead.

"I suspect is was a fellow politician that did it." Obi commented dryly. "You see that's why you can't trust politicians! They're all to eager to squeeze someone else out only so they can move in. They have absolutely no interest in the common good. At least the Supreme Chancellor is all right. It's a good thing Master Mace happened to drive through and spotted what was going on. Of course, he'll have to get a new private number…"

"Yes, Master." Anakin answered dutifully. "Must I listen to yet another speech on the crookedness of politics?"

Obi pulled Anakin close, giving the boy a hug. He ruffled his Padawan's short brown hair and gave him a gentle shove towards the bedroom. "I'm sorry, Padawan. These politicians just rub my nerves the wrong way. I know it's late. You go off to sleep now and don't forget to brush your teeth!"

Anakin hurried to his bedroom. After his teeth were brushed and he had changed into his pajamas, he crawled into bed and pulled the blanket on top of himself. He felt toasty and warm. By all rights he should have fallen fast asleep but for some unknown reason his brain was still chugging away and refused to shut itself down. He had gotten his revenge on Palpatine for the jackhammer incident, yet he was still grounded. It really irked him, the unfairness of it all.

"Maybe I shouldn't play pranks on other people anymore." He whispered to himself in the dark. "And maybe some of the jokes were too nasty and dangerous. I suppose those tacks could have really hurt someone…"

Anakin seriously considered the matter. Yes, the tacks had been too dangerous. What if Mace had broken his leg when he had fallen down the stairs or worse, his neck? Then he would be a murderer!

"I hadn't meant for anyone to get hurt…"

He lay for several more quite moments in bed, thinking.

"Maybe Obi is right. I should keep the pranks between the two of us. And maybe I should make them more simple." Anakin smiled at the thought. Some of the best pranks had been the really simple ones, like the fake candy container with the snake inside it or the burping computer. But thinking up pranks wasn't easy. In fact, it was very difficult. Then out of the blue a flashbulb went off in his head and he leaped out of bed. Barefooted, he hurried to his small dresser and started searching through all the drawers. Socks and boxer shorts were tossed over his shoulders carelessly. A few weeks ago while his Master had taken him out into the city, a young girl had smiled at him shyly. She was slightly younger than him but he guessed she had thought him cute. So she had given him a gift, her com number scrawled on the back. He had tried to refuse the gift, saying that Jedi weren't allowed to accept such things from the public, but since it was nothing costly – just a sheet of stickers – he had finally caved in and accepted the token of goodwill. He supposed the girl was curious about Jedi as well. Unfortunately, he didn't have any exciting stories to tell, not yet anyway.

With a thrill of excitement, he found the small card shoved way in the back of the bottom drawer and he pulled it out with relish. They weren't really stickers but fake earrings that young children could just stick on their earlobes. There were about fifty of the bright red circular earrings on the cards.

"I know just want to do with these!"

After peering at the glow-in-the-dark chronometer, Anakin snuck out of his bedroom and headed towards his Master's room. If he were extra careful, he wouldn't get caught.

The next morning dawned and Obi-Wan sleepily yawned and sat up in bed. For some unknown reason his face felt odd. He lifted a hand to rub at it and instantly froze, his blue eyes growing wide as saucers. He stared at the red dots on the back of his hand in shock. He lifted his other hand and they were there, too. With growing dismay, he slowly pulled up the sleeve of his pajama top to see even more red dots on his forearm!

"Oh, please no!" Obi uttered in fear.

He hurried out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. With trepidation he looked in the mirror only to see more red dots all over his face!

"DRAT! I got some contagious disease!" Obi howled to himself in the bathroom, his raised voice bouncing off the walls. He carefully felt one of the circles on his face with the pad of a finger, fearful it might burst into horrible pus and pain at the slightest touch; but to his relief he neither felt anything nor did the thing pop open. Next he felt his forehead, checking for fever. It felt hot.

Obi-Wan rushed out of the bathroom to the com unit next to the sofa and punched in the number for Sickbay. "Hello? This is Obi-Wan Kenobi. I think I have some horrible disease! There are bright red circles all over my face and body."

"Sounds like the measles…" A voice replied. "We'll need to get you into quarantine right away."

"Oh, great! That's all I need." Obi-Wan moaned.

Time passed.

"How was I to know they were stickers!" Obi-Wan angrily yelled at the Jedi doctor. "I thought I was dying of some horrible disease!"

"Well, next time try washing them off first!" the doctor complained, disgust on his face. "Stupid Jedi! Can't tell the difference between smooth plastic and infected skin! I bet you'd buy the Coruscant Bridge if someone offered to sell it to you!"

"Is it for sale?" Obi-Wan asked, confused. "I thought it belonged to the government…"

"OUT!" The doctor yelled.

Obi-Wan escaped into the relative safety of the hall and headed back to his apartment, grumbling. "It's all Anakin's fault! I fell for another prank and now that doctor thinks I'm some kind of idiot! And they have no right to be selling a historic landmark like that, either! I should tell Master Mace…"

On the way to the stairs, Obi-Wan paused besides a little stand that sold various items for the numerous non-human Jedi. One of them had sparked an idea. Chuckling, Obi-Wan paid the vendor and headed up the stairs. "Anakin is going to be sorry he messed with me!"

When he reached their apartment, the special surprise hidden within the folds of his robe, he smiled at his young apprentice. "It turned out to be some sort of mistake."

Anakin nodded, a slightly apprehensive look on his face.

"Go on to school." Obi-Wan told him.

Anakin left and spent the majority of the day wondering why his Master wasn't furious about the stickers. By the time school ended, he was sure he was going to get in even more trouble. But nothing happened. He did his homework while Obi-Wan cooked supper; they ate and afterwards even watched a holovision movie, one of the fast, excitement-filled types that Anakin loved. Then it was time for bed. Relieved, Anakin hugged Obi-Wan. "I'm glad you're not sick, Master."

"Yes, I know. Now go to bed." Obi-Wan ordered. He watched Anakin run off to his room. Anakin didn't see the smile that spread over Obi-Wan's face as soon as he had left the room.

The next morning, Anakin dashed into the bathroom. He had slept late and if he didn't hurry he'd be late for school. He quickly tossed his pajamas onto the floor and hopped into the shower. Turning the water on, he reached for the shampoo. A moment later he came shrieking out of the shower, as there was some hideous hard thing growing out of his head!

Anakin frantically wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror so he could see himself.

"HORNS! I've grown black curved horns during the night!"

Wrapping a towel around his waist, Anakin frantically ran into the kitchen. Obi-Wan was pouring some healthy whole grain cereal into a bowl.

"Master! Master! I've grown HORNS! LOOK!" Anakin frantically pointed to the pair of horns that stuck up out of his bushy brown hair.

"Yes, my little devil. I know." Obi-Wan smiled. "Now go get ready for school or you'll be late."

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Anakin wailed as he raced back towards the bathroom, knowing full well the horns were Obi-Wan's revenge.


	17. Deaf, Dumb and Blind

Pranks 17

Anakin scowled as he stomped to his bedroom loudly. He had actually had to go to classes with HORNS on his head! The horns had caused a big commotion and everyone wanted to know why he had them. He wasn't too sure what to say, so he had finally made something up. But one thing was certain; he was going to get Obi-Wan back. "I'll get him good this time!"

On the way home, he had wondered outside and had snuck off the Temple grounds. There was an old dumpster nearby and he had gone snooping inside it. Sometimes he found parts there he could use to make droids but more often than not the dumpster was just filled with odd junk. Today he had found a great prize, better than anything he had found before.

At first he had been frightened, thinking it had been the dead body of a murder victim, left lying half buried among other trash. A stiff arm reached upward from amid the refuse heap, as if begging for his help. Part of the face and one eye was visible, along with a long strip of blonde hair. It had looked very realistic. First heat and then icy cold rushed through his body one right after the other. His legs had trembled uncontrollably as his heart thudded in his chest.

"To think I got fooled by a mannequin!" Anakin shook his head, a bit disgusted at himself. As a Jedi Padawan he should be able to tell the difference between a living creature and a thing made of plastic. But the sight had been so unexpected. "It must be the most life-like mannequin ever made!"

And that was too good to pass up as prank material. So he had cleaned it up and had snuck it into the Temple, hiding it inside an unused broom closet.

Of course, that won't get the horns off his head, but Anakin knew they were just glued on. With time they'd fall off by themselves. He cautiously felt one and discovered it was loose. Perfect! Soon he'd be horn free and his poor Master would be totally befuddled. Although he had homework to do, he crept from his room and peered around the corner. His Master's bedroom door stood ajar and he heard sounds coming from the kitchen. Obi-Wan was busy making supper, so he'd be busy for at least twenty minutes; more than what he needed. As silent as a ghost, Anakin snuck out of the apartment and headed towards the nearby broom closet and the Jedi robe he had stolen from the laundry. Within moments he returned and crept back to his bedroom. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on ringing the doorbell with the Force. After a few false starts, he heard the loud ding-dong sound and he smiled.

"This should be fun!" Anakin whispered as he moved to the doorway of his room, wanting to listen.

In the kitchen, Obi-Wan paused in slicing the potatoes. He put the knife down, dried his hands on a towel and headed towards the door. "Now who could that be?"

He opened the door and was surprised to see a blonde woman standing in the hall wearing Jedi robes. A long white strip of cloth was wrapped around both eyes. She held a sign in her hands that simply read 'I'm DEAF, DUMB and BLIND'.

"Um, hello. What can I do for you," Obi-Wan started to say. "Oh, wait! You're deaf so you can't hear me."

Obi-Wan waved a hand at her, and then dropped it to his side. "You're blind so you can't see me waving at you, either. Hmmm, now what does that leave? I have no idea why you're at my door. Are you lost?"

Obi-Wan patiently waited for an answer, and then smacked himself on the forehead. "I forgot you couldn't hear me!"

Anakin listened to the exchange, snickering.

"There must be some way to communicate with you…" Obi-Wan stuck his head out into the hall, hoping another person might be there to explain what the woman wanted. But she appeared to be alone. He rubbed his hairy chin for a moment, thinking. "Oh! Maybe you want to see Master Mace and you have the wrong room! Yes, I'm sure that's it."

Obi-Wan carefully moved out into the hallway and carefully gripped the blonde woman by the arm. He hoped his sudden touch wouldn't startle her, as she couldn't see him. Her arm felt oddly stiff through the material, but Obi-Wan supposed she might be suffering even more medical problems on top of the three listed on her sign. "You must have been through some awful ordeal."

A secure grip on her arm, he attempted to lead her towards Mace's door. But her feet didn't seem to be working. Instead of following his lead and turning around, she fell over and crashed to the floor. One of her legs became detached and went tumbling across the smooth floor, coming to a stop several feet away.

"AAAHHHHH!" Obi-Wan shrieked as he stared at the detached leg.

Then he tilted his head slightly and glanced down at his own hand. Her arm, the one he had been holding onto, had come off too!

"AAAHHHHHHH!"

Obi-Wan held the woman's detached arm, unsure of what he should do. His training and battles with Sith should have prepared him for such emergencies but his mind had gone blank. "Don't panic! Don't panic! There must be a reason why she's falling apart! Think, Kenobi, think!"

There was a loud click and Mace's door opened. The baldheaded Jedi Master peered out at Obi-Wan. "Are you making noise AGAIN? And what in the name of the Sith are you doing with that old mannequin?"

"MMmm..mannequin?" Obi-Wan asked as he dumbly stared at the woman's body on the floor.

"Yes, mannequin!" Mace huffed, aspirated. "I thought I threw that thing out in the dumpster across the street!"

"What were you doing with a mannequin?" Obi-Wan asked, curious.

Mace stepped into the corridor. He glanced this way and that, making certain that no one else was around and listening. Then he stepped closer to Obi-Wan and whispered into his ear. "It's not mine. It's Yoda's."

"Yoda's?" Obi-Wan said, confused.

"SShhhhh!" Mace cautioned. "In his spare time Yoda likes to sew Jedi Robes. It's one of his secret hobbies. He's embarrassed because he thinks it's a woman's hobby, but the mannequin kept falling apart lately and it landed on him a few times. The poor little bugger was squashed. Got his ears all bended and lopsided, had to walk around with medical tape all over them. Everyone thought he had been in a fierce battle with the Sith but it was just that mannequin. Personally, I think that one day he drank too much caffeine and went nuts with his lightsaber. This poor gal was mistaken for an intruder in his quarters and got chopped up. Ever since then she's kept falling apart."

Obi-Wan nodded his understanding.

"He's ordered a new one…" Mace confided. "It's to arrive in a plain cardboard box with no markings; just YODA on the front."

Obi-Wan nodded again. "I'll take care of this."

"All right." Mace agreed as he started to head back to his quarters. "But you watch out for those Sith. They're everywhere these days. And remember to check your boots every morning!"

"Yes, thank you." Obi-Wan blushed, still embarrassed about the tack incident. And now this! How could he have ever mistaken a mannequin for a real person? Grumbling under his breath, he retrieved the leg. He was unsure of what exactly he should DO with the thing. Then a smile appeared as he remembered the empty broom closet at the end of the hall. After the broken mannequin was safely stored away, he went back to his apartment and finished making supper. As he was eating, he studied his young Padawan as the boy ate his cheesy baked potatoes. There was no doubt in Obi-Wan's mind who had rescued the poor blonde gal from the dumpster across the street.

The question was, what was he going to do about it?

Then he smiled.

The next morning Anakin sleepily woke up and rubbed at his tired eyes. He rolled over and his arm hit something hard. Confused, he stared at the unexpected but close shape until it came into focus. To his utter horror, he realized that it was a long-snouted werewolf and that it was in bed with him!

"AAAAHHHH!" Anakin screamed as he scrambled out of bed so fast that he tripped on the blanket and fell face first onto the floor. The werewolf was pulled out of the bed as well, as it was wrapped in the other half of the blanket, and it fell on him. This caused Anakin to shriek even louder and he watched as the scary creature's arm tumbled across the floor. He lay still and quite for a moment, his brain clicking. Cautiously, he poked at the werewolf's face.

"Drat! It's that dumb mask! Obi-Wan put it on the mannequin and stuck it into bed with me during the night! And like an idiot, I fell for it! Well, I know what to do with this…"

Crawling out from under the mannequin, Anakin peeled the werewolf mask off. Gathering all the assorted parts, he used the Force to haul the mannequin out of the apartment. Upon looking in the broom closet, he found his Dumb, Deaf and Blind sign. Picking the sign up, he hurried on his way. It was still very early and if he hurried, he wouldn't get caught. He found a nice spot to set the mannequin up and he stuck the sign into her hands, using a bit of tape to secure it. To be on the safe side, he put her back against a statue to help prop her up.

Later, he was on his way to school and couldn't help smirk when he saw a large cluster of Jedi around the mannequin, debating with each other as to what should be the best form of communicating with the woman. Hours later when he passed on the way home, the crowd of debating Jedi had grown larger, louder and with more enthusiastic arm-waving.

Anakin laughed, shaking his head. They were all so clueless!


	18. Pickle Power

Pranks 18

Anakin was in a very cheerful mood. Finally the fake horns had fallen off and his mannequin prank had been a great success, even if Obi-Wan had scared him a bit with it in return. But perhaps best of all was that he was no longer grounded! "Finally free to go out when I want to, as long as all my homework is done and it's not too late. Yes!"

And earlier he had gone out. He had visited a swap meet, where he had exchanged some junk he had found in the dumpster for the greatest invention ever: a rubber pickle. The person had given him a crazy look when he exchanged the bottom part of a broom (the handle had been broken so he had sliced it off with his lightsaber) and a slightly dented empty metal container for a rubber pickle. But he had been thrilled. He held the pickle in his hand, admiring it for a moment. It looked very real. In fact, at first he had thought it had been a real pickle until he had touched it.

Yes, this pickle had a lot of potential.

As quite as a cat, he snuck out of his bedroom and crept past Obi-Wan's bedroom. The soft clickity-clack of typing could be heard coming from his Master's room. No doubt the older Jedi was busy writing yet another report. Safely past the room, Anakin dashed into the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator door, he pulled out the jar of pickles. Unscrewing the lid, he used the Force to haul a pickle out for himself and then stuck the rubber pickle into the jar with the few remaining pickles. The strong-smelling brine within the jar would soon have the fake one smelling like a real one, hopefully. He had carefully washed the fake pickle, so it was clean. He didn't think it could hurt the few remaining real ones…

The jar back in the refrigerator, he grabbed the levitating pickle out of the air and bit into it. Hmmm, yummy! Treat in hand; he went back to his room.

About a half hour later Obi-Wan emerged from his room, stretching his stiff back. He had sat for too many hours typing a report and now he was hungry. It was almost time to make supper, but a tiny treat wouldn't hurt or spoil his dinner, especially if it were something healthy like a pickle. He thought fondly of the jar of pickles he had recently bought and retrieved it from the refrigerator. Opening the lid, he used the Force to float a pickle out. Unknown to Obi-Wan, it was the rubber pickle that Anakin had just put into the jar. Gripping the wet pickle, he bit into it.

Nothing happened.

"Huh?" Obi-Wan pulled the pickle out of his mouth and stared at it. He could see a few faint tooth marks on it but that was all. Shrugging, he tried a second time but got the same results.

"What's wrong with this pickle?" Obi-Wan asked. "Why can't I bite into it?"

Placing the pickle onto the tabletop, he pulled a knife out of the drawer and tried to slice it.

The knife refused to go into the pickle.

"AAHHHGGggggg!" Obi-Wan groaned, frustrated. "I had to buy a bottle that contained a defective pickle!"

Obi-Wan picked the defective pickle up and angrily threw it onto the floor. It bounced back up and hit him in the forehead.

"Drat pickle!" Obi-Wan rubbed his sore forehead and bent down to pick the pickle up from where it had fallen. Pickle in hand, he marched to the door and tossed it out into the hallway as hard as he could. The pickle hit Mace's door and bounced off. It landed on the hallway floor. Satisfied he had threw the defective pickle away, Obi-Wan went back inside and closed his door.

A moment later Mace's door opened. The baldheaded Jedi Master stuck his head out, looking up and down the hall. "Is someone there? Did someone wrap at my door?"

Confused, Mace stepped out into the hallway. He did not see the pickle so he stepped right on it and promptly fell down.

"It's another sinister plot of the Sith!" Mace proclaimed as he headed down to Sickbay to get his broken arm repaired. The rubber pickle was firmly clutched in his good hand, as it was evidence of sinister Sith activity. Yes, this assignation plot needed to be reported to the Jedi Council.

To be continued…


	19. Devil's Snare

Pranks 19

Anakin stood up from the outside bench where he had been meditating; well, he was supposed to be meditating. Although his eyes had been closed and his face serene in appearance, his mind had been far away from the Temple and all the stuffy old Jedi and their meditating. Who wanted to meditate on such a wonderful day anyway? The sun was shining brightly, a warm breeze blew through the Jedi Garden he was in and best of all, Master Obi-Wan had been called to some dull meeting way on the other side of the Temple. Stretching, Anakin casually glanced around. The other Jedi in the area paid him no heed, their minds blank sheets of parchment as they peered inward in meditation. Just a short time ago Anakin had discovered a secret way to sneak off the Temple grounds without using any of the doors. With a final glance around, he quickly vanished into the nearby shrubbery directly behind his bench. After hopping over a man-made stream he came upon a high stone wall. Using the Force to move a loose block, he wiggled through the opening. Credits jingling in his robe pocket, he hurried down the busy street.

Just being outside among the hustle and bustle of Coruscant was exciting. Traffic zoomed overhead, hundreds of aliens plodded down the street; the cooking scents of over one hundred worlds filled his nostrils. All in all it reminded him of his childhood on Tatooine and a tear leaked from his blue eye as he thought of his poor mother. Shmi was still a slave and there was nothing he could do about it until he grew up. But Anakin wasn't sad for very long; he had a mission of his own: to find another great prank item to fool Obi-Wan with. The rubber pickle had been great but now Anakin was all out of ideas. Nor were the common items in their apartment any good for pranks. That only left one option; to go out and find something somewhere. Normally he would have headed to his regular joke store but he decided he had better avoid the place due to the bumper stickers he had bought there for Palpatine's airspeeder.

Although it was extremely dangerous to be wondering around the streets of Coruscant, Anakin wasn't worried. Not only was he street smart from living on Tatooine but he had his lightsaber as well. He was about to head down a street at random when an odd flickering in a metal wall caught his eye. Curious, he moved closer to investigate the odd phenomenon. Whenever it blinked it was like he could see another street on the other side of the wall. "That's really odd! I shouldn't be able to see through the wall. It's solid duracrete!"

Anakin glanced up at the sign on the building and saw it was one of the typical shady nightclubs. But it definitely was a street he was seeing, complete with odd buildings and people moving about in funny looking clothes. "I wonder if they have any joke shops there?"

The boy shook his head, laughing. "What am I thinking? I can't walk through a wall! That's just crazy! Maybe it's some weird advertising hologram the nightclub owners had put up to attract customers…"

Turning around, Anakin leaned against the flicking wall to watch the face of the next passersby. But before anyone came along to study, the wall gave way and he fell through. Picking himself up off the cobblestone street, Anakin gazed around in amazement. He was actually there, wherever there was. The people around him were dressed in long black clothing and most had a sinister look about them. The ones nearest to him stared at him oddly, a few smiling to reveal bad teeth. Spotting a shop across the street, Anakin hurriedly pulled the door open and went inside. A bell jingled overhead and he paused to let his eyes adjust to the dim lighting within the store.

A tall man with long white hair and dressed in black appeared. "Yes? How may I help you?"

"Umm," Anakin said uncertainly as he stared into the man's blue eyes. "Do you have anything good for a prank?"

A smile appeared on the man's face. "Of course. I have many unique things that would work well for a prank."

Anakin glanced around the crowded shop and his eyes landed on a small potted plant. It reminded him of the Jedi Garden he had snuck out of. On Coruscant it was spring and he had overheard Master Yoda speaking to the other adults about planting new seedlings in the numerous gardens the Temple housed. Was it possible a plant could be used as a prank? The potted plant appeared to be some sort of pretty vine and Anakin moved towards it for a better look.

"I would be careful, young Sir." The man warned. "That's Devils Snare. It enjoys wrapping itself around people."

"Really?" Anakin asked. Then a smile appeared on his face. "I'll take it!"

Anakin placed the credits he had on the countertop and the man accepted them. Then he used the Force to levitate the potted plant. The man's blue eyes grew wide at this but his expression quickly returned to normal. His prize floating before him, Anakin left the shop and soon found the odd flickering wall. Passing through, he found himself back on Coruscant and hurried back to the Temple.

A short time later Anakin was sitting in the apartment he shared with Obi-Wan reading his homework assignment on a portable padd when his master came home.

"Master, there was a message for you…" Anakin informed him.

"What is it?" Obi-Wan asked. "I finally escaped from that meeting with Palpatine! How that man can prattle on for hours!"

"It's on your padd." Anakin replied. "I heard it beep as it recorded the message."

Obi-Wan went over to his padd and saw the little red light blinking. Picking the padd up, he scrawled through the message. "It's from Master Yoda. He wants me to plant a vine in the Jedi Garden. Well, that doesn't sound too bad. I'll be glad to spend some time outdoors after that meeting!"

Obi-Wan read through the rest of the message, then left to go pick up the plant where it was waiting. He found the plant sitting in an empty room right where Master Yoda's note said it would be. He studied the plant for a moment, realizing it wasn't one he was familiar with. It was a vine with long woody stems and dark green triangular leaves. It looked quite pretty, really, and it had a nice spicy scent. Reaching out for the pot, Obi-Wan picked it up carefully. The next moment his blue eyes widened in surprise as the woody stems wrapped themselves around his neck.

"Aaaagghhhh!" Obi-Wan cried as he managed to yank the plant free. Holding the pot as far away as he could, Obi-Wan left the room. As he walked down the corridor the vines started to wrap themselves around his arms. "Now you stop that! You're just as bad as that Padawan of mine!"

Master Mace came strolling along very slowly, his eyes glued to the floor. One of his arms was incased in a white sling. At the sound of Obi-Wan's voice, Mace lifted his head. "Stop what? Not another Sith plot I hope!"

"This plant seems to like to wrap itself around me for some reason…" Obi-Wan explained as he held the potted plant.

"Oh. I thought it might be more Sith pickles…" Mace said, his voice serious. "You just can't trust the Sith anymore! Before they would attack you directly with lightsabers, have a fair duel and all. Not these days, oh no! They've become more sinister than ever! Now they leave wet pickles on the floor outside your quarters so you step on them and almost kill yourself!"

Obi-Wan's face turned red and he nervously gulped. Luckily the Devil's Snare had wrapped itself around his throat again so it appeared he was choking.

Mace stared at the plant. "That's not Poison Ivy, is it?"

"Aaagghhhhh!" Obi-Wan gurgled as the plant choked him.

Mace moved closer and peered at the leaves. The baldheaded Jedi sighed with relief. "No, it's not. For a moment there I thought that sneaky Sith might have left us a plant but I can see its OK. You best carry on and plant it. I think its leaves are getting a tad wilted."

"Aaghhhhhhh!" Obi-Wan gasped as he struggled to pull the plant off himself.

Mace continued down the hallway, his body bent over double as he scanned the floor in front for pickles.

"Haaaah!" Obi-Wan gasped as he finally yanked the vine off his neck and took a deep breath. "Where in the world did Master Yoda get this thing? If I wouldn't know better, I'd say that Mace was right and the Sith did leave this as an offering!"

Hurrying down the hallway towards the nearest Jedi Garden, Obi-Wan was forced to stop several times to pull the unruly plant off nearby statues, a water fountain, three different young Padawans, one angry visiting Senator and two droids. He sighed with pure relief when the doors to the garden opened at his approach and he rushed through. After another fierce struggle with the greenery that seemed to hate him, he pulled the little tag out of the pot. "So, you're a shade plant are you? Well, I'll find a nice home for you here."

Picking up a trowel, Obi-Wan glanced around for a shady spot. Finding one under a large tree and near the babbling brook, he attempted to set the pot down but discovered he couldn't. "Drat thing! It's all tangled around my hands and arms! I'm practically glued to it!"

Obi-wan struggled to get free to no avail. For a young seedling it was awful strong. Obi-Wan stood under the widespread tree, his hands stuck to the potted plant. "Drat! I'm supposed to be a Jedi Knight! How can these things happen to me? That daft Yoda and his greenery! Just because he comes from a swamp…"

Standing still and feeling quite the idiot, Obi-Wan considered his options. He could either stand here forever, he could attempt to break free and possibly damage Yoda's precious plant or he could go get help. Although the third possibility seemed the wisest, what would the other Jedi think if he couldn't do a simple assignment as planting a seedling? A frown appeared on his hairy face as he imagined the rumors that would fly around. His reputation would be in the dumpster along with Yoda's broken mannequin! He felt the vine loosen and watched in amazement as it unwrapped itself.

"I'm free!" Obi-Wan shouted as he quickly put the pot down and wiped his brow in relief.

Moving what he hoped was a safe distance away; he started to dig a hole. Kneeling on the ground and digging in the soft earth was relaxing and he soon forgot about how the plant had almost strangled him. But when the hole was dug and it was time for planting, he was forced to face his demon again. Obi-Wan glared at the plant. "Now you better behave! No more trying to kill me!"

Bending over, Obi-Wan picked the pot up.

"Aahhhhhh!" He shrieked as the plant wrapped itself around his face. Blinded, Obi-Wan stumbled about until one boot landed in the hole he had dug. Loosing his balance, he fell over backward and landed in the nearby stream with a loud splash. Waving his arms about, he made odd sounds. His legs kicked, water spraying everywhere.

A young Padawan stared at Obi-Wan with huge eyes. "Does he need help?"

"No, that's just Master Kenobi." An older Jedi explained as he gently guided his young charge out of the garden. "He's always doing odd things. Whenever he gets one of his fits its best to ignore him."

"But isn't he the one training the Chosen One?"

"Yes, that's why he has fits." The Jedi hushed his young charge and the garden doors closed with an almost silent click.

Obi-Wan heaved himself up onto the bank, rolling around as he struggled with the green devil stuck to his face. Using the Force, he wrenched the seedling free. The potted plant sailed through the air and landed with a thud some distance away. The Jedi lay for a quite moment on the grassy bank, his lower body still in the water. Wearily he shoved a few strands of wet hair out of his eyes and then climbed to his feet. Glancing down, he was quite disgusted to see his nice clothes not only soaking wet but covered in mud as well. "Oh, that's just great! I'm filthy! Why can't Yoda be normal and plant daffodils?"

Sighing, Obi-Wan did what he should have done in the first place. He lifted the vine with the Force, carefully removed the plastic pot it was in and then gently lowered the root ball into the waiting hole. Using a long handled took, he patted the ground down around the vine; the vine itself contained within a Force bubble so it couldn't grab the garden tool.

"That's what I should have done right away!" Obi-Wan remarked as he placed the trowel back where he had gotten it. "Master Yoda probably wanted me to learn from this lesson; which I have. And now I'm wiser because of it."

Obi-Wan left the Jedi Garden, a wet trail of muddy water following his path down the hallway. Obi-Wan smirked, thinking of Mace. If the baldheaded Jedi Master were to come down this particular corridor before the cleaning droids came through, he'd no doubt think that the muddy trail was another Sith plot! "Master Yoda really should use more discretion of what he plants in the Garden."

To be continued…

Disclaimer: Devils Snare is not mine. It belongs to JK Rowling. I just borrowed it for this chapter, as I thought it would be funny. Hope you readers don't mind?

Author's Note: Be sure to check out my other funny story "The Emperor of Slytherin" where Emperor Palpatine attends SCHOOL!Can you imagine 80+ year-old Palpy going to school?

I'll try to post Ch 20 soon!


	20. Bacon Bandit

Pranks 20

Author's Note: Part of this chapter takes place while Obi-Wan was with the Devil's Snare in Chapter 19.

Anakin smiled as he watched Obi-Wan leave to plant the seedling. The door clicked shut and he hopped around the apartment a few times with excitement. "He really thought that message was from Yoda!"

Although the young Padawan really wanted to go watch his Master with the plant, he knew he really shouldn't. Besides, he had another prank to set up while his Master was out. An evil grin spread across his face and the boy dashed to his room. On the way back to the Temple, Anakin had stumbled across an Airspeeder dealership. Since he loved racing and fast airspeeders he had stopped to admire all the new shiny vehicles. The chrome shone in the hot sun and the smooth surfaces shone his reflection back at him. Some day he would have his own airspeeder, the fastest one ever! The dealer noticed him admiring the cars and had invited him in for a closer look; mainly because of his Padawan clothing. The easily recognizable braid and outfit sent the message that he was responsible and wouldn't cause any trouble. This amused Anakin slightly but he was thrilled! The dealership also had a tiny store that sold airspeeder related items including air fresheners one could hang in the vehicle to get that new speeder smell. Since he had a single coin left, Anakin had bought one of the air fresheners, a very special one!

Pulling the air freshener out from where he had hidden it, Anakin held it to his nose and sniffed. Even with the crinkly plastic on it the scent of bacon was overpowering. "This will really confuse poor Master!"

Giggling, Anakin skipped down the hallway merrily and went into Obi-Wan's bedroom. His blue eyes darted about the small room: computer, bed, closet, dresser, desk, a round cushion… "Now where should I hide it? I want him to smell it but not find it too easily. There must be somewhere…"

Anakin considered the possibilities. The dresser was out as that would just make his Master's cloths stink and it would be too obvious. The dresser would be the first place he would look! The closet was out as well for the same reasons. Needless to say he DID have to spend almost every hour with Obi-Wan except for classes and he didn't want to smell bacon all day. "Hmmm, Master spends lots of his time at the computer so maybe I should hide it there."

Stepping up to Obi-Wan's computer, Anakin considered how he could hide the air freshener. It was nothing but a thin piece of cardboard in the shape of a pig, a string poking from the top for hanging. Why anyone would want his or her airspeeder to smell like bacon was a total mystery to the boy but he was glad someone had made the crazy item. Who knew, maybe lots of people played bacon pranks on their friends. The computer rested on a desk and the desk was shoved against the wall. "If I move the desk maybe I can hide the smelly cardboard between the desk and wall!"

Grinning, Anakin did just that. A touch of Force power, a bit of tape and ten minutes later Anakin was done. He smiled at his handiwork, pleased. He wondered for a brief moment how Obi-Wan was getting on with the plant, then shrugged. He would find out soon enough. Leaving his Master's bedroom, Anakin returned to the living room and picked up his padd again. Like it or not, he was required to read this dull book for Intergalactic Literature. "Stupid author! Why couldn't they have put podracing or exciting lightsaber duels in here? It all talk!"

About then minutes later Obi-Wan staggered in, his clothes mud stained.

"Master! Are you all right?" Anakin asked, concerned.

"What a horrible plant!" Obi-Wan complained as he paused in the living room for a moment. "I swear that Yoda is getting senile on his old age, planting a plant like that! The drat thing almost choked me!"

"Really?" Anakin stared wide-eyed at his Master, a look of utter innocence on his face.

"YES!" Obi-Wan cried as he rubbed his slightly sore neck. "Oh, I'll be fine. There's nothing for you to worry about. It's just that plant is a menace! It kept wrapping itself around me and wouldn't let go. I'm afraid I even fell into the stream…"

"Poor Master!" Anakin said sorrowfully. "You better change out of those wet clothes."

"Yes, I had better." Obi-Wan headed to his bedroom to get a fresh outfit. Upon entering his room he paused, sniffing the air. It smelled like someone was frying bacon. Shaking his head and chuckling at the crazy thought, he removed clean clothes from his closet and hurried to the shower. A while later he emerged fresh and clean. Feeling much better, Obi-Wan returned to his bedroom. Pulling out his chair, the Jedi settled down to get some work done.

Obi-Wan sniffed the air. The scent of bacon was extremely strong. "Why am I smelling bacon?"

The Jedi paused, his hands frozen above the keyboard. Was it a phantom smell or did he really smell bacon? Standing, he left the bedroom and headed back to the living room. "Anakin, do you smell anything?"

The young Padawan had expected this question and he struggled to keep the smirk off his face. If he smiled Obi-Wan would know. Although he found it hard to control his emotions, sometimes he managed. He turned innocent blue eyes up to his Master's bearded face. "No, Master. I don't smell anything. Why?"

And it's true. He didn't smell anything in the living room!

"Because I thought I smelled bacon…"

"Bacon, Master?" Anakin asked. "But I thought you don't like bacon because it's fatty."

"Well, I don't exactly dislike it, Padawan." Obi-Wan admitted as he slowly walked around the room sniffing in various corners. "It's just a very greasy food. I don't mind the taste; it tastes quite good actually. I just don't like us to eat it very often because it's bad for our health."

Obi-Wan stopped in the middle of the room, his hands on his hips. "That's odd! I don't smell anything at all in here. And I already checked the kitchen, so I know you weren't cooking while I was out."

"You know I wouldn't do that, Master!" Anakin admitted honestly. "I've been reading this dull book for class. It's about a court case and equal alien rights and how people were tossing bricks through the lawyer's windows…"

"Ah, one of the classics!" Obi-Wan smiled.

"But it's so boring!" Anakin whined.

"But it's educational." Obi-Wan pointed out. "All aliens should have equal rights and should be treated fairly."

"Yes, I know…"

"Get back to your reading." Obi-Wan left the living room and headed back to his bedroom. "There's that smell again!"

Obi-Wan sniffed around his bedroom, bent over and nostrils flared. Discovering the smell was strongest near his computer desk, he moved the chair aside and crawled under the desk, bumping his head. "Ouch!"

Rubbing his sore head, he spotted a bit of white sticking out from between the wall and the dark wood grain of his desk. "Hmmm, I bet it's another one of Anakin's pranks!"

Using the Force, Obi-Wan gripped the white bit and pulled. The cardboard pig fell to the floor in front of him and the older Jedi grinned. So Anakin wanted to play with smells did he? Grabbing the little pig, Obi-Wan carefully crawled out from under the desk and straightened his clothing. For a tiny air freshener it had a terribly strong scent and the Jedi grimaced. In all rights he knew he should throw the thing into the nearest garbage chute but there was Master Yoda…

"What am I thinking?" Obi-Wan asked, astonished that the thought had even popped into his head. "He's on the Jedi Council! I can't go play a prank on him! That would be …"

Delightful.

"Bad Obi-Wan!" Master Kenobi shook his head fiercely but the thought was still there. He thought of Master Mace and the pickle incident. Mace hadn't known it had been him; he had thought it was the Sith. "They will think the Sith did the bacon smell, too."

"No, I must act like a proper Jedi!" Obi-Wan reprimanded. "It's one think for Anakin to play pranks. But I must set a proper example of how Jedi are to act. Jedi do not seek revenge. Even if the Master assigned you to plant a horrendous devil in the garden! I feel sorry for whatever person stumbles across that plant! In fact, I must remember NEVER to go into that particular garden again!"

Obi-Wan purposely marched up to the garbage chute, air freshener in hand. Then he paused. "Oh, what the heck. A little revenge won't send me to the Dark Side."

Time passed.

Obi-Wan snuck around the Temple unseen by other Jedi. He deposited the smelly piggy in the air vent of Yoda's quarters. Then he bought a tiny vial of the most noxious perfume he could find. It was named Desert Flower and Obi-Wan thought it was quite appropriate, as his Padawan was from a desert world. It was strong and flowery, sure to make the boy gasp for fresh air! One whiff of the stuff had his face scrunched up and yanking back from the glass vial as quickly as possible, his eyes crossed. Yes, it was noxious all right.

After supper, Anakin returned to his bedroom and crawled into bed. His nose wrinkled and his brow furrowed. What in the name of the Sith was that SMELL? "Ewww! Something stinks in here!"

Crawling out of bed, Anakin flipped the light on and started to carefully examine every inch of his room. Almost immediately it found a small wet spot on his carpet. Bending down on hands and knees, he pressed his nose close to the dark spot and sniffed.

"AAHhhhhh!" Anakin jerked backward and fell over, gasping for air. The horrible scent had shot right up his nose and was melting his brain. Or that's how it felt anyway. Crawling away from the damp spot as quickly as he could, he reached the door and palmed it open. On bare feet, he went to the tiny supply cabinet and found the can of air freshener. He had no idea of what the horrible wet spot was but he was sure the spray would kill it. Bravely Anakin marched back into his room, the can of Fresh Country Breeze in his hand. He glared angrily at the wet spot. "I got you now!"

Shaking the can vigorously, Anakin bent over and carefully sprayed the air freshener directly on the wet spot. The young Padawan laughed gleefully as he sprayed. Sure that it had worked, he stood up to admire his handiwork.

A slight frown appeared on Anakin's face.

There was a scent in his room all right but it certainly wasn't Fresh Country Breeze! The metal can fell from the boy's limp hand and Anakin gagged. The smell in his room now was worse than ever! It was sour and revolting and it was twisting his stomach! Hand over mouth, Anakin dashed out into the hall where he leaned heavily against the wall, gasping for air. Instead of making it better, he had only made it worse!

Determined to beat the smell on his own, Anakin returned to the supply cabinet. Digging around on the shelf, he pulled out a can of perfumed rug powder. He read the label and with satisfaction saw that it would remove all smells from carpets, even pet odors. "I should have used this in the first place!"

One hand over his nose and mouth, he returned to his bedroom and poured a huge pile of Melon Garden onto the stinky wet spot. In front of his eyes the white powder turned brownish as it absorbed the liquid. Faint hope appeared on his face and he cautiously lifted his hand from his nose. The first sniff made him sway on his feet, his eyes almost rolling up into his head.

"Dead Bantha! That's … that's … AAAHHHHHH!" Anakin raced from his bedroom, the Melon Garden container forgotten in his wild panic to escape. It flew through the air and landed on his bed, powder flying everywhere.

Glumly, Anakin settled on the sofa for the night. "I hope the stink will be gone by tomorrow!"

Meanwhile down in the Jedi Cafeteria:

Master Yoda glared at the cook. "Not greens I want, bacon I say!"

"I'm sorry, Master Yoda. We don't have any bacon."

"Get bacon you will!" Master Yoda ordered.

"But it's late! Supper is over…"

Yoda slammed his cane on the lunch counter. "Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! Bacon I want!"

"But you're not even supposed to eat meat!" The cook stated worriedly. "Didn't the doctors say that?"

"Boss I be! Head of Council I am! Eat bacon I will!"

"I suppose you could try dialing out for it…" the cook suggested.

Master Yoda's eyes lit up and he slowly moved over to the nearest comm on the wall. Punching in an outside number, he called up Coruscant Pizza.

"This is Coruscant Pizza. How may I help you?"

"Bacon I want." Master Yoda said.

"You want a bacon pizza? What else do you want on that?"

"Bacon!"

"So that's a double bacon pizza? Do you want cheese?"

"Bacon!" Yoda ordered.

"Ah, you want bacon-flavored cheese? Ummm, OK. I think we can do that." The pizza man sounded doubtful. "Dare I ask if you want other ingredients?"

"Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!" Yoda shouted.

"Ummm, you said 'bacon' three more times so ummm…. That brings it to five layers of bacon with bacon-flavored cheese. OK, got that! Where do you want this delivered?"

"Jedi Temple, Master Yoda." Yoda informed him.

"OK. I'll have it there in less than twenty minutes!" The man hung up the comm., shaking his head. "Hey Charlie! Better unfreeze that big slab of bacon pronto! Those weirdoes at the Temple called again! Ordered a quintuplet bacon pizza if you can believe it.."

"What size?" Charlie asked.

"Didn't say. Better make it an extra large!"

Charlie pulled out the ten-pound slab of bacon and popped it into the Insta-Unfreeze machine. "Guy better have enough credits for a triple bypass after he eats that!"

Fifteen minutes later the pizza airspeeder handed Yoda his pizza and the deliveryman made his escape before the ancient alien died from a massive coronary. Master Yoda happily settled down on the steps of the Jedi Temple and started to eat his bacon pizza.

To be continued…

Hope that was funny!

By the way, no insult intended to the makers of "Desert Flower" (that I found in my grandmother's perfume collection. I just dislike strong flowery perfumes).


	21. A Piece of Cake

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! They mean a lot to me! Since most if not all of the readers liked the Devil's Snare chapter (and slight crossover with HP) I will send Ani through the wall again in a future chapter to Knockturn Alley. Since Ani will grow up to be Lord Vader I think it more appropriate he shop Knockturn Alley than Diagon Alley. But first I need to think up another item Ani can go buy. I will NOT be planning to introduce any HP characters (just the shopkeeper – who looks suspiciously like Lucius Malfoy). But I DO need a place where Ani can buy prank stuff. Its not easy thinking up all these pranks…but I do try my best. I got the idea for chapter 21 while baking a carrot cake yesterday.

Pranks 21

Anakin fearfully approached his bedroom after spending a miserable night sleeping on the sofa. Of course, his Master had said the experience had been GOOD for him: a Jedi was expected to get a good night's sleep under any conditions. "Huh! That's easy for him to say! He slept in a bed last night. And what does he mean by any conditions?"

A wet horrible swamp came to mind, filled with buzzing and biting bugs. Or maybe sleeping in a pile of dry leaves deep within a forest, shivering with cold as bare braches waved overhead at a rising moon. Is that what Obi-Wan meant? Sleeping outdoors? "At least the great outdoors would smell better than my room!"

Anakin opened his door and poked his head in, his nose wrinkling. He quickly jerked back, a horrible expression on his face. "It still stinks!"

Worried, Anakin hurried away to find his Master. "Master, my bedroom still stinks!"

Obi-Wan lifted his blue eyes from the Coruscant Times he had been reading. "Well, you shouldn't have mixed all those different smells together. Let that be a lesson to you."

"But how can I get rid of the smell?" Anakin pleaded with sorrowful eyes. "I can't do my homework in there."

"I'm sure you'll think of something." Obi-Wan replied. "A Jedi needs to be fast-thinking and have the know-how to solve complex problems. You certainly can think up great pranks to play. Why don't you put that creativity to solving this smelly mess? I'm sure you can do it."

"I have to solve it on my own?" Anakin asked, surprised.

"As today is our day off, you don't have any classes or homework to do. So yes, I expect you to solve it on your own." Obi-Wan returned his attention to the Coruscant Times. As a Jedi he was required to keep himself informed of all the latest news and issues. "Perhaps I'll bake a cake later. Would you like that?"

"Yes." Anakin replied, not really paying attention to what his Master had said. He walked away and went to stand just outside his bedroom as he considered the problem. "Stupid Obi-Wan! It's his fault my room stinks so badly! He poured something on my floor to get even for that bacon air freshener!"

Grumbling, Anakin used the Force to open his bedroom window without entering the room. A stiff breeze blew the curtains and the boy smiled slightly. If only the breeze would blow the other way! Watching the curtains move in the wind, Anakin considered what he knew about smells. He knew that the stink molecules bonded to the fabric of the carpet, so it wasn't easy to remove them. Leaving the apartment, he went down the hall to study the contents of the much larger and better-stocked supply cabinet. He studied all the bottles of cleaning products glumly. "How do I know these thing will work?"

Opening one at random, he cautiously sniffed the liquid within. "Whew! This stuff smells almost as bad!"

Closing the bottle, he rapidly returned it to the shelf. "If I use any of these, a poison cloud might form in my bedroom! The labels warn not to mix stuff…"

He was standing inside the supply cabinet when he heard voices in the hall.

"Did you hear about Master Mace?" the voice of Shaak Ti floated to his ears.

"Yes," Kit Fisto replied. "Very unfortunate. I heard he slipped on some greasy bacon and broke his other arm. He will be in Sickbay for at least a day…"

"Do you really believe it was the Sith?" Shaak Ti inquired.

"I cannot say…" Kit Fisto honestly said.

The voices faded away and Anakin emerged from the supply cabinet. The young boy shook his head. Master Mace was becoming not only paranoid but also a total klutz! But more importantly he had learned that Mace's quarters were empty. "Perhaps I could switch carpets with him somehow…"

Anakin rubbed his chin as he considered how the dirty deed could be accomplished. An idea forming inside his slightly twisted brain, he hurried to Mace's door. Glancing up and down the hall to make certain no one was watching, he snuck with the Master Jedi's apartment. To his delight, the carpet in Mace's bedroom was the same color as his. He quickly moved to the nearest wall and studied how the carpet was attached to the floor. To his sorrow he rapidly learned it was nailed down with itty-bitty nails. "I'll never be able to switch the entire thing! Besides, I'm sure Master would notice if I try to sneak a rolled carpet past him, but maybe if I only switch PART of the carpet?"

His braining humming, Anakin moved to Mace's closet and threw the door open. He glanced down and was delighted to see the floor of the closet was carpeted as well. Rapidly removing all of Mace's boots, shoes and other assorted items from the closet's floor he whipped out his lightsaber. This required some extremely fine cutting and he hoped his hand would be steady enough; as he only wanted to slice through the thin layer of carpet and not the floor beneath. Fifteen tense moments later Anakin had a relatively small section of carpet under his arm. "Now how will I get it to my room without Obi-Wan seeing?"

He stood there for a moment, pondering. His blue eyes scanned the upper shelf in Mace's closet and a small box caught his eye. The words Cement Mix leaped out at him and he grinned. Using the Force, he called the heavy but small box down to his arms. Dropping the section of carpet, he carefully pried open the box. To his delight, the cement mixture came inside a plastic bag. "It's just like a cake mix!"

An evil snicker escaped from between his lips as he thought of a double switch.

"Master should know better than to try to prank me!"

Picking the carpet up again, he opened the doors to Mace's balcony. He would use the Force to drop down to the ground, walk around the Temple until he was underneath his open window and then Force jump up. If he were careful no one would see him. Without a second though he leaped out. Ten minutes later found him in his bedroom cutting the section of stinky carpet off his floor. He carefully made the cut the same exact size as the piece he had borrowed from Mace. Then he wisely washed the floor beneath and dried it before putting the new carpet section down. Satisfied, he stepped back to admire his handiwork. The new piece blended well and unless you looked carefully the seam where the two met was almost invisible.

Peering out, he saw that Obi-Wan still had his face stuck to the Coruscant Times. Cement mix hidden under his tunic, he dashed into the kitchen. It took only a few seconds to switch the cement mix into the cake mix box. Grabbing a can of soda from the refrigerator, he went back to his room, the cake mix now hidden within his tunic. Popping open the can, he took a long cold sip. Then he grabbed the section of stinky rug and jumped out his window. A short time later he returned to his bedroom again. The carpet was safely tucked away in Mace's closet, the cake mix inside the cement box and Mace's boots and stuff back in his closet. Picking up his soda, Anakin took another swallow. "I'm really brilliant!"

Stretching, Obi-Wan stood up from the sofa and headed into the kitchen. "I think I'll bake that cake now…"

Time passed.

"Drat cake!" Obi-Wan cried as he attempted to stick the pointed tip of a knife between the cake and edge of the pan. "Thing is hard like a rock! I followed the instructions…"

Giving up on the knife, he gripped the cake pan and slammed it down as hard as he could on the tabletop. After doing this several times, the hard square of cake came loose and fell with a thud onto Obi-Wan's foot.

"OOOWWWWW!" Obi-Wan cried as he hopped around the kitchen on one foot. After the pain faded, he picked up the cement square and carefully examined it. 'This is the worst cake I ever saw! Drat thing really IS as hard as a rock!"

Outside, Master Mace sat on a bench; both of his arms were in white slings. He had been released from Sickbay with a strong warning to be more careful. Thanks to modern medicine both arms would be healed within a few days … IF … he didn't slip on more pickles or bits of bacon. For some odd reason the doctor didn't seem to believe his Sith stories and had accused him of being an extremely sloppy eater. "Stupid doctor! What does he know of Sith activity? Nothing! I'm the one on the Jedi Council! These have been serious assassination attempts on my life by the Sith!"

Even with busted arms Mace wanted to be useful, so he had retrieved the box of cement mix from his closet shelf using the Force, his nose wrinkling at some awful stench within his closet. "The Sith were messing with my closet now! They are trying to poison me with deadly fumes!"

The cement mix floating before him, Mace had gone outside to repair the damage to the Temple from the jackhammer. He had decided to worry about the poison fumes later; as it was a hot day and perfect for the drying of cement. Using the Force, he had opened the box, poured the mix into a container, gotten water and a trowel to mix it, mixed it and carefully applied it to the damaged side of the building. Just because he was on the Jedi Council did not mean he couldn't do small menial tasks. Sitting on the bench near the drying cement, he stared at it with a slightly puzzled look on his face. "Why does the cement smell spicy? And what are those orange specs in it?"

Mace pondered the mystery.

A flock of hungry large black birds landed before the startled Jedi Master and started to eat the still wet cement.

"Shoo! Shoo!" Mace cried as he leaped up from the bench and started to run toward the birds. He flapped his broken arms what little he could. With both arms in slings, he looked very much like a chicken flapping its wings. "Stop eating my cement!"

The birds scattered into the air, loud caws of protest issuing from their beaks.

Satisfied the birds had been scared off, Mace returned to his bench. The moment he sat down, the hungry crows were back. Eagerly they pecked at the wet cement which unknown to Mace was really a carrot cake mix. Mace leaped up a second time and charged at the thieving avians. "Shoo! Go eat someone else's cement!"

The birds gone a second time, Mace scowled up at the large flock circling overhead. "I will just have to stand here until it dries."

Hours passed and Mace carefully bent over to examine the cement's progress. To his dismay it was as wet as when he had mixed it. "Stupid cement! It's not drying at all!"

His stomach rumbled loudly and Master Mace licked his lips. "Hmmm, I smell carrot cake. Wonder who's baking it? Maybe I can go mooch a slice off them…."

To be continued…

Hope that was funny!


	22. A Visit From Palpatine

Someone asked how old Ani was in this story. Well, he's about 12 or 13 so he's still quite young. I figure he's been at the Jedi Temple for about a year and he has rapidly caught up in his studies with the other students. He IS a fast learner, you know! And to the reviewer who said that Palpatine with the jackhammer was the best: I agree! It'll be near impossible to beat THAT but I will try…Thanks again for all the great reviews!

Pranks 22

Supreme Chancellor Palpatine strolled down one of the long glistening corridors of the Jedi Temple. He had been called there to attend a meeting with the Jedi Council about serious Sith activity in the past few days. To say the man was totally bewildered was an understatement. He was the Sith Master and there had been no such activity that he had been aware of, so what in the Force was going on? Palpatine finally reached the desired room and entered, his long formal robes flowing behind him. He forced a sweet and caring expression onto his face to help his innocent reputation. The last thing he wanted was for the Jedi fools to find out who he really was…

The large room was painted white to represent the goodness of the Jedi. In the center of the room there was a large table with several figures seated around it. All the members of the Jedi Council were there, including Masters Mace and Yoda. One entire wall of the room was an immense window showing the breathtaking view of Coruscant. Airspeeders moved between the towering buildings in various traffic lanes, the sky slowly fading from the pink of early morning to light blue as the sun rose higher.

"You're here! Great." Master Mace said as he jumped to his feet upon seeing the elderly man come into the room. Both of his arms were fully healed now and he was dressed in his normal dark brown robes.

Palpatine moved to an empty chair and carefully lowered himself into it. "What is this about Sith activity? I was not aware that another Sith has surfaced. Has there been an attack?"

"There has been several." Mace informed him, his voice serious. "The Sith have been trying to kill me for the past week!"

Palpatine's eyes widened in shock as a wrinkled hand flew to his mouth. "Oh my! But how could a Sith get into the Temple?"

"Deceitful they are." Yoda stated.

"These are serious accusations, Master Mace." Palpatine continued, his face lined with worry. "Please tell me what the Sith have done to you. I cannot express how troubling this news is to me, to learn that they have attacked you here in the very heart of the Republic. You must tell me everything!"

"Tell you must!" Yoda agreed.

"I give you Exhibit A!" Mace exclaimed loudly as he slammed the rubber pickle down onto the tabletop. "A Sith unknown snuck into the Temple and left this evil Sith Pickle outside my door. After knocking on my door, the Sith fled. I opened the door, stepped out and not seeing the Sith Pickle, fell when my boot stepped on it. My arm was broken in this foul assassination attempt!"

Palpatine stared at the rubber pickle in utter shock. Surely the man was not serious? But a quick glance at Mace's face confirmed that he was serious.

"Evil that pickle is." Yoda nodded, agreeing with Master Mace.

The other Jedi Masters had odd expressions on their faces. A few appeared embarrassed, some seemed to be stifling laughter while others gazed up at the ceiling utterly bored. One even stared dreamily out the window. Palpatine took this all in with a quick glance, reading everyone's mood in an instant. The real power of the Council rested with Mace and Yoda. Since these two considered the pickle a dire threat … A PICKLE! … he would have to take it seriously as well. Palpatine cleared his throat, and then spoke. "But how do we know this pickle was left by a Sith? Surely some Jedi might have dropped it there accidentally?"

"Because," Mace replied as he stooped to reach into a large box that rested on the floor next to the table. "There have been other incidents!"

Palpatine sighed quietly. It was going to be one of THOSE meetings…

"I present Exhibit B!" With flourish, Master Mace placed a plate of some unidentifiable sludge on the table. It was dark brown with orange specks and quite lumpy.

Palpatine's eyes bulged slightly at the unexpected sight. He leaned forward slightly as he gawked at the goop on the plate. It appeared to be wet and nasty, a strange odor wafting off it. "What in the galaxy IS that?"

"That is my cement mix!" Mace replied matter-of-factly. "As you can see, it's been tampered with. It never hardened. I was forced to scrape it off the side of the building as it was attracting all sorts of vermin! Clearly it's another sinister Sith plot!"

Palpatine leaned closer to the brown sludge as the Sith Master tried to determine exactly what the stuff was. There were a few specks of green; most likely mold. And that scent was decay and rot. And those moving white things… the Supreme Chancellor quickly yanked his face away from the disgusting exhibit. "But is that evidence of the Sith? I mean, have you SEEN a Sith?"

"This Sith is clever and diabolical!" Mace loudly exclaimed as he waved his healed arms around in the air for emphasis. "He sneaks about invisible to all while committing horrible crimes! Look what he did to my cement!"

"That doesn't look like cement to me at all…" Palpatine dryly remarked. "I would say its organic matter. Did you have it tested?"

"Of course I had it tested!" Mace cried. "I'm not stupid, you know!"

"And?" Palpatine urged the baldheaded Jedi Master to continue. "What did they say?"

"That is was mainly flour with specks of vegetable matter." Mace answered honestly.

"That hardly sounds sinister…" Palpatine commented. The Sith Master couldn't believe he was actually discussing suspected Sith activity that involved FLOUR and PICKLES! It was a shame what the galaxy was coming to these days. This just proved they needed a firm hand to take control before the madness spread.

'But it is!" Mace insisted as he waved his hands about some more. "To be able to turn cement into a flour mixture… now there's real power!"

"Yes! Powerful it is! Buildings be ruined they be! Turn to mush they will!" Yoda said from his seat at the table.

Palpatine groaned silently. He was almost scared to ask if they had any more proof of so-called Sith activity. "Were there any more incidents?"

"Yes!" Master Mace cried. "The Sith attempted to poison me!"

"Really?" Palpatine leaned forward with interest, his hope rising.

Bending down again, Mace retrieved a large roll of carpet from the box and unfurled it, slapping it down onto the center of the table. A horrendous stench immediately filled the room, causing all the assembled Jedi to slap a hand across their noses. Palpatine gagged as the stink filled his delicate nose, his eyes watering from the awful fumes.

"I present Exhibit C!" Mace shouted, two fingers clenching his nostrils shut. "The Sith left this in my closet the other day. It's clear they hoped the poisonous fumes would kill me, but I was wise and prevailed!"

Palpatine's pale and wrinkled face started to take on a greenish tint. The stench on the carpet was truly ghastly. His stomach twisted and tumbled wildly as a cement mixer and he truly felt ill. Attempting to ignore his upset stomach, he clung to the dignity of his office. "Surely the Sith prefer more direct forms of attack; lightsabers and such…? Perhaps someone accidentally spilled something on it?"

"That was the OLD Sith! This is the NEW Sith we're dealing with!" Mace explained as he glared at the piece of carpet. "A really twisted mind did this one…"

"Twisted!" Yoda agreed.

"We need a plan to do something about these new Sith attacks…" Mace commented as he eyed the box on the floor.

Palpatine noticed the movement of Mace's chocolate eyes and the green tinge to his face deepened. "Is … is there anything … else?"

Pray to the Force that was the last item!

But it was not to be so. Mace bent and pulled a glass bottle from the box at his feet. Unscrewing the cover, he upended it over the table. A single piece of bacon tumbled out. "I give you Exhibit D! The Evil Sith Bacon!"

A stink worst than the carpet filled the room, for the bacon piece was now rotten and spoiled. It was black and green and covered in a thick layer of slime.

Mace stood triumphantly at the head of the table, one arm up in the air while the other was busy attaching a gas mask to his face.

CLUNK! The chairs belonging to the other Jedi Council members (except Yoda) tipped over backward as they passed out at the same exact moment. Unfortunately for them, Mace had neglected to tell them the need for gas masks at the meeting.

Yoda had also brought a gas mask but it was hopelessly tangled around his large ears. The little alien struggled with the unfamiliar device until he lost his balance and fell off his cushion. He rolled underneath the table and passed out.

Palpatine gasped for breath, a horrified expression on his face. Stomach leaping upward in his throat, he made a wild dash for the safety of the hallway.

Safe in the hallway with the door to the stink room firmly closed behind him, he leaned against the wall with one hand on his throat; his chest heaving. "Drat Jedi! They're trying to kill me!"

With one hand on the wall for balance, he hurried away as quickly as he could. What he needed was fresh air. There was a garden just ahead and Palpatine decided to visit it. He pushed the doors open and limped inside. Breathing deeply the rich air, he closed his eyes and simply enjoyed the fresh air that smelled of green life. After several long moments he felt his body relax and his stomach settle. The Jedi used these oases of green to meditate and find their center, their oneness with the Force. Opening his eyes, he was pleased to see the place seemed deserted. A winding path led deeper into the garden and the Sith Master decided to follow it.

Palpatine glanced at the familiar plants around him as he continued to follow the trail. The simple stone benches were empty and he idly wondered why. A brook bubbled nearby and the Sith Lord decided to seek it out. He enjoyed stepping off the path onto the Jedi's precious grass as he headed for the tiny but swift stream. A strange plant under a tree caught his eye and he paused, thinking. Deciding to take a closer look, Palpatine headed for it. He had never seen such a vine before and he wanted a closer look at it. The plant seemed to call to him…

The Devil's Snare had grown quickly since Obi-Wan had planted it in the rich soil. It greedily sucked water from the nearby stream and sent its long roots out through the soil in search of food. A large sack of fertilizer had been carelessly left nearby and the roots had tunneled right into the sack, feeding like crazy. From a young seedling it had grown to be waist high, the vines thick as a sausage.

Palpatine stopped in front of the vine and bent over at the waist so he could see it better. "I wonder what planet you came from?"

The vine leaped out and grabbed him, squeezing.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Palpatine screamed in terror and shock as the plant gripped him tightly. More vine tendrils reached for the squirming man and wrapped themselves around him.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

To be continued…

Ani will be back in the next chapter!


	23. The Return of Darth Maul!

Thanks again for all the great reviews! Lots of the different pranks seem to be coming together lately with hilarious results! And like I said, Ani is back in this chapter.

Pranks 23

Anakin rested comfortably in his bedroom, a satisfied grin on his face. Not only had he solved the problem of his stinky carpet but he had played a great prank on his Master as well. Best of all, Obi-Wan hadn't even realized he had been pranked! The usually serious Jedi had thought the cake mix had been defective; his usual explanation for things he didn't understand. Sitting up in bed, Anakin reached for the plate of chocolate cake next to him. Being set on having cake, Obi-Wan had baked a second batch and this one had turned out wonderfully. After allowing it to cool, Obi-Wan had covered it in rich gooey chocolate frosting and then declared himself an expert baker. Stabbing a piece of soft cake with his fork, the boy smiled. Sometimes it was so easy to make his Master happy!

The delicious taste of chocolate in his mouth, Anakin turned his mind to more important things. He had heard of the Jedi Council meeting with Palpatine yesterday and couldn't help giggling. "How can Mace really think that a Sith is doing all those things? Why would a Sith bother with pickles or pouring stink onto a carpet?"

Anakin thought back to the real Sith he had meet about a year or so ago. Darth Maul had been scary, no, terrifying! He had moved with the grace of a dancer as he spun around with that superb double-bladed lightsaber. In all his life Anakin had never seen anyone move like that. The alien had been a virtual whirlwind. And like a proper Sith he had been out to kill people, not play pranks. Maul had even almost run him over before he had reached the ship that was to take him off Tatooine.

And now Master Mace thought the Sith were back trying to kill him.

"Too bad I can't conjure a Sith for poor Master Mace. It would make him so happy to have someone to point at…"

Anakin stuck another piece of chocolate cake into his mouth, pondering the possibilities. His mind drifted back to that odd shop he had bought the plant from. Without a doubt it had been the most bizarre store he had ever visited and coming from Tatooine that said a lot. There had been dozens of freaky looking skulls in dusty glass cases, a few even sprouting horns. Anakin shot bolt upright in bed as he suddenly realized that Maul had sported horns as well. A wicked grin spread over his face as he thought how he could scare Master Mace. "It's been a long time since I did a scary prank…"

And scary pranks, as everyone knew, were the absolute best!

But then his hopes sank as he realized he didn't have any money. And that grim storekeeper with the watchful gray eyes certainly wouldn't give him a skull for free. But maybe he could trade for it? Bartering had been acceptable on Tatooine when two people had a thing the other wanted. Maybe the man would accept something, but what? The cake forgotten, Anakin leaped off his bed and rushed into the kitchen. He blue eyes fell on the slab of cement that still rested inside the wastebasket. Feeling it was better than nothing, the boy retrieved it and carried it back to his room. Laying it down on his desk, Anakin stared at it as he willed a brilliant plan to come to his mind. "If only I can make it freaky somehow!"

Unfortunately, it was just a squarish hunk of cement that had been baked in the oven with no frightening qualities at all. It was clear to Anakin the man favored scary stuff. "Well, I'll just have to make it scary then! I'll scam him so I can get one of those skulls!"

After much deep thought, Anakin picked up his lightsaber and used the controls to narrow the beam until it was incredibly thin. He used it to make a hole in the block's center. Retrieving parts from a box he kept in the corner for making droids, he quickly assembled the basic holovision generator. The thing was small enough to fit neatly into the hole he had made. Next he needed an image so he went to his computer to see what was available. After searching around, he finally settled on one of the recent newsreels on Palpatine. The Supreme Chancellor was angry and screaming at the man taking his picture. That had been during the stalled airspeeder incident. The old man looked a tad scary, his face all dried and wrinkled. Working quickly, Anakin clipped the holovision so it only focused on Palpatine's face and head. He then installed the image into the generator he had assembled and secured it inside the cement square. Flipping it on, he was quite pleased with his work, as it now looked as if Palpatine was an evil ghost stuck inside the cement block! The sound, of course, had been removed so the Supreme Chancellor's mouth opened in silent screams. The block tucked under his arm, Anakin left the apartment and snuck off the Temple grounds.

A short time later he was once again strolling the odd street, the passerby's in black giving him odd glances. His lightly colored Jedi clothing stood out here like a dove among crows, not to mention his short, neat hairstyle with the Padawan braid brushing one shoulder. A sign on a street post caught his eye and he glanced up at it. "Knockturn Alley, so that's where I am. I wonder what planet this is…"

Spotting the store, Anakin pushed the door open and stepped within, a bell jingling overhead. Like last time, the store was dusty and grimy. Creepy skulls watched him from hollow sockets within dirt-smeared glass cases and he eagerly began to examine each one. He had been sure there had been one with a pair of short pointed horns. His blue eyes darting about, he spotted it over in the next isle.

"So, you have returned." A voice said.

Turning, Anakin saw the same man from last time. Somehow he seemed out-of-place behind the counter of a grubby store. Like the others strolling Knockturn Alley, he was dressed in black but the material seemed far finer and more costly. Silver bits decorated his clothing and Anakin had seen enough aristocrats on Coruscant to recognize one on sight from their bearing and manner of speech. Long, snowy white hair fell smoothly past his shoulders and the intense gaze of his blue eyes seemed they wanted to probe deep into the young boy's heart. Unfrightened, Anakin approached the counter. "Yes, I'm back."

"And you are?" The man asked, curious. The show of wandless magic last time had impressed the Pureblood wizard and he had hoped on seeing the child again. Not only had the levitation of the plant been wandless but wordless as well. Then there had been the ease of which the young child had done it, as if it were an everyday thing! And so he had hung around the disgusting store in Knockturn Alley in case the boy returned.

"Anakin Skywalker." Anakin replied. Lifting the block of baked cement, the holovision turned on, he carefully placed it onto the counter. "I thought perhaps we could do an exchange…"

Lucius eyed the cement with the screaming ghostly blue face coming out of it. He had never seen such an item before. Although ghosts were quite common sights to wizards (Hogwarts itself was haunted) he had never seen a trapped spirit before.

Anakin noticed the glint of interest in the other's eye and smiled inside. Careful to keep his face perfectly straight, he added more bait to the trap. "It's the spirit of an evil man named Palpatine. He's a Sith Master … or he was before his demise. A man by the name of Qui-Gon Jinn trapped him in that block and now he can't get out. I thought perhaps you might be interested in it?"

Lucius, knowing little if nothing of technology from his own world – not to mention the far advanced technology of the Republic, nodded. "This is quite a rare item, young Skywalker. Are you sure you wish to part with it?"

"I'd like to exchange it for that horned skull." Anakin pointed to the desired skull within the dusty case. It sported horns very similar to the ones Maul had had and this pleased Anakin greatly.

"This item is far more valuable than the skull of a deformed house elf," Lucius replied as he went to unlock the glass case in question. "But if you wish it, then it's yours."

Lucius handed the skull to the boy, and then gave him some gold coins as well. Reaching behind the counter, the wizard presented him with a little basket filled with chocolate frogs. "For your sweet tooth. And do come again."

Happy, Anakin left the store with his pocket full of coins, a basket of chocolate and the skull. A safe distance away, the young boy busted out laughing. He had scammed the guy!

Inside the store, Lucius was quick to put the screaming piece of cement inside of a glass case surrounded by dozens of powerful wards and spells. The last thing he wanted was for someone to steal the most valuable item in the store!

Back in his apartment, Anakin prepared the skull for the coming night. He hid a repulsorlift inside it so it would hover at about head height, and then added a voice chip as well. It was a simple matter to change his voice so it sounded sinister and creepy. A black hooded robe was the final piece. "This is going to be so cool! I can't wait!"

Hours passed and the sun sunk below the horizon. Master Mace had been sound asleep in bed when a voice in his room had awoken him.

"Maaaacccceeeee!" The creepy voice called. "Maaacceee!"

Mace bolted upright, his eyes staring in shock at the figure that hovered near his bed. The creature's face was a hideous skull with glowing red eyes!

"Maaccceee, it is I, Darth Maul, back from the grave to kill you!" The floating skull cried.

"Aaaaahhhhh!" Mace shrieked in terror. Jedi training forgotten, Mace relied on instinct and transformed into his werewolf form. Growling and snarling, he leaped onto the ghostly figure and knocked it to the floor of his bedroom. He instantly started to gnaw on the skull. Werewolves were after all, related to other canines that loved to chew bones. In this respect Mace was no different and he fiercely gnawed on the horned skull. The voice chip disappeared down his throat and the Jedi Master failed to notice.

Morning found Mace running around the hallway in a panic, his arms waving about in the air. "Help! Help! I'm possessed by Darth Maul! Somebody DO SOMETHING!"

The computer chip inside Mace's stomach continued to squawk.

"Maaaacceeee! Maacceeeee! I came back from the grrraaaaavvveeeeee for yooouuuuuu! I will get yooouuuuu!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!"

To be continued…

Hope that was funny!

Hopefully the part where Ani scammed Lucius was humorous as well.

Disclaimer: Lucius is not mine. He, the dark wizard store and Knockturn Alley belong to Rowling.


	24. The Exorcism!

Sorry I didn't update anything yesterday, but I went to see Episode 3!

Pranks 24

Anakin crept through the long empty corridor of the Jedi Temple, his mind on more mischief. He had heard how Master Mace had been hauled away kicking and screaming to the Medical Section and he was determined to watch how his prank would come out. The word in the Temple was that the poor Jedi Master was possessed by the Sith, Darth Maul. The Younglings were all securely locked up in their shared dormitories, terrified that the deceased Sith would get them next. It was all really stupid really and Anakin couldn't believe how quickly they had all fallen for the entire thing! How could the Council be so stupid? Hadn't anyone ever swollen a voice chip before?

As quite as an Alderaan eel, Anakin slipped into the Medical ward. Excited voices floated out of one of the closed rooms and the young Padawan knew that's where the action would take place. The room directly next to Mace's was empty and the boy dashed inside, closing the door. It only took a few seconds to make a peephole with his lightsaber, the voices inside too loud to hear the slight hum of the energy blade. Pressing a blue eye to the already cool opening, he watched with rapt attention.

Several people were in the room. Master Mace moaned on the bed, one hand clutching his stomach. Master Yoda stood next to the bed, his eyes filled with concern. Supreme Chancellor Palpatine stood in the room, a confused look on his elderly face. The fourth person was Obi-Wan, who also looked baffled.

"Master Yoda," Obi-Wan said as he gazed at Mace with worry. "Why have you called me here?"

"Help in exorcism you will." Yoda replied matter-of-factly.

"Exorcism?" Obi-Wan repeated, shocked. His lower jaw dropped open in utter surprise.

"Surely you can't be serious!" Palpatine stated. "This is all nonsense! First you called me to that meeting about pickles and flour, and now an exorcism! The Jedi Council is getting out of control. Where is the rationality that you're renown for?"

"Serious this is." Yoda stated as he shifted his eyes to Master Mace on the bed.

"Maaacccccceeeee! Maaaacccceeeeeee!" The voice wailed from Mace's stomach. "I will get youuuuuuuuuuu! The Sith will ruuuullllllleeeeeee and you will be no moooorrrrreeeeeee!"

Palpatine clamped a hand over his mouth in horror.

Obi-Wan gulped. "Master Yoda, surely someone on the Council would be a better choice than I…."

"Trained you have been." Yoda replied as he locked his gaze with Obi-Wan. "Trust you I do. Do fine you will."

"But an exorcism!" Obi-Wan objected, still not believing what he was hearing.

"This can't be real!" Palpatine protested, the only voice of common sense in the room. "Dead Sith don't come back. There must be some other explanation for this…."

"MAHAHAHAHAHA!" The voice in Mace's stomach laughed evilly.

Mace groaned loudly, both hands clutching his stomach now. "I want that Sith out of me! I don't care what you have to do! Just do it before he takes over my mind as well! I can feel his oily tendrils prying into my brain!"

"Oh my!" Palpatine cried, face pale. "Master Yoda, I besiege you to do something! We cannot have Master Mace become a Sith. Why, that would be horrible! Yes, utterly horrible! You must perform the exorcism at once! Where ever did you learn to do one?"

"Saw on news I did." Yoda said.

"The news?" Palpatine gasped. "Surly they don't teach exorcisms on the news?"

"Saw on twenty-four hour news channel I did." Yoda replied as he gazed up at the two humans. "Called Showtime it is. Was on at two AM it was. Also saw terrible tragedy of giant fire-breathing lizard destroy city. Awful it was. Stepped on buildings with huge feet it did."

"That's not a news channel!" Palpatine cried, aghast. "You've been watching bad holovisions!"

"NEWS, it is! Boss I be! Do exorcism we will!" Yoda insisted.

"But I'm the Supreme Chancellor!" Palpatine glared at Yoda, sick of the foolishness. "You must listen to me!"

Obi-Wan stared from Yoda to Palpatine as they argued.

On the other side of the wall, Anakin snickered as he pulled something from his pocket. It was another of the tiny anti-gravity chips that made things float in the air. He had used one on the skull with great success. Carefully pouring some quick drying super glue onto the tiny chip, he used the Force to float it through the peephole. The adults were all busy and no one noticed the chip float through the air and attach itself to the bottom of Mace's boot. With a simple Force-trust, Anakin turned the device on. Palpatine didn't believe in possession, huh? The boy snickered and he quickly covered his mouth with his hand.

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Mace cried as his lower body floated up into the air. "HELP! MAUL IS DOING SOMETHING TO ME!"

Palpatine stopped arguing with Yoda and stared dumbstruck at the floating Jedi. "This … this can't be!"

"Getting worse it is." Yoda frowned, his green ears hanging downward in sadness. "Stronger Maul has grown."

"Maaaccccceeeeeee! Maaaaaaccccceeeeeeeeee!" The voice called loudly. "The end is neeeaaaarrrrrrrrr!"

"Master Yoda!" Obi-Wan interjected, his startled blue eyes on Mace. The Jedi Master hung upside-down now in the air.

Anakin stretched out with the Force and gave the device on Mace's boot a little shove, immediately the baldheaded Jedi begun to spin around in a circle. He clamped both hands over his mouth and his body quivered with laughter. They were all falling for it, even Palpatine!

"We must perform the exorcism!" Obi-Wan insisted as he looked to the little green alien for guidance. "How do we do it?"

"Be brave we must!" Yoda stated as he moved closer to Mace's bed. "Hold hands we will."

Obi-Wan and Palpatine stooped to hold hands with the tiny Jedi Master.

"Maul, leave the body of this Jedi you will!" Yoda ordered.

Mace spun around faster.

"Leave this Jedi alone you will!"

Mace spun faster and faster, his dark skinned face growing green from spinning too quickly.

"Evil spirit, BE GONE!" Yoda cried loudly.

The chip in Mace's stomach died, finally dissolved from his boiling and totally upset stomach acid. At the same exact moment the glue on the ant-gravity chip gave way and the chip flew up to the ceiling. Master Mace collapsed onto the bed and promptly threw up. Unfortunately for Palpatine, he was in the wrong spot and most of the vomit landed on his fine robes.

"What an outrage!" Palpatine cried, horrified.

"Cured, he is." Yoda declared happily. "The spirit of Maul has been defeated! Victorious we are!"

"What a learning experience." Obi-Wan commented. "I had no idea dead Sith could actually possess anyone. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes…"

"I'm leaving!" Palpatine cried as he angrily stormed out of the room. "First that horrid plant and now this! I'd swear those Jedi are out to get me…"

Anakin snickered. After Palpatine had left, the boy snuck out of the medical section and headed back to his apartment. He had to get there before Obi-Wan so he could pretend innocence.

To be continued…

I will try to work Dooku into a future prank!


	25. Ratite Rodeo

And so the madness continues…

Pranks 25

"Stupid Jedi!" Muttered Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. The Sith Master rested in a comfortable black swivel chair in his private palace that no one knew he owned. It was his Sith Headquarters and where he loved to plot all of his brilliant schemes. "How dare they treat me like an idiot! Flour and pickles…. How ridiculous! And that Mace had the nerve to puke on my robes! I spent a fortune on them! That stench might not ever come out…."

Palpatine's face twisted in anger and his eyes turned reddish. He glared at a nearby trashcan of tabloids where he was prominently featured on the front page in numerous embarrassing situations, the latest being when he had emerged from the Temple wrapped in that awful vine. His face had been scratched and bleeding, the vine having tough woody stems. The Jedi's plant had nearly killed him! Only his Sith Lightning had saved him – even if he slightly fried himself as well. Good thing the room had been empty of those goody-goody Jedi or someone might have seen. As it was, he had broke part of the plant off and had been forced to hop all the way to his airspeeder with his arms and legs tightly bound together by the green vine. And that drat reporter had been waiting outside again, his camera ready! His anger increasing, the tabloids in the trashcan abruptly burst into flame.

"I will get revenge on the Jedi!" Palpatine vowed as he watched dark smoke rise from the burning paper. Picking up his comm., he called his loyal servant. "I have another job for you at the Temple."

"Yes, Master. What is your bidding?"

"Tonight I want you to release an Osemuda Bird into the Temple. One should be more than enough. I don't care how much the bird costs. Just get one."

"Yes, Master. Your wish is my command."

Satisfied, Palpatine hung up. Then he started to laugh.

Time passed and that night the loyal servant delivered the bird with great difficulty. Under the cover of night he slunk off to go repair his injuries.

"HONK! HONK!"

Anakin bolted upright in bed, his heart pounding in his chest. What in the Force had been that awful racket?

"HONK HONBK!"

Crawling out of bed, he raced from his bedroom. Obi-Wan was already awake and heading towards the apartment door. The boy quickly joined him. His Master opened the door and the two stepped out into the hall. It was extremely early and Anakin judged that the sun must have just been rising. Mace's door stood open as well, the baldheaded Jedi glancing up and down the hall in his nightshirt.

"What was that odd sound?" Obi-Wan asked.

"I don't know." Mace admitted.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"That sounds like Master Yoda!" Obi-Wan exclaimed as he automatically reached for his lightsaber only to discover it wasn't there. He glanced down and realized he was still wearing his pajamas! Worse, they were the ones with cartoon Ewoks on them! Obi-Wan's face grew red with embarrassment as he realized Mace was staring at them! But then Obi-Wan's blue eyes drifted lower to Mace's hairy, Wookie-like legs!

The petite Jedi Master came racing down the hallway shrieking like a woman, a ten-foot tall two-legged bird after him. The bird ran easily on strong, well-muscled long legs. It had a large body covered in bright orange feathers. A tiny head rested atop a long black neck. A thick crest of fine yellow feathers stuck up from the bird's head and its sharp beak was the same exact shade of yellow. It had large black eyes framed by amazingly long black lashes. The talons on the tip of each toe was curved and wicked sharp, the very tips digging into the smooth floor to help propel it forward. The bird snapped its head forward and pecked Yoda on the head.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Yoda ran, his hands trying to cover his balding head from the bird. The Jedi Master wore only a simple eggshell color nightshirt that stopped at mid-thigh.

"It's an Osemuda Bird!" cried Master Mace. "Yoda must have been sleeping with his door wide open again!"

The Osemuda Bird snapped its head forward and caught one of Yoda's big ears in its beak. It then proceeded to snap its head this way and that fiercely. Yoda was tossed about roughly.

""I'll go get my lightsaber!" Obi-Wan darted back into his apartment.

"I'll save him!" Anakin boldly cried as he dashed towards the bird.

"NO!" Mace ordered. "Anakin, it's too dangerous!"

Just at that moment Yoda's ear slipped free of the bird and he went flying against a wall, striking it with a loud thud.

Anakin hopped onto the back of the giant bird and wrapped his arms around its long snake-like neck. "I caught it! I caught it!"

"HONK! HONBK HONBK!" The Osemuda bird took off down the long corridor at what seemed close to podracing speed.

"Anakin! Come back here!" Obi-Wan cried as he emerged from their apartment with his lightsaber in hand and rapidly took off down the hallway as quickly as he could. "Stop podracing on that bird!"

The Osemuda bird flapped its flightless wings and ran even faster honking as loudly as it could.

Kit Fisto heard the loud honking and emerged from his room sleepily. His eyes widened as he spotted the enormous bird coming right at him. "Aahhhhhhh!"

The bird knocked the Jedi down, stepped on his chest and kept going.

"Sorry Kit!" Anakin called from the back of the bird.

Kit rubbed his sore chest and started to sit up only to have Obi-Wan step on him and flatten him down again.

"Sorry! Didn't see you there!" Obi-Wan called as he raced after the bird and his Padawan.

"Uggh." Kit moaned, his chest really starting to hurt now. He slowly sat up and cried in terror when he saw a hairy-legged Master Mace running at him with his purple lightsaber. The Jedi Master had a crazed look in his dark eyes. Perhaps he was still possessed by Sith? The alien scrambled to his feet and started to run after Obi-Wan. Running away from Mace and his purple lightsaber seemed a very wise idea…

"That's it!" Mace called from behind Kit. "That Osemuda Bird has kidnapped the Chosen One!"

Kit ran even faster as he sensed Mace was gaining on him. He quickly passed Obi-Wan up and soon found himself running alongside the giant bird.

Anakin glanced at Kit from his perch on the bird's back. He felt extremely itchy for some reason but he didn't dare let go of the fast-moving bird. "Do you know anything about these birds?"

"YES!" Kit shouted as he raced alongside. "THEY'RE LOADED WITH FLEAS!"

"Fleas!" Anakin cried in terror. He glanced down at his arm and saw it was just covered in tiny, black swarming things. "Nooooooooooooooooo!"

"YES!" Kit shouted. "AND THEY'RE EXTREMLY MESSY!"

The Osemuda Bird flapped its wings and flea covered orange feathers drifted all over the long corridor. They landed in Obi-Wan's hair and stuck to his pajamas.

Then the bird had an 'accident' on the floor; a large spreading white puddle.

"Ewwwwww!" Anakin wrinkled his nose in disgust as the smell hit him.

Obi-Wan leaped over the puddle and continued after the bird.

Master Mace also leaped over the puddle and raced on with his purple lightsaber.

Jedi Master Yarael Poof emerged from his quarters and promptly fell down in the puddle that was directly outside his room. Yarael Poof cried in utter disgust and angrily shook a pale green fist at Mace's retreating back. "Drat Sith!"

To Anakin's horror, a dead-end was directly ahead! There was a turbolift there but the doors were closed…

The doors began to slide open to reveal Jedi Master Ki-Adi-Mundi. The Cerean's eyes widened in shock and he held up both hands, backing up against the lift's far wall. The Osemuda Bird slammed into him, flattening him. Anakin clung with all his strength to the bird's neck. Then Obi-Wan collided into the giant bird from behind. Kit ran into the lift as well.

"Oooffff!" groaned Ki-Adi-Mundi as he was further squished.

"HONK! HONK! HONBK HONBK!" The Osemuda Bird shrieked in protest.

"That's it!" Mace cried as he stopped outside the lift. "Grab it! Don't let it get away!"

The bird spotted the white hair on Ki-Adi-Mundi's tall domed head and promptly snapped up a big beak full.

"Aahhhhhhhhhh!" Ki-Adi-Mundi shriek in pain as the bird yanked on the soft nesting material it had found. "Let go of my hair!"

Obi-Wan attempted to crawl up onto the bird's back in the limited space. The bird shifted sideways and he yelped as it stepped on his bare foot. "My foot!"

Anakin crawled out onto the bird's long neck and started to pound on the creature's head with his fist.

Kit wrapped his arms around the bird's neck and hung on bravely as fleas crawled all over him.

After a great struggle in the confined area of the lift, the four adults managed to restrain the Osemuda Bird and Anakin could jump down to the floor. To his dismay, his skin was covered in what seemed to be hundreds of tiny red insect bites! And they itched like crazy!

Back in his palace, Palpatine laughed evilly. He had outsmarted the Jedi and achieved his revenge!

To be continued…

Author's Note: A ratite is a flightless bird.


	26. Rotten Dooku Day

Pranks 26

Author's Note: Sorry I didn't update this for a while. I had to update my other stories, too. Someone asked where I get my ideas. Well, they come from all over. I assure you it's not easy thinking up new pranks for Anakin to do, especially for someone who never played a prank. Mainly I write ideas down when I get them and hope I can turn them into a prank. That's one reason I can often update this story so quickly: I already have ideas jotted down.

Anakin scratched at his arm furiously, a furtive blue eye watching for his Master. Obi-Wan would be very displeased if he caught him scratching on the numerous fleabites. The young Padawan was in the main cafeteria of the Jedi Temple; the large open room only partially filled with dour Jedi. All the Jedi seemed grumpy these days and who could blame them? Because of that bird the entire Temple had to be fumigated and that had caused all sorts of hassles. While the bug bombs went off and the Temple had filled with noxious fumes the Jedi and their Padawans had been forced to stay elsewhere for a few days. At first Anakin had thought he would enjoy the change of scenery but he hadn't. Instead he had been jam-packed into one of Coruscant's less popular hotels and had been forced to share a room with several of his male classmates. Worst, his fleabites kept bothering him even though they had been medicated. The other Padawans had bites as well and a few had shot accusing glances in his direction!

"It wasn't my fault!" Anakin muttered to himself. He cautiously sniffed the air in the cafeteria but not the slightest trace of the flea killing poison remained. Still, he had been exceedingly wary of using items that had been left in his bedroom while the bug bombs had been set off. He knew that the nasty chemicals had drifted through the air to settle on ALL of the items in the entire temple, as a bomb had been set in each room or corridor. He glanced down at his hands and wondered how many poisons were on his skin this very moment…

"I'll be lucky if I don't end up dead from all those bug bombs…" He frowned. Someone had really messed with him and he wish he knew who it had been. It was impossible for the bird to just wander accidentally inside the Temple. No, it had been a deliberate act of malice! But who would do such a thing? "Who ever it was, they're going to get it when I figure it out. I was too worried to even sleep in my own bed last night. The thing is probably a toxic waste dump now…"

Sighing, Anakin glanced at the chronometer on the wall. He had waited over a half hour and his Master still hadn't shown up. Bored and with his arm aching from too much scratching, he glanced over to see if anyone had picked up the special stick of chewing gum he had left on the table to rows over. No, it was still there. It was a very special gum, too and the boy wished someone would pick it up. "I could use a distraction."

The door to the cafeteria opened and a dignified looking Jedi entered. He had white hair and dark eyebrows, a very unusual trait. Anakin followed the man's progress across the room to the lunch counter where he got a drink and sandwich. Food in hand, he settled down at the table where the gum awaited an unsuspecting victim.

"It's Dooku." Anakin whispered to himself. The man was supposed to be an expert at Form Two sword fighting and had apparently taught himself from old records in the Archives. A slight smile crept across Anakin's lips. Dooku would be perfect for the gum prank! The man was always so serious and distinguished. Pretending he wasn't watching the older man, the boy stared across the room and watched the comings and goings at the lunch counter. Time seemed to drag even slower as the older Jedi ate his meal. Finally he seemed to be done and stood up to leave. Anakin's heart skipped a beat; sure the gum would be ignored. But the nobleman called the gum to his hand with the Force.

"Yes!" Anakin whispered to himself in glee.

Dooku read the wrapper on the gum. "Fresh Breath Gum, huh? I could use this as I have to see the dentist later today."

Unknown to Dooku, the gum was really FISH BREATH, rotten fish breath to be exact! Anakin snickered uncontrollably as the dignified Jedi unwrapped the gum and stuck it into his mouth. He started chewing as he returned his tray to the lunch counter and left the room. The gum had been specially engineered so it tasted completely normal; only the smell was changed. And the longer it was chewed the stronger the fish odor would become.

Face as serious as always, Dooku strolled down the long corridor of the Jedi Temple as he slowly made his way towards the dentist. His nose wrinkled slightly as an odd smell wafted past him. A door up ahead opened and Kit Fisto emerged into the hall. The odd smell grew stronger as Dooku chewed and he glared at Kit, sure the alien was the source of the stinky fish smell. Kit's face wrinkled as well as he passed the nobleman and he increased his pace until he was well past.

Oddly the smell only increased and Dooku began to think it hadn't been Kit Fisto at all. "Where is that awful stench coming from?"

The hallway intersected several others up ahead and Dooku moved into a more crowded part of the Temple. He chewed as he walked, his jaws working on the tasty gum some kind soul had left him. He had been sure the smell would have been left far behind by now but it only seemed to grow stronger! He spotted Shaak Ti up ahead and he smiled. He hurried up to her and smiled politely. "Excuse me, Shaak Ti, but do you smell something odd?"

Shaak Ti's red and white face turned slightly purple as the horrible odor of rotten fish drifted into her nose. "I do now."

"Well, where is it coming from?" Dooku stepped closer to her as a group of Younglings appeared in the hall and needed room to pass. His mouth hung slightly open and the stench increased.

Shaak Ti's dark eyes darted about desperately for escape, her striped montrals drooping. "I … I…"

"Yes?" Dooku asked.

"OOH, something really stinks around here!" one of the Younglings complained loudly as they passed Dooku.

"Yeah! It smells like rotten fish!" Another agreed.

The Younglings all glared at Dooku, accusation clear in their eyes.

Feeling the eyes glaring at his back, Dooku turned to face them. As soon as he did, Shaak Ti ran desperately for a nearby lift to escape the stinky human. Unaware of Shaak Ti's departure, Dooku stared back at the Younglings. "Are you suggesting that I am the source of the smell?"

The Younglings glanced nervously at each other. They knew Dooku was well respected in the Order and was highly prized for his unique talents with a lightsaber. It was wrong to insult a Master Jedi and telling him he stunk so bad it could be smelled all the way on Naboo would definitely be an insult. "No, Master Dooku!"

"I thought not. Now run along…" Dooku turned and continued his way down the long corridor.

As soon as Dooku was out of earshot the Younglings started to gossip about him and the various reasons why he smelled of rotten fish. The top consensus seemed to be that he was getting old and forgetful, thus he might have accidentally replaced his lightsaber with a fish and now it was stinking within the folds of his robe. The debate grew as new ideas were suggested and upon entering the cafeteria they all decided to have fish filet sandwiches.

A few moments later he crossed paths with Master Luminara Unduli and her Padawan, Barriss Offee. The two women conferred among themselves as they strolled, their heads close together. The moment they passed Dooku their eyes rolled up in their heads and they fell to the floor unconscious. Dooku, of course, hadn't noticed and so he continued on his way.

The Jedi Master passed more Jedi in the hall and they, too, fell unconscious to the floor. Dooku was leaving a big trail of Jedi bodies in his wake. His nose wrinkled again in disgust and his sharp eyes darted around the hallway. "Where is that smell coming from? I shall make a complaint!"

So Dooku moved to the nearest comm. on the wall and punched the appropriate button.

"You've reached the Jedi Council. Master Mace speaking."

"This is Dooku."

"How are you Dooku? I heard you just got back from an assignment."

"Yes, I did." Dooku agreed. "But I would like to report a rotten fish smell here in the corridor. It seems to be getting worst and I'm not sure where it's coming from."

"It's the Sith!" Mace exclaimed loudly and Dooku could hear loud groans from the other Council Members over the comm. "I'll get someone on it right away!"

Pleased he had done the proper thing, Dooku continued on his way to the dentist. Since the dentist was on another floor, he stopped before a lift and patiently waited. A moment later the door opened and he saw Obi-Wan. "Good day Master Kenobi."

The reek of rotten fish wafted out of Dooku's mouth and zipped right up Obi-Wan's poor nose. He gasped desperately for what little clean air remained in the lift. To his horror, Dooku joined him in the small, enclosed space and the doors closed before he could get off. Then it was too late, as the lift had started moving once more.

"Terrible, isn't it?" Dooku commented, as he stood within the lift next to Obi-Wan. "That smell, I mean."

Obi-Wan leaned against the lift's back wall, one hand clutching his throat as he wheezed noisily. Odd gurgling sounds emerged from his open mouth and he started to turn green.

"Don't worry, my friend. I already informed the Council." Dooku said.

Obi-Wan turned blue as bright spots danced before his eyes.

"Well, this is my stop. See you later." Dooku walked out of the lift unaware that Obi-Wan had passed out on the floor. He strolled into the dentist's waiting room and took a seat. The other Jedi there gave him odd glances, some glaring with open hostility at him. A few even covered their noses.

Dooku stared at them and shook his head sadly. The Jedi had no respect these days for their fellow members. Even the Younglings were insulting. As discreetly as possible, Dooku removed the chewing gum from his mouth and stuck it to the bottom of the plastic chair he was sitting on. Unknown to him, he had just guaranteed that the dentist's waiting room would smell like rotten fish for the next two weeks.

The dentist emerged from the back room. "Who's next?"

"HE IS!" The other Jedi all pointed at Dooku.

"Thank you." Dooku bowed politely to the other members of the Order and regally followed the dentist. Soon he was seated in the dreaded chair.

The dentist joined him in the room and sniffed the air, his lips curling downward in disgust. Someone really had bad breath! "Have you been using mouth wash as you should?"

"Yes, all the time." Dooku replied and opened his mouth wide for the dentist.

The dentist leaned forward fearfully. The smell hit him full blast and his eyes rolled up in his head. The next moment he collapsed onto the floor, unconscious.

Dooku sat in the chair, confused. Then it hit him. The man had suffered a heart attack! Leaping from his chair, he rushed to the comm. and called the hospital ward. And so Dooku continued to wreck havoc all over the Temple as what became known as Rotten Dooku Day.

To be continued…


	27. Bad Hair Day

Sorry for the delay in posting this. I had it finished on Sunday BUT when I tried to get online Sunday evening I wasn't able to. I keep getting a "no dial tone" message from my modem. I finally realized that the thunderstorm early Sunday morning fried my phone (I hadn't noticed) AND damaged the wire that goes from the modem to the wall jack. One end of the wire was actually black! I had a hard time finding the correct wire, too. The so-called "compatible for all modems" wire did NOT work on my modem. Nor did the second one. I finally had to travel to a far away computer store and got one that works! It had something to do with how many little 'wires' stick out on the end of the plastic thingy that fits into the modem slot on the computer. My computer takes a wire with 2 wires at the end; the other wires had 4 or 5 wires at the end. Sorry if this is confusing but I'm not good with tech terms! I'm just thankful my modem itself wasn't fried … or my computer! Yes, I had it unplugged! So now I will continue updating all my stories…

Thanks for all the great reviews! I love them! I will try to have Ani play a prank on his teacher or fellow classmates in a future chapter once I think of one. And there will be more Yoda, Mace and Palpy! And Obi, of course. And don't worry; Rotten Dooku Day did NOT harm Obi! I could never purposely harm any of the characters.

Pranks 27

Anakin still couldn't believe what a success the rotten fish gum prank had been and how many people it had affected. It had been simple and very effective, the prank spreading all over the Temple as the news spread. Although many had passed out from the hideous smell, no one had been injured. Well, Dooku's pride had been hurt and the man was quite furious. Mace had managed to calm him down with his usual blabbing about the Sith or so it seemed. Dooku, however, didn't seemed convinced that the Sith could sneak into the Temple undetected nor did he think they would leave gum. The Jedi lightsaber master had quickly wizened up and suspected he had been the victim of a Padawan's nasty prank. Earlier Anakin had felt Dooku's eyes dart over him as he had stood in line with the other members of his class, the older man trying to ascertain who had been responsible. But to the boy's relief he had managed to remain perfectly calm and innocent, something he had grown quite experienced at recently. But now class was over and Anakin was walking home to the apartment he shared with Obi-Wan. The success with the gum encouraged him to do yet another prank but what?

Up ahead Mace's door opened and the Jedi Master departed his quarters, his stride purposeful. He nodded at Anakin in passing and soon disappeared from sight.

Anakin paused outside Mace's quarters. He remembered the cement mix he had found on Mace's closet shelf and the piece of carpet he had borrowed. "Maybe Mace has more prank items for me."

Glancing up and down the glistening hall, he quickly snuck inside. The door hissed close behind him and Anakin paused as his blue eyes darted about the sparse room. Jedi didn't believe in material items and mainly just had what they needed to live and to do their job. Like his own apartment, Mace had a small bedroom, a living room, kitchen and bathroom. "Maybe he has something in the bathroom…"

Anakin grinned as he imagined a bottle of stinky aftershave he could possibly do something with. He entered the neat and tidy little room and immediately peered into the trashcan under the sink. You could find out all sorts of embarrassing things about people by what was in their trashcan and who knew what sort of embarrassing secret Master Mace might have? The trashcan held only a single object: a large bottle that looked similar to a shampoo bottle. Anakin bent and picked the bottle up, the contents sloshing around inside. "Hair Growth Solution… hmmm, I could do something with this! Master Mace must be trying to grow hair on his bald pate!"

Yes, that was it. Master Mace had bought the bottle in hopes it might grow him hair but it hadn't worked, so he had thrown it away. "But I won't throw it away! No, this is too good to toss out!"

Pocking the partially full bottle into his robe pocket, Anakin crept out of Mace's quarters and snuck down the hall. He rounded a corner and stopped in front of Master Yoda's quarters. If there was anyone that needed some hair, it was elderly Master Yoda! The poor Jedi Master's hair was weak and stringy, his green bumpy head visible through the thinning white curtain. Using the Force, the boy quickly discovered Yoda's apartment was empty. He had probably gone to the same place Mace had rushed off to no doubt; another boring Council Meeting. Wasting no time, Anakin hurried into the little alien's apartment and poured a good portion of the Hair Growth Solution into Yoda's liquid soap dispenser. With any luck, the stuff would work and Yoda would have a good crop of hair. Satisfied with his good deed for the day, Anakin left Yoda's apartment and went to his own.

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan called from where he sat on the sofa reading the Coruscant Times. "There you are! I was beginning to wonder what happened."

"Oh, I was just chatting with Tru." Anakin replied innocently.

"We have an assignment for tomorrow." Obi-Wan said as he gazed at his young apprentice. "Now don't get your hopes up. It's nothing very exciting I'm afraid. We're just supposed to help host a tour of the Temple…"

"A tour of the Temple?" Anakin's mouth fell open, surprised. "Who's going to be touring the Temple?"

"Citizens, of course." Obi-Wan replied. "We're supposed to host one of the numerous groups, show them the statues and gardens and so forth. It may sound weird, but they hold these every so many years actually. It lets the general populace an opportunity to see sections of the Temple. And it gives you an opportunity to see how much of our history you really know."

"Oh." Anakin ran through his mind the history of the Jedi. "That sounds pretty easy."

"Yes, it is." Obi-Wan smiled. "Now go do your homework."

"Yes, Master." Anakin went to his room to start his homework yet he couldn't help but think of Yoda and the Hair Growth Solution.

Down the hall and around the corner, Master Yoda had just returned to his quarters. He was hot and sweaty from a lightsaber dueling session with Master Mace so he needed a bath. Recently he had started to use liquid soap instead of bar soap, as a touch of arthritis in his fingers was bothering him and he had dropped the soap a few times. The last thing he wanted was to end up like Mace and the Sith Pickle. Terrible, that was! Gripping his bottle of liquid soap and tossing off his sweaty robe, Yoda climbed into the shower. The soap felt unusually good, creating a nice tingling sensation on his skin and he stayed in the shower an unusual length of time. Finally he emerged in his nightshirt and then went to bed.

The next day dawned and Anakin found himself guiding a small tour group of twelve people through the more public parts of the Temple. Obi-Wan was with him and his Master did most of the talking, pointing out statues of famous Jedi. He also explained how the Force worked and gave them simple demonstrations. Anakin did his part as well. He told of his studies as a Padawan and how the Jedi Order had formed. All in all, Anakin was enjoying his day out of school and was quite proud he had been picked over his fellow classmates for this special duty.

They were just approaching one of the gardens when a loud shrieking was heard. The sound grew louder and louder. Then a strange white furred creature appeared! It was short and sported large green pointed ears. The ears reminded Anakin very much of Master Yoda, but the hair…

Thick, white silky hair covered the creature from the top of its head to the floor, the hair cascading down its body in a smooth cascade. Only dark eyes and lips poked out from the white hair. It looked quite ridiculous actually…

"Hair grew I! Hair grew I!" Master Yoda exclaimed with worry and a touch of fear. "Covered I am! Grew at night, it did!"

"Ohhhhhh," one of the women on the tour group exclaimed. "Isn't it cute? It's some cute, cuddly little alien!"

She reached out and snatched Yoda up into her arms, squeezing him tightly.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Yoda screamed in panic and embarrassment.

"You are a cutey pie, yes you are!" The woman happily cooed as she tickled Yoda under his white furry chin.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Yoda shrieked. "Jedi Master I am!"

Obi-Wan watched, a horrified expression on his face. Why did these things have to happen on HIS tour group? Worse, the other women in the group surrounded Yoda and they all took turns exclaiming over him as if he were a baby.

"Master Yoda is going to kill me…" moaned Obi-Wan in despair.

Anakin snickered. The Hair Growth Solution had really worked wonders!

To be continued…


	28. Brog Bites

Pranks 28

AN: I admit I have had a dry spell when it comes to thinking up more pranks. Hopefully I'll think up some good ones soon. In the meantime please enjoy this crazy idea…

Anakin sat in his bedroom munching on chocolate. He loved chocolate, not that his Master bought him chocolate, no. Well, not this kind anyway. He had been so busy since he got back from his last shopping trip to that strange place that he had forgotten all about the basket of chocolate the man had given him. Finally spotting it sitting on his dresser, he went over to investigate – and almost had a heart attack when the candy had actually hopped at him! He was shamed to admit it but he had really freaked out and had almost run to his Master in fear.

"But I didn't."

Instead he had watched the chocolate carefully from a safe distance on the other side of his room. It had hopped around on his bed for a short time and then had sat still. After waiting another five minutes, he had snuck over and poked at it. Nothing. The chocolate refused to stir and had just sat there as if it weren't alive.

Yet it had been hopping around a few minutes ago! He had seen it!

Snatching it off the bed with both hands, he quickly bit the frog's head off. Chocolate was NOT supposed to hop around! As he chewed the yummy treat, he scowled. "That guy tricked me! It's his revenge for me scamming him!"

Yes, it was so clear in Anakin's mind. He nibbled on more of the chocolate, this time letting it melt slowly in his mouth. An idea started to form in his head based on what he had seen. Then a smile crept over his lips. "Obi-Wan would really freak!"

Yes, his poor Master would really have some kind of fit…

It would be hilarious!

"I just have to do it!"

Jamming the rest of the chocolate into his pocket for later, Anakin dashed out of his room and out of the apartment. A new snack had been released recently on Coruscant and his Master loved them. Obi-Wan ever the health freak claimed they were made of whole grains and were actually good for you. Not that Anakin cared about that; he just liked how they tasted. The treats came in a tall round canister and were shaped similar to the chocolate frog he had eaten except they were bigger and fatter. The shape was based on a popular Hutt snack. Well, the Hutts ate the real frog-like creatures and didn't even bother to cook them. The thought twisted the boy's face. He just couldn't imagine anyone sticking a wet, slimy creature that was still alive into his or her mouth. It was just so disgusting! Yet he was pretty sure he remembered seeing one of the brogs around here… He had spotted it the other day in one of the gardens and had tried to catch the thing. But the brog had been too fast and all he ended up was covered in sweat and dirt on his knees. And instead of his Master being angry at the stained clothing, he had just smiled and said it had been good exercise! Exercise! Not that his Master had known about the brog…

Reaching the garden, Anakin crept in and listened carefully for the brog's song. Not hearing anything, he headed for the stream. Brogs came from a swamp world called Nal Hutta so it was probably near the water. Using all the Jedi skills he had learned so far, he silently slinked closer and closer until only a short space separated him from the burbling brook. Peering around the base of a tree with long dangling leaves, he was delighted to see the fat amphibian resting on a flat rock almost directly in front of him. Getting ready, he suddenly leaped out and his hands closed around its plump body. "Got you!"

The brog struggled but Anakin wasn't about to lose it. Nor was its skin slimy like he had expected. Instead it felt warm from the sun. "I'm not going to hurt you! I'm just going to introduce you to my Master…"

Hiding the creature within his robes, Anakin hurried back to the shared apartment. Yes, it was time to prepare the prank! After checking to see that his Master was once again busy with his computer, Anakin dashed into the kitchen and pulled down the container of Brog Bites. Peeling the plastic lid off the canister he was delighted to see only three snacks remained inside. Taking the snacks out with one hand, he quickly dropped the brog in. He paused, wondering if he should make some air holes so the creature could breath and wouldn't suffocate. Glancing at his chronometer, he saw it was just a few minutes until Obi-Wan got the munchies attack and headed for the kitchen. Deciding the amphibian should be OK for a few minutes, he closed up the canister, put it back on the shelf, closed the cabinet, grabbed the three snacks and ran to his room on tiptoe.

Just on schedule, Obi-Wan headed for the kitchen and opened the snack cabinet. Licking his lips, he reached for the canister of Brog Bites. He peeled the lid off and reached inside without looking.

"AAAHHHHH!" Obi-Wan shrieked when he felt his hand close around something that was warm and obviously alive. The container clattered to the floor and the brog hopped out.

"CROAK! CROAK!" the brog said loudly.

Pale faced, Obi-Wan clung to his throat with one hand. There had been a real brog in the container, the same container he had been eating snacks out of…it was sickening! His snacks had touched its body…it had lived in there for who knows how long? Long enough to contaminate his snacks! He could get sick… Obi-Wan's stomach rolled and bubbled dangerously and he felt like he was going to be sick. Leaning against the counter he took several deep breaths to calm himself, his Jedi discipline running through his mind. He had seen much worst stuff than a brog of course…

Determination gripped his face and he snatched up the com. Bending down, he picked up the empty container of Brog Bites and read the tiny number way on the bottom. He was going to complain to the manufacturer! His fingers danced over the com as he punched in the correct number.

"Hello and thank you for calling the Omega Snack Company. How may I help you?"

"Hello. I found a brog in my Brog Bites." Obi-Wan complained.

"There's supposed to be brogs in Brog Bites."

"No, I mean a real brog!" Obi-Wan explained as he eyed the plump green creature as it hopped around his kitchen floor.

"You must be mistaken."

"No! Really! I'm serious!" He insisted.

"CROAK! CROAK! CROAK!" The brog said as it sat on the floor. A puddle began to form underneath it.

"AAHHHHH! It just leaked all over my floor!" Obi-Wan shrieked in horror.

The brog leaped onto his boot and then tried to cling to his pant leg.

"AHHHHHH! Get off! Get off! You're getting my clothes wet and stinky!" Obi-Wan shook his leg frantically.

"Sir? Sir?"

The brog clung stubbornly as it had little claws on its feet. The black claws dug into the material of his pant leg and started to climb up his leg.

Obi-Wan shook his leg harder to no avail. He started to hop around the kitchen on one foot while shaking his other leg in the air. "Your brog is attacking me!"

"That's impossible, sir. Our snacks are made of wholesome grains…"

"And I told you this is a REAL brog! Fat and green with evil eyes…how could you DO such a horrible thing, putting a real brog in with your snacks?"

"Sir? Are you on any medications?"

The brog climbed up past Obi-Wan's hips and dug its little black claws into the material over his stomach. After resting a moment, it quickly dashed up to his neck and crawled into his tunic.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH! It went inside my shirt!" Obi-Wan shrieked and started to pound on his chest with the hand that was not holding the com. Panicked, he started running around and around his kitchen. He could feel the thing inside his shirt moving against his skin. "Your filthy brog is inside my shirt!"

"Sir…."

Obi-Wan started to tear off his robe, tunics and shirts. The pile of clothing fell to the floor and the brog landed on top of the warm, soft material. Obi-Wan's blue eyes bugged out in absolute shock.

"IT HAD BABIES!"

"Sir, wholegrain snacks can not have babies…"

"IT DID! IT DID! IT DID! THEY'RE HOPPING ALL OVER MY KITCHEN!"

"Sir, if you insist on keeping this up I'll be forced to report you. This line is for real complaints…"

"AAAAHHHHHH! BABIES!"

"Goodbye, sir. I suggest you take your medicine."

CLICK.

"CROAK! CROAK! CROAK!" said the mother grog.

"Croak croak croak!" said the baby grogs.

Desperate to get rid of the nasty creatures, Obi-Wan quickly scooped them all up in his robe and gently wrapped them up. Hunched over with the bundle pressed against his chest, he snuck out into the hallway. Relieved that no one was in sight, he dashed down the hallway. He had to ditch the awful things before Mace started complaining about all the sounds they were making. He knew just where to put them…

A few hours later Master Yoda returned to his dark quarters after a hectic day. It had taken the barbershop the entire day just to shave all the white hair off over and over as it had kept growing back just as fast as it was removed!

"CROAK! CROAK!"

Master Yoda paused and turned on a light. To his utter surprise, his quarters were filled with little green creatures! Horrified, Yoda ran down the corridor screaming.

"AAAAHHHHHH! A mother I am! Had babies I did! Boy I thought I was! AAHHHHHHH!"

To be continued…

Author's Note: I have no idea what the frog-like creature Jabba eats in ROTJ is really called so I made up the name of brog. Hope that is OK.


	29. Fun with Ferus

Pranks 29

AN: Thanks for all the great reviews! Someone asked how the brog reproduced so quickly. The answer is simple: it had already been pregnant and close to giving birth when Ani picked it up. I realize real frogs lay eggs that hatch into tadpoles but since brogs are aliens… I will try to use some of the prank ideas that were submitted in reviews. And here is the next chapter…

Anakin happily trailed along after the other students in his class, glad to be out of the Jedi Temple. The entire class had gone on a field trip to the Coruscant Zoo and he was enjoying it very much. It was a relief to be outdoors in a fake natural like setting; fake because man had planted all the trees and plants. Still, it was the closest you could get to nature on a world that was essentially one giant city. On Coruscant buildings extended as far as the eye could see and actually covered every square inch, built layer upon layer. Sometimes Anakin pondered what would happen if the very bottom layers gave out to rust or decay as they were down so far beneath the so-called surface that most living souls hadn't seen them in centuries. Rumor had it that terrible creatures lived down there; ones all to eager to eat misbehaving Younglings or sassy Padawans – or so Master Yaddle told them. Anyway, if that bottom layer gave way Anakin was sure that all the upper buildings would topple…or was it just too built up for that to happen? He shook his head to clear away the weird negative thoughts.

"We're going to eat lunch now so come along!" Master Yaddle called as she led the Padawans through a gate into a park-like area. The short Jedi Master belonged to the same race as Master Yoda and sported big green ears. Although she was an honorable member of the Jedi Council she had volunteered to take the students on a field trip. The zoo staff already prepared a cooking area: three barbeques waited next to a short platform that looked very much like a stepladder. Climbing up the steps slowly, Yaddle balanced at the top. Then she started to place hot dogs onto the already hot grills. The hot dogs had been kept cold inside a portable refrigerator-like device. "You may wonder around the area until it's time to eat, but stay close by!"

Anakin ignored his fellow classmates and wondered up to the long table that held other food. There were several big pitchers of pink lemonade, condensation dripping down the outside of the glass containers. Sparkling glasses sat next to the pitchers ready to be filled with drink. Icy cans of soda waited inside a cooler and Anakin eagerly took one. Popping it open, he took a long satisfying swallow. The coldness moved down his throat and settled into his stomach. It was an unusually warm day on Coruscant and although it was nowhere near as hot as his desert homeworld had been, Anakin felt hot. Pressing the cold can against his forehead his blue eyes scanned the other items on the table: buns for the hotdogs, bottles of various condiments, salty chips to snack on, some cookies and a bright green giggly gelatin desert. A smile crept across his face as his free hand crept into his pocket. He had come prepared for the field trip and the excellent opportunity to play pranks on his classmates.

Glancing around to see if anyone was watching, Anakin pulled a tiny paper pouch from his pocket that was no larger than a postage stamp. He had had this joke item for months but never had the perfect chance to use it until now. The joke shop had called it worm powder and it was simple to use. You just poured the powder into a drink and it magically transformed into worm like shapes. Not that they were _real_ worms; they just looked that way. Deftly before anyone could notice what he was doing, he tore open the tiny paper pouch and poured the powder into the bottom of one of the glasses. He had considered pouring it into one of the pitchers of lemonade but decided against it: people were thirsty. Besides, the small amount of powder was hardly noticeable at the bottom of the glass and he doubted if anyone would look that close.

Quickly he set up other pranks as well. He poured a tube of powdery candy into a second glass and couldn't help snickering when he thought of what would happen to the unlucky person. Like the first bunch of powder, it really wasn't all that noticeable unless you looked closely. He doubted if anyone would. They would snatch a glass, pour a drink and slug away. But the _best_ prank item he had found just this morning in the zoo itself: a plant that grew a fuzzy brown thing that looked exactly like a cooked hotdog! The brown seed filled section grew at the top of a grass-like plant near the water and he had picked several while no one was watching. Not that he was _supposed_ to go down there where the water birds waded in the shallows of a pond. Quickly he stuck one of them into an empty hotdog bun. He could smell the cooking dogs and knew soon they would be done. For good measure, he shook one of the sealed soda cans vigorously and then escaped to a different area to join some of his classmates watching tiny pink-and-orange birds hopping under a bush. All in all, it had taken about a minute to set up the pranks.

Yaddle started to grab the finished hotdogs with a long metal tool and stuck them into buns, the fake hotdog getting mixed with the real ones. Master Yaddle looked quite crazy balancing atop the tiny platform that was just big enough to hold her three-toed feet. She even wore a tall puffy chef's hat and had tied a pink and yellow flower studded apron over her grim Jedi robes. "Come and eat!"

Hungry Padawans rushed forward and Anakin went with them. He found a spot at the table and started to fill a plate with food. A slight smile crept across his lips when he spotted the fake hotdog in Ferus' hand, the too-serious student pouring catsup over it. Anyway, he was pretty sure it had been the fake one… If anyone deserved it, it was Ferus!

Thirsty, Ferus reached for a cold can of soda. Sticking his finger under the metal tab, he popped it open. The moment he did so soda sprayed all over him and those nearby!

"Watch what you're doing, Ferus! You got my hotdog all wet!" a fellow Padawan complained as she shook her dripping hand.

"I'm terribly sorry!" Ferus exclaimed as brown liquid ran off his face and soaked into the front of his cream-colored Jedi tunic. Glancing down at himself, the boy frowned. His clothing was ruined and he'd doubt if the stain would come out. "I'm not sure what happened. I opened cans before without it spraying like that."

The girl tilted her plate so the puddle of soda could drain off into the grass. Sending Ferus a sour look, she moved away from him.

Still thirsty, Ferus threw the first can into the nearby wastebasket and reached for a second. A look of determination crossed his face as he once again pried his thumb under the metal tab. It popped open and he sighed with relief. But Ferus hated drinking directly from soda cans unless he had no other choice. Picking up a glass he poured the cold drink inside, not noticing the thin layer of candy powder on the bottom. Almost immediately the dark brown liquid started to fizz violently, wet drops flying out of the top of the glass. But this was normal reaction of carbonation or so Ferus thought. Ignoring the violent fizzing, he poured the rest of the can into the glass and was quite shocked when the drink exploded all over his hand and arm!

"AAAHHHHH!" Ferus cried as the soda kept bubbling up out of the glass as if it were an erupting volcano.

Master Yaddle turned to watch the boy. "Is there a problem, Ferus?"

"No, Master." Ferus replied as he held the erupting glass as far away as he could. "The soda just won't stay in the glass!"

By now most of the other Padawans were seated at the close by picnic tables and were eating their lunch. Loud laughter floated to Ferus' ears as the other students chuckled at his misery.

"Can't open a soda, huh Ferus?" Someone called from amid the laughter. "Some perfect Jedi you are!"

For Ferus was the perfect Jedi Padawan. He received good grades and always seemed to do the right thing no matter the situation. He actually acted more like an adult than the teen he was. But he and Anakin did not get along. Ferus thought the Chosen One was too reckless and sometimes did stuff to show off or for his own reasons. He feared Anakin was heading for trouble. He had even spoken to Master Kenobi about his fears, as he was that much concerned.

"I can too open a soda!" Ferus called back, his face slightly red in embarrassment.

"Why don't you try some lemonade instead?" Master Yaddle suggested softly.

"You're right. I will." Placing the almost empty dripping glass onto the table, Ferus poured lemonade into a second glass. To his satisfaction the lemonade stayed in the glass and did not bubble over. Ferus headed to the picnic table to join his classmates, his plate filled with food. Once he was seated, Ferus raised the glass of pink lemonade to his lips to take a drink and noticed something dark floating among the pinkness. Pulling the glass away from his mouth, he focused his eyes…

"AAAAHHHH!" Ferus screamed and wildly threw the glass away as he tumbled backward off the picnic table. "WORMS! There were WORMS in my lemonade!"

The glass sailed through the air and several other Padawans had to duck quickly or get clobbered. Luckily, the glass sailed between two other students and crashed onto the grass behind them.

Everyone stared at Ferus.

A few peered suspiciously at their own lemonade but didn't see any worms. Those that were seated at other picnic tables put their heads close together and started to whisper.

"Worms! Yeah, right!" Another male Padawan called. "You were out in the sun too long!"

Ferus slowly picked himself off the grass and brushed the dirt off his stained robes. He couldn't understand why this string of bad luck had attached itself to him. He had been the perfect Padawan and was always respectful of others. Glancing around, his eyes lingered for a moment on Anakin. He knew Skywalker well enough to know this was the sort of thing that he would do just for fun. Anakin sat at a different table and laughed along with the others, his blue eyes wet with tears. He didn't know how his fellow classmate could have pulled this off but he was almost sure he was to blame.

Scowling, Ferus seated himself at the table once more and tried to ignore the glances in his direction. Picking up his hotdog, he took a big bite. He chewed and a strange look appeared on his face. The hotdog felt dry and gritty plus it had an odd flavor. Opening his hotdog bun, Ferus carefully examined the thing in the center and quickly realized it wasn't a hotdog at all! Turning, he spitted the contents of his mouth onto the grass. He could feel eyes on him and he quickly stood from his seat and marched over to Anakin. He waved the fuzzy plant thing in front of his face. "You! You've done this, haven't you?"

"Done what?" Anakin asked innocently. "I'm sitting here and eating, Ferus."

"You did something so the drinks would fizz up all over me! You put worms in the lemonade and you put _this_ into my hotdog bun!"

"Why would I do that?" Anakin asked.

"Because you think it's funny! Well, it's _not_ funny! It's not funny at all. You have no respect for others and I fear for your future. If you keep this behavior up, Anakin, you'll come to a bad end. Jedi are supposed to _help_ people. That's why were at the Temple. That's why we're training, so we can help those who are too weak to help themselves. I suppose you'll expect me to retaliate against you but I won't. I'm not like you. I take my training and responsibility seriously, as should you. So you can stop worrying that I'll prank you because I refuse to sink to your level."

With that said, Ferus walked away.

To be continued…

AN: Sorry the end there was not funny but I can imagine Ferus giving that speech. For those of you who have no idea who Ferus is, he's from the Jedi Quest series of books that follow the adventures of Ani and Obi (set between Ep 1 and Ep 2). They really are quite good! The powdered candy Ani used it something called Pixy Stix: I read on a website if you put it in soda it will fizz up (although I never tried it nor do I plan to). I never wrote Ferus before so hope it was OK.


	30. Follow the Leader

Pranks 30

AN: Sorry I didn't post any new chapters for a while. Last week there had been a hot spell and my computer didn't want to work right. But here's a new chapter! In this one Anakin and his class are still at the zoo.

Anakin slowly trailed after the other Padawans, disgruntled that Ferus had told him off. Why couldn't he just relax and have _fun_ once in a while? Why was he always so stiff, dour and serious? Gee, he acted like he was eighty or something! He shook his head sadly and attempted to follow his own advice but the other boy had spoiled his mood. The morning had been so cheerful and fun and he had felt free. Then it had all come crashing down thanks to Ferus' little speech. Nervously Anakin's eyes darted to the front of the group where Master Yaddle was leading them through yet another section of the zoo. So far she hadn't said anything to him about the incident and he wondered why. Would she tell Obi-Wan of his antics or would Yaddle turn a blind eye? Or did she see it as just kid stuff, harmless pranks and an opportunity for students to unwind?

"I shouldn't let Ferus get me down. There's nothing wrong with having a little fun…" Anakin told himself so quietly that he could barely hear his own voice. But the other boy's words bounced around in his head and he just couldn't forget them. "I'm not heading to a dark end…"

Ferus was crazy, that's all. Yeah. He couldn't think up a decent prank so he was forced to use words. They were his way of getting revenge! Feeling slightly better, Anakin allowed a slight smile to cross his face. He wasn't going to let Ferus get him down, no way! He was ten times better, no, fifty times better! His self-confidence rapidly rising, Anakin happily read the sign above that announced they were entering the reptile section. Growing up on Tatooine he had seen a few reptile-like creatures, the kind that required little water. But since starting his Jedi training he had learned most of the scaly beasts thrived in or near bodies of water. They were incredibly fast and dangerous. His curiosity rising, Anakin soon forgot about Ferus as he stared through the tall fences that separated guests from the animals. As the group moved from one enclosure to another he grew hungry again. Seeing that the fierce movements of a particularly large and nasty crocodile-like six-legged creature from Naboo enraptured all of his classmates, Anakin pulled a container of jellybeans from his pocket. He had bought them earlier at one of the zoo's gift shops with the spending money Obi-Wan had given him. Sticking a bright yellow candy into his mouth, Anakin tried to get near the fence so he could see, too, but there was just no room. Loud angry bellows reached his ears and he was almost certain he had seen a fine spray of red droplets in the air. He saw several of the other Padawans flinch, a few making sounds of disgust.

"Padawans, pay attention!" Master Yaddle said from where she stood at one end of the beast's enclosure. "Some day you may need to fight such a creature so you best be ready! Now let me tell you …"

Bored with staring at his classmates' backs, Anakin soon wondered off on his own. Within moments he found himself staring at a tiny bright pink lizard called a pseudodragon. If it weren't for the incredibly sharp mouth full of teeth it would have been very cute actually, not that Anakin cared about cute. Girls liked cute things but he wasn't a girl. The miniature dragon sat upright on its haunches with its tiny front arms folded like a squirrel's across its chest. It was one of the smallest species of dragon in the known galaxy and was only knee-high to the average adult human. With large black eyes that glistened like black pearls and fine scales that sparkled in the sunlight, it was very beautiful. Tiny horns jutted from its small head and large wings grew out of its back, the wing membranes coated in iridescence. A sharp stinger decorated the end of the tail, poisonous to anyone who dared to attack the little creature. As he watched the pseudodragon the pseudodragon watched him right back. It tilted its head sideways and made a thrilling sound when he popped another jellybean into his mouth.

"Do you want one?" Anakin asked the little dragon. Reaching into the container, he ignored the PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS sign and tossed it a red candy. It flapped its wings and scurried over to where the jellybean had landed. Picking it up, it instantly popped the sugary sweet into its mouth. Anakin smiled and soon tossed it another jellybean. Within a short time his candy container was almost empty, most having been fed to the miniature lizard.

"Anakin!" Master Yaddle suddenly appeared. "You haven't been feeding that animal candy, have you?"

"No, Master!" Anakin lied as he shook his head. "_I've_ been eating it. My Master gave me credits to spend while here…"

""It's an omnivore. It eats meat, roots, and leaves, fruits and berries. It does _not_ like candy." Master Yaddle explained as she started to talk about the pseudodragon. "They're telepathic and are one of the few animals that actually have Force powers."

Anakin's eyes widened at this news. "It has the Force?"

"Yes, Padawan, it does. And it has quite a bit of intelligence as well, although it can't use tools or drive spaceships. I do hope you've been paying attention because tomorrow they'll be a test on what we've learned today."

Anakin sighed. Even the trip to the zoo was supposed to be educational!

Yaddle moved on and the class followed her. Sticking the last of the jellybeans into his mouth, Anakin tossed the empty container into a nearby trash bin and followed his classmates. After passing several nasty looking reptiles and a sleeping snake-like creature, they entered the feline section. Big cats paced up and back restlessly as sounds filled the air around them so Anakin at first paid the chirping no heed. But the longer he tried to ignore it the louder it grew and he finally turned to see what kind of cat was making the odd sound.

And he almost stumbled over backward when he saw that the pink pseudodragon was sitting calmly on the pavement looking up at him!

"Shoo! Go away!" Anakin frantically waved his hands at the tiny creature in an attempt to shoo it off. He nervously peered over his shoulders, worried that at any moment one of his fellow classmates would spot the thing. Thankfully, everyone was busy watching the nexu eat a large chunk of bloody meat. Turning back to his present problem, Anakin noted the pseudodragon hadn't moved an inch. It continued to stare up at him with big black eyes, chirping. "Look, I don't have any more candy!"

CHIRP! CHIRP! CHIRP!

"Really, I don't!" Anakin turned his pockets inside out and the pseudodragon tilted its head, then hopped closer. "I don't have any food at all!"

Realizing that the creature wasn't paying his words any heed, Anakin remembered with a sudden start that Yaddle had said they ate meat. Was the tiny creature dangerous? Would it try to bite him? Wondering if he should inform his teacher or not, Anakin weighed the odds. Yaddle was already suspicious about his activities and how would he explain that the animal had followed him? He didn't even know how it got out of its enclosure! Realizing he'd most likely get blamed, Anakin ran towards the little animal to scare it off. Flapping its wings, it took off into the air and the Padawan smiled.

As they traveled through the rest of the feline section Anakin kept a sharp eye out for the pseudodragon but didn't see it at all. He sighed with relief as they entered yet another area of the zoo, this one devoted to rodents.

CHIRP! CHIRP! CHIRP!

Anakin spun around and there it was again! It was following him!

"Go away! I don't have any food!" Anakin cried as he hurried towards it. He was right in front of it when he heard a most dreadful sound…

"Anakin! Whom are you talking to?" Master Yaddle asked as she waddled up to him.

Anakin spun around smoothly; his legs and robe hiding the pseudodragon. He felt it butt its head against his legs like a cat. "Umm… there was this big fat rodent…"

"Ah, it must be one of the burrow-dwellers." Yaddle replied as she pointed to a large mound of dirt that stuck up nearby the paved path. No fence surrounded the mountain of soil and the plump rodents were free to come and go as they please. "Very observant for spotting one of them. They are quite harmless but very quick."

The pseudodragon continued to rub its head on Anakin's legs and then started to make a loud rasping purr.

Yaddle's face wrinkled in puzzlement. "Padawan, are you _purring_?"

"No, Master Yaddle." Anakin replied with the most innocent expression he could manage. "It's just my stomach…"

Yaddle shook her head sadly. "You young people are always hungry! Well, you'll be glad to know we'll be leaving in a few more minutes and then your Master can feed you. But first we'll visit the gift shop one last time. I know how you Younglings love to waste credits on sweets and other nonsense…"

"Leaving?" Anakin gulped. Suddenly he didn't _want_ to leave. No, he wanted the pseudodragon! His sharp mind started to click on how he could smuggle the animal out of the zoo and into the Jedi Temple. The little creature seemed to like him and maybe it wanted to go home with him, too. Anakin smiled as he watched Yaddle walk off towards the other students. It would be nice to have a real friend. Hadn't Yaddle said it was telepathic? Maybe with time he would learn how to communicate with it…

A grin spread over Anakin's face as he remembered seeing some large stuffed animals in the gift shop, a few near the same size as the pseudodragon. Maybe if he could get the others to believe he had bought one of those and then wrapped his outer robe around it….

His classmates filed into the gift shop and Anakin went in for a short time, too. But he left almost immediately. Big drops of rain started to fall and this pleased the boy even more. Pulling his outer robe off, he cautiously approached the little lizard. Looking this way and that to make certain no one was watching, he threw his robe over the animal and quickly scooped it up into his arms. He staggered under the weight for a moment, and then straightened his knees and back. The pseudodragon squirmed and he almost dropped it. "Stop that! I'm trying to sneak you out of here…"

Within moments the rest of his classmates poured out of the building, their arms full of stuff or pockets bulging with sweets. Many frowned at the rain and tried to shield their purchases from getting wet. Yaddle hurried them all to the waiting transport and they all climbed in. A few cast curious glances at Anakin's robe-wrapped package but none asked him what it was as a few others had followed his example. Anakin took a seat and gladly rested the pseudodragon on his lap. His heart pounded rapidly and he feared he'd get caught. What was the punishment for stealing a zoo animal? He had no idea and he hoped he'd never find out. Because if he got caught…

The vehicle moved quickly through the traffic lanes and they were about halfway home when …

CHIRP! CHIRP!

Everyone looked around and Anakin looked around, too, hoping that his subterfuge would throw them off the trail. When the odd sound wasn't repeated, people shrugged and forgot about it. His whole body felt hot and electrified. He hoped beads of sweat weren't visible on his forehead. Maybe everyone had thought it was the engine or some mechanical part…

Finally they landed and Anakin was the last off the transport. He entered the Temple and immediately headed to the apartment he shared with Obi-Wan. The hallways were deserted and he made it there without discovery. Unlocking the door, he hurried to his bedroom. Dumping the heavy burden onto his bed, he pulled the robe off and smiled at his new pet. "Now if only I can keep you a secret from my Master…"

Anakin went to the kitchen and took the two thick steaks from the refrigerator. He'd have to feed his pet…

After the pseudodragon ate the steaks it curled up in a circle on his bed, purring. Anakin watched it for a moment and then settled down in front of his computer. He had homework to do…

The door opened and Obi-Wan came home. He was late and needed to start supper. He peered into the refrigerator and frowned. "Where are the steaks? I thought I had two in here…?"

The Jedi straightened and scratched in head. "Maybe I only dreamed I bought them … those Force visions are getting more and more real everyday…"

Obi-Wan decided he'd have to cook something else so he pulled a box of pasta down from the shelf and filled a kettle with water. He put the kettle on to boil and then headed to the bathroom. That coffee he had drunk earlier had went right through his system. He strolled through the open bathroom doorway.

"AAAHHHHHHHH!" Obi-Wan shrieked as he spotted some hideous pink creature sitting on the toilet, a large stinger tail up in the air. The Jedi stumbled backward and fell against the far wall.

"Master!" Anakin came running from his room, his face worried. He had been so busy with his homework that he hadn't noticed the pseudodragon had left his room. "What's wrong?"

"There was a THING sitting on the toilet! A pink thing with WINGS! I think it was actually USING the toilet!"

Anakin's heart leaped up into his throat. Oh no! Obi-Wan had seen his pseudodragon already! He hurried to the bathroom just in time to see the dragon's pink scales fade into the same exact shade of blue of the bathroom wall. It was a chameleon! He sighed with relief. "There's nothing here, Master…"

"I'm sure I saw…" Obi-Wan climbed to his feet and peered into the tiny room. After checking the shower and behind the door, he scratched him beard. "One cup! I just had one cup of caffeine and I'm seeing things already. I _really_ have to stop eating at the Temple cafeteria…"

To be continued…

Hope that was funny! I'll post more chapters soon!


	31. The Incident!

Pranks 31

AN: Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful prank ideas and tips. I'll try to use them all but please be aware it might take some time, OK? So on with the story…

Anakin had been up most of the night working on more pranks. His complete success of stealing the pseudodragon from the zoo had inspired him greatly and he just hoped Obi-Wan didn't find out. What would his Master do if he found out about the little pink lizard that was now sharing their apartment? Would he get angry and take his pet away or would he let him keep it? Jedi weren't really supposed to have pets. For the moment his Master had convinced himself that it had been a bizarre hallucination from drinking the bad caf that Yoda had brewed. Yoda had apparently been drinking _lots_ of caf since he had become a mother…

A loud snort escaped from Anakin's mouth and he quickly pressed both hands over his lips to keep the sound in. The last thing he wanted was to wake Obi-Wan. It was extremely early and the Temple was as silent as a graveyard, the Jedi still sleeping. But it was just so _funny_! How could Master Yoda mistake brogs for whatever he was … a frown creased the young Padawan's face as he realized he had no idea what kind of alien Yoda was. Who knows, maybe he really was a brog! Anakin closed his eyes and tried to imagine the old and wrinkled Jedi Master hopping around in some swamp making loud sounds. Tears leaking from under his tightly shut eyelids, Anakin fell to the floor laughing wildly. His body shook and he quickly clamped his hands over his mouth. But he was laughing so hard he accidentally bit his own palm and this caused him to laugh even harder.

The pseudodragon rested on his bed and purred loudly, its head tilted as it watched him. Its eyes were lit with humor and anyone who had seen it would have swore that it was laughing, too.

Exhausted, Anakin lay on the floor of his room and stared up at the ceiling. A finished droid stood patiently next to the boy, its eyes an eerie red. But Anakin's thoughts were not on the droid or how it would be used in the upcoming prank but were on the incident of last night. The Incident had been the talk of the Temple all day. Well, not openly of course. No, Jedi were not supposed to gossip. It was bad form and not nice at all and Jedi were the very model of nice and proper. So Padawans and Younglings traded hushed whispers as they kept a watchful eye out for adults. The adults, of course, were talking about it as well. They nodded their heads in understanding and whenever Mace's name came up they replied 'It was the Sith' and started to laugh.

Apparently no one but a few Council Members believed there were Sith in the Temple…

And Master Mace could _still_ be seen stalking down the hallways at a good pace, his eyes always downcast examining the floor ahead of him…

Both Mace and Yoda had been involved in the Incident. And everyone agreed Yoda had started it.

It had been a quite evening in the Temple and everyone was relaxing, everyone but poor Master Yoda. The green Jedi Master was going out of his mind trying to keep track of all of the children he had acquired somehow. He wasn't too sure exactly _how_ he had gotten them. That part was a total mystery. He had tried contemplating the mysteries of the universe while resting on his favorite cushion but had been forced to stop after a few short minutes, the loud croaking of his many babies grating on his nerves.

"Be quite you must be. Meditate on your arrival I must…"

CROAK! CROAK! CROAK! CROAK!

"No, quite you be!" Yoda had ordered, his voice raised a few decibels.

CROAK! CROAK! CROAK! CROAK! CROAK!

"Hear me do you not? Shut up I said!" Yoda yelled as he waved his little green hands around in the air.

CROAKCROAKCROAKCROAKCROAK!

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" Yoda yelled as he lost his perfect Jedi calm and tried to chase the bad babies around his tiny quarters. But the brogs were smaller and faster. They hopped quickly around the room and several leaped onto a potted plant Yoda had sitting in a corner. Hungry, they started to chew big holes in the thick green leaves. "AAACCKKK! Plant is mine it is! Eat it you must not!"

Yoda shooed the brogs off the plant and bent to pick up the pot. He would have to move the plant to somewhere where they couldn't reach it. The last thing he wanted was to poison his own babies. The big pot pressed against his chest and the tall green leaves pushed directly in front of his face, Yoda was an accident waiting to happen. And happen it did. His foot came down on a large puddle from a brog and it slid out from underneath him. Yoda yelped and he fell to the floor with a loud thud. The plant tumbled out of his arms and it rolled across the floor, the soil pouring all over his once-clean floor. Yoda sat up and his mouth dropped open at the big mess. "AAAHHHH! Plant is ruined it is! Dirt on floor there be! Liquid on floor there is! Caused me to slip it did! Where it came from I do not know…"

He lifted his wet hand to his nose and sniffed, his nostrils flaring. Then his eyes bulged out and a look of utter horror appeared on his wizened face. "WET ON FLOOR YOU MADE! BATHROOM THIS FLOOR NOT IS!"

Yoda slowly struggled to his feet and grimaced. His robe was all wet, too. He gazed around the room and noticed more wet spots. "EVIL YOU BABIES ARE!"

The brogs ignored his ranting and continued to hop around, croaking. Several had discovered a big bowl of red berries Yoda had left out on a little table and they were busy gorging themselves.

Yoda hurried to get his cleaning supplies from where he kept it. He mopped the floor the best he could with a human-sized mop, the long wooden handle sticking up way over his head. Discovering the floor was wet where Yoda was mopping, the brogs soon gathered and started hopping and sliding on the slick floor.

"NO! Go away you must! Mopping I be doing here!"

CROAK! CROAK! CROAK! CROAK!

"NO! NO! Get off mop you must!"

CROAK! CROAK! CROAK! CROAK!

"AAAHHHHHH!" Yoda shrieked in aspiration as about twenty little brogs swarmed up the mop and others climbed up Yoda himself. "Jungle gym I am not! Your mother I am! Obey you must!"

Yoda dashed to the kitchen and slugged down a big pot of coffee. Caf was good…

He had been drinking _lots_ of caf since the babies had arrived. This had been his tenth pot … or was it the twelfth? Yoda shrugged. It didn't matter. The important thing was that he starts a new pot brewing instantly as he never knew when he would need it. He opened his cupboard and pulled down the large round can of coffee and with difficulty pried up the red plastic lid. He had never drunk the stuff before but had been introduced to it by Yarael Poof recently. The lid finally came free and Yoda screamed. "Be empty it is! Coffee I need!"

Upset, Yoda started to bang the metal container on his kitchen counter over and over. Finally throwing it onto the floor in disgust, Yoda headed to the bathroom to fill the tub. The babies needed their bath. Soon the tub was filled with shallow water and Yoda scrambled all over the apartment until all thirty-two babies were collected and in the bath. Then he started to wash them the best he could. The elderly Jedi Master was soon soaked and water dripped off his big ear tips. The brogs happily played in the water. As they played the rubber plug that held the water in the tub grew loose and finally it popped free. Water started to swirl drown the drain and Yoda panicked. "AAAHHHHHH! BABIES BE SUCKED DOWN DRAIN THEY WILL!"

The Jedi Master frantically scooped brogs out of the bath as quickly as he could as the water continued to hiss down the drain. Finally the bath was empty and Yoda started to count the babies. "THIRTY-ONE! NOOOOOOO!"

Yoda gripped his cane and started to bash the bathtub with it. "GIVE BACK BABY YOU WILL!"

The tub was an old-fashioned metal one with claw feet and was nearly as old as Yoda himself. While other Jedi had their quarters updated Yoda never had. So his drain did not include a screen over the opening to stop little objects from falling down into the pipe. He had never needed one until now and it had not occurred to him that the black gaping hole might be a danger to his babies until now. The loud banging of metal echoed out of Yoda's quarters and down the hallway…

Unknown to Yoda, he had miscounted the brogs as they kept hopping and moving about. Not a single one had gone down the drain but he didn't know this. The caf in his system was making him very agitated and excitable, not to mention the babies got on his nerves with their constant croaking and mischief making.

Master Mace had almost fallen asleep when a loud banging was heard. He sat up wearily, frowning. "That drat Kenobi! What's he doing this time, beating up a trashcan? I swear one of these days I'm going to evict that man…"

Grumbling, Mace crawled out of bed and pulled on his fuzzy slippers. He was wearing a knee-length striped nightshirt and his hairy legs were visible. But Mace didn't care if anyone saw his hairy legs; he was a werewolf after all. He just wished he had some hair on his head. He'll have to ask Master Yoda what he had used that one day…

Going out into the hall, Master Windu stared sleepily at the door to Kenobi's quarters. Oddly, the loud banging seemed to be coming from farther down the hallway… "That's odd…."

Mace scratched him chin for a moment and then his eyes lit up. He snapped his fingers in excitement. "It must be the Sith! They're back again!"

He dashed into his quarters and emerged a moment later with his purple lightsaber. His fuzzy slippers flopping noisily, Mace ran down the hallway. It soon became obvious the loud horrible sounds were coming from Yoda's quarters. He keyed the door open and peered inside. There were some odd green things hopping around the apartment and Mace gawked at them for a moment, confused. He hadn't heard about Master Yoda's so-called babies yet as Yoda was trying to keep it hush-hush. Jedi weren't supposed to _have_ babies…

"AAAAAHHHH! RESCUE BABY I MUST! CALL PLUMBER I WILL!"

"Baby?" Mace asked himself as he slipped into Yoda's quarters, his purple blade lit and held ready in one hand. "Master Yoda! What's going on? What are all these things…?"

Yoda emerged from the bathroom and spotted Mace walking across the apartment towards him. The brogs were all around Mace and Yoda shrieked when he realized Mace's foot was about to come down on top of one. "AAAAHHHH! STOP! STOP! STEP ON BABIES YOU WILL!"

Mace instantly froze with one foot up in the air, the fuzzy slipper dangling loosely from his big toes. "Babies? What babies?"

The elderly green Jedi scooped a brog up into his hands. "My babies they are! Gift from the Force they be!"

"They look like those things you see hopping around in ponds…." Mace commented, as he stood balanced on one foot, his body swerving slightly from the odd position.

"Babies they are!" Yoda insisted.

"Where are the Sith?" Mace demanded to know. "I thought I heard one banging around in here…."

"STOLE A BABY IT DID!" Yoda wailed. He, of course, had meant the bathtub.

Mace gasped in horror. "KIDNAPPING!"

Then Yoda's eyes widened even more when he noticed Mace had left the door to the hallway open and the brogs were escaping! Cane in hand, Master Yoda ran after them down the long hallway. As he screamed, doors opened and heads peered out to see what was going on. They were rewarded with the most oddest sight in Jedi History: two Jedi Council Members dashing down the hallway after a swarm of hopping brogs; one in soaking wet robes and the other in a striped nightshirt with flopping fuzzy slippers.

"THE SITH! THE SITH ARE HERE!"

"BACK HOME YOU COME! BAD BABIES YOU ARE!"

To be continued…

AN: The story with Ani and the new droid he built will continue in the next chapter! And there will be more craziness with the pseudodragon, too!


	32. Droidekas!

Pranks 32

Anakin wiped his wet eyes once again and sat up. He had enjoyed a good laugh thinking about the Incident. Adults were just _so_ crazy sometimes, especially the really old ones. Still, he couldn't sit here all morning laughing. If he wanted to prepare his upcoming pranks he'd have to get busy. So the Padawan climbed to his feet and pulled the long black Jedi robe from where he had hidden it in his closet. It was the same one he had used twice before in other pranks; once on his Master and once on Mace. Reaching up, he carefully placed it onto the droid and pulled the black cowl over its face. Stepping back, he studied his handiwork with a critical eye. The robe covered the droid and its red eyes glowed eerily from deep within the hood. All in all it looked pretty creepy, especially since he had given the droid a black metal face. The face just blended in with the darkness the hood created so the eyes appeared to hover within an empty hood.

Bending down, he picked up one of the practice lightsabers he had borrowed from the Younglings training room. After fiddling with the thing for several hours last night, he had managed to make the blade glow red instead of its original blue. This he ignited and carefully stuck it into the droid's hand.

Anakin smiled. He had created a Sith!

But his prank wasn't over yet. He took a photograph of Master Mace and fed it to the secret slot on the droid's chest. The droid's eyes flashed on and off several times as it studied the information it had been given. Now it would seek out Mace above all others. The young boy snickered as he thought of the paranoid man's expression when he actually _saw_ the Sith speeding down the hallway at him! It would be _so_ funny! Under the long robe the droid had big round wheels on its body and it would be able to move really _fast_, like _lightning_!

But this was just the finishing touch on his prank, the icing on the cake. For the previous two hours he had snuck around the various hallways goofing up the little electronic eye that made doors open at a person's approach. When the door first saw a person it would hiss open but when the person actually _approached_ the door it would close! It would be sure to drive several stout and dire Jedi mad! Only Anakin himself would be able to pass smoothly through the malfunctioning barriers due to the secret gizmo in his pocket. Not that he'd be able to _see_ any of the fun. He had to go to school…

"I always miss out on the best stuff and hear it second hand. Oh well, I guess it's better that way as Obi can't say I did it!"

After checking that his Master was still sleeping, Anakin snuck the new Sith out of their apartment and stashed it away in a nearby broom closet. There it would wait and would later emerge to terrorize the foolish Jedi! Giggling, Anakin slipped back into his shared apartment and went to get ready for school. After showering, dressing and brushing his teeth, he got his school stuff ready and went to eat breakfast. He was eating his bowl of cereal when Obi-Wan staggered into the kitchen, his eyes half closed.

"You're up early…" Obi-Wan sleepily grabbed an empty cup and poured the nearest liquid into it. Luckily it happened to be orange juice and the Jedi drank it down. He pulled out a chair and sat, his eyes closing to narrow slits. His head nodded and soon he was dozing at the table.

Anakin snickered. This would make it even easier to slip out and head off to school before all the commotion started. Finishing his breakfast, he picked up his pad and headed out the door.

A short amount of time passed and Obi-Wan jerked awake. He stared around in confusion for a bit and rubbed at his tired eyes. Checking the chronometer on the wall, he realized Anakin must be already in school. "Drat Mace! What the heck was he doing last night? That awful racket he was making kept me up almost until dawn! I should give him a piece of my mind! He's always claiming I'm making noise but what about him?"

Gulping down whatever food he found on the table, he quickly wiped at his mouth and left the table. The door slid open when he was still a few feet away but Obi-Wan didn't give it much thought. He continued on towards the doorway and just as he almost reached it the door slid shut! He walked into the closed metal door, banging his nose on it painfully.

"Ouch! Drat door!" Obi-Wan pulled back a bit and rubbed his sore nose. He looked at his hand for blood and didn't see any. "Well, I guess I should be thankful I didn't break it…"

Backing up so the magic eye above the door could see him, he saw it swoosh open. "Now let's try this again…"

Obi-Wan walked forward and once again the door slid shut in his face!

"Stupid thing is malfunctioning!" Deciding to use the more direct approach, he pressed the button next to the door to open it. Nothing happened. Obi-Wan frowned and scratched at his beard. "This is a serious problem. How the heck did Anakin get to school with the door acting this way?"

He rubbed his chin, thinking. Then an idea occurred to him. "I bet this is another one of his silly pranks! He wants me to stand here all day and fight with the door! Well, I'll fix him!"

Obi-Wan went over to the com and picked it up. "Anakin? Anakin, do you hear me? This is your Master!"

"Master? I'm in school…" Anakin's surprised voice came over the tiny device the Jedi held in his hand.

"You did something to the door, didn't you?" Obi-Wan accused.

Anakin sighed. "There's a device on the kitchen table that will let you out…"

"Good! I'm glad to see you thought ahead." Obi-Wan closed the communication link and retrieved the device from the kitchen table. Holding it in his hand he was pleased to see it did allow him to pass through the doorway and into the hallway. Once out in the hall, he noticed loud banging coming from Master Mace's quarters. "What is the _matter_ with that man? There is no way he could possibly be _normal_."

With his hands on hips, Obi-Wan stood in the hallway listening to the loud sounds coming from Maces room across the hall. "Be the Force, it sounds like he has a metal trash can in there and he's pounding on it!"

Stepping up near Mace's door, Obi-Wan began to speak very loudly. "Master Mace! I must insist you stop this loud racket! First you kept me up all night with that terrible howling you were doing…."

The tip of the purple lightsaber poked through the door and Obi-Wan leaped back, startled. He watched as the purple blade slowly cut its way around the frame and then the metal door itself fell to the hallway floor with a loud crash. Mace appeared and he jumped into the hall. He eyed Kenobi. "Did you see them?"

"See who?" Obi-Wan asked. "And why did you cut your door?"

"The Sith locked me in my quarters! The door would open but every time I got really close it shut in my face!" Mace explained. "And what did you say about my howling?"

"I said that awful racket kept me up all night!"

"I was serenading the beautiful full moon!" Mace explained matter-of-factly.

A door down the hall clicked open and the Sith droid rolled out. It instantly spotted Mace and swiveled to face him. "Destroy the Jedi! Destroy the Jedi!"

"LOOK! A SITH!" Mace exclaimed as he lit his purple blade and prepared to do battle.

Red lightsaber in hand, the Sith sped towards Mace incredibly fast. But Mace's door lay on the floor. The droid's wheels hit the obstruction and it flew up into the air. It tumbled wheel-over-head and landed with a loud thud on the other side of the startled Jedi, still rolling.

Mace's mouth dropped open. "That's a powerful Sith! Did you see that flip it did? Look! It's running towards the lift so it can escape!"

When the droid had landed hard, its gears had jammed and it was unable to halt its forward momentum. It sped right into the lift and struck the far wall.

"AAAAAIIIIIHHHHHH!" Screaming a battle cry, Mace ran full out towards the Sith. He needed to catch it before it activated the lift. But a few seconds before he reached the door the door slid shut.

THUD!

Mace slammed into the door and stumbled backward. He swayed for a few moments unsteadily on his feet and then fell over face first. The lightsaber fell from his hand and turned itself off.

Obi-Wan stared and shook his head sadly. There had been something _weird_ about that Sith. It hadn't acted quite right. He heard a loud grinding sound coming from within the lift and then there was a small boom and dirty smoke poured out from under the door. Realizing the odd Sith had been another one of Anakin's many droids, he frowned. His Apprentice really needed to stop picking up bad motivators up from scrap piles! His blue eyes shifted once again to Mace. "That is one strange man…."

Turning, Obi-Wan headed down the hall in the opposite direction. "I think I'll use the stairs today…"

To be continued…

OK, I hope that was funny…And thanks to the reviewer who provided the perfect title for this chapter!


	33. Feeding Frenzy

Pranks 33

AN: Thanks for all the great reviews! I think I shall continue the crazy day at the Temple with all the malfunctioning doors. After all, Ani had goofed up a _lot_ of doors! He had been very busy while poor Obi was awake tossing and turning due to Mace howling at the moon (But Ani had thought Obi was asleep – guess the howling didn't bother our mischievous Padawan).

Obi-Wan yawned and rubbed at his tired eyes. For the past few hours he had researched in the Temple Archives and now he felt worst then ever. He wondered for the twelfth time what Mace had meant by his odd remark that he had been serenading the moon. The odd statement made no sense whatsoever! Yawning again, he slowly pushed his chair away from the computer terminal and strolled down the long isle of bookcases. The Archive was oddly empty today and even Jocasta Nu, the archives director, seemed to be missing. Had some emergency been called and he had missed it? Might he have fallen asleep in the Archives without realizing it? Obi-Wan frowned. "Drat Mace and his unworldly racket!"

His stomach rumbled and the Jedi knew he needed to eat something. Maybe that's why he felt so tired today. He hadn't ate a proper breakfast this morning but had gulped down what he had found sitting on the table; just a few granola bars Anakin had left behind. The Archives door opened smoothly for him and Obi-Wan strolled out. He paused in the hall for a moment, thinking. Should he risk eating in the Temple Cafeteria or should he go down to Dex's? The Cafeteria was far closer and the way he felt he was in no fit shape to be driving an airspeeder. "I'd probably wind up a smear on a building somewhere…"

Besides, there was Anakin to deal with yet….

Obi-Wan shook his head, his frown increasing. The boy shouldn't be feeding Mace's paranoia. It would just make him crazier and a crazy man with a lightsaber was _not_ a good thing… "I'm going to have to do something about him but what? Punishing him doesn't do much good. If I didn't know any better I'd think he _likes_ being confined to that bedroom of his! He has all those things in there…"

The tired Jedi didn't know exactly what he had in there and some part of him didn't want to know. The Cafeteria was just ahead and Obi-Wan soon reached the wide double doors. The doors didn't open at his approach and he scowled. "Drat! I forgot that gizmo in the Archives! Just exactly how many doors did he goof up?"

The Jedi glared angrily at the closed doors and suddenly realized that there was a message attached to the door, on an old-fashioned piece of hard copy no less! Obi-Wan searched his tired mind for the name of the material. What had it been called? Papyrus? Paper? Whatever it was, it was covered with computer printed text and Obi-Wan forced his eyes to focus on the words. Slowly the words came into focus.

ATTENTION! THE TEMPLE CAFETERIA IS CLOSED FOR REMODELING. IT WILL RE-OPEN IN EXACTLY ONE WEEK. WE ARE SORRY FOR ANY INCONVIENCE THIS MAY CAUSE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATEINCE. THE JEDI COUNCIL

Obi-Wan gawked at the announcement. "The Cafeteria is _closed_?"

"What do you mean the Cafeteria is closed?" Kit Fisto asked as he joined Obi-Wan at the door.

Obi-Wan pointed to the paper attached to the door. "Read it yourself."

Kit moved closer and read the message. His green face darkened and his head tentacles twitched in annoyance. "They can't close the Cafeteria! I'm hungry!"

Barriss Offee and Luminara Unduli joined the other two Jedi at the double doors.

"What's going on?" Barriss asked.

"The Council closed the Cafeteria!" Kit loudly complained.

"But where are we supposed to eat?" Barriss glanced at her Master in puzzlement.

"We must remain calm." Luminara advised her apprentice. "There must be food nearby somewhere…"

"OPEN UP!" Kit pounded on the doors with his fist. "OPEN UP I SAY!"

More Jedi appeared and soon the long hallway was packed shoulder to shoulder. Angry murmurs ran through the crowd as the message was spread. The Cafeteria was closed … there was no food … no drinks …

"WE WILL ALL STARVE!" Kit cried loudly.

The cry was picked up and ran through the crowd.

"FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!" The crowd of Jedi demanded.

Obi-Wan was crushed against a wall and he slowly made he way back down the hallway with difficulty, Luminara and Barriss following him. He would have to go to Dex's after all it seemed… Free of the over-crowded Cafeteria corridor, he approached the outer door of the Temple. This was the Temple's main front door and it led directly onto the public sidewalks. Obi-Wan pushed the door open and stepped into the bright sunlight. The light stabbed painfully at his tired eyes and the loud shouting of the masses had given him a headache as well. This was _not_ a good day. Shielding his eyes with a hand, he started down the wide stone steps that led down to the sidewalk. A loud jingling caught his attention and he spotted a Twi'lek pushing a floating hot dog cart, a brightly colored umbrella shading the red-eyed alien.

"LOOK! FOOD!" Kit shouted as he suddenly appeared on the steps with dozens of other Jedi. Obi-Wan was shoved against the stone railing as the mass of hungry Jedi swarmed down the stairs towards the food source. "FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!"

The Twi'lek glanced behind him at the rioting Jedi racing at him. His red eyes bulged out in terror and he started running away as quickly as he could, his two long tentacles flopping down his back.

"FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!" The mass of Jedi shouted as they caught the poor hot dog vendor and tore the cart apart to get at the food within. Buns were fought after and torn apart by dozens of frantic hands, hot dogs shoved into open mouths uncooked. But the little cart didn't hold much and most Jedi had only gotten a small hunk of bread torn from a bun. Still hungry, the crowd surged down the street.

"We better get to Dex's diner before they do!" Obi-Wan whispered to Luminara and Barriss. The two women nodded their heads in agreement and they followed him. They quickly passed the shocked Twi'lek and darted around a corner. Dex's diner was just ahead and as they approached the door they heard someone shout from behind.

"LOOK! KENOBI HAS FOUND FOOD! AFTER HIM!" Kit shouted as he led the mad rush.

Obi-Wan quickly pulled open and door and hurried inside the diner. Within moments hundreds of starving Jedi were jam-packed inside so tightly that no one could move an inch.

"FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!" The Jedi chanted and pounded their fists on nearby tables or counters.

Dex stared in utter amazement at the biggest crowd his little diner had ever seen. His beady little eyes flickered to the windows and he was shocked to see even more Jedi pressed outside and trying to get in! His waitresses, WA-7 and Hermoine Bagwa, were both stuck in corners and couldn't move due to the press of hungry bodies. What in the galaxy was going on at the Temple? Deciding it was wise to whip up some sandwiches as quick as possible, Dex's four hands flew as he gathered ingredients together flawlessly. As soon as he placed the finished sandwiches and cups of drink on the counter they were snatched and consumed.

"FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!" the restless crowd of Jedi chanted.

His supplies were disappearing at an alarming rate. The Jedi Temple housed _thousands_ of Jedi and it seemed to Dex that almost every one of those thousands had followed Obi-Wan to his little diner! And they were still chanting for food! He needed more food and more arms! Kettles bubbled, pots whistled, the knife flashed, vegetables were chopped, the refrigerator door opened and closed and it still wasn't enough. The chanting grew louder and the demand for food increased as those in the back feared the food would all be gone by their turn came. It didn't help as those who had already ate were stuck up near the counter and couldn't get out of the diner. The shove forward increased and those near the front were in danger of getting squished.

"Wait! Be patient!" Dex called to his hungry customers as he handed out yet more sliders. "I'm going as quick as I can! I only have four arms you know!"

Obi-Wan leaped over the counter into the kitchen. He snatched a sandwich from his buddy Dex and headed out the rear door where he emerged into an alley. He was worried about his Padawan. With the Temple turned upside-down panicked adults could easily trample a young boy. And where was Anakin anyway? Eating the sandwich as he walked, Obi-Wan headed back to the Temple.

In the diner, more Jedi started to follow Obi-Wan's bad example and leaped over the counter to grab at food. Dex waved his four arms in the air and screamed at them. "OUT! OUT OF MY KITCHEN! I NEED CREDITS! WHO WILL PAY FOR ALL THE FOOD YOU'VE EATEN? OUT! OUT!"

More Jedi surged forward and Dex himself was soon jammed into a corner, the open refrigerator shoved into his face trapping him there. It was odd how the most well behaved people could turn into a rioting mass….

Dex sighed. Even with four arms he hadn't been fast enough. The Jedi didn't want _fast food_ they wanted _instant food_! The Besalisk shook his thick brown head, his chin wobbling. "If this Jedi business is going to keep up, I'll have to get four more arms implanted…"

To be continued…

Hope that was funny. For those who don't know, the 'sandwiches' Dex serves are called 'sliders'. And yes, I know Dex's diner isn't really near the Temple but it's funnier this way. I already have a part of the next chapter written and it shows what Anakin is doing during the food riot.


	34. Yet More Sith are Seen!

Pranks 34

Back at the Temple, chaos still reigned. As the hundreds of students and their teachers had been released from the classrooms to head to the Cafeteria, they met the same sign. Anakin was jostled in the packed hallway and the gizmo fell from his pocket. He was a bit surprised. He didn't think his little joke announcement would cause such a big mess! The teachers realized the Cafeteria was closed and gathered their students to go eat elsewhere … but where?

Stomach growling, Anakin slipped off by himself. It was clear the rest of the day would be total bewilderment and he intended to get fed. Knowing that most places anywhere near the Temple would get raided and emptied of all food by the swarming Jedi, Anakin decided to head to the strange place with the oddly dressed people. Surely they would have food…

Upstairs in one of the many hallways, Mace groaned and slowly sat up. He rubbed at his injured face and gazed around. Where was he? Recognizing the corridor, Mace leaped to his feet. "The Sith!"

His lightsaber flew to his hand and he chopped the door off the lift. Shoving the door out of his way, he spotted the still smoking droid and hacked it to pieces. Excited, Mace ran back down the long hallway towards the stairs with his purple lightsaber in hand. "SITH! SITH! THE SITH ARE HERE!"

As bad luck would have it, Mace ignored the crowds of hungry Jedi seeking food. He hadn't seen the fake announcement that the Cafeteria was closed and because he had been unconscious for hours he didn't realize time had passed and it was now the lunch hour. So when he saw hundreds of Jedi fleeing from the Temple he thought it was because of the Sith. But Mace wasn't scared of the Sith. No, he was on the Jedi Council and was Master Mace Windu!

Mace ran after Anakin for no particular reason and when Anakin vanished through the wall, Mace ran through the wall as well. Thanks to the Force, Windu passed through unharmed and skidded to a sudden halt. His dark eyes widened at the assorted people dressed entirely in black. Black robes, black hats, black everything! "THE SITH! I'VE FOUND DOZENS OF SITH!"

Mr. Borgin unwisely chose this moment to step out of his dark wizard store to see who was shouting. He was immediately leaped on by Mace and knocked to the cobblestone street. His greasy hair was pressed to the road as the wide-eyed baldheaded man pressed a hand to his throat.

"I CAUGHT A SITH!" Mace screamed in excitement and frantically dug on his belt for the cuffs. But more Sith were gathering, several with odd sticks in their hands. They stared at Mace. "THERE ARE SITH EVERYWHERE! YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST!"

Anakin peered through a dirt-streaked window and groaned. "Oh no, it's Mace! I have to send him back to Coruscant!"

More wizards in dark robes gathered to watch the oddly dressed man who was screaming. None stepped forward to help their fellow, as it was each Slytherin for his or her own neck.

"DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST BY THE AUTHORITY GIVEN TO ME BY THE REPUBLIC!"

The black robed people shook their heads. The guy was a real fruitcake….

Someone snuck up behind Mace and struck him on the head with a cane. Mace's eyes rolled up in his head and he passed out. Mr. Borgin shoved the unconscious man off him and scrambled to his feet, a frightened expression on his face.

Anakin hurried out from the wizard shop, a thick sandwich in his hand. Using the Force, he levitated the unconscious Mace into the air. "Thanks! Sorry for the intrusion. Master Mace is a bit paranoid about Sith I'm afraid…"

The boy rolled his blue eyes. "He sees them _everywhere_!"

With that said, Anakin hurried back through the wall, the unconscious Jedi Master preceding him. Once back on Coruscant the young boy looked around for an appropriate place to leave him. He certainly didn't want to float him all the way back to the Temple! No, that was just too far. The streets were oddly empty of passerby, possibly due to the Jedi mob that was being broadcast live all over the planet on all the news stations, so he floated Mace several blocks away from the secret entrance. The last thing he wanted was for Mace to find the place again. No, the place was _his_ and he wasn't going to share it!

There was a big dumpster in the alley and Anakin set Mace down next to it. "He should be safe enough over here…"

Sandwich in hand, Anakin scurried off to the Temple.

A short time later Mace woke up. His eyes widened as he remembered seeing all the Sith. "The Sith!"

Climbing to his feet, Mace ran straight to the Senate building. This was a matter of supreme importance and the Supreme Chancellor had to be informed right away! Ignoring the guards and almost killing himself by stepping on a small black cleaning droid, Mace forced his way into Palpatine's office. He was wide-eyed and looked quite the madman, his robes stained with dirt from the alley. "THE SITH!"

Palpatine glanced up from some papers on his desk and frowned when he saw it was Mace. "Ah, yes, the Sith. What did they do this time? Another pickle or was it perhaps a cucumber this time? Or maybe a nice zucchini?"

"No, it's far worse!" Mace exclaimed. "There were HUNDREDS OF SITH! They have a whole VILLAGE! Houses, stores, cobblestone streets, the whole works!"

Palpatine sighed. "Master Mace, in case you don't know there's a food riot going on! I think that takes priority over your delusions…"

"Delusions? I swear it was REAL! I was there! I saw it with my own eyes!" Mace pointed at his eyes. "I even had one of the Sith caught! An especially devious looking one with shifty eyes and greasy hair…"

"And you know as well as I do there are no cobblestone streets on Coruscant. Besides, I really doubt if Sith could be breeding right under our noses. You do realize how preposterous that sounds? Perhaps that lump on your head has something to do with it…?"

"There was a Sith in the Temple this morning! It locked me in my room and than charged at me in the hallway! It was armed with a red lightsaber!"

"And I suppose it was this mysterious Sith that locked the Temple Cafeteria and put a bogus sign on the doors stating that said Cafeteria was closed?" Palpatine asked.

"YES! THE SITH DID IT ALL!" Mace insisted. "Its clear this was a clever scheme to upset the economy of Coruscant so the Sith Army, the one I just saw hidden away, can take over the planet!"

Palpatine rose from his seat and gently turned Mace around while shoving him towards the door. "Yes, I assure you I will look into this serious matter. Its very disturbing to hear of this Sith Army…"

"But…" Mace squawked as he was shoved out the door.

"We will have a Council Meeting on this soon." Palpatine assured him. "But the Temple needs you at this moment. Master Yoda and the others have removed the sign the Sith made and has re-opened the Cafeteria. I also heard many doors were malfunctioning…"

"Yes, yes, a Council Meeting! We must study the remains in the lift!" Realizing he had left the Sith's remains unguarded, Mace hurried back to the Temple. But unfortunately for Mace, Anakin had returned first and had hidden the remains of his busted droid. The scraps of cloth from the ruined robe were discarded into a trashcan and the practice lightsaber was restored to its original color so it could be returned to the Youngling's practice room. So there was no evidence of Mace's so-called Sith except for scorch marks, the smell of smoke and the doors cut from their hinges.

Mace ran right to the lift near his quarters and searched wild-eyed all over the floor. "It's GONE!"

To be continued…

AN: So there's the chapter I promised you! And yes, Anakin put the fake sign on the cafeteria's door. The outer doors opened OK as Anakin didn't mess with those. Anakin only goofed up some of the interior doors. Oh and sorry this chapter was a bit late. It was the first anniversary of my cat's death and I was feeling a bit blue earlier in the week. I hope you can understand that. Also sorry to those who don't care for the HP stuff in the chapters; I promise not to do it very often. In fact, I probably wont do it for a long time now as I ran out of ideas. I just couldn't resist paranoid Mace mistaking all the Slytherins for Sith due to the black clothing. Also the new HP book is coming out on the 16th so I guess this is a good time for one last short trip to Knockturn Alley. In the next chapter you'll meet Ani's pet dragon again and he'll have a name.


	35. Stamped and Labeled

Pranks 35: Stamped and Labeled

Author's Note: First of all, I'm sorry I haven't updated my fics since July. It has been the worst summer EVER. It has been unbearably hot and muggy and my computer refused to work in the 90 degree temps that insisted on hanging around, even in Sept. I really missed working on my stories but I can continue them now. Our summers are usually on the cool side, 70s and 80s. I'm glad the too-hot weather has finally left… So on with the story!

Anakin snickered as he rested in his bed, his hands folded behind his head. He couldn't believe he had actually pranked the entire Jedi Temple! Well, maybe not _exactly _everyone, but it was so close that it really didn't matter. Not only that, but he had also left Mace next to a dumpster! Proud Master Windu lying next to a greasy ol' dumpster like a common hobo! Laughter rolled through his body and the young Padawan was forced to cover his mouth with his hands lest his Master hear him and become suspicious. Anakin attempted to control his wayward emotions before loud guffaws drew Obi to his room, but tears leaked from his blue eyes and his body quivered with wild mirth. "I'm so brilliant! Before everyone thought I was a nobody, a mere slave from the Outer Rim. And here I had actually controlled the actions of everyone in the Temple! Me!"

The thought was a revelation and a feeling of power swept through his small body. It was akin to what he felt during a podrace with the cheering of the crowd and everyone shouting his name.

Anakin wiped his eyes and slowly sat up. "But what can I do to top that? I'm having so much fun I don't want to stop now. But what could possibly be better than closing the cafeteria?"

"CHIRP! CHIRP! CHIRP!"

Anakin's blue eyes grew wide in worry and he glanced fearfully at the door. He quickly scrambled out of bed and hurried over to his new pet, the pink pseudodragon he had snatched from the Coruscant Zoo. Since he had borrowed the exotic animal, he had dutifully scanned the news on his computer every night for any story about the missing animal but hadn't managed to find any. A slight frown creased his lips as he attempted once again to figure out exactly what that meant. Was it that the zoo didn't care the little dragon was gone? Could the zookeepers be so utterly careless that they simply hadn't noticed the creature was missing? Or were some unknown agents this very moment hot on his trail and would burst into the Temple any minute to arrest him for dragon-napping? If they did…

Redness crept up into his face as he imagined the utter horror of being dragged out of the Temple in cuffs, all the Jedi and Padawans staring at him. Some would be shocked but he knew others would exchange secret glances and whispers, nodding knowingly. Most of his classmates hadn't liked him since he had arrived. He was the Outsider who talked funny and had odd ideas. No matter how hard he tried to model his speech after theirs and tried to fit in, he _still_ was different. He thought differently, he was more independent, he questioned things the others took for granted. They would nod knowingly and agree that Ferus had been right. They would probably even be glad the odd stranger was finally gone while he was dragged off in chains to some dark, dank hole to rot forever.

No, he wouldn't let it happen! He wouldn't get caught with the pseudodragon!

"I'm smarter than all of them combined!" Anakin whispered to himself with conviction as his eyes hardened.

"CHIRP! CHIRP!"

"Shhhhhh!" Anakin reached out and wrapped his hands around the little animal's snout. "You have to be quite! I can't let my Master find you hear. Do you want to be sent back to the zoo?"

Picking the pseudodragon up, Anakin carried it to the bed and carefully set it down on the soft mattress. Joining it on the bed, Anakin hugged his pet happily for a moment. At the moment, it was the closest thing he had to a friend. And hadn't Master Yaddle said it was telepathic? If so, why wasn't it speaking to him telepathically? "If only you could talk…we could have so much fun together! I bet we could whip up some really great pranks! It'll be so much fun!"

/But I _can_ talk./

Anakin's jaw dropped and he gawked at the small pink dragon in his arms.

/My name is Quartzite and I would be delighted to think up pranks with you. In fact, I have an idea…/

Anakin listened in rapt attention as the pseudodragon informed him he would need a needle and a bit of thread…

Obi-Wan stepped out of the shower wrapped in a towel and hurried to his bedroom to dress. Within moments he was almost fully dressed; just his Jedi Robe remained. Reaching for the warm brown material, he picked it up and was about to put it on when a blur of white on the inner neck caught his eye. Curious as to what it could be, he studied it in more detail only to see it was a clothing tag.

"Female, XXL". Obi-Wan read.

His eyebrows rose in puzzlement as he continued to stare at the tag. "Female, XXL …. What could that possibly mean? I'm not a _girl_!"

Obi scratched his beard for a few moments, thinking. Perhaps it wasn't his robe. Yes, there may have been a mix-up somewhere even though he couldn't think of how. After all, he did his own laundry. The Jedi carefully examined the robe and sighed glumly when he spotted the slight tear in the right cuff. It _was_ his robe! He'd had that tear there for several months and just hadn't found the time to get it properly repaired. He was just thankful that none of the Council members had spotted it and given him a speech on proper dress. Well, not yet.

"But what in blazes does this mean? Have I been wearing a robe meant for _females_ all these years? Blast that Qui-Gon! He's supposed to tell me these things!"

Of course, Qui-Gon hadn't.

"I bet he thought it was funny!" Obi-wan rubbed his beard a bit more, nodding. Yes, that's why his Master had always worn that slight smile when he thought no one was watching!

Obi-Wan tossed the brown robe onto his bed and crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at it. Certain he was alone, he stared up at the ceiling. "Well, I finally caught on to you, Master! You didn't get away with it for long!"

The room was quite.

"Only a decade or so….." Obi sheepishly admitted.

"Master!" Anakin's voice called through the closed bedroom door.

"What is it, Padawan?" Obi-Wan asked, distractedly.

"You're going to be late!"

"Late? For what?" Obi-Wan asked as he half turned to look at the closed door.

"For the Council Meeting! Remember? The one Master Mace told you about!"

"Drat! I forgot all about it!" Panic started to bubble in the Jedi's stomach as he shifted his gaze back to the robe lying innocently on his bed, a _female's_ robe…. What was he going to do? He couldn't go to the Council meeting in a _girl's_ robe, could he? NO! He had to acquire a _man's_ robe! And quickly!

"Oh, I did I get myself into this mess? I must be blind not to see that label before!" he moaned.

"Master! You're going to be late!" Anakin's voice floated through the door. The meeting starts in ten minutes!"

"I … I can't go!" Obi-Wan frantically said as he started to tear apart his closet in search of another robe. Tunics, shirts and pants were thrown out haphazardly to create a mess on the floor. "I don't have a thing to wear!"

Obi-Wan was so busy panicking at the sight of his empty closet that he failed to hear Anakin's muffled snickers.

"Master?" Anakin managed to say without his voice breaking too badly.

"I … I have to call the Quartermaster! Yes, that's it!" Obi lunged for the comlink on his desk, totally forgetting about the pile of discarded clothing on the floor. His feet became promptly tangled in the material and he fell to the floor. Being a Jedi, a little tumble wasn't about to stop him from reaching his goal. He scrambled to his feet, a white shirt stuck to his boot. Eagerly his hand closed around the communications device and he promptly dialed the correct number. "Hello, Quartermaster? This is Master Kenobi. I need a new robe, immediately! It's an extreme emergency!"

"What's wrong with the one you have?" A gruff voice asked. "We're on a budget, you know…"

"There has been a mistake. I seem to have a female's robe and I'd like one meant for males…."

Loud laughter echoed out of the comlink.

"I'm serious!" Obi-Wan gritted his teeth as his gripe tightened on the comlink. "This isn't funny!"

"You're a riot!"

"Listen, I have a Council Meeting in less than ten minutes! I need a new robe!"

"MAHAHAHAHAHA!" The Quartermaster laughed.

"Stop laughing!" Obi-Wan shook the comlink but it didn't help any. Then his blue eyes narrowed. "You're in on it, aren't you?"

In retrospect, Qui-Gon had seemed a tad close to the Quartermaster….

Hmmm…..

It was a conspiracy!

"Master, please! You need to hurry!" Anakin called from the other side of the door.

Snapping the comlink off in disgust, Obi-Wan glared at the brown robe resting on the bed. Snatching it up, he frowned as he pulled it on. "And Qui-Gon had told me that these robes were unisex! Ha!"

Grumbling under his breath, Obi-Wan walked out of his bedroom and hurried out of the quarters he shared with Anakin. Female robe or not, he needed to attend that drat Council Meeting! There was no way to get out of that. As he hurried down the hallway he could feel the eyes of the other Jedi on him. They no doubt _knew_ it was a female's robe! But _how_ did they know these things? Hadn't they all attended the same classes? Obi-Wan shook his head in confusion. He certainly didn't remember a class called 'How To Identify Women's' Jedi Robes From Men's'.

No, robes were just handed out…

Yet somehow _he_ had to get stuck with a female one!

Why couldn't some other guy have gotten it?

Noooooo, these things _always_ happened to him!

Obi-Wan continued on his way towards the Council Room and he noticed all the passing heads turning his way. At first he tried to pass it off as his imagination, but he was soon convinced that they _were_ staring at him. Redness started to creep up into his face and he hoped his beard would hide it.

"Excuse me, Master Kenobi?" Barriss Offee said as she stepped in front of him. "Do you realize there is a piece of clothing stuck to your boot?"

"My boot?" Obi-Wan glanced down and spotted the once-white shirt tangled around his boot. Extreme heat raced through his body and he could feel his face turn as red as a tomato. "Umm …. I … No, I didn't know. Thank you…"

Obi-Wan quickly tore the shirt from his boot and bundled it into a round ball within a few seconds. He looked this way and that; unsure of what he should _do_ with the offending piece of clothing. He watched the female Jedi continue on her way down the sparkling clean hall. "Drat! There's not a spot in sight to stash the shirt! I can't enter the Council Room clutching a shirt in my hands! I'd look like an idiot!"

Upon reaching the lift that went up to the Council Room, he opted to just leave the shirt in a corner of the lift and hoped no one would notice. He paused a brief second, staring at the white bundle.

Was it a _woman's_ shirt or a _man's_?

Using the Force, Obi-Wan called the shirt into his hands. Nervously he fumbled with it. The material seemed to fight him and he grew more and more upset. Where was the neck? He needed to see the tag on the inner neck! Shoving a sleeve out of the way, he spotted the neck opening and….

"Female, XXL …. NOOOOOOOO!"

Obi-Wan slapped both hands over his mouth, horrified. He hadn't just shrieked in the lift just outside the Council Room, did he? That was so Un-Jedi-like … so _girly_!

What if ALL of his clothes were like this? It would be _horrible_!

"Drat Quartermaster must think I'm a girl!"

"Say something did you?" Yoda asked as the lift doors opened at the little green alien's approach. Master Yoda had big dark circles under his eyes and he leaned heavily on his cane. All those babies were really wearing him out….

"Oh no, Master Yoda!" Obi-Wan said with a big fake smile plastered to his face, the offending shirt hidden behind his back. "I didn't say anything. There was a bit of chatter on the intercom; that's what you must have heard."

Obi-Wan gritted his teeth through the Council Meeting and hurried out as quickly as he could. He had to fix this crazy problem! Upon reaching his quarters, he rushed into his bedroom where he dug in his desk. "I know it's in here somewhere…."

With a sound of triumph, Obi-Wan yanked the thick black marker out of the over-crowded desk drawer. An evil grin plastered to his face, he began to scratch out the letters "Fe" on all his pieces of clothing. Pausing a moment, he considered whether or not to cross out one of the Xs as well. He didn't want people to think he was fat, did he? Soon the black marker was crossing out more letters on the tag.

"Male, XL. That sounds much better!" Obi-Wan said happily as he held up one of his tunics to admire the result of his hard work. "I'm sure that Quartermaster doesn't know what size people are anyway…"

To be continued….

Hope that was funny.


	36. Obi Strikes Back!

Pranks 36

Obi-Wan strolled down the long glistening hallway of the Jedi Temple, confident once again. He was just passing the dueling practice rooms when he saw that one of the doors had been left open. Pausing, he peered in to watch the two combatants. Master Mace swung his purple blade at Kit Fisto who parried the blow easily. Both Jedi had stripped down to their shirts, tunics and long pants, beads of sweat decorating their brows. Obi-Wan, however, couldn't help noticing the long brown robes that had been left in a neat pile by the open door.

Temptation itched at the back at his mind…

_It wouldn't hurt to check their robes' tags…._

Yes, a part of him wanted to know if Master Mace wore a proper man's robe or a woman's robe. Not that it really mattered, yet since the opportunity had presented itself…

Obi-Wan quickly bent down and picked up Mace's soft brown Jedi Robe. Peering at the inner neck, he saw…

"It's tag less!" the bearded Jedi gasped. In a flash he dropped Mace's robe in a tangled heap and picked up the other, only to discover it was the same! Letting Kit's robe fall from numb fingers, Obi-Wan stalked away from the room. "I've been had! Again! That Padawan of mine made a fool of me and I didn't even _know_ it! How that boy got to be so diabolical I don't know! Making me think there had been something wrong with my robe! It's sheer foolishness, that's what it is! Foolishness!"

Disgruntled, Obi-Wan stormed down the hall. He had to _do_ something about Anakin, but what? Nothing really seemed to work on the boy. The only thing he seemed to really enjoy was speeding and playing pranks…. The Jedi paused as a faint idea began to take form in his brain. No doubt Anakin had enjoyed watching him panic thinking he had been wearing girl's clothes all these years. Well, he just happened to know about a storeroom deep in the Temple that the Jedi kept all sorts of clothing in for when Knights went out on undercover missions. Obi-Wan was sure that there would be more traditional female clothing in there…

"Let's see how _you_ like it, Anakin…"

Pulling the directions from his mind, Master Kenobi made the right twists and turns until he was at the huge storeroom. Within twenty minutes he was on his way back to his apartment, a bundle of new clothing in his arms. As he walked, a slight grin spread across his lips and he started to whistle the peppy tune he had heard once on Naboo. Yes, Anakin would be _very_ sorry he had messed with his clothes!

Hours passed and Anakin finally was released from school. He hurried home from the classroom and marched straight to his bedroom to start on his homework. It had been slightly funny hearing Obi panic that morning but it wasn't one of the best pranks he had played. Still, it had been fun. Sewing all the tags onto Obi's clothes had been a big bother, though, and he had the dozens of needle pricks on his fingers to prove it, too. A mechanical genius he may be, but seamstress he was not. Still, he had giggled about it several times in the morning. Anakin finished his homework and ate supper with Obi. Then it was time to go to bed.

Opening his closet to get his pajamas out, Anakin gawked open-mouthed in shock.

All of his clothes were _gone_!

Yet the closet wasn't empty…

His heart suddenly pounding within his chest, he reached a shaking hand out towards one of the white garments that now hung in his closet. The tips of his fingers touched the silky material and he instantly jerked his hand away as if the thing had burned him. It … it was utterly _horrible_! It was far worse than the time he had seen Obi swallow the rat that had been in his chip bag or the werewolf that had tried to crawl in his bedroom window…

It was … LACE!

"NO! It can't be!" Anakin started to wail in panic as he flung the lacey nightgown onto the floor of his bedroom. There was _no way_ he was going to actually wear that … that … _thing_! "My regular clothes have to be in here somewhere! They just _have_ to be!"

Anakin took a deep breath and forced himself to slowly count to twenty. "There's no reason to panic. There must be a logical reason for this. Most likely Obi-Wan figured out I pranked him this morning and this is his revenge! Yeah, I bet that's it. He wants me to wear that _thing_ so I can make a fool of myself! He'll no doubt go pull a fire alarm or something so everyone will see me wearing it! Well, I'm not _that_ dumb! He can't out prank the master prankster!"

The young Padawan hopped onto his bed and defiantly crossed his arms over his chest. Still, his blue eyes couldn't help wondering over to the lacey nightwear that lay on the carpet. He briefly wondered where his Master had gotten the thing. And it would be a shame to waste all of Obi's hard work…

Hopping off the bed, Anakin moved to his desk and pulled out a piece of paper. An idea had formed in his mind. He would trick some other brainless sap into wearing the frilly thing and he knew the perfect victim! His pen scribbling across the paper madly, the note was soon finished and all he had to do now was go deliver it. And if it actually worked…

Silently Ani snuck out of the apartment and carefully laid the soft bundle outside the correct door. After pressing the buzzer, Anakin raced into the nearest broom closet, both hands over his mouth to stop the giggles from being heard.

Out in the hall, the door inched open and a green head with large ears poked out. Master Yoda looked up and down the empty hallway but saw no one in sight. He finally looked down and spotted the bundle. "What be this? A present it is? From who I wonder?"

Picking the bundle up, Yoda went back into his quarters. The brogs, or his babies as Yoda more affectionately called them, were busy hopping around the apartment. Walking over to his cushion, Yoda sat down and started to unwrap the mysterious present. As he did so, a hand-written note fluttered to the floor. The Jedi Master bent and picked it up.

_Dear Yoda,_

_I have long watched you from afar._

_Your green scaly skin reminds me of moss and green slime gelatin._

_Your large eyes are tepid pools of stagnant water, fresh from the swamp._

_Your three toes, words cannot describe them._

_And your ears are like the mold-covered thing I found in the back of my fridge…_

_Please accept these gifts I got you…_

_I will contact you again soon…_

_Your Secret Admirer_

Yoda stared at the letter in shock.

"Sent me scandalous love letter they did!"

This could ruin his career if anyone ever saw it! Why, it was practically X-rated!

"Hide it I must! Quick, quick!" Yoda started to run in wild circles around his small apartment. First he thought to hide it in his clothes drawer, but no. Maybe under the cushion was better? But the cleaning droid might find it there. The kitchen, the closet, the bathroom, back to the cushion… "Where? Where can I hide letter? Oh, why must they put name on it? And me with babies!"

Jedi being better at honesty and good deeds, they were _not_ skilled at deception. And hiding a possibly scandalous letter could be considered a type of deception. Finally out of desperation, Yoda plucked down a box of cocoa envelopes and stashed the letter inside and then put the box way in the back of his dry goods cupboard. Wiping tiny beads of sweat off his green brow, he went to examine the gifts…

A short time later, Obi-Wan snuck out of his apartment and tippy-toed down the corridor. After checking both directions, he yanked the fire alarm down and ran full speed back into his apartment. The loud insisting clang of the alarm sounded in his ears and he chuckled. By now he was sure his Padawan was wearing the horrible surprise.

As all the Jedi and Padawans and Younglings gathered outside, almost everyone wearing various types of nightclothes, a loud murmur started to pass through the crowd. Word passed quickly from one to another until the entire crowd was abuzz with it. People, both alien and human alike, pushed forward for they all wanted to see the promised sight. And there it was…

Master Yoda pushing an incredibly long floating baby stroller, all his brogs safely tucked inside. This sight was a spectacle by itself, but then there was the clothing to consider. The normally dire and practical Jedi Master had forgone his simple Jedi Robe in favor of a white, lace-covered nightgown! The silky material was a tad baggy but it seemed to fit him all right. His tree-toed feet poked out from under the hem as he slowly moved away from the Temple. And a wide-brimmed hat was perched upon his head, a pale green ribbon tied around the middle and trailing down the back. Yoda had sliced special openings in the hat with his lightsaber so his ears could poke through. Not only did this help the hat to stay on his head but it just seemed right somehow…

To be continued…

Hope that was funny. The so-called 'love letter' Anakin sent to Yoda was a prank letter, in case it isn't clear.


	37. A Rude Awakening

Pranks 37

Anakin giggled as he snuck out of the bathroom at 5 in the morning. He had just set up another great prank on his poor Master, Obi-Wan. Creeping on silent tiptoes so he wouldn't disturb his still slumbering Master, he crept back to his bedroom. Hoping into bed, he pulled the covers over himself and pretended he was asleep. Soon the fun would start…

About an hour or so later, Obi-Wan woke up. Yawning, he stretched his hands high overhead. By the Force, why did Jedi have to get up so _early_? Because they were Jedi, that's why. His half-open eyes glanced towards the bedroom window. Except for a faint red trace on the distant horizon, the sky was still dark. Still, it was time to get up and moving. Smacking his dry mouth sleepily, he tossed the covers off and crawled out of bed. Swaying slightly for a moment, he steadied himself with a hand on the mattress. Once he was in control of his body again, he padded to the bathroom on bare feet.

Entering the bathroom, his hand automatically moved to the light switch. Finding it in the dark from sheer habit, he depressed the tiny button.

FLASH!

There was a brilliant flash of light and then utter darkness again.

"Drat!" Obi-Wan swore as the bulb burned out. Red and green afterimages danced before his eyes and he stumbled slightly. Leaning against the metal jamb, he blinked his eyes and waited for the odd colors to go away. "Now I'll have to change the bulb!"

The Jedi shook his head sadly. The Republic was going to Tartarus in a hand basket, fast. Hadn't the package the bulb came in promised ten years of use? "And I just changed that bulb last month!"

Not only were politicians crooked but manufactures, too!

"Well, am I Jedi or not? I don't need light to shower and dress really…" Removing his pajamas, he neatly hung them up on the convenient hook on the bathroom door. Stepping into the shower, he reached for the faucets to turn the water on. But instead of his hands meeting clean metal it encountered slippery goop!

"What the?" Obi-Wan uttered in disgust as he quickly jerked both hands away from the unexpected slime. Unknown to Obi-Wan, Anakin had carefully smeared petroleum jelly on the faucets! The bearded Jedi stood in the shower for a long moment, contemplating what he should do. Cautiously, he lifted a hand to his nose and sniffed. Recognizing the scent, he relaxed slightly. "Well, I just need to wash it off…"

Once again Obi-Wan reached out and gripped the shower faucets. His hands slid on the curved pieces of metal and he gritted his teeth. Tightening his grip, he tried yet again. "Drat thing, stop sliding in my hands!"

Deciding to grip only one faucet with both hands, he tightened all of his fingers around it and attempted to turn on the water. Loosing his grip on it, he fell forward and hit his head on the tile wall.

"Ouch!"

This left him in a kneeling position on the shower floor. Forgetting himself, he lifted a grease-smeared hand and touched the front of his head where he had bumped it. Carefully he probed the tender area with his fingertips and ascertained it wasn't serious at all. Then his blue eyes widened as he realized what he had just done. "Drat! Now I got it in my hair as well!"

Obi-Wan liked to think himself good at gathering information and finding solutions. He would put his mind to work and find a solution to get the goop off both his hands _and_ the faucets. "A towel! I'll wipe the goop off into a towel!"

Smiling, he carefully rose to his feet and climbed out of the shower stall. There were several big fluffy bath towels hanging on a rack in the bathroom and he reached for one. Pulling one free of the rack, he started to wipe his hands and …

"AH – AH-AH-CHOO!"

A big cloud of loose lint went flying up into the air from the towel almost immediately. Sneezing wildly, Obi-Wan waved his grease-covered hands in the air in a vain attempt to push it away from his face. Unfortunately, he still held the towel in one hand and this only created _more_ dust in the air.

Coughing now, he stumbled blindly in the dark over to the nearby wall. Upon touching it, he dropped the towel and reached out for the fan switch. If he turned it on, it should hopefully suck all the dust outside through a vent… Sliding his hand all over the wall he finally found what he was looking for. With a strangled cough, he flipped it to the on position.

HELLO EVERYBODY!

Startled, Obi-Wan jerked his head backward and blindly gawked up at the ceiling where the booming voice had come from. "Now what the heck is going on?"

The next moment some loud rock-and-roll music started playing, the floor boards thumping wildly under Obi-Wan's bare feet. Angry, Obi-Wan flipped the fan switch to the off position, sure that would shut the annoying music off. But instead of turning the awful racket off, a strobe light started flashing in the dark bathroom.

"By the Force!" Obi-Wan shut his stinging eyes tightly and angrily started flipping the fan switch on and off frantically, hoping that would stop the strobe _and_ the too-loud music. Even with his eyelids closed he could see the brilliant flashes of white light. And then a _new_ sound assaulted his tender eardrums. Tilting his head sideways, he attempted to hear it better.

"KENOBI! SHUT THAT RACKET OFF! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

Oh No! It was Mace!

Deciding he had better leave the bathroom and deal with Mace, Obi-Wan reached for the doorknob…

"KENOBI! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

The knob came off in Obi-Wan's greasy hand. "Uh oh!"

"I'M WARNING YOU! IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT RACKET OFF…"

Obi-Wan poked the knob blindly at the door, hoping against hope it would slide back into the tiny hole it had come from. But he couldn't _see_ the hole and his guess was way off. Panicking, he jammed the knob against the metal door too hardly and it slipped from his greasy hand. It clattered to the floor and rolled off who knows where. The Jedi stepped backward and found it the hard way, the tender arch of his right foot coming down on it. Yelping in pain, he lost his balance and fell to the floor.

"THERE ARE A THOUSAND JEDI IN THIS TEMPLE AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT MAKES RACKET!"

"Ooohhhhhh…." Obi-Wan moaned. He had to get _out_ of this bathroom. The entire placed was rigged with booby traps! Crawling to his feet once again, the Jedi moved towards the bathroom's only window. Luckily, it was just big enough for a person to crawl out of…

"I just hope it opens…" he moaned to himself. His head was aching from the awful music, Mace screaming and the too annoying flashing light. "And it used to be such a nice bathroom…"

"KENOBI!"

"Shut up already!" Obi-Wan yelled back at Mace, his patience wearing thin. "I'm doing all I can!"

Maybe if he were lucky, Mace would get hauled away in a straight jacket…

Yes that sounded good…

"And they could put this blaring music and flashing light in Mace's private rubber room…"

Obi-Wan pushed against the window and felt it move outward. Without warning, the whole thing crashed to the ground far below. "Oops!"

The Jedi stuck his head out the window and glanced down. The grass was far below, broken shards of glass and bits of window frame littering it. Not that he cared about that, no. He had to _escape_! With freedom so close, he leaped out the window headfirst. Doing a flip to turn himself around, he then used the Force to lower himself to the ground. His feet touched down a bit harder than he liked, but he could live with that. He had also narrowly avoided the debris from his smashed window.

A cool breeze blew past and it made him realize something, something very important. He glanced down at himself and frowned. _He had forgotten his clothes up in the bathroom_! "Drat!"

He stood there for a moment, staring up at the dark windows of the Temple. Apparently everyone was still asleep so he needn't worry about anyone spotting him in such an embarrassing situation. A blush crept up into his face, most of it hidden by his facial hair. "I'll _kill_ that Padawan for this!"

Not that he really meant it. He was just very, very annoyed. But Anakin _would_ be hearing from him!

"This isn't funny at all!" Obi-Wan grumbled as he stalked across the thick grass towards the Temple's nearest door. The sky to the east was growing brighter by the moment and he had to hurry. Increasing his pace, his heel came down on a sharp stone and he howled in pain. Hopping on one foot, his injured foot held in both hands, he struggled to keep his balance. But it wasn't to be so and he tumbled to the grass. Picking the hated stone up, he flung it as hard as he could. The rock sailed through the air and…

CRASH!

Obi-Wan's blue eyes opened wide and all pain in his heel was instantly forgotten. Leaping to his feet, he streaked across the grass at full speed and skittered around the nearby corner. Pressing his back against the cold building, he struggled to catch his breath. "Did I just do what I thought I did?"

"HEY!" A disgruntled voice called. "Who broke my window!"

Obi-Wan crept into some nearby bushes and huddled low. He had to get back inside the Temple! Creeping in the narrow gap between the Temple and the row of shrubs, he finally reached the door. Pushing it inward, he silently crept inside. Nervously his eyes darted in all directions; sure that someone would see him. A sigh escaped his lips when he realized the hall was still deserted. "What a relief!"

Of course, Obi-Wan had forgotten about the security cameras stationed all over the Temple. And it was those cameras that later picked up the image of one Jedi sneaking down the hallway with several rope mops strategically placed, held in place by a few more strands of rope he had torn off another mop!

To be continued…

Hope that was funny.


	38. Foresight Failure

Pranks 38

Anakin knelt on his knees in the bathroom, a deep scowl on his face. "It's not fair…"

"Did you say something, Padawan?" Obi-Wan said from where he stood in the open bathroom doorway, his hands crossed over his chest.

"No, Master…" Anakin quickly said and wearily continued scrubbing the bathroom floor with the toothbrush. His funny bathroom prank had been a total success but unfortunately Obi-Wan didn't think it was funny. In fact, he had been _furious_!

"Good. Because I don't enjoy being the laughing stock of the entire Temple!" Obi-Wan added as he continued to scrutiny the boy's cleaning. Whipping a printed photograph from under his arm, he waved it about in the air. "Do you know how _many_ of these embarrassing photographs are plastered around the Temple? My reputation is _ruined, ruined_!"

"Master, I'm sorry! It's not my fault you were caught on the security cameras and someone thought you looked funny wearing those old mops…"

Obi-Wan glared at Anakin. "How do I know _you_ didn't print those pictures?"

"Because I _didn't_! Honest!"

"Well, I just hope scrubbing the bathroom has taught you a lesson! Because I don't know what to do with you; locking you in your bedroom doesn't do any good at all…" Obi-Wan stated as he glanced once again at the photo. The picture showed him sneaking down the corridor only wearing the string mops… Uggh!

The apartment was silent for a few moments, only the _scritch, scritch, scritch_ of the toothbrush on the floor making sound.

"I don't like being the center of all this attention." Obi-Wan admitted. His blue eyes flickered to his Padawan and an idea started to form in his head. He pondered it and a ting of guilt bit at his insides.

It would be wrong.

It would break the rules…

It would put the attention on someone else…

"Anakin!"

"Yes, Master?" Anakin paused in his punishment and glanced up at the older Jedi. Through the Force he could sense that the man's mood had changed and the slight glimmer of hope blossomed in his heart. If he were lucky, his punishment might be at an end.

"Anakin, I have decided to give you a new assignment, a _secret_ assignment. Do you understand? _No one_ in the Temple must find out about it or we'll _both_ be in trouble!" Obi-Wan helped Anakin to his feet and tossed the toothbrush into the sink. "We are going to use this unique talent of yours to get the attention _off_ me and onto someone else. Think up a really good prank and go set it up somewhere in the Temple, somewhere _outside_ this apartment. Do you understand?"

Thrilled, Anakin eagerly nodded.

"Maybe something flashy that will attract lots of attention…" Obi-Wan said out loud to himself…

"Oh, Master!" Anakin darted forward and hugged Obi-Wan around the waist happily.

Smiling, Obi-Wan tousled the boy's short hair. "Now go think up something good. And whatever you do, _don't get caught!_"

"I won't!" Anakin promised. An idea was already brimming in his mind and he knew it would be the best prank yet! The Jedi wouldn't know what hit them! Excitement coursed through his body and he dashed to his bedroom. He had blueprints to draw up on his computer….

The night came and Anakin crept silently out of the apartment, a bag of tools hanging from his belt. Several hours later he returned to his bedroom while the Temple continued to snooze unaware. And unlike Obi-Wan, he had been wise enough to tell certain cameras in the hall to shut themselves off, playing and replaying a loop of empty hall while the Padawan worked on his labors.

That morning the Jedi Temple had a distinguished visitor: Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. He was scheduled to go meet with the Jedi Council to discuss suspected Sith activity. While he had a pleasant expression pasted to his face, his insides were in slight turmoil. He didn't understand all of these reports of Sith. It was sheer nonsense! First there had been Sith pickles, Sith Bacon and even a piece of Sith carpet! And a while ago there had been that extremely embarrassing Jedi Food Riot. It had gotten onto the news and he had had a devil of a problem explaining the mess! Now Mace wanted to speak to him about the so-called community of Sith he had seen during the food riot. But knowing Master Mace, by now he probably had more 'evidence' to show him as well. Palpatine had put off this meeting as long as he could but had finally run out of excuses. He turned the corner and grimaced slightly. The dreaded moment was almost upon him. He just had to transverse the long corridor in front of him and then the lift would take him to the special Meeting Room…

Taking a deep breath to prepare for the upcoming madness, Palpatine started down the long shiny hallway. The door to the lift was clearly visible way on the other end. All too soon he would reach it…

After walking for a short time, Palpatine began to realize that the door wasn't getting any closer…

Puzzled, Palpatine paused and glanced down at his feet. Slowly he lifted a foot and stepped forward. Yes, his feet were moving under his long and elegant robe. Keeping a sharp eye on his moving feet, he walked boldly forward. After what seemed several minutes, he lifted his gaze to check on his progress.

"Blast! I'm still in the same spot!" Palpatine cried as he tried to grasp the situation. For some unknown reason, he had gotten stuck in the blasted Jedi's hallway! The Sith Master rubbed his chin in thought, a frown on his face. "I had not foreseen this unexpected difficulty. My visions generally do not fail me…"

But not once in the past week had his Force visions showed him trapped in a corridor!

"The Jedi will not trifle with me!" He reassured himself. "They are mindless idiots concerned about pickles and bits of carpet! I will escape and pretend nothing happened."

Determination in his step, Palpatine hurried forward. His boot heels struck the floor hard and he propelled himself forward. He locked his vision on the distant doorway at the other end of the hallway; sure he would reach it soon. His arms pumped up and back and soon a bead of sweat broke out on the old man's brow. He could feel his entire body starting to grow hot and he tugged on the high collar of his expensive embroidered robe. And although he walked quickly for a full ten minutes, the door was no closer!

"Drat! What madness is this?" Palpatine wailed as he wiped the sweat from his high forehead with a hanky from his pocket. "Why am I no closer to the door?"

Agitated and upset, the Supreme Chancellor broke out into a run, his long robes flopping about his ankles. His dignified clothing wasn't made for running and he worried that it might trip him, but escape was more important!

"Escape … I must escape!"

Panic gripped him and he ran faster, yet he stayed in the same spot!

"This is impossible!" he wailed as he desperately put on even more speed. His normally dry and powdered face was shiny with grease and sweat while his hair was plastered to his head. Rivulets of sweat ran down his back and chest, leaving large wet patches on his clothes. His breath came in loud puffs, his breathing raged. If he weren't a Sith Master this forced exercise might have killed him.

"AAHHHhhhhhhh!" Palpatine wailed. "Nowhere! I've gotten nowhere!"

Yes, he was _still_ trapped in the same section of hallway! "What curse is this? Why can't I move forward?"

"Witchcraft! That's what it must be! How dare someone use the Dark Side against me!" Palpatine turned around and decided he would try going back the way he had come…

But _that_ didn't work, either!

"Noooooooo!" He wailed loudly as he collapsed against the nearby hallway wall, his legs trembling from so much use. Clinging to the wall for support, he started to do the only thing he could. "HELP! SOMEONE HELP! I'M TRAPPED!"

Master Mace came around the corner from the same direction Palpatine had come from. "Supreme Chancellor! Are you all right? Are you ill?"

"Oh, this is AWFUL, Master Mace!" Palpatine wailed loudly, distress clear in his voice. "Someone has hexed this section of hallway with the Dark Side. I've been trapped here for a good twenty minutes…"

"I would have gotten here sooner," Mace explained as he suspiciously eyed the hallway before him. "But I had to investigate the disappearance of some equipment from the gym. Someone stole a treadmill during the night…"

"I don't care about your missing gym equipment!" Palpatine wailed angrily. "Get me out of here!"

The connection between his plight and the missing treadmill didn't click…

Of course, Anakin had fitted the treadmill carefully into the hallway floor and had covered the entire walking surface with matching flooring. The whole job was so carefully done that the seams were almost invisible. Luckily, it had been an extra-wide treadmill designed for a much larger species so it easily spanned the entire hallway from one to wall. It was also self-powered. That is, the person's feet made it move…

"Well, don't worry! We'll get you out of that hallway somehow!" Mace promised as he ran back the way he had come. He would go round up as many Jedi as he could. Rescuing the Supreme Chancellor was an _important_ job! He dashed into the Cafeteria where several dozen Jedi were eating breakfast. "Everyone, follow me! An extreme emergency has occurred! The Sith have attacked the Supreme Chancellor right here in the Temple and he needs to be rescued at once!"

The mass of Jedi ran after Mace and followed him to the hexed corridor.

Time passed…

"Ah, get off my foot!" Palpatine wailed as a Jedi stepped on his boot. About two-dozen Jedi were crammed into the cursed section of hallway, trapped. None of them could figure out WHY they were trapped. "You're squishing me!"

"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!"

To be continued…

Hope that was funny!


	39. The Sith War and Cucko Dooku

Pranks 39

Author's Note: Thank for all the great reviews! And another big thanks to those who submitted prank ideas. I'll try to use them all in various chapters. Someone asked where Anakin learned all the prank stuff. Well, Ani has been playing pranks since he was a slave back on Tatooine. He used to prank Watto all the time. Remember the podracer he built in Ep 1? Well, he 'borrowed' all those parts from Watto and the Toydarian didn't know. And the eyes we see him put onto 3PO? Well, he switched eyes with one of Watto's droids, leaving that droid as blind as a bat (blinder even, as a real bat can 'see' with radar). So if you really stop and think of it, Ani must be incredibly devious to sneak parts out of Watto's junk shop without getting caught! Yet he never was caught… He's also a mechanical genius, which helps support the treadmill prank he played on Palpatine. Tatooine society is much more chaotic than life in the Temple and real Jedi raised in the crèche would never do the things Ani does; but then, Ani doesn't think the way they do. And that is the crux of Ani's problem and why he fell to the dark side (along with his strong emotions).

Supreme Chancellor Palpatine rested in his secret Sith Headquarters, one of Coruscant's most towering structures. The Sith Master was NOT in a good mood. In fact, his mood was as black as the depths of a stinky tar pit and that said a lot. He still wasn't too sure what madness was going on at the Temple. At first Palpatine had presumed that the Jedi were incompetent fools and sloppy eaters wailing like a baby over each little thing and Master Mace was the worst of the bunch. The man kept blabbing nonsense about Sith attacks and blamed each little incident on the Sith. It was clear the baldheaded Master was a total fruitcake.

But that was BEFORE the dreaded hallway incident.

"I can't believe I was stuck on a treadmill! A treadmill!" Palpatine howled as he angrily slammed his wrinkled fist down on the arm of his chair. After several dozen Jedi had gotten stuck in the hexed hallway, someone had the brains to bring a droid to the scene. The droid had scanned the floor and had spotted the treadmill right away thanks to its inner radar capabilities. Master Mace had instantly declared himself a genius, as he had solved the crime of the missing gym equipment. Since then he had been strolling around with a puffed up chest and his nose stuck high in the air. "The idiot! What sort of fool would hide a treadmill in the floor? What loony is running around the Temple and giving the Sith a bad name?"

Worst, the person or persons unknown had made him look the fool.

"And to think I had to walk on a wooden board to escape that madness…" Palpatine grimaced, a down right ugly look on his face. The whole thing made no sense and that was the problem. Who was creating disaster for the Jedi and why? Was it some disgruntled person who held a grudge against the Order? Throughout the history of the Republic, the Jedi have earned themselves many enemies including relatives of criminals killed or jailed. Had such a relative snuck into the Temple disguised as a member of the Order? Or was it much more sinister, a new Sith Lord on the rise? "Yes, someone may very well be trying to squeeze me out of my position as Sith Master. I cannot abide such a thing. I have worked too hard and long to be outsmarted now!"

Yes, he plan was going oh so nicely! Soon his dream of a clone army would become reality and then he'd be one step closer to ruling the galaxy!

But a bitter thorn had dug its way under his skin and uncertainty bit at his evil mind. What if Master Mace was not the loony he presumed? Could the man have really SEEN a street filled of Sith in black robes? Were they the ones creating unrest in the Temple? The grimace on his face deepened as he once again lifted the padd that lay on a small table next to his black swivel chair. After he had been rescued from the treadmill, Mace had insisted the scheduled meeting go on as planed. At the meeting, Windu had handed out several extremely bad crayon drawings he had done of some of the suspected Sith. Flicking on device on with his thumb, Palpatine stared at the drawings for the umpteenth time. They were so badly done that they were more caricatures than actual sketches, certain facial features larger than others. Lopsided words were scribbled in the margins and pointed out certain things in the pictures. One showed a big nosed man with black, supposedly greasy hair. A second drawing was of the man Mace claimed he had almost caught, yet this drawing showed the least detail. When questioned what the man had looked like, Mace simply said he had greasy hair and wore black robes. It was infuriating! The third drawing showed a bit more promise; a long white-haired man holding some sort of long stick. Disgruntled, Palpatine threw the padd across the room. "A Youngling could draw better than that fool of a Jedi Master! I'm surrounded by incompetent fools!"

"Crayons! He's a Jedi Master and he still plays with CRAYONS!" It was enough to drive anyone insane…

"Lord Tyrannous!" Palpatine bellowed angrily, bluish-white sparks emitting from his fingertips as his anger raged. "Attend me!"

Count Dooku hurried into the room and bowed low before Palpatine. "Yes, Master? How may I serve you?"

"Someone is causing trouble at the Jedi Temple! You will go there and investigate! Find the meddlesome fools and eliminate them at once!" Palpatine ordered his Sith Apprentice. "I do not enjoy being made to look like the fool in front of those simpletons. Master Mace has provided us with sketches of the suspected troublemakers. Of course, his sanity is in question…"

Tyrannous called the padd to his hand from where it lay on the floor and studied the bad crayon drawings. "I have never seen these people at the Temple…"

"Of course not!" Palpatine bellowed, angry. "They're sneaking around at night, hexing hallways with built-in treadmills! You must be diligent in your observations. They are to be considered extremely dangerous and devious. They may be wearing disguises to throw you off the trail. Do not be fooled, My Apprentice. WE will be triumphant! WE will win this War of the Sith and gain our rightful place at the top! The interlopers must be found immediately!"

Dooku bowed low respectfully before Palpatine. "Yes, My Master. I will head to the Temple immediately and begin a search."

"Watch where you step!" Palpatine warned Dooku as the distinguished swordfighter turned to leave his Master's presence. "Them fools leave food scattered all over their floors! I don't want to hear any nonsense about broken limbs on your return!"

"Have no fear, Master." Dooku replied calmly, his voice even. "I will not fall on pickles or bits of bacon. I assure you I'm much more intelligent than Windu…"

"You had better be!" Palpatine added, the scowl still on his face. The only thin ray of light about the whole incident was that it hadn't gotten onto the news, not like that trashcan episode… His face darkened as he remembered the highly embarrassing and infuriating incident. "I still need to kill that photographer!"

Count Dooku headed across town and soon he arrived at the Jedi Temple. Upon reaching it, he entered through the Temple's main doors and started to stroll the long and numerous corridors for the slightest sign of Sith activity. He had memorized the three ridiculous crayon sketches and he was confident he'd be able to recognize the suspects if he saw them. He peered in broom closets when no one was looking and checked out all the other likely hiding spots the Temple offered. The Jedi, being the simple-minded fools they were, went on about their own business and paid him no heed. Dooku also scanned the very air around himself, his senses stretched out to catch the slightest glimmer of Dark Side power.

And yet he found nothing.

Still, Dooku wasn't about to give up. The Temple complex was huge and the other Sith, if that's what they truly were, could avoid him easily. And all the time he searched he kept a careful eye on the floor…

Too bad his Master hadn't told him to be mindful of where he SITS as well….

After scrounging the Temple for hours without finding the slightest hint of Sith activity, the Count was getting footsore, irritable and thirsty, not to mention the dire need to use a restroom was pressing on his gut. Spotting the welcoming sign for a restroom high up the wall, Dooku headed into the one marked for men. The room appeared empty and so he headed into the first stall. Closing the door and rearranging his robe, he did not notice the odd and slightly shiny sheen covering the opening to the toilet that foretold of clear plastic wrap.

Nor did he notice that some diabolical person had carefully smeared super glue on said wrap…

Dooku lowered himself and sat.

And immediately jumped up when he felt his bare bottom touch an unexpected something!

"Aaaahhhhh!" Dooku yelped in surprise as he leaped off the toilet's seat, his hand reaching around to touch his bottom. When he did, he encountered the smooth and slippery plastic instead of his skin. His dark brows wrinkling in confusion, Dooku felt for the edge of the flimsy material so he could pull it free of his body. "What the heck?"

Finding the edge, the dignified Count pulled. He was confident that it would come off easily…

"Stupid Younglings!" Dooku muttered as he pulled awkwardly on the piece of thin plastic all the while unaware that it was securely glued to his butt. "They think it's funny to do dumb stuff like this! I'm a busy man! I don't have time for this utter nonsense! I have interlopers to catch for my Master…"

It was clear Count Dooku did not realize the very person he was sent to find had left the plastic wrap…

"Other Sith moving in on our turf…"

Dooku yanked harder, his arm muscle straining…

Finally the plastic wrap tore and Dooku cried in triumph. "Ha! Got it!"

But his happiness was to be short-lived. Only the outer edge of the wrap had torn off the much bigger piece. That left most of the plastic wrap still glued to his butt. And worse, his long robe kept slipping down! Dooku struggled to hold his robe up while he attempted to dig his fingernails under the remaining bit of plastic. "Drat brats! How the heck am I supposed to use the commode with a piece of plastic wrap glued to myself? I'll kill them all, I swear!"

But his fingernails kept slipping and couldn't gain purchase. And worse, the pressure on his gut had increased…

Admitting defeat, Dooku dropped his robe and left the restroom to head to the Jedi's hospital. Just then the bell rung, announcing that the lunch hour was upon them. Classroom doors flew open and students piled out into the hallway. Dooku glared angrily at a group of Younglings and eyed each one suspiciously. Only that sentimental old fool, Yoda, thought they were cute and innocent. But he knew the truth, oh yes! They were little monsters! Finally his destination was in sight and he breathed a sigh of relief. Wasting no time, he hurried in and soon was before a doctor.

"And what can I do for you today, Dooku?" The doctor asked with a friendly smile and amazing blue eyes.

Dooku muttered something incomprehensible, his normally pale face flushed.

"What? Speak up man, I can't hear you with that mumbling!"

"I SAID I HAVE A PIECE OF PLASTIC WRAP GLUED TO MY BUTT! ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW?" Dooku bellowed, angry and upset.

A puzzled look appeared on the doctor's face. "Now why would you do such a thing to yourself?"

"I didn't do it!" Dooku protested. "What do you think I am, crazy?"

"Well, how else would it get in such a private spot?" The doctor asked.

"Someone left it on a toilet seat and I sat on it!"

"Really? Do you expect me to BELIEVE that?" The doctor replied sadly as he carefully scrutinized Count Dooku's face. "This is the Jedi Temple, you know. Everyone here is a respectable citizen. No one would DO such a thing I assure you… Now why don't you confess why you did such a thing to yourself?"

Dooku shook his head in denial. "I swear! I didn't!"

"And that's what Master Mace keeps saying, too." The doctor set about getting some tools ready. "But don't you worry. I'll take good care of you, yes I will. First we'll get that nasty plastic wrap off and then we'll give you a mental test to see what's going wrong in that noggin of yours… Could be you need some pills…"

"I don't need pills!" Dooku cried in horror. "There's nothing wrong with me!"

"All you kooks say that…" The doctor replied as he picked up a tool. "Now turn around and pick up that robe…"

The tools starting to make an ominous humming sound and Dooku felt his blood run ice cold.

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

To be continued…

Hope that was funny!


	40. Those Drat Younglings!

Pranks 40

Author's Note: It's a bit hard to believe I've written 40 of these little pranks and that I got over 500 reviews! Thanks so much for all the reviews you give! Someone asked what books I get my info on Anakin and the other SW characters. First of all you have to realize I've read almost ALL of the SW novels, especially the ones that deal with the main characters. For Ani and Obi, there is "Rogue Planet" (which is a wonderful sci-fi story. Ani mentions pranking Obi at the beginning of this book It also shows us the very first time he force chokes someone and how he heard Vader's voice speaking to him from the future.). There's also the series of children's SW novels called "Jedi Quest". This series of books follows Anakin's training as Obi's Padawan and the adventures he goes on. It'll help you understand his character better and it's where I get Ferus. For info on Anakin's life on Tatooine with Shmi and Watto, there's a novel (staring Han & Leia) called "Tatooine Ghost". In it, Leia finds Shmi's electronic diary that was lost the day the Tuskan Raiders took her. The novel versions of the movies also give a lot more info than what we see on the screen. Oh, and another Ani/Obi novel is called "The Approaching Storm". And there are a ton of SW novels that deal with Luke, Han, Leia, etc. If you read them you'll learn that Han was a slave as a kid and partly raised by Wookies (who were also slaves). He entered the Imperial Academy and was working on a Star Destroyer when he met Chewie. Han decided to rescue the Wookie and they stole a shuttle. I realize a lot of you probably know this, but for those of you who don't there's a goldmine of character background to be found in the novels. You can find many websites that has a list of ALL of the SW novels, which are usually arranged as to what time period they're from. I also rely very heavily on the SW Visual Dictionaries from Episode 1 and 2 (Which I LOVE!) It lists all the Jedi Council Members and has lots of photos. And on Page 49 of the Visual Dictionary for Episode 1 you will find a paragraph that states "The old droid frame Anakin started with had burned out photoreceptors. Anakin switched these for eyes of a used droid bought by Watto – which can now barely see. Watto still hasn't figured out how the half-blind droid managed to walk into his shop in the first place". Then I also have the SW Incredible Cross-sections books and "The Guide to the Star Wars Universe" which is like a huge Star wars dictionary of characters, planets, etc (which is out-of-date and doesn't include the Prequels). You can find the books at bookstores, used bookstores and your local library. Oh, one more thing. I watched Ep 2 last night and noticed that Ani played a prank on Padme (where he pretended the Shaak hurt him after he fell off its back in the Lake Country). The only ones I really didn't read was that series on Rogue Squadron… Sorry this author's note was so long! Oh, and I think that idea of Palpy trying to prank the mischief-maker at the Temple is great! I'll use it as soon as I think up a Palpy-worthy prank. Hmmm… instead of Clone Wars it'll be Prank Wars! LOL! The poor Temple will never be the same!

And now on with the story…

Count Dooku scowled fearfully as he prowled through the Temple like a dark thundercloud. He was _furious_ that some Youngling had made him look the utter fool. He just hoped word about the highly embarrassing plastic wrap incident didn't get back to his Master. No, that wouldn't be good. The reason for the fierce grimace on his normally dignified face was the pain in his rear. The doctor had given him a bottle of salve to use on his buttocks but _that_ hadn't gone very well, either. The first time he had tried to use the commode his greasy bottom had slide right off the porcelain seat and he had crashed to the floor in an undignified heap, his limbs akimbo! "Those stupid Younglings! I'll get them yet!"

Worse, he wouldn't be able to sit down for about a week!

"How am I supposed to ride my speeder bike or fly in my ship if I can't sit down? I can't even use the bathroom!"

"What was that about the bathroom?" Master Mace asked suspiciously as he eyed Dooku. "The Sith weren't messing with the plumbing, were they?"

"No, not that I'm aware of." Dooku said politely, his head held erect. The last thing he was going to do was admit his unfortunate accident to Mace. The baldheaded man was a known blabbermouth as was most of the Council Members. "I was just heading to the Cafeteria. Would you care to join me?"

A broad grin broke out on Mace's face. "Sure! I'd be happy to!"

The two men walked to the Cafeteria and picked up trays of food from the serving area. Once each had what they desired, they sat down at a table together, Count Dooku winching at the pain in his bottom. He eyed the big bowl of greasy soup Mace had on his tray and frowned. It looked _revolting_! Then the Sith's dark and beady eyes shifted to the Jedi Master himself. The foolish man was busy waving to Yarael Poof, who had just entered the lunchroom. As quick as can be, Dooku pulled the small vial of pills the doctor had given him and dumped the lot into Mace's soup. The tiny yellow pills sank to the bottom, only a few small bubbles marking their passage. After all, there was nothing wrong with him! No, he wasn't mental! Mace was!

Smiling pleasantly, Count Dooku shifted his attention to his own meal. He had a healthy green salad with assorted mixed vegetables, a small steak with a side order of corn and peas, a piece of fruit and a dinner roll. He also has a glass of ice water, a cup of coffee and a small bowl of cheese-rice soup. Picking up the glass of water, he brought it to his lips to take a drink. He needed to properly wet his palate so he could enjoy the repast before him.

"Aahhh!" Dooku shouted as cold icy water dripped from the glass onto his Jedi robe. While at the Temple, Dooku was sure to wear his proper Jedi clothing and not his black Sith outfit.

"What is it?" Mace asked, concern in his dark eyes.

"This glass has a hole in it!" Dooku complained as he spotted the tiny hole under the rim. "It spilled water all over me!"

"That's odd." Mace replied as he eyed the hole, and then shrugged. Turning his attention to his own meal, Mace picked up his spoon and started eating his soup. But after five mouthfuls, something floated to the top of his bowl. The Jedi stared at the object for a moment, a puzzled expression on his face. For one, it didn't look like any piece of meat he'd ever seen. It was too round and white. Mace gave it a cautious poke with his spoon and the mysterious object spun in the soup and the bright green of the pupil revealed itself.

"An EYEBALL! There's an EYEBALL in my soup!" Horrified, Mace threw himself backward off the bench he had been sitting on.

Unfortunately at this exact moment, Kit Fisto had been walking past Mace and Dooku carrying his tray of food. Mace's back collided into Kit and the green alien was knocked to the ground. Kit's tray went flying up into the air and his giant bowl of clam chowder landed upside-down right on Count Dooku's head.

Across the cafeteria, Anakin stood in the serving line with his Master. The young boy struggled to keep a perfectly straight face. Early that morning he had snuck into the busy kitchen when all the cooks' backs had been turned. It had been a simple matter to sneak some realistic candy eyeballs into the bubbling pot of stew. He hadn't been too sure if the coloring for the eyes would stay on or if they'd even hold together, but it was obvious at least one had made it through unscathed.

Obi-Wan grimaced, a look of revulsion on his hairy face. "Eyeballs? What in the world do those cooks _put_ in the food?"

"Eewwwwwwww!" Anakin twisted his expression to match his Master's.

"Eeewww is right, my Young Apprentice." Obi-Wan reached out and gripped the boy by his hand. "Come, I don't want to eat here anymore. Let's go down to Dex's."

Meanwhile, the yellow pills had started to work on Mace. The pills were designed to calm a mental person down and they would have worked perfectly on Dooku. Unfortunately, Mace was a lycanthrope so the pills had the opposite affect. "MURDER! Someone's been MURDERED!"

Mace started to run around the cafeteria as he waved his hands in the air wildly.

Count Dooku sat perfectly still as thick gobs of clam chowder dripped over his face and his clothes. Inside however he was bubbling and boiling with rage. How dare the Jedi treat him like this, as if he were some fool!

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Kit Fisto apologized to the food-covered man. Kit removed the now empty bowl from Dooku's head and started to wipe him with a paper napkin. But within moments the napkin was wet and it started to shred. "You must believe I didn't mean for this to happen! Mace is just so excitable these days with the Sith attacks and all…"

"Yes, it is understandable." Dooku managed to reply calmly. He wanted to strangle the amphibious Nautolan until his eyes bulged out and his scaly face turned purple from lack of air; but he couldn't. It was still too early to reveal he was a Sith. His Master needed him to be able to enter the Temple complex freely without question to carry out assignments. Wiping the gobs of slimy food from his face with a clean hand, he eyed the cause of the current rumpus. The eyeball floated serenely in Mace's bowl of soup, a white and blue island among the brown grease. No doubt it wasn't even real. In fact, the more he studied it the more fake it appeared. It was those drat Younglings again!

"MURDER! MURDER!" Mace screamed as he continued to race around the cafeteria like the madman he was.

Dooku sighed and rose from his seat. "If you will excuse me, Jedi Fisto, I must go bathe."

"Yes, of course!" Kit nodded his understanding and hurried to get out of the elder Jedi's way.

Free of the horrible lunchroom, Dooku vowed never to eat there again. He had hoped to question Mace more thoroughly on the three suspects he had drawn but the opportunity was ruined before he could even begin. Who knew how long Mace would run around shrieking like that? Deciding it was best to head to the nearest shower, Dooku made for one of the many huge gym rooms. Bypassing the gym itself, the snobby Count headed directly into the men's locker room. Throwing his ruined clothing to the floor in a heap, he headed into the shower area. His guard up, he carefully eyed the whole area with scrutiny worthy of a Sith. It was crystal clear that today was _not_ his day and the last thing he wanted was to get caught by more imbecilic booby-traps. And that's what it all was really: some dumb as poodoo Youngling sneaking around the Temple and doing idiotic things! "I don't have time for these delays. I must apprehend the other Sith for my Master."

The one who set up the treadmill in the floor; _that_ was his target!

Deciding the shower appeared normal enough, Dooku entered. He picked up a bar of soap from a nearby holder and stepped under the showerhead. He would be all too glad to remove the stinky stew. Reaching out, he turned on the water and started to scrub on himself. But within moments, Dooku noticed something was wrong, as the soap wasn't creating any lather…

"_Now_ what's wrong?" Dooku grumbled, annoyed. He glared down at the bar of soap in his hand. It felt odd and funny now that he thought of it. It didn't feel slick, as soap should. Instead it was smoother, almost like a piece of glass or something. Yet he _knew_ it was soap! He could _see_ it was soap!

"Don't tell me those Younglings had screwed up the soap as well!" Dooku grew angry and tossed the bar of soap across the room. It hit the far wall and bounced off, sliding across the now wet shower room floor. "What's the matter with young kids these days? _I_ would never do such things when I was a mere Youngling! Kids these days! They have no respect for their elders! Don't they know it's a privilege to be raised in the Crèche, to be trained as a Jedi?"

Unknown to Count Dooku, Anakin had coated every single bar of soap in the men's shower room with a thick layer of clear nail polish. No matter how hard he'd rub with the soap, he just wouldn't get clean.

And then the water turned red, thanks to the red food coloring Anakin had stashed in the showerhead.

"AAHHHHHHhhh!" Dooku screamed in fright as what appeared to be red blood drenched him from head to toe. Stumbling backward, his foot came down on the soap he had thrown and he fell to the wet, red floor with a loud thud. Scrambling back to his feet as quickly as he could, he raced out of the shower and through the locker room. The older man was now as bright red as Darth Maul had been, even his hair and beard died scarlet. Panic had gripped the normally stoic ex-Jedi and he ran screaming out into the hall covered in blood. "AAAHHHHHH!"

Madman Mace also just happened to be racing through the same corridor still screaming about the eyeball. He spotted the blood-drenched figure in the hallway and his feverish, drug-crazed mind thought it was Darth Maul. "LOOK! IT'S DARTH MAUL!"

Screaming a fierce war cry, Mace leaped on top of the startled man, his hands going around Dooku's throat. The two tumbled to the floor and instantly started to fight one another. Luckily, several other Jedi appeared then and with great difficulty managed to pull Mace off the older man. Then both were securely bond in cuffs and dragged down to the hospital.

Several hours later, Dooku was dressed again in his normal dignified black clothing and stood before his Master.

"MAHAHAHAHA!" Palpatine laughed uncontrollably as he pointed a gnawed old finger at his Sith Apprentice, who was still as bright red as a cherry fresh from the tree. "MAHAHAHAHA!"

"It's _not_ funny, Master!" Dooku protested. "The doctor said it might take _weeks_ before all the coloring comes off!"

"MAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

To be continued…

The three sentences above in the Author's Note are not mine. They belong to "Star Wars: Episode 1: The Visual Dictionary" by David West Reynolds, DK Publishing Inc, NY NY, 1999, Page 49. No copyright infredgement intended.


	41. Bombs Away!

Pranks 41

Author's Note: Yes, I read ALL of my reviews and I jot all the prank ideas from reviews in my little notebook. I will _try_ to think up a way to use the Clone Troopers in a prank. That would be difficult, though, as this story is set between Episode 1 and 2 …. I would have to include a touch of time travel to get Ani to where some Clone Troopers are located. But I guess if he can go to Knockturn Alley then perhaps he can time travel as well, perhaps with a Time Turner from the HP universe…? Of course, THAT could unleash a whole slew of possibilities and one could end up with a young Ani playing nasty pranks on Vader..! So what do you guys think? Or is it a possibility that Palpy let some clones out early, perhaps to hang around his Supreme Chancellor office? There are also his red guards with the Force pikes… Hmm… I'm getting ideas for new pranks! LOL! Oh, there was another suggestion that Lucius and Snape play a prank on Palpy or Dooku. I'll see what I can think up in regards to that. The crayon drawings that Mace did (for those not familiar with HP) were of Snape, Lucius and Mr. Borgin (of the dark wizard store _Borgin & Burkes_). And THANKS to everyone who has submitted prank ideas! I will try to use them all in various chapters.

Anakin sat huddled on his bed surrounded by several round metallic objects. They were the outer casings for Thermal Detonators that he had found in a scrap heap. With all the wiring and other internal gadgets removed, they were for the moment nothing more than hollow silver balls. The Padawan giggled fiercely as he oh so carefully picked up one of the special pouches he had made. Each pouch was filled with the most noxious stink he could mix up from various things he had found around the Temple. With extreme caution, he inserted the sac of stink into the metal shell and snapped it close. When the bright red button was depressed the bomb would go off, spraying everything in sight with the most noxious smell! "It's sheer genius!"

And best of all, he would have his poor befuddled Master deliver the stink bombs around the Temple!

Once the last bomb was assembled, Anakin crept out of his bedroom on tippy-toe. Obi-Wan was scheduled to go on a short trip today so he would have to traverse the long halls all the way to where the ships were kept. As he passed by the bathroom he could hear the shower running and his Master singing off-key within. A grin spread across Anakin's lips at the crazy love song that floated out to his ears. But he wasn't here to spy on Obi-Wan, so he continued to the kitchen. His Master's small travel bag awaited on the kitchen table and Anakin carefully removed all the objects within. Once the stink bombs were on the bottom of the bag, he returned the rest of the stuff and securely closed the bag. Of course, he had made a nice little round hole at one end of the bag, just big enough for a stink bomb to fall through…

Still snickering at his clever prank, Anakin set about preparing breakfast. A few moments later Obi-Wan came into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Picking up a spoon, he started to eat his healthy full grain cereal.

"I heard you singing again, Master!" Anakin grinned at him.

"I was not!" Obi-Wan quickly denied it but his red flushed face said otherwise. "I'm a serious Jedi and Jedi don't sing!"

"Allll you neeeedd is looooooovvveeeee!" Anakin wailed as he mocked the song Obi had been singing in the shower.

Obi-Wan's face grew dark red as a beet.

"I wiiiillllll allwaaayyys loooovvveeee yoouuuuuuuuu!"

Face burning with embarrassment beyond belief, Obi-Wan snatched his travel bag off the table and escaped out into the hallway. Throwing his back against the nearby wall, he breathed a sigh of relief. That Padawan was getting out of control! His stomach rumbled with hunger and the Jedi decided he would have to stop off at the dreaded cafeteria before he left on his trip. Pushing away from the wall, Obi-Wan started down the hallway with determination in his step. He was so upset about the singing that he didn't notice the soft metallic plink when a stink bomb fell out of his bag and landed near Master Mace's door.

A few moments later Mace stepped out of his quarters and instantly spotted the round metal ball on the floor. Peering at it suspiciously, the Jedi Master crept up to it. When the object didn't do anything, he bent down and picked it up. "Hmmm, I wonder what this thing is?"

Puzzled, Mace peered up and down the long empty hall but didn't see anyone, Master Kenobi already out of sight. "I bet it's another Sith plot! They wanted me to fall on this round ball and kill myself! But I will prevail this time!"

Grinning, Mace hurried over to the nearest garbage chute and proudly tossed the silver ball within. The ball fell and fell until it finally hit the distant bottom and exploded, as it had landed on the red button. Almost instantly a huge cloud of stink poured forth and sped back up the long chute. The noxious mist spewed out of the little flap on the hallway wall and wrapped itself around Mace. The Jedi Master's eyes bugged out and he stumbled backward, waving his arms about wildly. His back hit the wall and he gripped at his throat, his eyes watering. "Poison cloud! It's another assassination attempt!"

Staggering down the hallway like a drunk, Mace escaped into the nearest lift. This had to be reported to the Council!

Meanwhile Obi-Wan had reached the Jedi cafeteria and had picked up a sack full of fruit turnovers. Munching on one of the sweet pastries, he continued on the way to the launch bay where his ship awaited him. As he walked, more stink bombs fell out of his sack for unsuspecting victims to find.

"Look what I found!" One excited Youngling called to his classmates as he hurried into Master Yoda's lightsaber class. The little green teacher hadn't arrived yet and they all eagerly gathered around him to stare at the object.

"What do you think it is?" Another Youngling asked, his antennae waving high atop her head.

"I don't know…" Another Youngling replied.

"Let's put it on Master Yoda's cushion!"

The first boy dashed over to the teacher's cushion and carefully set the silver ball down. Master Yoda was extremely wise and would know what to do with the mysterious object.

A few moments later Yoda arrived, his ear tips drooping from weariness. His babies had kept him awake all night and now he was running on autopilot. Eyes only narrow slits, the aged Jedi Master waved a three-fingered hand in the Younglings general direction. When he spoke, his voice was slightly slurred and more bags than usual marred his under eye area. "Gather your practice sabers…"

Dragging his feet sleepily, Yoda inched toward his familiar cushion. Perhaps he could steal a few much-needed winks of sleep while the Younglings practiced against the automatic drones. Hmmmm … that sounded good. Yes, sleep. From sheer memory Yoda turned around when he reached the round cushion and heaved himself up onto it. His rear landed on the stink bomb and …

BOOM!

"AAACCKKKK!" Yoda shrieked as he suddenly found himself wide-awake. A horrible yellow smoke filled the practice room and the green alien ran screaming for the exit, all the Younglings beating him there. There was a pileup at the door as everyone tried to get through it at the same time. The stench of hundreds of rotten eggs filled the air and they all gasped for air.

"STINK! STINK!" Yoda cried as he frantically shoved at Younglings to get them through the doorway. Once they were all through, Yoda raced down the nearest staircase. In his sudden haste, his tiny legs missed a step and he rolled the rest of the way, bowling over several other adult Jedi. "SSTTTIIINNNKKKKKKKK!"

Obi-Wan had finally reached his shop and carelessly tossed his bag up into the pilot's compartment.

KA-BOOM!

Instantly the noxious yellow stink poured forth and Obi-Wan's blue eyes widened in shock. "Uh-oh!"

Hand over his nose, Obi-Wan escaped the scene of the scene and once he was back out in the hall, slapped the control for the door to close. The metal door slid shut instantly with a loud click. Gasping for air, Obi-Wan clutched his chest. "What in the world was that?"

Satisfied that the horrible rotten egg smell was locked in the bay with the little ship, the Jedi paused to rub his chin in thought. His ship was in there and he needed to use it, yet he didn't dare open that door. Then the little sign attached to the front of the door caught his eye and Kenobi sighed in relief.

"Well, I'm in luck! That wasn't my ship at all! I must have been so distraught from Anakin teasing my singing that I went into the wrong bay!"

Whistling a merry tune, Obi-Wan continued down the hall and around the corner where his ship awaited.

On the door he had just left were two words.

MACE WINDU.

To be continued…

Hope that was funny! Oh, the song is from "Moulin Rouge", which Obi-Wan starred in. The song is not mine, it belongs to someone else..just borrowed it.


	42. The Dark Droid of the Sith

Pranks 42

Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews! Yes, Ewan has a wonderful voice when he sings. I suppose the song might be by the Beetles, as the 'song' used in Moulin Rouge is a composite made of many different songs. Yes, I think he looks better as Obi-Wan in Ep 2 vs his character in Moulin Rouge. Oh, I've started updating my other comedy SW fic, "Conversation With Vader" so you guys might want to check that out, too. Some people say it's funnier than this story. Once again, thanks for all the reviews! I wanted to update this yesterday but my gas meter was making an odd squeaking sound so I had to call the gas company… I did think up more prank ideas while I was waiting though.

Anakin giggled as he levitated the large bucket of black paint he had found in the dumpster across the street from the Jedi Temple. At first he hadn't been too sure what he should do with the stuff but then he remembered poor Master Mace. After the Stink Bomb Incident, Mace was in an uproar. He was convinced that some Sith had snuck into the building to assinate not only him but Master Yoda as well. And when he had found out about his ship…

Master Mace was _always_ so much fun!

Still, one would think that the people running the Jedi Order should be smarter and wiser. What would happen if a _real_ Sith came along? The young boy shook his head sadly. They wouldn't stand a chance against a real Sith! But then, they had him, didn't they? Yes, he would take care of the Sith by himself! They were probably as dumb as the Council anyway…

Anakin's thoughts turned to his good friend Palpatine. As much as he valued the older man's friendship and advice, he _did_ have to admit he wasn't all that bright, either. Palpatine _had_ gotten stuck on the treadmill and then there had been the thing with the coin… And hadn't some Younglings tossed him into a trashcan? The poor man didn't know _anything_ about kids at all. _He must have been born old like that with that dry, wrinkly face._ Yes, he was sure he had been.

Reaching the broom closet, Anakin palmed the door open. An astromech droid waited inside, sleeping. The young Padawan had taken the precaution of making sure the droid was shut off, as he was sure the droid would not like what he was about to do to it. It was one of the hundreds of astromech droids that worked in the Jedi Temple doing repairs and helping Jedi fly their fighter crafts. As it was now, it was a cheery red and white, but not for long. Picking up a brush, Anakin started to paint the droid black.

For some reason he couldn't fathom, the Jedi _hated_ black. It was silly, really. Did they really think a _color_ could make a person evil? Anakin had decided that he himself liked black. When he grew slightly older he'd be able to pick out his own clothes and he knew exactly where he was going to buy them. But until then he'd be stuck with the lousy pale tunic and pants. Uggh! The paint-covered brush moved over the droid's outer surface with precision. Anakin had a steady hand from years of repairing things for Watto and he easily avoided getting paint on any of the Droid's sensors or its electronic eye. He certainly didn't want a droid that couldn't _function_. No, that wouldn't be any fun.

Soon the entire droid was painted and Anakin moved back to study his handiwork. A grin spread across his face. The droid looked very evil indeed and would be even worst once its red eye was lit up. But he wasn't finished yet! The boy removed a special voice chip off his utility belt and carefully stuck it to the round dome of the droid's head. He knew that the droid wouldn't be able to remove it from there with its grasping claw. Nor was the chip easily visible.

Silently, Anakin crept out of the supply closet and headed back to his apartment. He was in luck and no one was within sight. It was still awful early and everyone was still sound asleep. Closing his blue eyes in concentration, Anakin reached out through the Force and flipped the droid back on. Soon the fun would start. The door to Kenobi's apartment slid open and the boy vanished within.

Inside the supply closet, R6 swiveled its red eye about, confused. How had it gotten into this closet? Rolling forward, it entered the long deserted hallway. It's round dome moved around in a full circle and the droid soon determined that it was the wee hours of the morning. Its Master would be sleeping as the human had a very trying day yesterday. Some rude person had tossed a stink bomb into his Jedi fighter…

R6 rolled down the hallway and paused outside Mace's door. Unlocking the door, the droid entered to check on its human. Rolling through the small living area, the droid entered the bedroom. Mace was sprawled across the bed, one arm hanging loosely over the edge. His mouth was open and loud snores drifted forth. The droid thought he sounded like a buzz saw but this he kept to himself. His Master needed sleep and he would stand guard to watch for Sith.

Unfortunately, R6 did not realize that now _he_ was the Sith!

The voice chip activated and a booming voice came forth.

"I AM THE DARK LORD OF THE SITH!"

Mace instantly awoke and bolted upright in bed. His dark chocolate eyes shifted around the room quickly and soon spotted the red eye watching him near the foot of his bed. He waved his hand and the light came on. For a brief moment the light dazzled him but he forced himself to adjust. There, a black droid at the end of his bed!

"YOU WILL OBEY ME, WEAK JEDI!"

With flourish, Mace threw the thin blanket off and leaped to his feet. Raising his hand, he called his lightsaber. The deadly weapon flew from his dresser top and landed in his outstretched palm. With a snap-hiss, he activated it. The long purple blade hummed and Mace took a cautious step closer to the droid. "I can't believe this! The Sith Master is a _droid_! You'll pay for stinking up my ship yesterday!"

Realizing something was seriously amiss with its Master, R6 made a fast turn and sped out of the bedroom, squealing loudly.

"Come back here!" Mace screamed as he chased after the droid in his bare feet, jumping to the bedroom floor from atop his bed. His feet landed on the small scatter rug and it slid out from underneath him. Falling backward, Mace bumped his head on part of his bed. A dazzling light flashed before his eyes for a few seconds and then faded. Picking himself up, he swayed dizzily for a moment, as the room seemed to spin around him like a carousel. But he wasn't about to let that stop him, no! It was the Sith Master!

Speeding too fast as it entered the living room; R6 couldn't avoid running right smack into the end of Mace's purple sofa. Hitting it with a lout _thud_, the entire sofa was pushed across the floor with a loud, ear-splitting _screech_! Deep dark grooves were left on Mace's pale purple linoleum flooring. Then the sofa struck the far wall with an even louder BOOM and went right through it, the thin plaster smashing into fine powder. Halfway through the wall, the sofa came to a halt. The panicked droid, seeing the disaster it had just caused, got its wheels back under control and raced out the door.

Mace staggered into his ruined living room just in time to see _two_ black droids rolling through _two_ doorways!

"It has its Sith Apprentice with it, too!" Mace screamed as he staggered towards the nearer of the two doorways. In his haste to catch the Sith, Master Windu had forgotten his apartment had only one door. Nor did he realize he now possessed double vision due to the bump on his head. Increasing his speed, the Jedi Master ran right smack into a solid wall and staggered backward, shocked. "Drat droid! It closed the door just when I was going to go after it! I'll fix it!"

Purple lightsaber buzzing, Mace wasted no time in cutting a _new_ crooked, jagged hole he could crawl through. Blood dripped down his face from his bruised nose but he ignored it. Shoving his body through the opening he had just carved, he stumbled out into the hallway. Glancing up and down the corridor, he soon spotted the escaping droids. "SITH! THE SITH MASTER AND APPRENTICE ARE HERE!"

Across the hallway, Obi-Wan had been awoken by a loud BOOM. The sound had caused his bed to shake and he had fallen right out of it onto the floor. Rubbing on his sore elbow, the Jedi sat up. What in the Force was going on? Had someone attacked the Temple?

Then Mace started to scream about Sith.

"Oh. It's _him_ again!" Obi-Wan grumbled, annoyed. There was something clearly wrong with Master Windu. He had never been this way before. He had always respected the baldheaded man for his knowledge and skill with a lightsaber. In fact, Windu was well known as a great swordfighter and had developed his own style of swashbuckling. Then somewhere along the line he had gotten strange and bizarre. He started screaming all hours of the night about Sith. And when he wasn't screaming about Sith, then some odd howling came from his apartment! Obi-Wan just couldn't win! Sighing, the Jedi picked himself up off the floor. "I suppose I better go see what he's doing this time!"

Obi-Wan opened his door just in time to see the shadowy figure of Mace racing down the hallway with a lit lightsaber in his hand, screaming. A thick cloud of plaster dust hung in the air and Obi-Wan coughed. Covering his nose and mouth with a hand, the bearded Jedi examined the damage. Shaking his head at the sofa sticking out into the hallway and the jagged hole clearly cut by a lightsaber, Obi-Wan vanished back into his apartment. "I'm going to report that man!"

Back out in the hall, R6 sped along as fast as its wheels could go. Its Master had gone crazy and wanted to kill him!

"I AM THE DARK LORD OF THE SITH!" The recorded message repeated.

To its utter horror, Mace was catching up! In a desperate move, the droid spilled its black oil across the floor to stop the human. Although it had built-in rules not to harm humans, the droid reasoned that a little oil wouldn't hurt Mace. It would just knock him down.

Mace raced along and spotted two thick oil slicks on the hallway floor. He decided to run right between both of them and so his bare feet ran right into it. His heels slipped on the slick surface and he lost his balance, falling to the oil-covered floor. The black stuff stuck to him like glue and soon every surface of his body was coated in oil. Mace rolled off his back onto his stomach so he could get to his feet again. Hands scrambling for a solid purchase so he could stand, they both slid outward and he bumped his chin on the floor. But Mace was determined to get the Sith. A little oil wasn't going to stop him.

Legs and hands scrambling at a furious pace in a lame effort to get to his feet, Mace just kept sliding around on the floor. In truth, he was creating a bigger mess. Drops of oil now coated the far walls and dripped downward. A few drops were even on the ceiling. "I'll get you, you devious Sith! You won't get away with this!"

Several more minutes passed while Mace continued to flip on the floor like a fish out of water. "HELP! HELP! I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP!"

To be continued…


	43. General Grievous

Pranks 43:

Count Dooku was still furious at the dumb Younglings that had dyed him a bright cherry red. His Master still expected him to find the other group of Sith that were terrorizing the Temple and moving in on his turf. Yet Dooku himself was not yet ready to enter that blast Temple again. So he would send one of his loyal spies and servants to snoop for him. He waved a bright scarlet hand at the figure that bowed before him. "You will enter the Jedi Temple and look for the other Sith. Is that understood?"

General Grievous bowed low. "Yes, Count Dooku. I will be successful!"

"Then go!" Dooku ordered. Once the weird alien had left, Dooku grimaced. Would this color never come off? He had taken already close to one hundred baths and showers and had used up dozens upon dozens of soaps! Worst, his skin was raw and it hurt all over. Truthfully, he doubted if Grievous would find anything at all. It was just busy-work he was handing out to keep the guy busy. Besides, the more traps the alien sprung was better for him when he did return to the Temple.

Grievous snuck to the outer wall of the Temple and cautiously peered in through a window. It was past midnight and he was certain all the dumb Jedi were fast asleep in their comfy beds. Gripping the sill, he shoved the window open and slid through. Count Dooku had explained to him of the second group of Sith and had shown him the three crayon drawings by Mace. He had dutifully memorized them. Dooku was also training him in lightsaber dueling and the lizard-like alien grinned under his armor. Besides searching for these other Sith, he would use this golden opportunity to add to his meager lightsaber collection. As of yet, he only possessed one saber that Dooku had given him as a gift. Walking with his odd, hunched over stride, Grievous stalked down the hallway of the Jedi Temple.

"Now remember, Grievous," Dooku's voice echoed in his head. "This new group of Sith are treacherous. They do not care for direct combat. They attack by setting up cunning traps in the most innocent looking places. Do not be fooled and get stuck in one. I've heard from my Master that they've been plaguing the Jedi Council for months. Mace and Yoda seem to be favored targets."

Shaking the memory from his brain, Grievous continued to stalk down the hallway. Soon he came upon a wide spiraling staircase. The steps were carpeted in a peaceful shade of blue and the alien scrambled up them. He had no clear idea where he was going but he kept on the move. The night really wasn't all that long and he needed to be away before the sun crept over the horizon. Within moments he reached the top of the stairs and he paused yet again. The hallway here went off in many directions and he was unsure which way was best. Where would these new Sith hide? Turning a full circle, the alien grinned.

A door was partly hidden by deep shadow caused by the staircase structure, yet his keen slitted eyes had spotted it instantly.

Hunched over, he moved towards it.

A sign hung on the door: WARNING! DO NOT ENTER UPON PAIN OF DEATH! THIS MEANS YOU!

Grievous laughed. Reaching out, he triggered the door mechanism and stepped right into the dark room as bold as can be.

Instantly something fell on him from above. It was hot, wet and stunk terribly, the noxious fumes burning his sensitive nostrils. Bending forward, Grievous frantically wiped at the stuff to get it off himself. To his dismay, he soon found out it was incredibly sticky. Bringing his metal-incased hands before his eyes, he saw they were now black clumps with the fingers glued all together. Then a new sound from deeper in the room caught his attention. Some sort of motor clicked on and he could hear it whirling. Then something else struck him on the face. Wanting no more of whatever it was, Grievous backed out of the room hastily. Once back out in the dimly lit hallway, he glanced down at his once white suit of armor.

"AAAAAHHHHhhhhh!"

He had just been tarred and feathered!

"I must escape!" Grievous said to himself as he started to run back towards the staircase. But to his dismay, the wet tar had seeped into the joints of his armor and they had grown stiff. Each step was sheer agony. Leaving big sticky footprints of tar behind him, the alien finally reached the top of the stairs. By now his joints were almost frozen solid and he worried how he'd ever get down the staircase, not to mention climb back out the window.

His heart thumped in alarm as he heard a human voice coming his way. He would be caught.

"I AM THE DARK LORD OF THE SITH!"

As Grievous was facing the stairs, he could not turn to see who was shouting the words. Was it the other Sith he sought or was Dooku's Master in the Temple as well?

R6 came squealing around the corner at full speed and hit General Grievous. The tar-covered alien tumbled down the stairs head over feet until he hit the bottom and then bounced. Flying up into the air, he tumbled end over end until he landed in the middle of a nearby water fountain. As luck would have it, the center of the fountain had a raised stone platform where a statue used to stand. Through an accident that had involved Mace and a lightsaber, the statue had gotten broken and removed. Now General Grievous stood on this raised stone platform on one foot, the other leg raised. His body was hunched over forward and he balanced this way as water shot up all around him from the fountain. Brightly colored feathers stuck out from his back and the top of his head, creating a pleasant display of colors. Grievous tried to move but couldn't, the tar hard from the cool water splashing up on him.

Hours later Obi-Wan and Anakin strolled down the hallway and they both paused to look at the new statue.

"I tell you, Anakin," Obi-Wan said with a sour look on his face. "These statues get uglier and uglier!"

To be continued…


	44. Aftermath

Pranks 44:

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! Yes, I'll try to use Grievous in more up-coming pranks. I have some plans for him. Hee-hee. It has occurred to me that what happened in the last chapter could explain the ongoing feud between Obi and Grievous in the films. This chapter really isn't a separate prank but a continuation of the previous chapter.

General Grievous still balanced on a single foot atop the water fountain, unable to move. His eyes blinked and shifted slightly behind his armor, the only part of his body that was still free to move – besides his nostrils, that is. Hours had passed and countless Jedi had passed him in the long glistening hallway, many pausing to look up at him. It was infuriating! Even the Younglings had gawked up at him until some teacher with big green ears shooed them on to their destination. His leg muscles trembled from the forced position, his foot numb. The icy needles of pain shooting up his limbs grew so bad that he actually wanted to die. Surely even death would be preferable than this torture?

But alas it was not to be. His stubborn body refused to die and so he was left alone with his thoughts. He studied the Jedi passing him in the hall as best he could, practically salivating at the shiny lightsabers hanging on their belts.

_Mine! Mine! Mine!_

Yes, all the lightsabers would be his! He would rule the galaxy! And since he possessed more arms than the pitiful Jedi he would beat them in battle easily. Nothing mattered but the Jedi and their lightsabers. Not numb limbs with stabbing pain, his dry parched throat, the rumbling of his empty stomach, and the discomfort in his gut…

The General's eyes widened in horror as the realization sunk in.

_No, no, no! Anything but that!_

Grievous forced himself to concentrate on anything _but_ the increasing pressure in his gut. He memorized Jedi as they strolled past, he counted the tiles on the ceiling, he counted Younglings, and he counted lightsabers. Of course, it didn't help any that the Younglings were passing in and out of the nearby restroom.

More time passed and the General started to really _loathe_ the unknown Sith who had done this to him. He would find him and tear him apart limb from limb! No, he would slice and dice with his lightsaber! No, a lightsaber death was too fast and the demented person deserved far, far worst! Yes, yes! He would do the same to the Sith as he had done to him – and then slice and dice! Grievous grew excited as the images flashed through his head and he accidentally breathed in a bit of water from the fountain that had landed on his snout. Coughing and wheezing, Grievous suddenly realized the pressure was gone.

_Uh oh!_

A short time later Obi-Wan came strolling along, his Padawan with him. The older Jedi paused, his nostrils flaring. "Something stinks around here…"

"Look, Master!" Anakin pointed towards the water fountain, a hand over his nose. "Someone defiled the fountain!"

"That's disgusting!" Obi-Wan shook his head sadly. Then his blue eyes darted up to study the new statue once again. He had thought it looked suspicious when he had first spotted it this morning and now he _knew_ there was something wrong with it for sure! "This statue is defective!"

"Defective, Master?" Anakin asked.

"Yes, Padawan. Defective!" Obi-Wan replied as he nodded his head. "I always seem to get defective products and now it seems the Temple got one. I mean, look at this ugly statue! It doesn't even look like a Jedi! What is this thing supposed to be?"

Anakin shrugged. "I never saw anything like it…"

Grievous watched the two Jedi with his slit pupils. He memorized their faces, especially the older, bearded human.

"Help me, Anakin." Obi-Wan raised a hand towards the statue.

Panic bubbled in the alien's stomach as he felt his body lift up into the air.

Anakin pointed his hand at the statue as well, levitating it with ease. "Where are we taking it, Master?"

"The dumpster, of course." Obi-Wan replied. "It's defective."

_Noooooooooooooooooo!_

He was soon floated outside, across the street and unceremoniously dumped in. He lay there on his back amid a pile of rubbish staring up at the passing traffic. Some time later a red face appeared within his line of vision.

"I see the other Sith got you as well…" Dooku stated as he used his Force powers to lift Grievous out of the dumpster. "We must both be more cautious in the future. This new Sith is even more dangerous that I thought."

After the tarred and feathered armor was broken off Grievous with the Force, the General snarled in rage. "I'll _kill_ that Kenobi someday! How dare he throw me into a dumpster! And he called me ugly as well!"

"Patience, patience, my friend. You will get your revenge someday." Dooku stated as he headed back towards his airspeeder. "Until then, we must discover the identity of the new Sith."

To be continued…

And that's why Grievous hates Obi-Wan.


	45. Quartzite!

Pranks 45

Author's Note: Sorry I didn't update this sooner. In this story Grievous is an alien wearing armor: he isn't a cyborg yet as its many years until Episode 3. OK? This chapter will star Quartzite.

Obi-Wan shooed Anakin out the apartment door into the hallway and then paused. Lately something had been _off_ about his apartment and it annoyed him that he couldn't put his finger on what it was. If he had been religious or superstitious, he might have thought the place was haunted but that was just stupid. Ghosts didn't exist. Still, he stood in the doorway and scanned the empty living room with a critical blue eye. Nothing. Well, nothing that didn't belong there, still the odd feeling remained.

And things had been disappearing. Steaks from the refrigerator, packages of ground meat, fruits and berries… At first he had thought Anakin was playing pranks on him but that just didn't fit. No, he was sure Anakin wouldn't mess with raw meat, would he? The boy loved to eat like any other growing Padawan his age. Besides, he needed to build up his muscle mass if he wanted to be a strong and healthy Jedi someday. Jedi were required to do all sorts of things and that required strong arms and legs. Still, meat and other supplies just _vanished_ without a trace and it was beginning to get on the older Jedi's nerves. At first he had thought he had imagined buying the meat and had forgotten, but now he _knew_ something was going on!

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan said as he turned to his young apprentice. "You haven't been doing anything with the groceries I've been buying, have you?"

"Groceries, Master?" Anakin asked innocently, his clear blue eyes looking pure as ever. Inside, however, he was trembling ever so slightly. He knew that Quartzite had been feeding from the refrigerator, the tiny dragon using the Force to open the door and get his own meals. Since Obi-Wan was out all day going to meetings or working on other assignments while he was in school, which left Quartzite in charge of the apartment. Every night he worried his Master would discover his pet and take him away. He had been sneaking his new friend food from the Jedi Cafeteria but it just wasn't enough.

"Yes, groceries!" Obi-Wan replied sternly. The Jedi glanced up and down the hall to ascertain if they were still alone. Satisfied that they were, he leaned closer to the boy. "You haven't been leaving raw meat around the Temple, have you? Think it would be funny to create a nasty stink somewhere?"

"No, Master!" Anakin shook his head in the negative, his long braid flapping about on his shoulder. "I wouldn't do that!"

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes, suspicious. "Then where is the meat going?"

Anakin shrugged. "I don't know, Master. Maybe Master Mace is taking it."

"Anakin! I'm ashamed of you, thinking such a thing!" Obi-Wan reprimanded. "Master Mace is on the Jedi Council! He wouldn't stoop to stealing meat from my refrigerator!"

Still, Obi-Wan turned his body so he could peer at Mace's door across the hall. Mace had been acting weird and paranoid lately, always screaming nonsense about Sith… Maybe he _would_ steal meat from a refrigerator…

"I tell you Anakin, you just can't trust _anyone_ these days!" Obi-Wan huffed with hands on hips, his blue eyes glaring at Mace's door. "The nerve of him stealing from my refrigerator! What do I have to do, put a spy camera above our door to catch him sneaking in?"

A slight grin appeared on Anakin's lips and the boy sighed in relief. His Master had been thrown off the trail and now suspected the baldheaded Jedi as the thief. There was a tension between the two already, mainly caused my Mace's loud yelling at night of 'shut up, Kenobi' and so forth, so it didn't take much prodding on Anakin's part to cast Mace as the guilty party. Still, Anakin worried that sooner or later Obi-Wan would learn the truth. But Quartzite needs to eat and for a tiny creature he ate a lot.

"Yes, I think that's what I'll do." Obi-Wan nodded as he spoke out loud. "I'll stop by the equipment supply room and see if I can get one…"

Anakin frowned. A camera pointing at the hall would make it difficult to sneak in and out at night.

"Off to school with you!" Obi-Wan shooed Anakin down the hall and then hurried off in a different direction.

But their apartment wasn't empty. Quartzite poked his horned head out from under Anakin's bed. Reaching out with the Force, he sensed both humans were gone. Crawling out from under the bed on all four limbs, he stretched luxuriously like a cat. His rear legs were stretched one at a time, his toes spreading wide apart. Yawning, he flapped his wings and took to the air. Flying with ease through the empty apartment, he headed straight for the kitchen and the refrigerator. Opening the door with the Force, he peered inside, nostrils sniffing. Fresh meat was his preferred meal although he was an omnivore and also ate other things as well. But to his dismay, the older human hadn't gone shopping yet and no juicy hunk of meat waited for his breakfast.

Well, he just would have to go find his own breakfast. That couldn't be too hard, could it? Quartzite flew out of the kitchen and paused near the hallway door. As of yet, he hadn't been out of the apartment and now seemed a good a time as any. First scanning the hallway with the Force, he was satisfied that no one was nearby. The door swooshed open and the tiny pink pseudo dragon flew out into the hall and right into Mace's apartment. Within moments he had found the kitchen. To his delight, an entire roasted bird sat inside the refrigerator just waiting for him. Tonight there would be a full moon and Mace had bought the large bird so he wouldn't give in to the urge to chase his fellow Jedi. The secret was a full stomach and the Jedi Master was looking forward to his spectacular feast. It wasn't often he got to eat meat anymore, not since the doctor had been after him…

Quartzite floated the roasted bird onto the floor and sunk his teeth into it. The little dragon feasted happily, a feeling of contentment going through his link to Anakin. Bones were scattered haphazardly all over Mace's neat kitchen floor, the dragon not being required to hide his presence in this apartment. When he was finished and only bones remained, he flew back to his own apartment.

Then a new idea occurred to Quartzite.

/I will help Obi-Wan shop for meat!./

Yes, the older human was utterly _terrible_ at meat shopping, buying only a few small packages at a time. Flying into Obi-Wan's bedroom, the dragon turned his computer on with ease. He had watched Anakin use his computer many times and now understood how it worked. Their minds were connected through a bond after all, a telepathic link. He also understood that one could buy things over the computer. With a swoosh of the Force, the pseudo dragon found a butcher shop on Coruscant that claimed it had the freshest meat…

Several hours later, Obi-Wan was heading back to his apartment. He rounded the corner and was met with a very unexpected sight. Some sort of large sledge blocked the hall, the floating platform packed with huge cases of something. The Jedi frowned when he realized the blockage wasn't moving but just sitting there. "Drat! That thing just _had_ to stop right by my apartment!"

Craning his neck upward in a lame attempt to see over the huge pile of crate, Obi-Wan called out. "Excuse me, but could you please move this? My apartment is right over there…"

A deliveryman peered at him through a narrow gap that existed between the wall and the crates. "I'm looking for a Jedi by the name of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Is that you?"

"Yes, that's me." Obi-wan replied, a nervous bubbling feeling settling in his stomach. It didn't bode well that the guy was looking for him.

"I have your meat here." The man replied.

"Meat? What meat?" Obi-Wan asked, perplexed. The nervous feeling in his stomach had grown worst as he eyed the huge pile of crates. Were they all filled with meat?

"The meat you ordered this morning, on the website." The man replied as he waved a hand at the crates. "All comes in refrigerated cases and guaranteed to be the freshest cuts on the entire planet. We got your steaks, ribs, roasts… you name it, and it's here."

"There must be some sort of mistake…" Obi-Wan said as his bubbling started to turn into a full-blown panic. "Surely this is meant for the Jedi cafeteria?"

"Nope. Got your name here and your room number. Where do you want me to put it?" The deliveryman asked as he casually leaned against the order.

"Ahhhh…" Obi-Wan's mind raced. Who had ordered the meat and used his name? Was it Anakin? Was this supposed to be a prank? Anakin had certainly never charged anything to his account before… "Look, I really can't afford to buy such a large quantity of meat…"

The deliveryman studied something on his padd and smiled. "According to this, it's already been paid for…"

"Is has?" Obi-Wan's eyes widened in surprise. Had someone bough him a _gift_?

"HHmm-hhmm." The deliveryman hummed positively. "So, where do you want it?"

"Well," Obi-Wan glanced towards the door to the empty apartment next to his. It had been empty for ages it seemed and he was sure it was large enough to hold all the crates. "I suppose you could put it in here…"

"Great." The man maneuvered the crates inside and then made the Jedi sign the padd. Whistling a merry tune, he started to leave. "I'll see you next week!"

"What?" Obi-Wan dashed out into the hall after him. "What do you mean? It would take me a _year_ to eat all this!"

The man rolled his eyes and pointed at the padd. "You're on a weekly delivery schedule, as you very well know!"

Obi-Wan's face went blank as the meaning of that sunk in. Snapping out of his shock, he saw the man disappear into a nearby lift. "Wait! Come back!"

The lift doors closed with a silent hiss.

"Noooooooo!" Obi-Wan shrieked as he ran up to the lift and pounded his fists on the door. "I DON'T NEED ANY MORE MEAT!"

Still shrieking, Obi-Wan dashed down the long glistening hallway as fast as he could. Some awful mistake had been made somewhere and he had to resolve it before he ended up with another huge sledge of meat! Who would _do_ such a thing to him? It was crazy, insane! He boots slid on the polished floor as he rounded the corner and he collided with Yarael Poof, both of them crashing to the floor. Their limbs grew tangled and the long-necked alien cried out in alarm. He just _knew_ he shouldn't have taken this stretch of hall!

"Out of my way!" Obi-Wan cried as he stepped on Yarael's arm and shoved himself to his feet. Racing to the nearby window, he was just in time to see the white delivery vehicle speed away, _Coruscant Meats_ glowing in big letters on the side. "NOOOOOOO!"

Poof, realizing weird things were afoot again, scrambled to the nearest broom closet and hid inside it.

Kenobi was terrorizing the Temple again!

"DRAT!" Obi-Wan stomped away from the window, each boot striking the floor loud and hard. "What am I going to do with all that meat?"

The Jedi paused, one hand stroking his beard. Then his stomach grumbled loudly and he remembered it was almost suppertime. Anakin would be home from school and he would need to feed the boy. "Well, maybe this isn't so bad after all. I won't have to waste time going to the market so often and no more cafeteria meals. That certainly is an improvement. But there's so much…"

Obi-Wan shrugged his shoulders. He's figure it out later…

Meanwhile Master Mace came home from the Council Chamber, his tongue licking his lips as he thought of the roasted bird. He entered his kitchen and …

"AAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Mace screamed as he stared at the scattered bones all over his kitchen floor, the refrigerator door wide open. "MY BIRD! MY BIRD!"

Still screaming, Mace dashed out of his apartment. "I'VE BEEN ROBBED!"

Across Coruscant, Palpatine was reading his mail. Supreme Chancellor Palpatine rested on his soft, leather chair in his lovely office. A few new bills had arrived and one by one he was paying them electronically. Robe cleaning, new black leather shoes, ten gallons of face cream, the spa he had visited last week, a sledge of meat…

"A sledge of meat?" Palpatine paused, his brows wrinkling in confusion. He didn't remember buying a sledge of meat. Curious, he scrolled to the bottom of the form. Upon seeing the figure, his eyes bulged out in horror. "100,000,000 for a sledge of meat? AAhHHHHHHHHH!"

To be continued…


	46. High Fashion

Pranks 46

Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated this for a while. I'm trying to hurry up and finish the story for the Luke Vader "ER Challenge". So once I finish that, the updates should come quickly again. OK? So please bare with me and thanks for the reviews!

Anakin sat before his computer as he surfed the web with Quartzite nestled on his shoulder. The pseudo-dragon had his tail wrapped around the young boy's neck and his shiny black eyes glistened like rare black pearls. Although Anakin was supposed to be doing his Galactic History homework, he just couldn't resist looking at cool stuff on the Internet. There were just so many odd and exotic things from across the far reaches of the galaxy. Some were hilarious and the two of them had a good laugh while other things were just bizarre. The mouth-watering scent of roasting meat drifted in through his open bedroom door and Anakin licked his lips. He still couldn't believe that his pet had managed to not only order a huge supply of meat for himself but had snagged the Supreme Chancellor's credit card number as well! But it all worked out for the best in an odd sort of way. He and Obi-Wan had great home-cooked meals and they spent more time together at the table, talking.

/Look!./ Quartzite sent telepathically to the young boy. /Look at those goofy fashions!./

Anakin immediately clicked on the indicated link his pet had spotted and was rewarded with a colorful page from Churba. Thanks to Galactic History, Anakin knew Churba was the fourth world in the system by the same name. The planet was high tech and very similar to Coruscant in many ways, just not as built up or large. Still, the humans who lived there were similar in many ways, but they apparently had a bizarre taste in fashion. The young Padawan studied the page for a moment, his eyes flickering over the images. "This is a catalog. But who in their right minds would _buy_ this stuff?"

/Stupid humans, apparently…/

"Yeah, I guess. I'm glad I'm not that stupid." Anakin studied the weird fashions that filled the page, his blue eyes bugging out of his head at some of them, frowning at others. There was a dress made completely out of feathers, an outfit apparently made out of aluminum foil (or so it appeared to Anakin) and things so bizarre he only gawked at them. Clicking the link at the bottom of the page, he went to page two. The photograph at the top immediately caught his eye and he started to laugh, pointing a finger at the screen. "Look at the pumpkin pants!"

Quartzite chirped loudly, his version of laughter.

The pants were round like a ball at the hips and a brilliant orange. They ended at the knee, the hem tight. They reminded him of a giant pumpkin that someone had chosen to wear as clothing in their most desperate hour. Who would wear such a thing? Still laughing, Anakin slapped his thigh as tears ran down his face. This was the most fun he had in a long time and it was good, honest fun.

/Why just laugh at it though? Why not get someone to wear them?./

"But we don't have any…" Anakin pointed out. But the idea was already latched into his brain. "Still, Master Mace would look hilarious in them…"

Closing his eyes, he imagined the dour Jedi Master in the crazy pumpkin pants and he laughed even harder. The Jedi were always so serious and conservative. They wore the simplest of clothes and didn't dare try on anything too outrageous from shame. It just wouldn't do to be caught in something scandalous! No, it was the Senators and other high-ranking politicians that made fools of themselves in the name of fashion. But how would they get him to actually wear them? Heck, he couldn't even imagine Palpatine in anything like that! The old man liked fashion but he was conservative, favoring sensible robes and such made from fine material. The only one he could imagine wearing it was that one senator from Alderaan. What was his name? Anakin shrugged. It wasn't important.

/We could write up a fake announcement…./

Anakin nodded. The fake announcement had worked great on the cafeteria's doors and had caused a food riot. Maybe this one would work as well. Quickly saving the image to his computer, Anakin's nimble fingers flew over the keyboard as he drafted a rough draft of his announcement. He would pin it on Master Yoda, as he was the Head of the Council. The little green guy was old and half senile anyway; thinking that brogs were babies! No one would question a new directive coming from the esteemed Yoda.

Giggling, Anakin neatly placed the image at the bottom of his announcement and quickly mailed a copy to all of the Jedi within the Temple. With help from Quartzite and his own computer knowledge, he was able to actually send it from Yoda's mail account. He certainly didn't want it traced back to him!

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan called from within the kitchen. "Supper is ready!"

"I'm coming, Master!" Anakin leaped from his chair, Quartzite flying off his shoulder to perch on the bed. If all go well, he would somehow sneak his pet a big hunk of roasted meat. Obi-Wan cooked so much these days that he hardly noticed that it was disappearing faster than what he cooked.

Out in the hallway, Master Mace paused. His nose was stuck up in the air and his nostrils flaring, sniffing the air. His dark eyes flickered to Kenobi's door and he frowned. "That's the fifth time this week I smell roasting meat coming from his quarters! I wonder where he's getting it all?"

Mace's stomach growled hungrily. He had just come from teaching a class of the more advanced Padawans Form VII Lightsaber fighting. Ever more suspicious of Sith activity, he scanned the floor in front of him cautiously, his eyes searching for the smallest hint of lint or dust. One could never be too careful. Sith were treacherous these days and fought even more dirty than usual. He still couldn't forget how one of them had filled his fighter ship with some awful stench! "Those dirty rotten Sith! It's all Maul's fault! Why can't he stay dead instead of plaguing me?"

After examining his door for potential traps, Mace entered his quarters and saw the red light was blinking on his comm.. Someone had sent him a message. Strolling over to his machine, Mace called the message up and started to read.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

Jedi have NEW Dress Code, they do. Will wear bright Pumpkin Pants on Friday, they will. Be in style, you will be. Failure to follow Dress Code, be in Serious Trouble you will be! Defy Council you will not! Or spend day scrubbing Jedi Starfighters, you will!

Master Yoda, Jedi Council

"What in the Force…." Master Mace stared at the photo of the ridiculous pants, his mouth hanging open. He had never seen a dumber looking of clothing than those bright orange pants. "That Yoda and his caf! I told him to stop drinking that stuff but does he listen to me? Nooooo! He didn't even discuss this with me at all!"

Mace fumed and started to pace his quarters. Then with a sickening dread he realized that _tomorrow_ was Friday! "How the heck am I going to get a pair of those stupid pants by tomorrow?"

His pacing increased tenfold as his sharp mind applied itself to the problem. Deciding he had to make a pair by himself, Master Mace hurried to his closet. Opening the door, the Jedi Master peered inside and stroked his chin thoughtfully. He needed some material to construct the crazy looking pants, but what? His closet just contained the sensible tan and brown clothing of a Jedi: tunics, robes, tabards and long pants. "I don't even _own_ any bright colors!"

Still, there had to be _something_ in his quarters he could use….

Mace started peering in all the corners, starting in his bedroom. His bedding was a sensible tan so that wouldn't work. Nor would he be the kind of idiot that would walk around the Temple all day in a cut up bed sheet. No, he was a responsible Jedi Master and had to set high standards. After scanning the rest of his apartment, he admitted defeat. Still, there was the junk room down the hall. Maybe he could find something bright orange there…

Windu stormed from his apartment and hurried to the Jedi Junk Room Number 553. As he grew closer he spotted Master Ki-Adi-Mundi and increased his pace. If he weren't fast enough, the Cerean would steal the badly needed orange fabric first! The other stared at Mace with beady black eyes and broke into a run towards the Junk Room. Thanks to his Werewolf speed, Mace reached the door first by a few seconds and stabbed a sharp elbow into Ki-Adi-Mundi's stomach. This, however, didn't deter the high-domed Jedi Master and he stomped on Mace's foot.

"Out of my way!" Mace ordered as he banged on the doorkey to get into the room. His foot ached but he ignored the minor pain. Struggling with each other, Ki-Adi-Mundi's long ponytail of white hair slapping against Mace's face, the two became stuck within the doorway. Grunting, Mace's eyes fell on a bright orange footstool. Slathering at the mouth, he pushed through into the room, not caring if the sleeve of his shirt tore or if he scraped some of the skin off his arm in the process. What was a bit of skin when he would win the footstool?

Laughing manically, Mace leaped forward and wrapped his arms around the highly desired orange footstool. It was covered in some plush, long fake fur – thus the reason it was in storage. Years ago it had been presented as a gift to the Jedi Council from some Senator and since no one wanted the horrible eyesore in their quarters; it ended up in the Junk Room. "It's mine! Mine!"

Ki-Adi-Mundi frowned but raced deeper into the Junk Room, his eyes searching for possibilities.

Clutching the footstool to his chest, Mace ran down the hallway with his prize. Due to the large size of the footstool and that it blocked his vision, he accidentally kicked Yaddle and she went tumbling across the floor. The small Jedi Master ended upside-down with her feet against the wall. Waving an angry fist at Mace's back, she yelled at him. Mace's mind, however, was already filled with blueprints for his Pumpkin Pants so he didn't hear her. Reaching his quarters, Mace dashed inside and cut open the stool carefully with his purple lightsaber. After pulling all the white stuffing out of the inside, Mace gawked at the piece of orange fabric and scratched his chin. He knew nothing of clothes making or how he could turn this hunk of fuzzy cloth into pants. "Hmmmmm, this might not be as easy as I thought…"

Walking around and around the piece of fabric, he studied it with a careful eye. "It doesn't look like a pair of pants at all…"

Deciding he needed to study the photograph again, Mace memorized the shape. It needed to balloon out at the hips and be really puffy. "Maybe I can stick some of that stuffing inside the pants. Yeah, that should work good!"

Clicking his lightsaber on again, Mace made cuts in the fabric and crossed his fingers for luck. Finding some thread and a needle, Mace sat down on his beige cushion and started sewing. Several hours later and with several hundred new stab marks in all of his fingers, he had his pumpkin pants finished. Happily, he modeled them in front of his full-length mirror. They looked very similar to what Yoda wanted, too. The orange fur was long and lush, as he had carefully brushed it with his toothbrush. It had been tedious work but well worth it in his opinion. His pants were stuffed with the white cotton out of the footstool and his hips and thighs bulged way out now, round and full. Grinning, he admired himself. "I'm in high fashion now! I think I'll wear my white shirt with this tomorrow!"

Of course, sitting was almost impossible in this contraption….

But who cared about sitting when you were in style? The smile still plastered to his face, Mace carefully removed his pumpkin pants and placed them on a chair. Heading into the bathroom, he went in search of ointment for his sore fingers.

That night, Anakin barely got a wink of sleep. He kept laughing as he imagined how dumb all the Jedi would look in their crazy pants. It would just be sooooooo funny! Finally the sun inched over the horizon and light started to fill his bedroom. He leaped out of bed and showered, spending extra time enjoying the hot water. Drying himself off, he quickly dressed and dashed to the breakfast table.

Obi-Wan was already there placing bowls of cereal on the table. His Master's eyes flickered to him and the Jedi frowned. "Anakin, you can't go to school like that!"

"Why not?" Anakin asked as he glanced down at himself. His hand reached up and checked that his braid was neatly braided. It was. He was clean and neatly dressed as always. Then his blue eyes widened in utter horror as a thought occurred to him. No, it couldn't be! Obi-Wan wouldn't _do_ that to him!

/Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!./

Quartzite's laughter resounded in his mind and Anakin gulped fearfully.

Stepping out from behind the table, Anakin stared in utter horror at the bright orange pumpkin pants that Obi-Wan was wearing. They didn't exactly look like the picture Anakin had found, but they were close enough. "Master! Those look like your bedroom draperies!"

"They are." Obi-Wan admitted as he glanced down at them. The brilliant orange fabric was stiff and covered in darker orange embroidered stars. He had found them last year on a clearance table for just a few credits. Since color or appearance didn't matter much to the Jedi, he had bought them. No one ever went into his bedroom anyway so what did it matter what his draperies looked like? Smiling, Obi-Wan held up a smaller pair for Anakin to see.

The color draining from Anakin's face, he gulped loudly. "But … they're duck-taped!"

A long silvery strip of duck-tape ran down the outer sides of the pumpkin pants, the strips reflecting light.

"Well, I couldn't find any thread…" Obi-Wan admitted as he ran a hand over one of his 'racing stripes'. "I think they look fashionable with these stripes….."

"Ooohhhhhhh!" Anakin groaned as he clung to his head with both hands. "I'm doomed!"

To be continued…


	47. Yoda's Got Mail!

Pranks 47

Author's Note: This chapter will continue the pumpkin pants event from the last chapter. The craziness of it is just too good for only one chapter.

Master Yoda had slept peacefully that night, totally unaware that a naughty young Padawan and his illegal pet pseudodragon had broken into his email account and had sent a bogus email to every Jedi in the entire Temple. Perhaps it had been due to the fact that the brogs had run his ragged the night before. While others raged and fought over rare and hard to find pieces of orange fabric, he had happily bathed his babies and watched educational programs on the holovision. _Coruscant Street_ were one of his new favorite programs, the puppets teaching his babies the alphabet and numbers. Not that Yoda actually watched the program. He just didn't have the time. Yoda was forced to constantly run after his wildly hopping babies, trying very hard to keep them in front of the colorful holovision. He had constructed a sort of playpen to keep them in front of the holovision, but they kept hopping out of it! It was maddening, to say the least. Worst, half of them kept looking the wrong way and Yoda just knew they weren't paying attention! How would they ever learn to speak and to be proper Younglings if they didn't start at the beginning? Sadly, none of them had picked up any of the words yet and it was no wonder with them knocking down potted plants, chewing leaves, making puddles on the floor that Yoda constantly slipped on. His voice was hoarse from screaming NO, NO, NO every few minutes and at his age he didn't need that. Yet the Force had given him all these babies to raise!

One wrinkled green eyelid peeled open and Yoda groaned. His alarm had woken him and it was time to get up again. Moaning again and smacking his too-dry mouth that had a weird taste in it, he crawled out of bed. Head drooping low on his chest, he padded barefoot into his kitchen. "Caf, need caf I do…"

It seemed that caf was the only thing keeping him going these days. Using the Force to open his cabinet door, he squinted bleary-eyed at the dozens round metal canisters of the highly desired caf. Which flavor should he have today? At first, Yoda had just drunk the plain stuff but one day he had discovered something amazing: caf came in different flavors! That very same day he had run right out to the nearest supermarket and had returned victorious: his entire commandeered Republic Gunship filled with caf. It had been the only vehicle big enough to hold his entire order. The poor clerk had passed out at the sight of Yoda magically levitating the contents of the caf isle into her checkout, so Yoda had been forced to ring it up himself. Now, if he was lucky, it just might last him a few weeks…

"Triple espresso, I think…" Yoda mumbled and levitated down the right container. After waiting for it to brew in a half dozing state, he drank his first cup joyfully. The stuff worked through his veins and his numb brain started to wake up. Peering around his tiny but neat kitchen, Yoda noticed a rapidly blinking red button on his computer. "Have messages I do!"

Now Yoda was the sort that liked to do everything right away, as Jedi did not procrastinate. They meditated on stuff, yes, but he liked to keep up-to-date with mail. And it was easy, as he never received more than twenty messages a day. More important communications arrived from fellow Jedi in the form of the usual holoimage. Those he could take care of on the spot. If was only if things piled up that you ran into problems…

Setting out shallow bowls of water and food for his babies, Yoda waddled over to his computer. Turning it on, he was rewarded with the exact number of messages that were waiting to be read and answered. The Jedi Master slowly focused his eyes on the number and then blinked in surprise. "Cannot be right, that is…"

Lifting a three-fingered hand, the elderly Jedi Master rubbed at his eyes. He must still be half asleep. Yes, that was it. Downing two more cups of caf in three minutes, Yoda studied the screen again. His dark eyes narrowed and he moved his face closer to the screen.

"Have 3574 messages I do…."

Yoda's mind went blank.

The brogs croaked loudly and knocked another plant to the floor, the loud crash vibrating through the apartment. Happily they started to chew on the green leaves. Others splashed in the bowls of water, the cool liquid spraying all over the floor.

The Jedi Master ignored them, his dark eyes glued to the screen. The number was still there and in fact it had just increased as yet more emails arrived in his box.

"Have 3586 messages I do…"

The ground from the plant started to mix with the spilled water, creating mud. Gleefully the brogs slide in the slick mud and tracked it all over Yoda's beige sofa and cushions.

"Why have so much mail do I?" Yoda asked himself, totally perplexed. It made no sense. Deciding he needed more caf to deal with this unique situation, he reached for the pot and discovered it was empty. So he started a new pot brewing, his leg jumping nervously on the mud splattered floor as he waited for it to finish cooking. Finally it was ready and he immediately gulped two cups of the hot stuff down, scalding his mouth. With a third steaming cup sitting next to his computer, Yoda finally felt ready to look at his three thousand plus messages. There was an odd similarity between them, most having the same title.

Re: IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Re: IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

RE: IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

"Important announcement be what?" Yoda scratched his chin and clicked the first one open. His eyes shifted up and back across the screen and he grew more and more confused. "Never heard of pumpkin pants have I. Why Aayla Secura sending me message about them I do not know."

Flexing his arthritic fingers the best he could, Yoda started to write a reply.

Dear Aayla Secura,

Need orange fabric you do not. Request for Jedi funds to buy such fabric is denied. Listen to rumors you should not. Know nothing of pumpkin pants do I. Send message I did not. Mistake it must be. Would be grateful if you scrub my floor instead of Jedi Starfighter I would be. Needs washing it does. Expected at seven PM you will be. Bring mop and cleaning fluids you will. Am out I am. Mop broken by babies it is.

Master Yoda, Jedi Council

Satisfied that he had answered one of the pieces of mail, Yoda opened the next one. To his surprise, the second was also about pumpkin pants.

Dear Shaak Ti,

Not changed Jedi Dress Code has. Wear pumpkin pants you will not. Know nothing of this I do. Why send email to me do you? Tell me who told you this you will.

Master Yoda, Jedi Council

Sipping his still hot caf, Yoda opened the third email. "More pumpkin pants it is? Understand this I do not! Never heard of them I did!"

Scanning down through the first several hundred emails, Yoda was distressed to find out that ALL of them were about the so-called 'important announcement'. The idea that every single Jedi had received the same bogus announcement some time last evening and had written him back about it was staggering. It would take DAYS to answer each of the emails! "Answer them I must! Need guidance they do."

Twenty more messages had been answered and an hour had passed. Yoda's fingers were starting to cramp up from the unaccustomed typing and sharp pain shot up through his arms. His replies were also getting stronger as he gulped more and more caf.

Dear Kit Fisto,

Care not I that orange pumpkin pants clash with green skin! Care not of fashion Jedi do! Know this you should! Wear normal outfit you will! Stock pumpkin pants Quartermaster will not! Be ashamed you should be! Want to be blasted you do? Good target pumpkin pants are! Loose butt you will from blaster bolts! Fool you are for wanting! Meditate on this you will!

Master Yoda, Jedi Council

Dear Bultar Swan,

Image of that I did not need. Look foolish it does. Burn them you should.

Master Yoda, Jedi Council

Exhausted from answering just one hundred messages, Yoda decided he needed to escape from his oppressive quarters. Stepping out into the hallway, ever watchful that none of his babies followed him, he started down the corridor. "Seek out Mace, I will. Advice I need. Troubling this development is. Need to discuss it the Council does. Find out where and who sent message we must."

Whistling came from around the corner and Yoda pondered who could be in such a cheerful mood. Then Master Mace appeared, his plump furry pumpkin pants taking up more than half the corridor due to the stuffing inside them. "Good morning, Master Yoda!"

Yoda's dark eyes grew wide, the bright orange blinding in intensity. "AAHHHHHHhhhhhh!"

Shrieking in horror, Yoda raced the other way as quickly as he could, his hands waving high in the air. The madness had spread and Mace was caught up in it! Leaping into an open lift, he sped down to one of the lower floor. More Jedi would be there and he needed their calming influence. The lift doors opened and bright orange met his eyes. About a fourth of the Jedi passing by the lift were wearing the fashion nightmare, the others gawking at them oddly. Horrified, poor Master Yoda fainted in the lift.

To be continued…

The next chapter will be with Anakin!


	48. Taped and Bottled

Pranks 48

Anakin Skywalker nervously walked towards his classroom, his feet moving as slowly as possible. He still couldn't believe Obi-Wan had actually forced him to wear the dreaded pumpkin pants! This wasn't how it was supposed to go, no way! The _other Jedi_ were to be the victims of the prank, not him! How could he face his classmates this way? He could already imagine their gawking looks and their hot stares, the exchanged expressions, the snickering behind his back. It would be just terrible and he seriously considered ditching class that day. There were tons of places he could hide and wait it out. But then his teacher would call his Master…

No, he _had_ to go to class! Still, he hated wearing these awful orange pants that puffed out from hip to thigh. The material was itchy for some reason; although it shouldn't be. Perhaps it was all the dust that had clung to the upper part of the drapes as they hung on the window? Worst, Obi-Wan hadn't a single clue how to actually make pants the right way and they bunched uncomfortable on him; too tight in a few places and loose in others. But the worst thing of all was that it was so obvious that he was wearing a _drapery_! His classmates would never let him forget it, either!

"It won't be so bad…" Anakin whispered to himself as he neared the corner near his class. "The others will be wearing them, too…"

Anakin rounded the corner and his classroom was just ahead. His heart pounding in his chest, he paused outside the open door. He could hear the others inside, talking. Taking a deep breath, he strolled in, his homework clutched tight in his hand. The others were standing near the back of the room in a tight bunch and all their eyes fell on him immediately. Not one of them, Anakin noticed, was wearing the dreadful pumpkin pants.

/Oh no! I'm the only one wearing them! Quartzite, I'm going to kill you!./

/Chirp! Chirp! Chirp/

/Stop laughing! It's not funny!./

"Anakin, what in the galaxy are you wearing?" His friend Tru asked him as the other boy hurried over. Tru's eyes darted down to the pants, a horrible shocked expression frozen on his face. "I saw a few Jedi in the hall in similar things, but why?"

"My Master received some announcement from the Council last night." Anakin replied, kicking himself mentally. He never should have sent the message to Obi-Wan! His dumb Master had actually believed it!

"Are those _draperies_ you're wearing?" Ferus asked as he also moved closer to Anakin. A disapproving look was on his face as he eyed the orange fabric decorated with dark orange stars. The teenager always tried to be the best Jedi he could be, the perfect Jedi Padawan. His hair was always neat, his clothes perfectly clean and properly arranged and he'd never listen to wild rumors; even if said rumor came from the Jedi Council. Eying the long strips of duct tape, he frowned. "Why can't you dress normally? You should know that Master Yoda would never make up such a drastic change in the dress code."

Loud snickers filled the room as many of the other Padawans laughed at Anakin, their fingers pointing at him. Anakin could feel his face grow hot in embarrassment. How dare they laugh at him? "Look, Ferus, I didn't want to wear this! My Master made me!"

Ferus stared at him, his gaze steady. "Do you see? This is your punishment for all those things you do to others. The Force knows what you're doing and it comes back tenfold. The more evil you do the more evil you'll receive. I tried to warn you at the zoo, but you refuse to listen."

"I didn't do anything!" Anakin insisted as he shook his head, his long braid slapping his cheek. He knew he was lying, of course. He'd done most of the things in the Temple. Otherwise all the sleepyheads would be wondering around bored out of their minds. He just spiced life up a bit. Surely that wasn't bad, was it?

"You did all that stuff at the zoo." Ferus stated, his eyes dark. "And who knows what else you've done?"

Just them Master Yaddle entered the room and she shooed all if them to their seats. Yaddle, being a sensible female, was wearing her normal Jedi robes and tunics. With green skin and big pointed ears, Yaddle looked very similar to Master Yoda. She was a member of the Jedi Council and enjoyed teaching young Padawans in many of the written subjects such as history, math, science and so on. Her dark eyes flickered over the students; each at their own desk and noticed one was still standing. Her gaze focused on the horrible orange pants he was wearing and she felt her heart soften a bit. On the way to class she had spotted many of her fellow Jedi wearing the ridiculous things and she couldn't help but shudder. None of them were tailors and the sorry excuse for clothing, well; it was enough to drive one to the Dark Side. "Anakin, you may take your seat."

"Yes, Master Yaddle." Anakin replied politely. He had tried to sit a few seconds ago but had felt the fabric constricting on his body, painfully. Gritting his teeth, he squeezed into his seat and heard an alarming ripping sound. Loud snickers drifted to his ears and his face reddened again, both in humiliation and in anger. The pain wasn't there now but he could swear he felt a cool draft on his legs, a draft where there shouldn't be one. His heart thumping in his chest, he glanced down at himself.

Oh no! The sticky silver tape that held his pants together had come loose on his left side, exposing a wide section of shin.

Quickly his hand darted high in the air. "Master Yaddle?"

"Yes?" She asked as she turned to regard him.

"My duct tape has come loose. May I please be excused?" Anakin asked, his face burning. He had to actually force each word from his mouth. This was without doubt the most atrocious day of his life, ever.

Loud hoots echoed around the room.

"Your duct tape?" Yaddle asked dumbly, her large eyes blinking.

"Yes, Master." Anakin replied, his voice jittery. He could feel the tape on the other side coming off, too. "My Master … I guess he doesn't know how to sew so he used duct tape to make my pants…"

Loud guffaws filled the room. Most of the Padawans were lying across their desks now, tears leaking from their eyes. Only Ferus and Tru refrained from joining in. Tru was the closest thing to a friend Anakin had at the Temple and he felt bad for him. Ferus didn't laugh because Jedi knew it was wrong to laugh at another's misery.

"In that case, you may be excused." Yaddle said. "Please change and hurry back to class."

"Yes, Master." Anakin slid out of his chair and stood. As he did so, he felt something scratch against his lower legs and then heard the soft sound of something striking the floor. Stomach in his throat, he slowly glanced down. He feared what he would find lying atop his boots and he was right.

The guffaws grew louder and Anakin's face darkened to a beet red. Scowling fiercely, he bent to pick up his pumpkin pants. As he did so, he gave the class a good view of the lit red, green and blue lightsabers on the rear of his boxer shorts. Obi-Wan had thought them a perfect gift for the boy and had eagerly snatched up every pair off the clearance table, not understanding why Anakin would have been far happier with solid black.

Ferus frowned ever more. Proper Jedi did not wear lightsabers on their butts!

Without another word, Anakin stormed out of the classroom and hurried down the hall. He reached the shared apartment without mishap, taking shortcuts whenever possible. The less people saw him like this, the better! He quickly changed into his proper clothes and then paused, his eyes looking towards the kitchen. He felt angry that all of his classmates had laughed at him and the desire to get back at them was great. Turning, he allowed his feet to lead him into the kitchen and he started to pursue the cabinets. There had to be something in there he could use. "Lunch would be a perfect time…"

It had been fun pranking Ferus at the zoo. But what could he do? There was no way he could get near the food before it was on the plates. Could he slip something onto the food afterwards? Some hot spice, perhaps? "But they'd see it…"

Remembering that the Jedi cafeteria would be serving Dewback burgers today, he smiled. His classmates just _loved_ Dewback burgers and almost fought over them and the crisp fried veggies that always went with them. They also loved pouring the slightly tangy red sauce on them from the myriad bottles that waited on each table. Anakin giggled as his blue eyes landed on the gallon jar of Obi-Wan's Supernova Hot Sauce. "I'll just switch the contents of the bottles!"

Tucking the huge and heavy glass jar under his robe, he hurried to the lunchroom. As he had expected, the red sauce bottles rested upon all the tables, ready for the lunch crowd. He knew what table his class ate at and he easily called those particular bottles to his hands with ease. Carrying all this under his robe with great difficulty, he rushed hunched over to the nearest bathroom. Ducking inside and praying the room was empty, he set about his task. He had remembered to bring a large empty bowl with him and he frantically started squeezing the catsup into the big bowl. Some of it dribbled over the bowl's rim, onto the side of the sink and pooled onto the floor. Once all six plastic bottles were empty, he quickly washed them out under the tap and set about refilling them.

That, Anakin learned, was much harder. The gallon bottle had a huge round mouth and the hot sauce came out in a much thicker stream. It dribbled all over the smaller plastic bottles, his hands and the sink. He attempted to control the flow with the Force but found it difficult, perhaps because it was a liquid. The fumes from the noxious stuff pinched at his blue eyes and he tried to rush the job. Anakin was very aware of the ticking clock. He had to hurry back to class before anyone would start to wonder why he had been gone so long. Thankful that he had rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, Anakin almost dropped the large gallon jar but just managed to catch it at the last moment. His hands were thick with red sauce up to his wrists.

Reaching out for the nearest roll of toilet paper, he frantically started to wipe at the now full plastic bottles to clean them. The toilet paper extended from its place in the roller to the sink where he stood. Within moments the long stretch of toilet paper was red and slippery with hot sauce. Knowing he should hide all evidence of his mischief, he attempted to tear the section of the roll. But no matter how hard he pulled and tugged, it wouldn't tear!

"Drat! It's that joke roll I had given Obi-Wan long ago!"

Anakin fought with the roll, waving the smeared up paper around the room wildly. Feeling the bits of sand falling through the hourglass, he just threw it into the nearest stall and closed the door. Let whoever found the red-smeared toilet paper think what they wanted. If it were Master Mace, he would no doubt think someone had been killed!

Dashing out of the bathroom, bottles under his robe once again, he hightailed it to the lunchroom as quickly as possible. Slipping the door open just a crack, he levitated the bottles back onto the table. A smile broke out on his face as no one had caught him in the act. Giggling, he started to race back towards his classroom, the huge glass gallon bottle still under his robe. The bottle was now filled with the catsup and he was planning on stashing it near his classroom, inside a potted plant that stood in the hall. The foliage was tall and bushy; plenty of room for his bottle. Taking the stairs too quickly in his haste, he felt the bottle slip and it crashed to the stairway, red goop flying everywhere.

"Oops!" Anakin stared at the mess for a moment, then shrugged. "It's a good thing I'm taking the other route to class or my classmates would spot it on the way to lunch!"

Leaving the shards of glass and red goop dripping down the beige stairs, Anakin soon reached his class red-faced and out of breathe. He stood for a few moments just outside the room; his back to the cool was as he caught his breath. If he was a bit red, they just thought it was from embarrassment. Then when he felt ready, he walked inside and went to his seat. He could feel the others looking at him and a few snickers reached his ears, but he ignored them. They'd get it soon enough!

Time passed and then the entire class piled out to go to lunch. Anakin patiently waited in the lunch line and soon received his tray of food. He joined the others at the table, Tru next to him. Further down the table, he saw Ferus out of the corner of his eye. The boy was pouring thick hot sauce on his burger, thinking it was catsup! Others around him were doing the same and he studiously ignored them. Keeping his emotions in check and his blue eyes on his own food, he picked up his burger and bit into it, chewing.

Ferus copied Anakin's recent action, raising the burger to his mouth and biting into it. At first he didn't notice anything different. But after a couple of chews, the food mixing in his mouth and the hot sauce coating his taste buds, he screamed. Clutching his throat, Ferus leaped out of his seat and stumbled away from the table. His eyes were wide with tears leaking from them. "Aahhhhhhhh!"

Others were also shrieking as the Supernova Hot Sauce worked on their taste buds and clung to their tongue. Those who hadn't yet reached the catsup bottles or preferred their food plain were glancing up in confusion.

"What's going on?" True asked Anakin as he watched a few more of his fellow classmates dash out of the lunchroom. A few were wildly guzzling water from their glasses, the liquid dripping down their chins and making wet blotches on their tunics.

"I don't know…" Anakin shrugged and continued to eat his burger.

Tru looked suspiciously at his untouched burger. "Do you think there's something wrong with the food? I heard that someone had once found an eyeball in their soup…"

"My burger tastes OK…" Anakin replied, licking his lips.

"Oh, OK…" Tru picked up his burger and took a cautious bite. Not tasting anything wrong with it, he settled down to eat.

Upstairs on a different floor, Master Mace was trapped in a bathroom stall due to his pumpkin pants. He had managed with great difficulty to jamb his way in by force, but now he couldn't move forward or back. The orange pants were so fat and filled with cotton stuffing that they were literally holding him in place, both sides flush against the metal stall walls. He had tried everything to get free and couldn't. Even the Force itself had failed him. So he had resorted to his very last option. Taking the comm. off his belt, he spoke into it. "Hello, Maintenance? This is Master Mace. I'm trapped in a bathroom stall. Please come and get me out…"

Mace listened to the voice on the comm. and then grew angry. "No, this isn't a joke! I'm really stuck here! And how would I know which bathroom it is? Do you know how big this building is? Just come and get me!"

To be continued…


	49. Paper or Plastic?

Pranks 49

Anakin sat in his room surfing the galaticweb once again. Although his pumpkin pants prank had backfired on him, he was going to let that stop him from cooking up a new scheme. He was fresh out of ideas at the moment and he wasn't all that anxious to listen to suggestion from his pet, either. But surfing was always good as it opened his mind to all sort of ideas and who knew what great prank he may think of due to something he saw? But nothing great was presenting itself and the young Padawan frowned. "It's all such dumb stuff!"

And dumb stuff it was. Every time he signed onto the galaticweb he was presented with the latest news stories. What did he really care about some uprising on a far away planet? Whether he liked it or not, he was stuck here in the Jedi Temple doing boring homework. His blue eyes skimmed over the latest stories with disinterest and he was about to go visit a prank website for ideas when one of the news stories caught his eye.

Supreme Chancellor Palpatine smiled sweetly and waved at adoring fans from where he stood within his floating circular device within the Senate Building. Like always, he was wearing a fancy robe that no doubt reached his ankles. The robe was dark blue in color and was simple in design, yet looked very dignified. Clicking on the photo to enlarge it, Anakin snickered. He remembered all too well the last time his 'friend' Palpatine had gotten pranked and stuck on the treadmill! Looking at the picture reminded him of the upcoming fieldtrip. Yaddle had told the class that soon they would visit Galactic City and the Senate Building was going to be one of their stops. Anakin already knew that Palpatine had his office in the building as well. Leaning back in his chair, he stared at the photo. "If only I could prank Palpatine in front of the entire Senate!"

Such a prank would outdo anything he had done before. But was it even possible? Shrugging, he rapidly typed in the address to one of his favorite prank sites to see if they had any new products on the page. Mostly it was the same old stuff and way out of his price range, still the website was good for ideas during a dry spell. And he defiantly had hit a dry spell! The page slowly loaded and he was rewarded beyond imagining.

_Surprise your friends with out new PAPER CLOTHES!_

"Paper clothes?" Anakin said as he scanned the text to learn more. "We can make an exact copy of your friends favorite outfit out of paper, guaranteed to rip and shred with movement. The best embarrassing pranks ever! You need only supply a photo of the clothing and we'll do the rest."

A wicked idea of Palpatine addressing the Senate in his underwear came to mind and Anakin snickered loudly. It would be totally wizard!

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan gruff voice called from the other room. "I don't hear you typing your homework in there! I hope you're not wasting your time on the galaticweb again!"

"Of course I'm not, Master!" Anakin replied as his fingers flew over the keyboard as he quickly placed an order; sending a photograph of Palpatine's fancy new blue robe. Then he shelled out a few extra credits for Super Fast Delivery, as he needed it in time for the field trip. Of course, he had been smart enough to delete the Supreme Chancellor's face from the photo. The last thing he wanted was for the prank to get back to him. For all he knew such a thing may be illegal. Nor did Anakin use his real name but a bogus one he had created just for the rare cases when he did buy something. And the credits, well, he had found those one extremely lucky day. Coruscant was celebrating the arrival of a new year and many people favored getting stinking drunk on that day. The very next morning Anakin had snuck out early and he had found a fifty-credit piece lying on the duracrete with no one in sight. Looking around cautiously, he had used the Force to call the coin to his hand and then he had headed for the safety of the Temple. A lot of Coruscant's inhabitants willing to kill you over a metal scrap, it was best not to be seen with fifty credits.

The next two days seemed to drag and Anakin worried if the paper robe would arrive in time. Sneaking out to check his PO Box the morning of the trip, he was pleased to find the package waiting. Tucking it within his tan robe, he hurried back to the nearby Temple. Once back in his room, he opened the small package and carefully removed the robe. Just as the website had promised, the robe didn't _feel_ like paper at all. If he didn't know any better, he would have sworn he actually held a real expensive piece of clothing in his hands. The joke shop had done their research apparently as the neck even sported the correct label. Counterfeiting of designer clothes was a serious problem but one joke company took it to a new extreme! Grinning madly, Anakin carefully folded the paper robe and stashed it within his tunic. At the right moment he would sneak off and hopefully sneak it into Palpatine's office somehow…

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan's voice called and the Jedi appeared in his bedroom doorway. "Aren't you up yet? If you don't hurry, you'll be late for school!"

"I was just getting my padd, Master." Anakin replied innocently, the robe already hidden. Being paper, it could be folded flat and took almost no room whatsoever.

"Here, eat these cereal bars on the way to class." Obi-Wan instructed as he held out a handful of the healthful treats. "You know I don't like it when you skip a proper breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day."

"We're going on a fieldtrip!" Anakin exclaimed as he accepted the cereal bars and stuck them into his pocket, all except one, which he tore open. "We're going to Galactic City! Too bad you can't come, Master."

Obi-Wan frowned. "Anakin, you know I don't like politicians. I'm happy staying as far away from that place as I can…"

"But we're going to see the Senate!" Anakin exclaimed in excitement, bouncing on his toes. "That building looks so cool on the holovision! And to think I can finally see it for real!"

"It's dizzying is what it is…" Obi-Wan remarked dryly as he started shoving Anakin towards the door. "Nothing creates a sense of vertigo like being in _that_ nightmare structure…"

Anakin's blue eyes sparkled with pure anticipation. If Obi-Wan hated it then it must be _really_ good! "I'll be sure to go to the highest seat!"

Obi-Wan groaned but shoved him out into the hall. "Mind Yaddle!"

But Anakin was already gone, just a discarded wrapper floating to the hallway floor. The Jedi shook his head and promptly headed in the other direction. He had research to do in the Library Archives…

The moments ticked by and Anakin grew more and more excited. They had already toured several places in Galactic City, each one more impressive than the last. Yaddle blathered on about architecture and history, which the young Padawan tuned out. His insides were bubbling with a strange blend of nervousness, excitement and fear. He knew he could get caught sneaking in and how would he explain it? Still, the danger just seemed to make it so much more attractive. This would be the first real prank he would play outside of the Temple and he was unsure if it would really work. Would Palpatine notice the difference? Finally the class started to move towards the Senate and they entered through the main door. This was the highlight of their tour and their last stop for the day. The big room they all had seen on holovision was just ahead. The class had received permission from a few kind senators to use their balconies during the visit. Eagerly the class split up as the students attempted to squeeze onto the three balconies allotted to them. Best of all, they were to watch the Senate itself in action! But it was still early and almost none of the wealthy senators had arrived first.

"Master Yaddle?" Anakin said as he approached his big-eared teacher. "May I use the restroom?"

"Of course." Yaddle replied kindly. "Just don't get lost and hurry right back here. The restroom is right down that hall."

Anakin said his thanks and hurried down the indicated hall. The night before, he had found a blueprint of the building and had memorized the directions to Palpatine's office. Now he snuck in that direction, the Force out before him ever watchful of any life forms. _This_ sort of thing was what a Jedi trained to do and his blood sang with the adrenaline rush. Pushing open a stairwell door, he hurried down it until he reached the proper level. Opening another door, he cautiously poked his head out. He couldn't believe the lax in security! Was Palpatine really that foolish? Where were the guards, the locks? Sensing no one up ahead, the young Padawan made a mad rush for the elderly man's office and successfully entered it. His blue eyes immediately fell on the closet tucked into one wall. Dashing over to it, he prayed he would find the fancy blue robe hanging within. Palming the door open, he sighed with relief when it was indeed there. Wasting no time, he pulled the real one off the hanger and reached into his tunic to remove the fake. Giving it a slight shake, the counterfeit immediately fluffed up and unfolded, just as it was designed to do. Its weight increased and now it felt almost as heavy as the real one. Carefully slipping it onto the hanger, he stuck it into the closet and closed the door. The clock was ticking and he needed to hurry back to his class. Scooping the real robe up into his arms, Anakin bee lined out the door and back into the stairwell. Leaving the article of clothing against a wall, he soon rejoined his class without incident.

Some time later, Palpatine entered his office and headed to his closet. He was scheduled to speak before the Senate soon and he needed to look his most dignified. When he had won the election, he had bought several new robes fitting of his higher rank, the newest being the deep blue one. He had spent _weeks_ browsing the various upper class stores on Coruscant for just the right piece of clothing. As Supreme Chancellor, he had to be extremely careful of what he wore. The entire galaxy was watching him each time he stepped out of his house. One needed just the proper clothing. It needed to be expensive and finely made, yet not too flashy or flamboyant. Simple was better no matter what those other senators chose to wear. His mind momentarily thought of Amidala and her crazy headdresses, shuddering. Those things were virtual nightmares, especially the horrendous contraption that looked like golden horns. Silently he vowed to _never_ shop at the place that sold anything she favored.

Removing the robe he had driven to work in, he carefully laid it on his chair and opened his closet. His eyes fell on his luxurious blue robe and he smiled, reaching for it. Today was an important day and he needed to look his best. Pulling it free of the hanger, a slight frown creased his thin lips for a moment. The robe seemed oddly lighter than what he remembered. Palpatine was cold most of the time due to his age. His blood circulation wasn't what it once was and this left his feeling cool or even cold while others around him felt warm or even hot. The simplest answer was to wear thicker robes that helped keep the draft away from his bony body. Hefting the robe in one gnarled old hand, the Sith Lord eyed it for a moment. It looked like his robe and was in his closet, and yes, it even had the proper tag. "It's just the cold in here…"

Palpatine quickly drew the robe onto his skinny, shivering body. He didn't like standing in his office in his underwear but he dare not wear his finest robe on the way to work. One never knew what crazy would be driving next to you. Once an airspeeder had sped through the traffic lane he had been in and some noxious drink had been dumped on his head! The thick, syrupy stuff had totally ruined his robe and from that day on he had started changing in his office. It was better to suffer a few seconds of cold than to waste credits on a new outfit. Besides, he had other projects to fund…

Slowly walking to his desk, he sat and pressed the button that would take him up into the Senate Building above. Once he was at the proper level, he stood and waited for the room to notice him and quiet down. For some odd reason he still felt cold but he ignored it. The room was incredibly large and drafts were everywhere. Once the crowd had hushed, he raised his arm…

RIP…

Feeling something give way underneath his arm, his normally perfectly schooled expression gave way to surprise, but he quickly recovered and hid it. He couldn't let the Senate know something was amiss. Still, an uncharacteristic bout of anxiety gripped his innards and squeezed painfully. He was sure the underarm seam of his fine robe had torn! Drat! How was he supposed to give his speech if he couldn't lift his right arm upwards? If there was now a big gaping hole underneath his arm, the last thing he wanted was for the crowd to find out! There were newsmen out there; reporters. Those fiends were always searching for blood and scandal; gossip. They'd leap on him and tear his throat out with such a bit of news! Quickly lowering the arm in question, he stared out into the blinding lights and smiled for the cameras he knew that were rolling.

"Welcome my friends to this grand meeting of the Senate! We have important things to discuss on our agenda today…" Palpatine nervously lifted his left arm slowly, his senses taunt for the slightest tension in the cloth covering his body. Realizing he would look like a fool with his arm partly raised, he boldly hoisted it high into the air for the crowd. Wild roars that sounded like booming thunder met his ears and he grinned toothily, waving to his adoring fans. The up and back motion of his arm was too much for the paper and it gave away with a soft tear, the bellow of the crowd easily covering it. The tear became wider and longer, the fibers at the shoulder join separating from each other until the sleeve was totally detached from the rest of the robe.

"Quiet down, quite down!" Palpatine waved his arm to hush them and then let the limb fall to his side … and felt the sleeve fall right off his arm onto the floor!

"What?" Palpatine gasped as he turned his head to gape at his now naked arm. His mouth gaped open and his dark eyes widened in shock. "My sleeve … it fell off!"

"Ha!" Someone cried from within the crowd. "Look at Palpatine!"

"His robe must be as old as he is!" Someone else shouted.

"That isn't true!" Palpatine cried, horrified. "I just bought this robe!"

"Yeah? When?" The same male voice shouted. "A hundred years ago?"

Red faced, Palpatine tried to ignore the hooting laughter of the crowd but it was all around him. How could this happen to him? It was the most embarrassing moment of his life! Why, this was even worst than that day when he had gotten stuck n that trash can and had appeared on the front page of all those publications! Glancing down, he saw the sleeve lying on the ground near his feet. Obviously the person who had sewn it had done a very, very poor job! He would gather the sleeve and take the article of clothing back to the store and demand a full refund! And then he'd never ever shop there again! It was clear that the establishment did _not_ carry quality goods at all. Bending forward, he reached for the sleeve.

RIP!

Palpatine froze, his eyes bulging out of his head. _That_ he had heard and now he could feel a cold breeze blowing on his posterior…

"HA! LOOK EVERYBODY!" Someone else shouted. "IT'S HIS UNDERWEAR!"

Oh no! It was, as he had feared! Palpatine quickly forgot about the sleeve on the ground and straightened up as fast as he could, his back popping loudly. Spinning around to hide his underwear from the crowd, he simply gave the other side of the room a chance to see them. In his stressed state of mind, he had forgotten the entire room was filled on all sides. No matter which was he turned someone would be there to gape at his butt.

"MAHAHAHAHA!" The crowd laughed, the sound echoing off the walls and ceiling.

"Stop it! Stop laughing at me!" Palpatine cried red-faced. He awkwardly moved his arms behind him in a lame attempt to cover his underwear. This position strained the shoulders of his paper robe and it tore…

Palpatine felt the material give way and slide down his body in slow motion, the paper scraping against his skin. It landed in a blue pool around his feet and he stood before the crowd almost naked, his bony body exposed for all to see. His large bulging knees knocked together, his legs little more than bones covered by skin. Loose flaps of skin swung from underneath his arms and blue veins zigzagged across his body. The only modesty he had left were his black underwear, which made his body look as pale as a sheet of newsprint.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!"

To be continued…

Well, that didn't turn out as funny as I had hoped, but maybe someone thought it was funny?


	50. Arachnophobia!

Pranks 50

Author's note: To celebrate that this story has lasted for fifty chapters, I thought I should take it back to the beginning with a prank between Ani and Obi. And _yes_, I'm aware that the SW galaxy wouldn't have spiders or would call them by a different name, but this _is_ humor so please go along with it. Oh, and if you actually suffer arachnophobia you may not want to read this…

Since his surprisingly successful prank on Palpatine, Anakin had been keeping a low profile. For the following three days he had acted the perfect Padawan. He attended all his classes, showed respect to all the Masters and even finished all his homework without being asked. Of course, he had always done his homework but this time he didn't let his mind wonder to possible pranks. Truthful, he was scared of getting caught. He was unsure if anyone had figured out the truth. By now he was sure Palpatine had discovered the robe he had worn was a counterfeit made of paper and the last thing he feared was seeing people come to arrest him. The thought kept him on his toes. He supposed he was trying to act innocent and hoped he was pulling it off. But the dull nature of his perfect life was starting to take its toll and he found himself daydreaming out his bedroom window instead of working on his latest assignment.

/If you're worried of getting caught, why did you do it/

At the mental words, Anakin lifted his head from where it rested upon the windowsill and glanced at Quartzite. "Because it was so funny. You know that. Although I do admit it was a very awful sight. I never knew people's bodies look so gross when they're that old and Palpatine is _ancient_!"

Quartzite blinked his black pearl –like eyes and tilted his horned head at an angle. Sometimes the pseudodragon found humans hard to understand. Flapping his brilliant pink wings, the tiny dragon took to the air and soon landed on Anakin's desk amid a scattering of small parts. Lowering its head, the dragon curiously sniffed at all the bits of wire, circuits and other mechanical parts.

/Why are you not working on this? You like building things./

The human boy shrugged and leaned back against the window, yawning. "It's so dull around here I could fall asleep. All everyone talks about it Palpatine's ugly body with the wrinkles and sagging skin. That and some new dumb law about manufactures…"

Anakin didn't exactly understand the new law on all the adult's minds but he knew it was the result of his prank. Palpatine had sprung back from his initial shock and had roused the Senate with a great speech about the shoddy products companies sold for great profit at the consumer's expense. Soon the entire building was applauding him. It seemed that everyone at some time had fallen for some product that didn't work as expected. Unknown to everyone, this fitted in perfectly with Palpatine's dream of am Empire where he had tight control over everything. And no one still had learned he was a Sith Lord. Now the new law was extremely close to being passed, creating a big stir among the adults.

/So? Play another prank. Wake this boring place up./

Anakin sighed and pushed himself away from the window. Moving to his desk, he stared down at the bits scattered all over it. His assignment was to build some sort of device. As Jedi, they were required to understand how mechanical things operated so they could be reasonably well at fixing them or at least understand the basic principals. The teacher understood that not everyone would be gifted with this. Some students were better at the physical side of being a Jedi, some at healing using the Force. Each student was unique and Anakin was perhaps the most unique of all for he seemed to excel in all areas. Designing and building things was old hat to him, but at the moment he just didn't feel inspired. "I don't feel like building another droid. I've built so many of them that some of the Masters have taken to using some for target practice…"

/So build something more original…/

"Yes, I suppose I could do that." Anakin nodded in understanding. "Maybe I could build a prank device. Obi-Wan has been getting very soft these days. I need to keep him on his toes so he'd expect the unexpected. How could he be a great Jedi if just wonders about the Temple relaxed? And Mace, Mace is disappointed I think. He needs more Sith activities to keep him going…"

The pseudodragon chirped softly, the laughter echoing through Anakin's small bedroom. An idea blossomed in the Padawan's head and he reached for the parts. He would build the _best_ device among his class!

000

Obi-Wan was in the bathroom rubbing hand cream on his hands from a small white jaw. He wasn't vain by any means but sometimes his skin just grew too dry and he needed it, like today. But the cream wasn't exactly as he had remembered it. His hands were slathered with the pale green stuff and he paused, lifting one hand to his nose and sniffing. An unfamiliar smell crawled into his nose and the Jedi fought the urge to sneeze. It wasn't exactly an unpleasant scent … it just was different. And had the cream always been that shade of mint? "I could have sworn the cream was plain white…"

And the cream felt odd in some way, too, although he couldn't exactly saw how. He pondered that for a moment, thinking. "Greasy, yes, that 's it! It feels more thicker and greasier…"

Bending forward, Obi-Wan attempted to read the label on the small hand cream jar and soon realized the label was missing. Had it fallen off? Scanning the floor, Obi-Wan didn't see it anywhere. With great difficulty, he gripped the porcelain bottle with two smeared hands and set it back inside the cabinet that sat over the bathroom's small sink. The outside of the jar was now greasy and slippery, but he couldn't just leave it on the edge of the sink where it could slip and smash on the floor. No, that wouldn't be right at all. The cabinet was crammed with assorted bottles and he finally managed to squeeze the cream back onto the shelf. Shaking his head, he vowed to clean all the junk off the shelf one of these days. A frown appeared on his face and he absently continued rubbing the cream into his dry hands. "Where in the Force did all this junk come from? I should hop I didn't buy all this clutter…"

Unknown to Obi-Wan, his hand cream bottle was on the _third_ shelf. The bottle he had just used had come from the _second_ shelf and actually belonged to Quartzite. The tiny pseudodragon loved sunning on the Temple rooftop in a ray of sunlight and afterwards loved working a good amount of Scale Cream into his pink scales.

And this was, unfortunately, what the Jedi had just used on his hands.

000

Anakin smiled at the twelve tiny droids that sat upon his desk. It had taken hours to assemble the wee mechanical spiders but it was worth it, he hoped. Each was incredibly small, no bigger than a real spider. And like their real counterparts they could spin a web-like material. It had taken great patience and his total concentration, plus the help of some specialized equipment he had borrowed with permission thanks to his teacher. Without the equipment it would have been impossible to handle the microscopic pieces or see them. Upon hearing what he intended to build for his assignment, the teacher had grown so excited she had given him a special pass that gave him free reign of the Temple's mechanical shop. It was without doubt one of the hardest building projects he had tackled to date. Compared to this, the pod racer had been easy.

"And now to test them…" Anakin said as he stretched luxuriously, his bones making soft pops from sitting hunched over too long. Stretching felt wonderful and he enjoyed the sensation for a moment. Then a grin appeared on his face. "And it'll be so much fun to scare my poor Master!"

At this, Quartzite picked up his head from where he had been dozing on Anakin's bed curled up in a round pink ball. He loved scary pranks as much as the young boy did.

/What are you going to do with those fake spiders/

"You'll see!" Anakin replied mysteriously. "Or should I say Obi will?"

000

That night Anakin let the twelve tiny arachnids loose in Obi-Wan's bedroom after his Master had gone to sleep. While he slept the tint droids scrambled all over the room on their eight legs spinning webs. Soon the webbing stretched from one wall to the other, from the floor to the ceiling. By the time the first rays of light was creeping through the Coruscant sky, the droids hurried back to Anakin and he put them into a tiny metal tin on his desk for safe keeping. With anticipation, he crept over to the wall his bedroom shared with his Master and he placed an ear against the wall. He waited that way for a few minutes, his knees pressed to his chest and adrenaline pumping through his system.

Any minute the fun would begin…

000

Obi-Wan woke up sleepily, yawning loudly. Something was touching his face and he swatted at it without opening his eyes, annoyed. He felt his hand pass through something, a something that didn't belong there and his blue eyes instantly flew open. His Jedi training was coming wide-awake now, his mind screaming that something was wrong. Still lying down in bed in the position he had woke up in, he tried to make sense out of what he was seeing. There was some white stuff above him in his room, some odd white fibers stretching this way and that. Turning his head, he soon realized the stuff was virtually _everywhere_! Then it clicked in his head exactly what the white stuff was…

"No…" Obi-Wan muttered as his heart started to pound within his chest and a bead of sweat appeared on his forehead. It couldn't be! No single tiny insect could fill his room overnight with webs! It was impossible! But his mind didn't want to accept the idea. It looked too real and he felt his breath come fast, the loud exhales causing the webbing just above him to flutter in the breeze of his breath.

"Stay calm … stay calm …" Obi-Wan instructed himself as his heart raced as if he was running in a marathon. The idea of some eight-legged _thing_ crawling on him was more than he could stand. Jedi were supposed to battle all sorts of things and he normally did very well at these situations. Various aliens, no matter how strange they looked, didn't bother him at all. He had even managed to hold conversations with one particular nasty species that consisted of transparent bags with their organs floating around inside. It had looked horrible, yet he had remained in control.

But this…

Most insects he could accept, but web spinners normally were fast and ferocious. Worst, they had nasty bites. And it could be anywhere…

Obi-Wan's frantic eyes scanned the nearby maze of white threads. The webbing in spots was so thick that he couldn't even see the far wall, the door or his bedroom window. Heart lurching into his throat, he spotted a large white mass near one wall. Was it his computer or a super large egg bundle? The idea caused a tremble to make it's way down his spine and it was more than he could stand.

"AAHHHHHHHH!" Obi-Wan leaped from his bed and ran wildly screaming towards the door. With the first step he was instantly tangled in the sticky webbing, the long thin strands wrapping themselves around his body. Panic gripped him and he thought for a moment he would become trapped, but they broke easily. Partially blinded by the bits sticking to his face, he found the door through memory alone and frantically hit the spot where the door release would be. Fresh air flowed in and he stumbled out into the empty corridor of his apartment. Wide-eyed, he tore the webbing off himself as quickly as he could while hopping around in a state of hysteria.

As soon the thick clumps of webbing hit the floor, Obi-Wan leaped on it and preceded to violently kill any creatures that may be lurking within the white threads. "DIE! DIE! DIE!"

The jumping continued for a good five minutes and then the wild-man dashed to the kitchen in his socks. Obi-Wan looked quite the mess. His normally neat hair stuck up at odd angles and had bits of white spider web stuck within it. His breath came fast through his open mouth and a wild gleam filled his blue eyes. Skidding to a halt in the kitchen, he crazily scanned the room. "Weapon, need a weapon…"

Spotting a cookbook propped up near the cooking area; he snatched it and ran back to his room. Sliding to an unsteady halt before his bedroom, his knees shaking uncontrollably, he stared in at the broken white mass that stretched from wall to wall to ceiling.

It could be _anywhere_ and he nervously darted his eyes up to the ceiling overhead. Then quickly spun around to stare at the wall behind him. Something that could spin such a huge web overnight couldn't be _good_…

"Kill it, got to kill it…" The Jedi muttered as he took a deep breath and bravely plunged back into his bedroom. Tearing webs down, he jumped on them until he was satisfied that anything in them was flattened out. The book was wildly swung at any webs that moved … which seemed to be _all_ of them. His jittery mind was seeing things crawling about from the corner of his eye, the webs flapping from the breeze of his rapid movements.

A piece of extra thick webbing fell onto him from the ceiling, covering his face and head.

"AAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEeee!" He shrieked and frantically tore at it with both hands, dropping his cookbook weapon. Tearing it off himself, he stood in the center of the room with heaving chest. He looked very uncivilized, a crazy person on a rampage. His nightshirt had come open during the struggle and his bare chest was visible, one shoulder bare as the shirt had slipped and now hung from his elbow. His wild blue eyes landed on one of his boots near the bed and he dove towards it. Taking it up in one hand, he cautiously peered within. Holding the boot upside-down, he loudly banged it on the floor as to knock out any creatures that might be nesting within the dark cavity. When nothing fell out, he gripped the long leather upper part firmly, brandishing it like a lightsaber. He was armed, dangerous and going to _kill_ that eight-legged freak!

Running at the nearest wall, he started to loudly bash all the webbing there with his boot. Moving along the wall, anything and everything got smashed.

Obi-Wan's eyes grew wide. "Oh no! I forgot to destroy that egg bundle!"

"Eeiiiiaaaaaaaaa!" Screaming a primitive war cry, he leaped at the web-covered computer and started smashing it with his boot. "Take that and that and that!"

When he was done, his entire room was wrecked, but a satisfied smirk covered his face. Using a broom, he gathered all the bits and swept it into a huge garbage bag. Then to be extra careful, he labeled the bag with a bright yellow HAZZARD sticker. Dragging the heavy sack out of his bedroom, he deposited it out in the hallway, far away from his door. To be more exact, he left it directly in front of Master Mace's door.

Later when Mace emerged from his room he tripped over the bag and fell flat on his face, bloodying his nose.

Not that Obi-Wan knew or even cared about that, no. He had to make certain that his arachnids were dead. He woke Anakin up and told him of the problem. The young Padawan had heard him coming and had quickly leaped into his bed, pulling the covers over himself and feigning sleep. He woke the boy up and examined him for any bites. Relieved he didn't find any; he fed him breakfast and then sent him off to school. Anakin, of course, took his finished mini droids with him as the assignment was due that day. Obi-Wan carefully went over the entire apartment while Anakin was at school, boot in hand. And it was only later that he ran into one of Anakin's teachers in the hall on the way to the Jedi Cafeteria that he heard of the boy's genius invention. First all the color drained from Obi-Wan's face and then it turned red, his hands tightening into fists.

It all had been a prank!

Rubbing his oddly scaly hands together, Obi-Wan vowed he'd get revenge on the boy. This time Anakin had really frightened him and he needed to scare him somehow, too.

000

That night Anakin slept peacefully, his blanket pulled up to his chin. He had received the highest score thanks to his mini droids and was the envy of his classmates. It had been really funny how his calm Master had turned into a wild club-swinging cave man! Well, boot swinging, any way.

That same night a shadowy figure crept into the boy's room hauling a large, equally shadowy thing. Quartzite was the only witness, his eyes open and watching. The smell was familiar so he remained where he was and watched. The thing was deposited on Anakin's bed so it crouched over him. Satisfied with its handiwork, the mysterious shadow departed.

Later, Anakin's eyelids started to flutter and the boy slowly inched towards wakefulness. His eyelids parted and he noisily smacked his dry lips. His blue eyes finally opened all the way and he stared upward … and froze.

A _huge_ black and yellow arachnid crouched over him, his long mandibles clicking softly as it stared at him with its many black, beady eyes.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

To be continued…


	51. Sistha

Pranks 51

Pranks 51

Author's Note: Plotbunnies have been nibbling at me lately and my muse is back, so I'm writing more of this story. I have thought up a few more insane pranks that Ani will be playing on his favorite victims, especially Master Mace. A paranoid Mace is just sooooo funny, don't you agree? Chocolate chip cookies to anyone who can guess where these prank ideas came from! These new chapters are dedicated to my friend Katie who graduated last Wednesday. Congrats!! PS… this chapter continues from Chapter 50 so you should probably read that first.

That same night a shadowy figure crept into the boy's room hauling a large, equally shadowy thing. Quartzite was the only witness, his eyes open and watching. The smell was familiar so he remained where he was and watched. The thing was deposited on Anakin's bed so it crouched over him. Satisfied with its handiwork, the mysterious shadow departed.

Later, Anakin's eyelids started to flutter and the boy slowly inched towards wakefulness. His eyelids parted and he noisily smacked his dry lips. His blue eyes finally opened all the way and he stared upward … and froze.

A huge black and yellow arachnid crouched over him, his long mandibles clicking softly as it stared at him with its many black, beady eyes.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Anakin swiftly knocked the giant hairy spider off himself, the Force flowing through his body rapidly. His heart pounded in his chest and beads of salty sweat broke out across his brow, but he smoothly rolled off his bed in a single move and lightly landed on the balls of his bare feet. The room's light flickered on with a single thought, an elementary Force move. Ani was ready to dart in any direction required, but the giant spider continued to lay practically motionless on it's back where it had landed on the floor, it's eight hairy legs poking up in the air. Only its mandibles continued to move, opening and closing in a steady rhythm. Now that the room's light shown the creature more clearly, heat started to creep up into the young padawan's face.

The thing wasn't even REAL!

"What a stupa I am! Fooled by a papier-mâché spider!" Anakin's heart slowly returned to normal as he walked around the bed to peer at the gift his master had given him during the night. It was a cheaply made device, mostly stiff bits of wire, papier-mâché and bits of fake fur. The eyes were nothing but glowing round circuit lights borrowed from somewhere and the mandibles a simple moving part that ran on a battery. Obi-Wan had obviously spent very little time on it, but then his master was not the mechanical genius. Still, the prop had worked just fine.

Picking it up, Anakin placed it carefully in a corner of his room. It was a kind of neat decoration, spooky and dark. He liked dark things, mostly just because the Jedi hated them. The sun was starting to rise and the sky was tinged pinkish-yellow. Soon the Temple would wake up and he would have to head off to school…

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan called from the hallway outside his room. "Can you get to school by yourself? I need to go buy a new computer. It seems my last one was _destroyed_ due to a certain person's prank!"

The young Padawan gulped at the news. He hadn't meant to destroy his master's computer! How was he to know that Obi-Wan would turn into a caveman and totally smash it? "I'm sorry, Master! I could build you a new one…"

"Well, I need one _today_, Anakin. I have work to do." The older man informed him. "I need to do research for the Council, about all this Sith activity. The Sith have never been so active before, attacking the Temple with these dastardly schemes…"

Anakin placed both hands over his mouth to keep the snickers in, but then he reined his emotions in. He shouldn't be laughing when it was clear he was in big trouble. But the thing is that it wasn't the Sith at all, it was just his pranks. How could the entire Jedi Council be so blind? Did they really think Sith would _do_ such things? Under control and acting the proper Padawan, Anakin opened his bedroom door and padded out barefoot to stand in front of his slightly sour master. "Do you want me to go with you, Master? Buying a new computer can be complicated and if you're not careful, the salesperson will sell you a piece of junk!"

"No, I can do it myself, Anakin. You need to attend your classes. Truthfully, that old one was running slow anyway. I should have replaced it a few years ago but it never seemed all that important." Obi-Wan was already dressed in clean robes and his fluffy hair was properly combed so not a trace of the wild, boot-swinging madman remained. Anakin, truthfully, was disappointed he hadn't captured the entire show on film. It would have been fun to watch again. "There's cereal and fruit in the kitchen for breakfast and you had better head straight to school. No detours!"

"Yes, Master!" Anakin promised, nodding his head dutifully. "Thank you for the creepy spider. It looks cool!"

Obi-Wan sighed, shaking his head. With a final glance at his young pupil, Obi-Wan headed out the door. Out in the hall, he almost tripped over an unconscious Master Mace who had apparently fallen over while carrying a trash bag out of his quarters. A large bump was forming on the Jedi's bald, shining head. The bag itself was suspicious looking, bulging at the seams and had a large prominent HAZZARD sticker on it. Master Obi-Wan shook his head sadly. Mace by himself was a hazard. That sticker should be on his forehead, not on the garbage sack. And why had Mace try to carry a too-heavy bag of trash? Why have all that trash for in the first place? Jedi were not supposed to collect or cherish material things. "I'll never understand that man…"

The urge to move the bright yellow sticker itched at him. Sending his senses outward down the long, shiny corridor he sensed that all the other Jedi were still in their rooms. Using the Force, he neatly pulled the sticker off the garbage bag and reapplied it to Mace's forehead. The dirty dead done, Obi-Wan left Mace where he lay and strolled down to the landing bay, whistling a jaunty tune. He climbed into his air speeder and started the engine. Lifting off smoothly, he flew to the nearest computer store. Parking in the almost empty lot, he headed into the brightly lit store.

"Master Jedi!" A cleanly dressed human called as he hurried up to Obi-Wan. Except for his topknot of bright blue hair he appeared ordinary enough. "What can I do for you today?"

"I need a new computer." Obi-Wan stated. "My other one died."

"Well, you came to the right place." The man replied as he led Obi-Wan deeper into the store. "We have the latest model right here, the Sistha model. It was just released three months ago and is perfect for all your computer needs. It can run all your programs, has a ton of memory, and comes ready for the Intergalactic Web, plus it can easily hook up to your other computer-related devices. It even comes with a free monitor!"

Obi-Wan stared at the computer the man pointed at. It looked exactly like his old one more or less, except the monitor had slightly rounded corners. "I never heard of the Sistha before…"

"It's a huge improvement over the former model. It's much faster and can do many things at once. It's ready to use right out of the box. You just need to hook it to a power source."

Obi-Wan rubbed his chin, thinking. A frown appeared on his face. "Sistha sounds an awful lot like Sith…"

"Oh, I never noticed that." The clerk replied. "I'm sure it's just a coincidence. Sistha simply means '600' I was told, as this is the six hundredth model of the operating system."

"Are they any other models besides this one?"

"Oh, we no longer carry those and they're all sold out anyway. This new one is much better! Just try it and you'll see." The man grinned broadly, hoping to make the sale.

"Well, I suppose I have no choice, do I?" Obi-Wan sighed but then shrugged. What did it matter what it was called? It wasn't like the Sith were building computer operating systems and busy marketing them. That would be ridiculous! The Sith had no time for such an endeavor as they, they meaning a Master and an apprentice, spent all their time annoying the Jedi at the Temple. Besides, it did look almost like the old computer he had just lost, the one he had inherited from Qui-Gon. "And it's ready to use out of the box?"

"Of course! Even a child could run this model, one of your Younglings. Yet it can handle the most complicated programs with ease…"

"All right. I'll take one." Obi-Wan pulled out his Jedi credit card to pay for the purchase. The Temple would pay for it as it was job-related. "Have a droid take it out to my speeder. I have work to do."

"Right away, Master Jedi!" Calling for a droid, the clerk ordered it to take a boxed computer and monitor out to the Jedi's airspeeder.

000

Anakin sat in class, bored. His favorite part of school, lightsaber dueling, was already over for the day and now the teacher would start droning on about behavior in Social Sciences As Jedi often dealt with the scum of the galaxy, an understanding of different types of behavior was required.

"Now you will be doing a project this week for Social Sciences." Master Yaddle informed the students. She was the same alien species as Master Yoda and had large pointed ears on a short body. "The completed project is due on Friday. As today is Monday, you will have plenty of time to come up with an idea and finish it. The project must examine and study some type of behavior in an intelligent species. Everyone have their video cameras to document their projects? Good…"

The class groaned loudly, Anakin perhaps the loudest. Projects of this nature were in some ways worst than doing research in the library and writing essays! And what could he possibly do it on? There were so many types of behavior and all the Jedi were so stuffy and dry. His eyes drifted to the clock on the classroom wall and he grinned, his mood lifting somewhat. It was almost lunchtime! Maybe being in the noisy cafeteria would inspire him. Yaddle motioned for the Padawans to follow her out of the room and he dutifully got in line with the rest. As he trudged down the hallway, his thoughts drifted to his Master. He hoped Obi-Wan hadn't been scammed by some computer store…

000

"Drat!" Obi-Wan exclaimed as he tried to untangle a large clump of computer cables. He had managed to get the new monitor and computer home to his quarters without mishap, being extra careful when he neared his quarters. Master Mace was highly unpredictable and loved to litter the corridor with a wide assortment of trash. He had already set the new computer and monitor onto his desk, but somehow the cables had gotten tangled. Finally they came free and he sighed in relief. Plugging each cable into the appropriate location, he set about hooking everything up. "Now where did that keyboard go to…"

Obi-Wan shifted through a large pile of cardboard, packing materials and the other assorted bits that had come with the new computer. After moving everything three times and growing more frustrated, he found the keyboard wedged way under his desk. Grabbing it, he connected it to the proper slot. Going over a mental checklist, he decided he had properly connected all the main components: computer, monitor, keyboard, mouse, and speakers. "Now for my other equipment…"

He still had his scanner; printer and other needed things from his older computer. Luckily, he had saved all the software for them in his desk drawer. Smiling that he was almost finished with setting his new computer up, he pressed the button to turn the computer on. The screen lit up and colorful graphics scrolled across the screen. "With luck, I'll soon be able to start on my work."

The start-up graphics finally faded and he placed the scanner's software disk into the drive. The drive whirled noisily as it read the disk and then a message appeared on the screen.

ERROR. INCORRECT DISK. PLEASE ONLY USE SISTHA DISKS.

"What?" Obi-Wan muttered in confusion as he rubbed his chin. Why wouldn't his software install? It had worked perfectly fine on his old computer. Digging out his receipt, Obi-Wan called up the store where he had bought the new computer. "Hello? I just bought a new computer from you this morning and my software doesn't want to install…"

"Is the software for Sistha?" The voice on the phone asked.

"Well, no. It's from my old computer, for my scanner. I need to scan unfamiliar items often so I can use the Jedi Archives to identify them…"

"Well, I'm afraid it won't work. Sistha only uses software for the Sistha. Just out of curiosity, what operating system is the old software for?"

"Kree…" Obi-Wan stated.

"Wow…that's a totally _ancient_ operating system. I didn't even know any of those were still in use…" The voice replied. "You need to come back down and buy new hardware to go with the new computer. Then you'll be all ready to do your work or whatever you want to do."

The Jedi frowned. The morning was already gone and he still hadn't started his work. Glancing at his wrist chronometer, he saw the lunch hour was just starting. Perhaps if he hurried, he could buy the new stuff, grab lunch and be back in his quarters working before one. "Very well. I'll be down there shortly."

After grabbing a burger and drink from the cafeteria, he hurried out to his airspeeder. Arriving at the store, he hurried within and was greeted by the same clerk with the blue topknot of hair. "I need a new scanner and printer."

The clerk led him past several isles until he came to the one with printers. "Do you do a lot of printing? We have heavy-duty office models and then we have ones for the average person who prints things only occasionally."

"Occasionally." Most of his reports were handed in to the Jedi Council over their own in Temple system. Still, he did print the occasional thing when he required a hardcopy and putting it onto a Padd just didn't work. Anakin also had a strange habit of printing out pictures he found on the Intergalactic Web and sticking them on his bedroom walls. As the boy didn't have his own printer, he used Obi-Wan's.

The man pointed one out on the shelf. "This is a nice model that is simple to operate. It runs on both Pax and Sistha. It even comes with two free ink cartridges."

"What's Pax?" Obi-Wan asked.

"The operating system that was out before Sistha was released. And it's way after the Kree you've been using."

"That one sounds fine." Obi-Wan decided as he read the system requirements on the box, paying close attention to the line that proudly declared "Sistha ready!". The scanners were in the next isle. There were many simple ones made for scanning flat objects but Obi-Wan needed a more complex one for three-dimensional scanning. Those, of course, were more expensive. There was only one model of that type of scanner on the shelf and it, too, proclaimed that it was "Sistha ready". Handing over his Jedi credit card, he paid for the items and a droid carried them out to his airspeeder.

Once back in his apartment, he took the scanner out of its box and started to install the software. It appeared to install without a hitch so he installed the printer software next. Deciding he had better try the new scanner out, he opened the lid and placed his lightsaber within. The lightsaber floated above the scanner bed and walls, just as it should so the computer could capture a three-dimensional image. Finding the correct program, Obi-Wan clicked on it.

ERROR: UNABLE TO LOCATE SCANNER.

"Now what's wrong?" The Jedi grumbled. "I already installed it…"

A headache was beginning to pound behind his eyes and in his temple. Anakin had warned him about salesmen selling him junk. Was that what this new computer was, a piece of junk? No, he was jumping to conclusions. Perhaps he had missed a step somewhere. He would have to check the Installation Guide. Digging through the now larger pile of boxes and packing material, he was unable to find it at all. The headache grew worst. In desperation, he grabbed the box and checked the list of contents. Surely they had included a user's guide to help with problems!

"Aha! The guide is on the software disk!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. Moving the mouse to click on the proper area, he noticed that the cursor was moving oddly on the screen. It seemed to be lagging for some reason. Finally, he got it to click on the proper logo. The user's guide for the scanner started to come up on the screen and then it froze. "Now what's wrong? What kind of drat computer is this? My old one worked better than this!"

Grumbling, Obi-Wan stabbed at the Start button to restart the computer. The monitor went black and then it restarted, the colorful images flowing across the screen smoothly. Once again he tried to access the scanner's user guide.

ERROR: FILE NOT FOUND.

"This is total nonsense!" Really annoyed now, Obi-Wan decided he would go online to find out what was wrong with his scanner. The manufacturer would have a website and he should find a solution easily. Holding his breath and hoping the computer would work, as it should, he clicked the button to go online. The screen changed and he saw the usual news reports on his screen as he always did upon going onto the Web. Moving his mouse, he saw the cursor was once again lagging way behind and within a few seconds his screen froze. "Drat! Not again! What is _wrong_ with this thing?"

Truly exasperated, he got up from his seat and started to pace about. His boot got tangled in the large pile of packing material and he started to fall. Waving his arms about wildly, he lost his balance and landed on several boxes, crushing them flat. Struggling, the Jedi pushed off the now crushed pile and crawled out of his bedroom on hands and knees. Checking his chronometer, he saw to his dismay that Anakin wouldn't be home for several hours yet. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

Heading towards the kitchen, Obi-Wan drank a glass of milk. There had to be _something_ to do about this problem, but what? Suddenly an idea came to him and he smiled slightly. Rinsing the milk glass out, he placed it in the sink and headed out the door. Going directly across the hall, he rang Master Mace's doorbell. Perhaps he knew about computers…

Obi-Wan waited patiently, tapping the toe of his right boot on the floor. He could feel the time ticking away. It was clear that Mace wasn't home. Perhaps he was teaching a class or out on Council business. Glancing up and down the empty hall, Obi-Wan opened the door to Mace's quarters and slunk within. Pausing just within the doorway, he sensed the apartment was empty. He would go look at Mace's computer, to see if he had one of these new Sisthas. Yes, there was nothing wrong with looking…

Entering Mace's bedroom, Obi-Wan saw the computer right away. To his joy, it looked exactly like his old one! Turning it on, he saw it was just like his old one; the same system and it even had all the same programs. Growing excited, he noted that Mace had all the other hardware, too. He had a printer, a scanner and a few other nice gadgets. There were even a few boxes of unused ink sitting on the shelf. Mace's quarters were a real goldmine! Yes, he hit the mother load this time!

Grinning, Obi-Wan wasted no time in unplugging all of Mace's computer equipment and using the Force to float it across the hall to his own bedroom. Then he transferred the new computer and the unusable hardware into Mace's bedroom. He was sure Master Mace would love the new Sistha computer. With any luck, he might not even notice it right away. They did almost look the same. Deciding he best get rid of the evidence from his quarters, Obi-Wan hid the empty boxes and packing materials in the nearest broom closet. It would be safe there as no one ever used those brooms as far as he knew. His headache fading like magic, Obi-Wan happily returned to his bedroom, turned on the computer and started working.

000

Unaware of the bright yellow HAZZARD sticker glued on his forehead, Master Mace had strolled about the Jedi Temple all day. Everywhere he went he was greeted by broad smiles and a few startled expressions. Mace was pleased that he was so popular and that just seeing him in the corridors brightened other people's day. Now he needed to go talk with Master Yoda, so he hurried down the sweeping broad staircase, his long robe trailing out behind him. Soon he reached the room where his friend taught elementary lightsaber dueling to the Younglings.

"Good afternoon, Master Yoda." Mace said and then turned to the Younglings. "Hello, class."

Loud snickers greeted him as most of the Younglings covered their mouths with their free hands.

"Hazzard. What this be?" Master Yoda inquired, one brow rising in curiosity. "Have Hazzard sticker on forehead you do. Want to know why I do. Explain do tell."

"Sticker? What sticker?" Mace asked as a hand rose to touch his forehead. His dark eyes widened in surprise when his questing fingers found the smooth paper. "What the … it was the SITH! They want to discredit me as a Jedi Master!"

"Remove it you should." Yoda advised.

Without another word, Master Mace darted out of the training room and ran into the nearest bathroom, almost knocking over poor Yarael Poof in the process. The Quermian wished his expertise in Jedi Mind Tricks worked on Mace as it would save the other many trips to the infirmary, but alas, it didn't. Poof leaped out of the way, jumping straight up over Mace's shining baldhead, doing an acrobatic summersault in midair. However, he hadn't taken the low hanging light fixture into consideration before jumping, so his giraffe-long mint green neck struck it. Sparks flew and hot sizzling filled the air, then Poof fell to the floor unconscious.

Windu, of course, hadn't noticed Poof's accident at all. He skidded to a stop in front of the bathroom sink and stared at himself in the mirror. A severe frown appeared within seconds. It was utterly _horrible_! Who would do such a thing to him? No one but the Sith of course. "So that's why the Sith left that giant sack of trash in front of my quarters this morning! They wanted to knock me out so they could stick this onto my forehead!"

Lifting a hand, he cautiously pried at one of the sticker's corners. After a few minutes, it was obvious the thing was glued on very well. "They must have used Gamorrean glue! Those Sith are more evil than I thought…"

But he was a Jedi and Jedi were far cleverer than any Sith. Turning both taps on, he allowed water to run into the basin and when it was filled, dunked his whole head into the water. Holding his breath, he pushed his head further into the water, forcing his baldpate under the faucet. Yes, all he had to do was soak his head and the sticker would loosen up. Mace counted the seconds away in his head. He knew exactly how long he could hold his breath under water. Perhaps he should have used the rebreather on his belt but that really wasn't necessary. It was just a sink full of water, not a deep lake or ocean.

The water faucet had been neglectfully left on and slightly warm water was rushing over Mace's head, down the back of his brown robes and over the edge of the sink like miniature waterfalls. He could feel the wetness soaking into his layers of clothing and he reached for the faucet to turn it off. Feeling around, he found the cold one first and twisted in the proper direction. The cold now shut off, scalding hot water poured out of the faucet.

"AAAAHHHHhhhhhhhhh!" Mace shrieked, a shriek that quickly turned into a watery burble as he started choking. He yanked his head back quickly, but his big head was stuck under the faucet, inside the sink basin. The sink had been designed for washing hands or tentacles, not for jamming one's head into. The Jedi could feel his dark skin being scalded. Whipping out his lightsaber, Mace flicked it on and swung it at the sink. The water basin instantly came unattached from the wall and Mace pulled his body upright, the steaming water quickly running out of the sink and down his body. Stumbling backward on the now wet floor, Mace waved his arms around for balance as a wide stream of water gushed out of the cut pipes on the wall. The sink stuck to his head was heavy, as it was made from durasteel with a smooth porcelain finish. He was as blind as a bat but vaguely recalled where the exit was, so he headed in that direction.

"HELP! HELP!" Master Mace cried as he cautiously teetered out of the bathroom. It was difficult to balance with the heavy lopsided sink on his head. His body wanted to fall over backward. The water pouring out of the bathroom didn't help any, either, making footing treacherous. He tripped over Yarael Poof's unconscious body and crashed to the floor with a loud BOOM that vibrated throughout the entire Temple. The loud racket almost drove Yoda deaf, as his classroom was very close to the bathroom in question.

Yoda and his students quickly filed out of the classroom, wanting to know what had caused such a loud explosion. But it hadn't been an explosion at all, just the durasteel sink hitting the floor.

"Ooohhhhhhhh…" Moaned Mace as he noisily breathed air through the very short segment of drainpipe still attached. "I feel just awful…"

Yoda shook his head. "Why sink on head have you?"

Mace rightfully didn't know how to answer that, so he just moaned more.

Luminara Unduli and Barriss Offee were elected to escort Masters Mace and Poof to the infirmary. On the way there, they traveled past Anakin's classroom. Since Anakin's seat was at the front of the room, he always had a good view of the corridor. Upon seeing Mace trudging past with a sink stuck firmly to his head, he knew immediately whom his Social Sciences project would be on!

But who had set up that prank? He certainty hadn't messed with a sink. Maybe he would discover the answer later as scuttlebutt traveled through the Temple.

000

Hours later, Mace returned to his quarters. The skin of his face and neck was extremely tender. If it weren't for advanced medicine, it could have been far worst. The doctors had had a devil of a time trying to remove the basin from his head. No matter what they had done it hadn't wanted to come off! Finally they had to surgically remove it very carefully. Plumbers had to be called as well, before the Temple flooded.

Gently rubbing lotion onto his face and head, Mace sat down before his computer. He needed to write the memory down while it was still fresh. Then he would search the extensive Jedi Archives for any similar incidents. Perhaps that brand of basin had a history of similar problems over the ages. He would have to look to find out. Being a Jedi Master didn't always mean dealing with large decisions. Sometimes it meant small things, like finding out about badly made products that were installed in the Temple. A faint smile of relief filled him, as he knew a long trip to the Jedi Archive wouldn't be necessary – he could access all the files from the comfort and privacy of his room.

He pressed the ON button and he waited patiently for the computer to wake up. But when it did, unfamiliar graphics rolled across his screen. "What the…?"

Then a strange word popped out at him.

Sistha.

The strange graphics continued until the computer was ready to be used.

"The Sith…." Mace muttered, his dark eyes staring at the monitor suspiciously. Cautiously he moved the mouse and watched as the cursor haphazardly jerked across the screen. Why was it doing that? His computer never did that before. Had it contracted some virus? Opening his programs, he searched for the much-used connection to the Jedi Archive. "It's gone!"

Mace tried to reestablish the connection to the Jedi Archive, clicking the appropriate button.

ERROR: IMPROPER CONNECTION. PLEASE UPDATE ARCHIVE TO SISTHA.

Mace's scalded mouth dropped open and his eyes bulged outward. He leaped up out of his chair, the chair falling over backward. "The Sith want to get into our Archives!!"

The next second the computer froze up, a series of short green dashes appearing at the top of the monitor. By this time Mace was already running out the door, a wild look in his dark eyes.

"THE SITH … THE SITH WERE HERE!!"

To be continued…

PS. Stupa is Huttesse for "fool".


End file.
